Jack Ryder with guest G. Gordon Godfrey
No Laughing Matter Podcast
”So, G. Gordon..."
“Yes, Jack?”
“You been following this New York thing?”
“Don’t start.”
“What?”
“Don’t be cute. We’re having a good time. Don’t go there with me, Jack.”
“You have thoughts about this New York thing, right?”
“All right. We’re doing this.”
“There’s all kinds of images coming out of the Bronx, Brooklyn, of this kid–he’s like eight or ten or some shit, right? Lifting a building off a Buick. A building.”
“See, this is what I’m talking about.”
“What?”
“You. Right now. Repeating their talking points. You’re doing the work for them.”
“Who?”
“For starters, photoshop is a thing. AI is a thing. Is the boy even real? They say fiery giants came out of the fucking ocean – the fucking ocean, Jack, tell me in what plausible universe fire giants walk out of 70 metric tonnes of salt water, but I digress – did the attack on New York really happen? Or was it staged? A convenient event whose much celebrated figure is a blonde, blue-eyed kid who, if even a third of what we’re told about him is real, then it only reinforces what I’ve been saying for years..."
“The mutant agenda.”
“Yes, the mutant agenda. Because who else benefits from this narrative? The government is falling over itself in an effort to pour money and attention into this New York thing, no questions asked. Where’s the Congressional investigation? Oh, but the honorable representative from Ohio can just happen to introduce a new measure to try and limit the Mutant Registration Act that’s been stalled for fuck all because god forbid Congress actually pass common sense laws.”
“So you’ve got beef with this kid. What are they calling him? Aqualad?”
“Let me tell you something about ‘Aqualad’, Jack., That kid, if he’s even real, isn’t a hero. He’s a symptom of a disease. A disease that’s gripped this country, Jack. Mark old G. Gordon Godfrey’s words.”
“Yes, Jack?”
“You been following this New York thing?”
“Don’t start.”
“What?”
“Don’t be cute. We’re having a good time. Don’t go there with me, Jack.”
“You have thoughts about this New York thing, right?”
“All right. We’re doing this.”
“There’s all kinds of images coming out of the Bronx, Brooklyn, of this kid–he’s like eight or ten or some shit, right? Lifting a building off a Buick. A building.”
“See, this is what I’m talking about.”
“What?”
“You. Right now. Repeating their talking points. You’re doing the work for them.”
“Who?”
“For starters, photoshop is a thing. AI is a thing. Is the boy even real? They say fiery giants came out of the fucking ocean – the fucking ocean, Jack, tell me in what plausible universe fire giants walk out of 70 metric tonnes of salt water, but I digress – did the attack on New York really happen? Or was it staged? A convenient event whose much celebrated figure is a blonde, blue-eyed kid who, if even a third of what we’re told about him is real, then it only reinforces what I’ve been saying for years..."
“The mutant agenda.”
“Yes, the mutant agenda. Because who else benefits from this narrative? The government is falling over itself in an effort to pour money and attention into this New York thing, no questions asked. Where’s the Congressional investigation? Oh, but the honorable representative from Ohio can just happen to introduce a new measure to try and limit the Mutant Registration Act that’s been stalled for fuck all because god forbid Congress actually pass common sense laws.”
“So you’ve got beef with this kid. What are they calling him? Aqualad?”
“Let me tell you something about ‘Aqualad’, Jack., That kid, if he’s even real, isn’t a hero. He’s a symptom of a disease. A disease that’s gripped this country, Jack. Mark old G. Gordon Godfrey’s words.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The National Guard had arrived two days ago.
The on scene commander had been quick to identify Arthur and Garth as assets, Tom finding himself uncomfortably sidelined as the boy’s were put to work as part of the efforts to dig the waterfront out of the disaster.
Uncomfortable not just for how much attention they were getting from the police and, even more so the military.
A pair of soldiers cranked open a nearby fire hydrant, water shooting out as Garth’s eye pulsed with an otherworldly glow. “Semalf eht esuod! ”
As if taking on a life of its own, the stream of water formed a tendril-like extension from the hydrant, defying physics as it moved through the air to rain down on a still smoldering building.
As the water subsided, the black-haired boy seemed fatigued, shoulders bowed as another pair of soldiers moved to his one, one offering water while the other poured some over the Atlantean child.
Meanwhile, Arthur was the workhorse, lifting chucks of debris to help clear a path for bulldozers and cranes to move into position to take over the work. The Guard had at least brought a fresh change of clothes with them, the blonde-haired tween swallowed up by a gray Army PT shirt and a pair of fatigue trousers that were the smallest size available, and still much too large for the boy. The legs rolled up and the waist cinched tight by a belt.
“TOM!”
The man’s head turned, the police officer who’d been checking in on them over th past week a suddenly welcome sight. “Derek,” the man greeted him, not hiding the sigh of relief. At first Tom had been apprehensive about the boy’s being so open in front of the cops.
In retrospect, he’d take the NYPD over the military any day of the week. “About the police report,” Tom began.
“Yeah?”
“It’s just, the boy’s names and all,” the man explained.
Immediately catching the concern, the officer waved him off. “Oh, they’re minors. People, the press, whatever. They can FOIA the shit out all this and they won’t get the kids’ info.”
It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you for that,” Tom offered, before realizing that Derek had been looking for him. “Was there something you wanted?”
“I was coming to let you know we found your truck, and its actually in decent shape – considering.” As he spoke, the officer produced a familiar item. Tom’s cell phone. “Window was busted out, so I’d looked inside just to check the condition and found this,” he explained, holding it out.
The voice mail was full. As Tom looked at the dying battery, he was perplexed at the volume of notifications.
“Looks like you have a lot of people trying to get ahold of you,” Derek remarked, continuing, “Good news is, you and the kids should be able to drive out in another couple of days..."
“That’s not right...” Tom murmured, no longer listening. He tapped on the most recent voicemail and held the phone up to his ear.
The color drained from his face only a second later, his head turning sharply, as if suddenly desperate to confirm that Arthur was okay.
The shift did not go unnoticed. “Something wrong?” Derek asked.
In response, Tom just held the phone out and switched it to speaker.
“...I hope you and your kid fucking die, mutie lover!”
A swipe of his thumb and Tom called up the next voice mail. “Go back to whatever country you came from, mutants. This is AMERICA.”
“Are they..?”
“They know,” Tom realized aloud, a newfound desperation gripping him.
They’d been fighting to survive in order to get back to their home.
Could they even go home now?
The on scene commander had been quick to identify Arthur and Garth as assets, Tom finding himself uncomfortably sidelined as the boy’s were put to work as part of the efforts to dig the waterfront out of the disaster.
Uncomfortable not just for how much attention they were getting from the police and, even more so the military.
A pair of soldiers cranked open a nearby fire hydrant, water shooting out as Garth’s eye pulsed with an otherworldly glow. “Semalf eht esuod! ”
As if taking on a life of its own, the stream of water formed a tendril-like extension from the hydrant, defying physics as it moved through the air to rain down on a still smoldering building.
As the water subsided, the black-haired boy seemed fatigued, shoulders bowed as another pair of soldiers moved to his one, one offering water while the other poured some over the Atlantean child.
Meanwhile, Arthur was the workhorse, lifting chucks of debris to help clear a path for bulldozers and cranes to move into position to take over the work. The Guard had at least brought a fresh change of clothes with them, the blonde-haired tween swallowed up by a gray Army PT shirt and a pair of fatigue trousers that were the smallest size available, and still much too large for the boy. The legs rolled up and the waist cinched tight by a belt.
“TOM!”
The man’s head turned, the police officer who’d been checking in on them over th past week a suddenly welcome sight. “Derek,” the man greeted him, not hiding the sigh of relief. At first Tom had been apprehensive about the boy’s being so open in front of the cops.
In retrospect, he’d take the NYPD over the military any day of the week. “About the police report,” Tom began.
“Yeah?”
“It’s just, the boy’s names and all,” the man explained.
Immediately catching the concern, the officer waved him off. “Oh, they’re minors. People, the press, whatever. They can FOIA the shit out all this and they won’t get the kids’ info.”
It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you for that,” Tom offered, before realizing that Derek had been looking for him. “Was there something you wanted?”
“I was coming to let you know we found your truck, and its actually in decent shape – considering.” As he spoke, the officer produced a familiar item. Tom’s cell phone. “Window was busted out, so I’d looked inside just to check the condition and found this,” he explained, holding it out.
The voice mail was full. As Tom looked at the dying battery, he was perplexed at the volume of notifications.
“Looks like you have a lot of people trying to get ahold of you,” Derek remarked, continuing, “Good news is, you and the kids should be able to drive out in another couple of days..."
“That’s not right...” Tom murmured, no longer listening. He tapped on the most recent voicemail and held the phone up to his ear.
The color drained from his face only a second later, his head turning sharply, as if suddenly desperate to confirm that Arthur was okay.
The shift did not go unnoticed. “Something wrong?” Derek asked.
In response, Tom just held the phone out and switched it to speaker.
“...I hope you and your kid fucking die, mutie lover!”
A swipe of his thumb and Tom called up the next voice mail. “Go back to whatever country you came from, mutants. This is AMERICA.”
“Are they..?”
“They know,” Tom realized aloud, a newfound desperation gripping him.
They’d been fighting to survive in order to get back to their home.
Could they even go home now?







