[IC] Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

[Tlstiffl]

Marta's nerves were on overload; between worrying about Ezra and constantly being away of the gestapo, Marta felt her energy weaken by the minute. But she couldn't lose focus, she couldn't slip up and let on who she was really was. So she began to chant in her mind. You are Kiva Baer. Ezra is your cousin, Jeremiah is your father. She repeated it over and over again. It gave her mind something to focus on, because if she sat there thinking about Ezra, she would have snapped. And that just wasn't an option.

A few hours later, the doctor who performed Ezra's surgery came out. Marta had to contain herself from springing out of her chair, but she did her best to stand remain calm. The doctor told them they were able to stop the bleeding, but he has lost a lot of blood, so they will see what sort of damage it caused when he wakes. Rather if he wakes up. Marta heard the blood pumping in her ears, her vision going blurry. She sat back down, feeling faint. My name is Kiva Bear..Ezra is my love..cousin. Oh god please don't die Ezra. Her emotions were beginning to overwhelm her, Jeremiah noticed and knew it couldn't end well. He stood Marta up and took her down the hall to the little cafe that was in the hospital for visitors. He got her some tea and did the best to get her to relax.

Another couple of hours passed and eventually a nurse came out and said that Ezra was waking up and they could go see him. This time Marta didn't try to control herself, she shot up from her chair and followed the nurse closely as she took her through the doors, the doors she has been forbidden to pass this whole time. Once they stood outside Ezra's door, they waited until the nurse inside gave them the ok. Walking in behind Jeremiah, Marta's eyes landed on Ezra. She couldn't help it, the tears began to fall. He looked so weak and pale.

When he heard him mutter her name, it made her heart swell, but then Jeremiah scolded him and Marta had to remind herself. I am Kiva. Marta walked over to the bed, resisting every urge in her body to lean over and kiss him. She settled for kissing him on the cheek, there was nothing wrong with kissing a cousin's cheek. While her face was up against his, she quickly whispered, "I love you."

When she pulled back, she reached out and held Ezra's hands. "How are you feeling cousin?"

It felt wrong, but she understood why they must do this. Marta's life was in danger, and if she let herself be caught, then Ezra would be in more danger too.

[arockysmith]

Ezra tilted his head and looked at her a bit confused. Cousin? He shook his head slightly not processing the danger they were in. He reached his hand up and poked her gently on the nose with a grin. "You're silly," he said with a laugh that turned into a cough.

Jeremiah sighed deeply as he watched Ezra. "He has no idea where he is," he said looking at the nurse who nodded.

"He's on a lot of...medicines so he doesn't feel the pain. I'm surprised he's talking as much as he is. I honestly don't think he'll remember any of this," she said looking at Marta with sad eyes.

"Where's ma and pa? I have to open the bakery," Ezra said trying to get up only to have Jeremiah hold him down. He looked over at Marta and squeezed her hand as he began to settle back down. "I love you," he whispered as his head fell to the side and his eyes closed slightly.

He felt more exhausted than he knew was possible and all he wanted was for Marta to lay with him. It frustrated him a little bit how weird everyone was acting. His chest began to slow down as his breathing calmed which helped some of the pain he was starting to feel.

"I would give him a couple more hours and when it's dark we can take him somewhere safe. So that he doesn't get you both killed," Jeremiah said sadly, "I'll go get your bags and take them to the place and then come back for you too. Hopefully he won't say your name anymore."

[Tlstiffl]

Marta began to worry that Ezra's state was going to get them in trouble. While she too was fighting urges to touch Ezra, lay down next to him, kiss him, she had to remain strong. The only thing she thought would work best was to ignore him, though she did refuse to let go of his hand. She didn't care who saw, she needed to be able to at least touch Ezra. She cringed, wishing she could return the 'I love you', but worried her voice would give it away and it would be obvious that it wasn't a cousin saying it, but a lover.

Thankfully Ezra seemed to exhaust himself, and Marta listened as Jeremiah told him his plan. Marta was worried, where was she going to go? Was Ezra going to join her when he was healed? Would she be alone or would there be others where she was going? Watching Jeremiah leave, Marta suddenly felt panicked. She was now scared this could be her last time seeing Ezra for a long period of time, or even forever. And she couldn't even talk to him as the love of her life, only as a cousin. She couldn't imagine what she would do if this was goodbye forever.

The nurse that was in the room hadn't left, and seemed to notice Marta's panic. With a knowing look, she closed the curtain around Ezra's bed and looked at Marta. "You have exactly two minutes. I will go outside, close the door and say I am going to get Ezra's medicine. By the time I come back, you are to be sitting in that chair." The nurse nodded to the chair next to the bed, for family and guests to sit in. Marta nodded her head, trying to show the woman her gratitude with one look.

Once they were alone, Marta carefully slipped into the bed with Ezra. She wasn't even sure if he would understand her or remember this, but she had. "Ezra, I love you with all my heart" she whispered, not daring to speak any louder, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I am a better person because of you. Please be strong, no matter what happens, you have to stay strong Ezra."

She then leaned over giving him a delicate kiss, willing all the love she had to transfer from her lips into his. She then carefully slid off the bed and into the chair just as the door opened again and the nurse opened the curtain. She nodded her head at Marta before going over and changing Ezra's IV bag.

About an hour later, Jeremiah returned, and Marta knew what it meant. She felt the tears she had been holding back since she came into the room, fall from her eyes. How could she say goodbye? "When will I see him again?" she asked.

"Soon I promise. We can't keep him here long." Marta prayed Jeremiah was being honest and that it wouldn't be long until she was reunited with her love.

"Can I please say goodbye?" she begged.

Jeremiah looked over his shoulders, the gestapo currently flirting with a nurse, making her very uncomfortable. "Make it quick."

Marta leaned over, knowing she couldn't say goodbye like she did earlier, but settled for kissing his forehead, "Goodbye Ezra."

[arockysmith]

Ezra was lifted from the bed and taken from the room. He opened his eyes briefly to see Marta staying there, while he was carted away. He tried to turn and reach for her, but his body refused to move. He let out a muffled whimper as Jeremiah covered his mouth with his hand. He tried to shake it off, but the man held on firmly and all Ezra could do was try and thrash. The way she said goodbye made it seem like he'd never get to see her again. When his arms finally worked he attempted to pull Jeremiah's hand off his face, but his body was still too weak. He spoke words that even he couldn't understand and tears began to fall from his face. He didn't want this to be their last goodbye. He didn't want to leave her on that note.

"Settle down boy. This is for your own health and hers. If you love her just close your eyes," Jeremiah whispered harshly as he settled him into the backseat of his car. He hated to separate the young lovers, but it had to be done or he'd never heal properly and she would never forgive herself for Atalia.

When Ezra finally appeared to tire himself out again Jeremiah went to the front seat and began to drive away from the neighborhood. Far away from the reach of Hitler's men and his supporters. The safe house was in the middle of a vast farmland that had been turned into a little boot camp. Here was where Ezra would recover, with the best doctors Jeremiah and his team could find. He pulled into the driveway and was greeted by two boys appearing to be Ezra's age. One was Isiah and the other one was Harrod. Ezra had seen Harrod in passing, but they'd never spoken. When Isiah saw the state of his friend his heart began to tug in his chest and he felt a pit grow in his stomach.

"All this for love," Isiah whispered as him and Harrod carried Ezra inside to one of the medical rooms.

Harrod nodded, "He looks like a ghost. His lips are blue. How is he even alive?"

Isiah smiled thinking about Atalia, "That is the power of love, my friend. If not for Atalia I would not keep pushing myself to continue," he said.

Ezra came to long enough to hear the last sentence Isiah spoke and tears formed in his eyes again. Isiah would never get to hold Atalia or see her smile. He would not be able to run his fingers through her brown hair and it was all because of the love he spoke of. He tried to talk but Isiah hushed him with a smile as the two boys laid him down on the bed. He moaned a little as one of the doctors provided another IV for him. He began to struggle again, trying to plead with Isiah to forgive him, but before he could get a word out he felt himself growing weak and tired. The last thing he felt before going under was the gentle hand of Isiah guiding him to slumber.

"I will stay here with him as first shift. I want him to see a friendly face when he fully awakens," Isiah said to Harrod and Jeremiah who nodded their agreement.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta had to steel herself. She told Ezra to be strong, but she needed to take her own advice. She saw the struggle in Ezra’s face as he was taken away, he didn't want to leave her, nor her him. But it was what was best. So watching Ezra leave, not knowing when she would see him again, was the hardest thing Marta had ever done. There was almost a brief moment she wanted to go after him, to stop him, but she stopped herself.

Once Ezra was completely out of her sight, Marta felt the air in her lungs lessening. Her chest was tight and breathing became harder and harder. She started heaving, her throat closing up. The nurse rushed over to her and moved her to the chair. “Put your head between your legs, breathe.” Marta did as she was told, feeling herself starting to go light-headed. After a few minutes, she finally stabilized her breath and sat up.

“Better? You were having a panic attack.”

Marta nodded, not trusting her voice. She couldn't even begin to process everything that has happened, Ezra almost dying, waiting in the hospital, taking on a new identity, being forced to separate from her love. Marta did not know what to do now. She thought Jeremiah was going to be escorting her, but he left with Ezra. After a few minutes, the nurse ushered her out of the room, Marta assumed back to the waiting room, but she was lead into a back storage room. The nurse left her there and Marta confused. After a few minutes, the for opened and a woman, probably about 10 years older than Marta. She has red curly hair, which Marta noticed already had streaks of grey in it. She had big brown round glasses and wore a dress.

“Marta?” She asked. Marta nodded. “I'm Rachel. I'm here to escort you to your safe house.”

Marta stepped away, hesitant, why should she trust this woman? Rachel sensing this, smiled gently. “I'm friends with Jeremiah, he asked me to come help you.” Marta had no other option, so she chose to trust the woman. She nodded and followed Rachel out of the closet and then they winded through the hallways, Marta losing track of all the turns. Eventually they went out a door that led to an alley behind the hospital, where a car was waiting. Rachel opened the door for Marta, who slid into the front seat, and noticed her suitcases were sitting. It made her feel a little better, if Jeremiah didn't give them to her, how would she have gotten them?

Once Rachel was situated, she drove off, winding through the streets, making her way out of Frankfurt. Marta wondered for a minute when would she return to the city of her birth, the page she grew up. To her, the city failed her, let her down. The only person holding her there was gone, so no looking back.

The two of them drove for almost five hours, only stopping once for gas and a bathroom break. It was nearly 4 in the morning when they arrived to their destination. It was a little cottage by a pond. Rachel told her it was owned by an elderly woman who had taken to the cause. Their car journey had educated Marta so much. She learned if the resistance that was forming, Jewish people banding together to fight the Nazis. Their numbers were growing. Mrs. Hildreth, the old woman she was staying with, was married to a Jewish man. Their marriage was forbidden but they stayed together and ran away to this cottage where they lived together until the day her husband died. After that Mrs. H took in stray Jews who needed a safe haven. It comforted Marta hearing about how Mrs. H married a Jewish man even though she wasn't. It was just like her and Ezra.

Marta and Rachel carried her bags in, Mrs. H greeting them warmly at the door. Marta looked around; there was a tiny kitchen with a fireplace stove, a small sitting area. Then two doors that lead to a bedroom and bathroom. In the sitting room there was a ladder leading up to a loft.

The door to the bathroom opened and someone walked out. Marta's eyes widened. Atalia! Marta ran over and threw her arms around the girl. She pulled back, a look of stock on her face. “How?” Atalia explained everything, how the resistance created a diversion at the building she was being held in and then they were able to sneak Atalia out and was brought here only a few hours ago. Marta felt like such a weight lifted off her shoulder. The two girls spent the rest of the night discussing what happened after Atalia was taken. Tears fell when they spoke about Ezra, but knowing all three of them were safe made everything seem hopeful once again.

[arockysmith]

Ezra woke in the middle of the night pain settling itself into his muscles and he turned his head to the side to see Isiah slumped in a chair trying his best to stay awake. It made him think about the days of their childhood when they would have sleep overs and Isiah was always the first to get tired. He would sit on the sofa with his head bobbing up and down until he finally fell off the couch with a thud. The poor kid would shock himself awake. Ezra couldn't help but let out a small laugh, and it was loud enough to grab Isiah's full attention. The boy hurried over to him to make sure he was okay.

Ezra reached out his hand and Isiah took it tightly in his own. He bent his forehead down to meet Ezra's and they both let out a sigh of relief as they closed their eyes. They had grown up like brothers knowing each other better than they knew themselves most days. It had always been Ezra, Atalia, and Isiah together and inseparable. When Isiah pulled back though he couldn't help but see the guilt ridden look on his friends face.

"Ezra, what's the matter? Did I hurt you? Do you need pain medicine?" the boy asked as his green eyes grew wide with fear.

Ezra shook his head slowly and winced at the pain before a tear started to fall. "Atalia...she was taken from my house. They came looking for Marta and she claimed it was her and I didn't allow Marta to admit the truth. I held her mouth shut with all my might and now I fear the worst. I am so sorry Isiah," he said through clenched teeth waiting for his friend to turn on him.

Isiah looked at Ezra and his expression softened. He had know Atalia was taken, and he knew that she was safe now. He was one of the people who had risked their lives to bring her back. Originally he had been furious with Ezra for allowing such a thing to happen, but Atalia had made him realize that it was needed. "She is safe brother. The resistance freed her when you were still in the hospital. She told me all about it. You need not worry. I do not hold a grudge towards you. You and Marta are a symbol for our cause. Atalia knew what she was doing. She joined us after her father was murdered. I joined after that man almost murdered you for the second time," he said with a soft smile.

Ezra cocked his head a but confused, "Resistance?" was all he could say at that moment because a young doctor walked into the room to check his vitals.

"How are you feel Mr. Baer? I assume the pain should be setting back in now, but we're going to see how long you can go without medicine since we've yet to go on a run. We didn't expect to have you in such terrible condition," the doctor said quickly, "Jeremiah mentioned recruiting you but we all assumed you'd be in better health, not half dead on our table."

Ezra blushed a bit knowing it was his fault he was in such a sorry state. He'd been overdoing it and it was only a matter of time before he pushed himself too far. The doctor didn't leave much time for him to speak up because as quick as he entered, he departed the room. Isiah grinned, "That's doctor Z. He doesn't tell us his full name. He's the best doctor around and to have him on our side is a huge win. Many of the people we save are injured worse than you," he said.

"Where is my Marta?" He asked quietly wishing she had been the first face he woke up to.

"She is safe. With Atalia actually. Not be harsh, but the two of them are more lovers than fighters. This is training. We learn defense tactics here. We learn to endure torture and how to lie. You will begin your training soon if you decide to join us, which I hope you do. You are strong in morals and faith. We need a man like you to help lead us," Isiah said as Jeremiah walked in.

Jeremiah handed Ezra a piece of paper and a pen. Right away he began to write to Marta after the older man explained this was how they would be communicating until he was finished healing and finished learning the basics of what they taught and preached. He wrote about Isiah and about the movement he was soon to be a part of and how he would return to her when he had done his time and became a man he could once again be proud of. He wrote saying he'd miss her more than he thought possible and he would never forget the warmth of her touch or the way she had kissed him and made him feel the night before Atalia was taken. He promised her that if she looked at the stars at every night she would be seeing just vast his love spread for her. When he was finished he gave the paper back to Jeremiah who folded it up and tucked it away.

"I will making a trip out to the cottage at sundown tomorrow. You and Harrod are in charge of his care," Jeremiah said ruffling the dark blonde tuffs of hair on Isiah's head.

Isiah was one of the rare jewish boys with hair that wasn't dark brown, and it's one of the reason him and Ezra got along. Ezra found his hair fascinating considering most of the Jewish people he knew had dark hair. After Jeremiah left the young man turned his attention back to his friend and they stared at each other a moment still in shock that Ezra was even awake. After a few hours of discussion Harrod came in to relieve Isiah of his duties and to get some rest. With quick nods of their head Isiah departed to one of the bedrooms and Ezra was left with a stranger.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta and Atalia had both set up mattresses up in the loft. This was to be their new room for the unforeseeable future. Mrs. H filled them in on their back their. Marta and Atalia were her grand-nieces coming to spend a few months with her. Marta kept her name Kiva, but was now Kiva Hildreth and Atalia was now Olive Hildreth. Mrs. H told them they must start calling each other by those names so they got use to it, in case someone visited the house, their story had to seem legit and if they were calling the others by different names, it would blow their cover. It felt odd, hearing the name Kiva, but Marta eventually got use to it.

Two days after being sent to Mrs. H, Jeremiah showed up. Marta was anxious and felt her heart beating in her chest as he spoke to Mrs. H first, completely ignoring Marta and Atalia for the first minute. Then he finally turned and nodded at the girls. "Everyone is safe." he said, not using any names or giving away any more information. He handed each of them an envelope. "You absolutely must burn those after you read them. I will be leaving at night fall, so you have until then to write a reply." Marta and Atalia glanced at each other, both of them bubbling with excitement, before racing up the ladder to their loft.

Marta sat and read Ezra's letter, while Atalia did the same from the one Isiah wrote her. Marta felt her heart clench in sadness and happiness. Ezra was alive and in a safe place, where he would be able to heal properly. He spoke of the resistance, and how he would like to join when he was better. It made Marta nervous, but she knew it was for the best. He spoke of constantly wanting to be able to protect his people and his family, and this would be how he was going to be able to do it. And since he knew Marta was safe, she would not be there as a distraction. But how Marta wished she could be in Ezra's arms. When he spoke of the stars, tears rolled from her eyes. She made a promise to herself to look up at the stars every night until she was reunited with her love.

She reread Ezra's letter about five times, making sure to absorb and memorize every word since she would have to burn it. She so wished she didn't have to, but she understood why. Heaven forbid the Nazis showed up at the cottage, if they found the letters, they would be doomed. Marta took a piece of parchment from her bag and began her reply.

My dearest Ezra,

It feels like we have been parted for so long, yet it has only been a few days. I can't imagine not waking up without you by my side, but I know this is for the best. I am so proud of your wish to join the resistance, you will do so much good. Just promise me to be careful, I don't want to lose you. There has been too many close calls already. I know things with us have been on a constant flux, but at the end of the day, all that matters is we love each other.

Atalia (her new code name is Olive, and mine is Kiva) is doing well. You will be happy to hear that the resistance was able to rescue her before the Nazis tortured her, so she got out completely unharmed, maybe just a little shaken. She wants you to forgive yourself, she knows that you feel guilty for letting her be taken, but if we went back in time, she would do it again. Atalia is truly wonderful and I am glad I am able to call her friend now.

We are staying with a wonderful woman, Mrs. H. She is a non-Jewish person like me, and her husband was Jewish. They married in secret when they were both 18 and ran away to this cottage where they lived together until her husband died last year. Mrs. H is 78 years old. Ezra, she is my hope. My hope that everything between us will work out. I want to be old and married to you. You are my true soul mate.

Just remember, I am always with you. I am the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, the rain and snow in your hair. You will always be on my mind and I count the days until we are together again.

All of my love,
Marta

--------------

Over the course of the next few weeks, Marta and Atalia got into a routine with Mrs. H. Every morning the three woman would get up and have tea and biscuits for breakfast. Then Atalia and Marta would help Mrs. H with the chores, which included tending the garden, collecting the chicken eggs, cleaning the inside of the house, prepping meals, and laundry. It kept the two girls busy, but Atalia and Marta still found the time to have fun. They have bonded and started a special friendship. Atalia was secretly teaching Marta the Jewish traditions, though without books, Marta had to just memorize whatever Atalia taught her, thank goodness for her amazing memory. Mrs. H also had a tiny upright piano and Marta was hesitant to touch it, but after some encouragement from Atalia, she began to play again. Marta wished so deeply she had shared this part of her life with Ezra, but there would be time for that in the future.

About once a week, Jeremiah would come and bring the girls letters from their men. It was the day Marta looked forward to most. Be able to learn what Ezra has been doing. His health was getting better each day and he had begun some training, but nothing strenuous. He would tell Marta about all the men who he trained with and how being in the resistance was giving his hope back. But both their letters always contained words of love, how deeply they missed one another. Even though Marta was having a good time with Mrs. H and Atalia, she ached to see her love so much, but all in good time.

[arockysmith]

Marta,

I don’t even know where to start this letter. I haven’t slept in 4 days as part of an endurance training. Isiah has been the only one keeping me company during this time, everyone else is busy doing their other training. I think it was on day three that I finally went out into the towns half asleep, but still I found things to look at in awe. The Jewish neighborhoods here are beautiful and there’s a lake just an hour away. I hope one day to take you there. I have gotten a haircut after needing one for so many weeks, I’m now able to do the physical aspect of training now such as push ups and obstacle courses. I’ve been part of combat training also, but they fear I learned it too soon.

In town I had an incident and now I’m doing restraint training. I need to learn how to endure watching others get spat on so I don’t give myself away. I ran into a man just like Oscar and if it hadn’t been for Harrod I would have killed him. They say I have too much pent up rage so they think talking with Isiah will help since I refuse to speak with anyone else. He’s the only one keeping me going. I enjoy the other boys, but nobody understands the way he does.

I know this letter is not my normal type and I haven’t mentioned my love for you, but just know that when we see each other I will make you remember that night which seems like it happened a century ago and I will show you a kind of love you never knew existed. My body aches for your touch and when I can have you in my arms for good I fear I may never let go.

I love you to the stars and moon
-E
Ezra finished penning his letter and handed it to Jeremiah who in return handed him a letter from his father. “Read it in private my boy. You will not enjoy it’s contents,” he whispered to Ezra before turning on his heels and walking out the front door. It would be two days before Jeremiah would be back and Isiah and Harrod were in charge of the group of teenagers.

He held the letter in his hand a moment longer before tucking it away for later. He did not want to feel sad at this moment. He walked into the den and found Isiah feeding all 19 of the men an empty seat beside him reserved for Ezra. He took his seat and the group began to eat and tease each other. Ezra did not partake though.

His hands were still wrapped in bandages and his shirt had blood splattered on it from the previous day where he had the altercation with the man who reminded him of Oscar. There were no spare clothes in his size so he had to wait for Jeremiah to return before he could change. His shirt also ad tears which showed the new muscles that had begun to form on his body since he began training. Isiah teased him frequently that he was bulking up to please Marta. Ezra would just laugh and run his fingers through the curls that laid tangle on his head. They did not dangle down his face anymore. It was almost cropped short, but a few spirals still laid about. Ezra found himself constantly twirling them around his fingers reminding himself of Marta.
He put his untils down once he was finished and glanced at the calendar. Marta’s birthday was coming up and Isiah had promised to pick her up something nice when he went back into town tomorrow since Ezra was now allowed. He also noted that it took his father a month to write to him about the whereabouts of him and Edith. He took a sip of water and excused himself from the table, but not before Isiah spoke.

“We will be doing combat training in a few minutes. Get Dr. Z to replace those bandages and then meet us outside. It will be elimination rounds. We expect a lot from you after yesterday,” Isiah said with a smile.

Ezra nodded, “You can count on me,” he said returning the grin.

The resistance had talked about an assassination of Hitler, but they didn’t have the ranks yet and none of the men thought they would have the guts for it. After yesterday though they began to put their hopes into Ezra and they all knew if he was asked, then he would do it without hesitation even if it cost him his life. It was a silently spoken between Isiah just know. They expected him to be their enforcer. He was expected to lead the rebellion to war because of the lust he had for blood after the many times he’d been tortured. They would often hear him talk in his sleep about killing Oscar for hurting Marta in the ways that he did and how he wouldn’t be defenseless anymore.

Ezra went back to his room and took out the letter reading it slowly and then again and again. He was positive he read it a dozen times with his tear stained cheeks and the words refused to change. He felt a knot grow in his stomach and an emptiness in his chest as he reads the words once more.

“She did not make it, Ezra. Your mother...she is dead”
“Your mother...she is dead”
“She is dead”
Ezra couldn’t stop rereading that last part. He looked up at the sound of the door to see Isiah popping his in. “Ezra, come on. We’ve been waiting, but we can’t wait…” he paused when he saw Ezra crying, “Ezra...what’s wrong?”

He held out the letter to his friend and let out a scream that seemed to shake the house. Isiah folded the letter up and sat on the bed next to Ezra, “I know this is painful Ezra, but you are needed more than you know. Use her death as momentum to push you forward. We will get through this together,” Isiah whispered but his words fell on deaf ears.

Without Marta’s calming personality to ease his mind, Ezra was a ball of rage now. He stood up from the bed and walked out the door towards the field where the combat training was held. Everyone was cheering for his entrance until they saw the look on his face. He wasn’t playing around tonight. He was fighting for blood.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta was reading the most recent letter Ezra had sent her, a frown on her face. She was thrilled he had been able to find something to help him focus on and to help with his need to fight back. But she was worried if it was putting him into more danger, and hearing about the incident in the town only fueled that worry. Maybe it was going too far, maybe Ezra needed to step back for awhile, but she knew he wouldn't, he was too determined. He was out for blood. When she brought up her concern to Jeremiah, he just practically ignored her, only saying, "Ezra is a man. He does what it is needed by his people." Before Amelia could argue that they were just marching him to his death, Jeremiah left to go speak with Mrs. H.

Glaring at the man's back, Marta went back up to her loft, kicking her mattress for relief. Atalia who had been sitting on her bed, writing her letter to Isiah looked up at her. "What is it Kiva?" They were still being careful about names, but even though it had been a few months, Marta still felt weird being called Kiva. Letting out a sigh, Marta slumped down onto the floor.

"I am worried about Ezra, his last letter...it was...well it seems his rage is back and being fueled by the other men" she said, "At least all the men but Isiah. He seems to be Ezra's only salvation there."

"I know" Atalia began, frowning, "Isiah wrote in his letter about Ezra. He told me about the incident in town, and how the other men thought it was exciting and thrilling. They were looking up to Ezra as a sort of icon. A image of blood lust."

"I hate it Olive. He is going to be killed, I just... I hope it is what he wants too. If I found out he were forced into anything, I'd..."

"I know Kiva, I know. It is so hard. But that is why it is important we keep writing these letters. They need us to be there for them, no matter what."

"You are right" Marta sighed, standing to straighten out her mattress before getting her parchment and ink.

My Dear Ezra,

It all sounds so beautiful. I wish I could be standing by the lake with you right now. Atalia and I have began to learn knitting from Mrs. H. It is a tad boring in my opinion, but it helps to pass the long evenings. Expect a horrible crafted sweater in the next four to six months, since at the rate I am learning that is how long one sweater is going to take.

Ezra I know I say this in all my letters, but I do hope you are being careful. I know after everything you've been through, the rage inside is beginning to take over, but you can't let it Ezra. You are better than that. I know it is important to fight, and I want you to fight for you and your people. But most of all, I need you to fight for us. If you give into the rage, your vision will be shifted and you will start finding yourself in more and more situations like what happened in town. I need you to return to me Ezra.

As every day passes, I tell myself it is one day closer to being in your arms. I may not know when that day is, but we can only move forward. So please my love, stay strong and remember how much I love you.

With all the love in the world,
Marta
---------

Marta woke up six days later after sending her last letter to Ezra. It was usually the day Jeremiah came to visit, it also happened to be Marta's birthday. But Marta didn't even think about it, she didn't even tell Atalia or Mrs. H. She just started her day like always. Getting up she climbed down the loft and went into the bathroom. Marta was always the first to wake up, she had always been an early riser. She went into the bathroom and began her morning routine of washing her face and brushing her hair and pulling it up into a braid. The last few weeks, since the snow began to melt, they were getting ready to replant all of Mrs. H's gardens, So Marta put on her garden pants and an old button down shirt and was ready for the day.

She walked out in the kitchen and put the kettle on to start the tea. She then stood by the counter cutting up some apples for breakfast.

[arockysmith]

It had taken most of the week to convince Jeremiah to let Isiah and Ezra tag along with him on his trip. If it wasn’t for his friend then Ezra probably would have missed Marta’s birthday and there was no way he would be able to write her a letter describing how he felt. It would be nothing more than sadness and rage once more. With the news of his mothers passing he needed her more than ever and Isiah had fought long and hard with Jeremiah about the choice to let them visit. The other boys were jealous, but nobody spoke a word about it. Ezra would soon be the one leading them so he would get the special treatment no matter how unfair it was.

“Jeremiah, put your worries to bed. Ezra will be back to himself when he sees Marta. I will keep an eye on him the whole time. Nobody knows our faces that way. We’ve already figured out a place to take the girls so that we may have privacy, but still stay safe,” Isiah told him as he loaded two small bags into the car, one for him and one for Ezra.

Jeremiah shook his head a little, “I worry he will come back softer and he will not be able to do what we need him to,” he said leaning against the car.

“He is a soft person, sir. This rage fueled adolescent is not the Ezra either of us knows. He is losing himself and these men are not helping. The day he read the letter of his mother he cried for a mere second and then he nearly killed three of our men in the elimination fights. He shouldn’t be used as a weapon. We are supposed to be a peaceful rebellion, saving others. Not living up to the belief that we are dangerous people. If he leads us we will be the animals they claim us to be,” Isiah said pleadingly.

Just then Ezra came out to the car. He had on a cleanish shirt. There were no holes, but blood was splattered over it and his face was harsh. His jawline was strong and his eyes filled with a mix of excitement and rage. He hadn’t felt joy in a while, and seeing Marta in the morning was something he’d have been smiling over had it come months ago, but tonight he was still reeling from the fights they’d just had in the back.

Isiah shook his his head sadly. He was positive Marta would not love the man coming before her in the morning.

---------------------------------------------

It was just slightly pass sunrise when the boys pulled up to the cottage. Isiah eagerly left the car to go greet Atalia, while Ezra hung back at the word of Jeremiah. Isiah glanced over his shoulder pausing just at the door. He wanted to hear exactly what the man would say.

“Ezra, seeing her might bring back emotions you haven’t felt in a while. Keep those in check. You are no longer the man you were. You are a whole new person and if you fall back into those habits you will be not be able to protect anybody,” Jeremiah said, which caused Isiah to shake his head.

Ezra nodded his agreement, “Sir, I will not break. My emotions will not show. I will not become a liability. She is the reason I fight so hard. I will not jeopardize anything. My life is to the cause and with the cause we will be able to be together without restrictions.”

Isiah cringed at how robotic Ezra sounded. He watched Ezra grab their bags from the car and toss one his way. When the boy finally reached him at the front step he put a hand on his shoulder. “Ezra, you can fight for the cause without losing who you are,” he whispered.

“Isiah, this is who I am now. I will not break and I will not crumble. I am a man and I will do whatever it takes to protect my people. She is my people,” he replied as Jeremiah unlocked the door for them.

Ezra was the first one in and it was like his soul was tugging him towards the kitchen. He knew she’d be there and without hesitation he walked her way, bag slung over his shoulder. Her back was turned to him and his bag fell to the floor with a soft thud. He could feel his eyes began to water, which made him clench his jaw.

“Marta…” was all he managed to get out and even that was just above a whisper and his voice cracked a bit.

Isiah had made his way to the girls room upstairs and he found Atalia sleeping soundly. Without hesitation he joined her in the bed, wrapping his arms around her body and holding her close. He felt her press into him and could picture the smile on her face. It was the same smile he imagined Marta having until she got a good look at her boyfriend.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta thought she heard a car pull up, but paid no attention to it. She assumed it was Jeremiah, but he always came in without even a hello, so Marta was used to being ignore. So when she heard the front door open, she didn't worry, but then she heard a small thud behind her. She put the knife she was holding down, then heard her name. And it was her real name, she hadn't heard it in months. And the voice, she knew that voice without a doubt. Turning around slowly, Marta's heart pounding in her chest, she saw Ezra standing there before her. She didn't care who saw or what they may think, without a word, Marta ran over and jumped into Ezra's arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulled him into a deep kiss. Nothing could have stopped her, and there would be time to talk after, but for now she just wanted to enjoy the touch of the man she loved so much and missed so dearly.

After a few minutes, Marta finally let her legs drop and she slid back onto the floor. She pulled back from the kiss, but stayed close to Ezra. She finally took a moment to look at him, her hands running through his short hair and she laughed. "You cut your hair" she said smiling, still enjoying letting her fingers play with thew few long curls at the top. She let her hands slowly drop, and run down his arms, feeling the muscles underneath, and then she settled with her hands against his chest, which also felt hardened and muscular. Ezra had become quite the man. In their absence, Marta had always matured in her body a bit too. Going from a city girl, to a working farm girl, Marta developed a bit of a muscle herself, mostly in her arms. Her chest had grown a bit, with her body finishing its hormonal changes, and her hair blonde as ever, fell to the middle of her back.

Still refusing to leave his arms, Marta looked up, feeling the tears finally beginning to form which were ignored while she was kissing him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling him towards the couch in the sitting room and sat down on it pulling him down. She snuggled close to him, her legs draped over his and held onto his hands. "I have missed you so much."

Not be able to contain herself, she leaned in again for another kiss, wishing it could go on for hours, but she knew Jeremiah was around somewhere and Mrs. H would be up soon. There would be some explaining to do to the old woman, but for now, Marta didn't care. She was back in the arms of the man she loved.

[arockysmith]

Ezra returned the kisses, but his body was more tense than it used to be. She hadn't seemed to notice though, which he found as a good sign. He allowed her to have her way with him and to move him about without resistance as he tried to process the emotions flowing through him. Jeremiah was right. He was feeling things he hadn't felt in months and to be around her again, to smell her hair and to feel the softness of her skin against his made his body tremble a bit, but he did his best to keep strong and to not allow any slip ups.

"We came for your birthday. Isiah is upstairs now with Atalia I assume. He convinced Jeremiah I needed this,” Ezra said slowly to make sure he picked his words carefully. He moved her legs a little bit and reached into the pocket of his pants pulling out a small gold necklace with the star of david hanging on it almost matching Ezra’s, “I hope you like it. I had to send Isiah out for it because I wasn’t allowed back in town yet. If you don’t want it I can just get rid of it. I don’t even know if you’re allowed to wear that. I can only have mine on at the farmhouse.”

His words were soft and they appeared to be rehearsed like he had practice saying everything before meeting with her. He let out a bit of a sigh as he realized he hadn’t wished her a happy birthday. He blushed just slightly and regained composure quickly.

“Happy birthday, Marta. We have the day planned for you. I hope you don’t mind Isiah and Atalia tagging along though. Jeremiah made him in charge of watching me and making sure I don’t slip up like I did,” he said forcing a smile on his face.

He wanted to pull her completely onto his lap and to kiss her with blind intensity, but he restrained himself. The training over the past week had done him good. He refused to be brought under by her warmth. If he allowed himself to give in just a bit his lust for blood would quit and he would let everyone down. He decided to keep his mother’s death a secret for a bit longer. There was no need to bring her mood down so soon in their encounter.

After a moment he reached his hand over to push the hair from her face, but his hand hesitated slightly and then fell before touching her. He felt an ache in his chest that seemed to be there since he first laid eyes on her and he could feel the tears ready to come again as his vision of her blurred. He was struggling internally with what he wanted to do vs what he needed to do. The lines seemed to blur and he could feel his resolve began to shift when a tear rolled down his cheek.

Seeing her might bring back emotions you haven’t felt in a while. You’re a whole new person. You won’t be able to protect anybody.

Jeremiah’s words echoed in his head forcing a change in how he handled himself. He gently slid her legs off his lap and sat up straighter, more alert. “I’m sorry. I can’t...I can’t give in to you. I need to stay strong. I need to stay unattached. I won’t be able to protect you if I let myself feel,” he whispered trying to avoid eye contact.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta was at first oblivious to his Ezra's distance, her excitement blinding her. When Ezra said they were there because it was her birthday, Marta let out a little laugh. "I completely forgot" she said truthfully. There were so many other important things to be concerned about then one day of the year. But now she was so glad it was her birthday, it meant Ezra was here with her. But his words began to concern her a little more, the way he spoke almost made it sound like he was some kind of dog on a leash and only Jeremiah got to say when he was allowed off. But she shook the feeling away, trying to stay happy.

She watched as Ezra pulled out something from his pocket and when he held it in front of her, she gasped. "Oh Ezra, it is beautiful" she said softly, taking the necklace and carefully clasping it behind her neck. She held onto the pendant for a moment before carefully tucking it under her shirt. She knew it would be dangerous to wear it, but she wanted to enjoy it for a little bit. She smiled at Ezra, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "It doesn't matter what we do, as long as I am with you, it is the best birthday ever."

She saw Ezra begin to fidget around, his hand coming near her but then pulling way. She frowned, but thought maybe he was just feeling a bit awkward. It had been months since they had seen each other, it would take time to find their rhythm again. Marta just stayed cuddled close to him, her legs still on his lap, as she enjoyed being near him. She was resting her head on his shoulder, allowing his scent to overcome her. It was familiar, but there was something new to it too. It was a metallic mix with dirt kind of smell. She knew his training occurred outside a lot, so it was probably just the smell of the earth on him. She liked it.

The tenseness in his body grew, Marta becoming concerned now, sat up a little just in time for him to move her legs off of him. She frowned and when he spoke, Marta couldn't help by but feel her frustration growing. This was what she was worried about, his last few letters had started to hint at it, Ezra was hardening himself. He was changing, which is fine, Marta was changing too, but she worried it may not be for the better. The words that left his mouth didn't seem like they were his own, it was like they were being repeated, as if he heard them from someone else. Marta couldn't contain it, her blood began to boil, and her anger rose. But she wasn't anger at Ezra. Her anger was suddenly directed towards someone else. Someone she should have confronted much sooner.

Without a word, Marta stood up and marched out of the house, looking around she spotting Jeremiah standing by his car smoking a cigarette. She walked straight up to him and without a word, she gave him a shove. But being as he is much taller and stronger than her, he barely moved a muscle. He flicked his cigarette away and glared at her.

"What have you done to him?!" Marta asked, her voice loud and angry, "You are brainwashing him! What are they to you? Just pawns in your game? Preparing them for battle? Against who, an army ten times the size of your own? You are destroying their lives and who they are, just so you can be the hero. Why don't you stop being a coward and fight your own battles and let them choose what they want to do!"

Marta was panting, her face as close to Jeremiah's as she could get, but the height difference made it so she was only at his chest. By this point, Atalia, Isiah and Mrs. H had stepped out onto the porch to see what the commotion was. Jeremiah gave Marta a look to kill. He reached over and grabbed her wrist, squeezing tight. It hurt, but Marta didn't flinch, she just continued to stare him down.

"You better stop talking about things you don't understand girl" he said, his voice low and threatening.

"You are sending them all to their deaths" she whispered with so much hatred behind it. With all her strength, Marta yanked her arm away and turn and ran off behind the cottage. She made her way behind the garden shed where they kept all the tools and began pacing back and forth. Her chest heaving and her pulse racing. All the feelings and thoughts she has been suppressing just boiled over in that one moment. She sensed it was happening, Ezra wasn't learn how to be a fighter to save people, he was being trained like a weapon to kill. But Marta knew the only outcome was his death.

Letting out a frustrated scream, Marta turn and slammed her fist into the wall of the shed. She felt a surge of pain go up her arm, but she ignored it, as she slowly slid down the wall, her knees coming up to her chest and she buried her head in her legs as the tears finally started to fall.

[arockysmith]

Ezra had stayed on the couch during the fight outside. He could hear Marta yelling at Jeremiah and it made him flinch a bit. She had no idea what was going on and she refused to be open with him about it. She should be yelling at him, not his leader. He watched as the others went outside making brief eye contact with Isiah who looked more confused and lost than anything else. He was holding Atalia’s hand and it made Ezra slightly angry. They could be ass affectionate as they wanted and it wasn’t frowned upon. He grasped the chain hanging from his neck for comfort since Marta’s warmth was longer with him.

Isiah had taken it upon himself to go after Marta leaving Atalia at the front door with a frown, but she ushered him to give chase. He was the only one who could tell her the truth, he had to let her know what was happening and how he was trying to stop it. He waited a moment outside of the shed for her too cool down and when he finally heard it become quiet inside he stepped in and closed the door behind him. He saw her shoulders shaking up and down and his heart began to ache for her.

“Marta...I won’t let you lose him. The men...their all blood thirsty to get revenge on the people who have wronged them, but nobody takes the lead in the way Ezra does. He is fighting a battle on both sides. One is to protect his people, his Jewish brothers and sisters, and the other is for you. He has more to lose and the most to gain in this fight. He is their icon, while also being someone they dislike. They don’t approve of you two, so he has to prove himself more. To show that he has not turned his back on us in the name of love. He is blood thirsty these days. Just yesterday before we began our drive he put three of our best soldiers….three of our best men into the infirmary. They are in critical condition just by him alone. I have tried to ease him back and he tells me of his fears and he cries to me Marta, but after losing his mom...he needs more than just me to bring him back to who he really is. You are his guiding voice...I cannot bring him any further. I was hoping this trip...seeing you and being around you would open his heart once again, but if it is too much for you I understand. I won’t burden you with it...but I think if he spends the day with you...with me and Atalia that he will open enough,” Isiah said sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He knew he was asking her for a lot, but at this moment he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore.

Jeremiah walked into the living room to check on Ezra who was sitting there emotionless. The man walked over to the boy and shook him roughly. “You give her what she wants, but not too much Ezra. You can pretend you’re feeling without really doing it,” he said sharply.

Ezra flinched a bit at his words, “I...I’m trying Jeremiah. Seeing her...it makes me want to cave and it makes me want her love and I know I shouldn’t because then I won’t be able to protect her,” he said clenching his jaw.

“You are acting weak. You are not the man who put Harrod, Joshua, or Elijah in the infirmary last night. You are pathetic. If you do not get yourself together then you will only be the downfall of our team,” Jeremiah said slapping him in the face.

Ezra kept his eyes to the ground as he heard a gasp escape Atalia’s mouth. “I will not falter and I will not fail, sir. I will remain emotionally detached from her. I will only give her enough to appease her desires and I will make sure it is not genuine. I will lead our fight to Hitler and I will take his life one day for the good of our people and for her,” he said as a tear fell down his cheek. He glanced at Atalia who refused to make eye contact with him.

He was no longer the Ezra anybody knew, and the fight to be this brand new person was eating away at him. He didn’t want to be this cold or this harsh, but it was what everyone kept telling him he needed to be. His feelings made him weak and that meant Marta had the power to either destroy his resolve or to fuel it.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta heard someone come into the shed, but she didn't need to look up to know it wasn't Ezra. The man sitting inside that cottage was not the man she loved, it was a puppet doing Jeremiah's bidding. Marta hoped that the man she did loved was still in there, he had to be, because that man was the one who wrote of his love for her in his letters. Marta heard whoever came in sit down next to her, but Marta kept her face buried. She listened as Isiah began to speak, but the more he spoke, the more angry she got. If this was his attempt to console her, he was doing a miserable job. She did feel a pain her heart when he mentioned Edith's passing. Ezra obviously never mentioned that to her, and she would find time later to get more information about it, but not at that moment.

Marta didn't respond to Isiah, she was too far lost in her own feelings and thoughts. All the anger Marta must have been suppressing over the past few months was slowly creeping up. She felt angry at Oscar for being a coward and picking a defenseless boy to attack on the street, outnumbering him 3 to 1. Marta felt anger for her parents kicking her out when all she ever did was fall in love. She felt anger for Ezra's parents leaving him at such a critical time. She felt anger for the gestapo who came into their house and stole Atalia away. She felt anger at Atalia for posing as her. She felt anger for having to be separated from Ezra. She felt hatred, full blow hatred for Hitler and the world he has created. But the most anger she felt at that moment was at Jeremiah. The things he has done, while at first seemed to make him out to be a saint, but now Marta was questioning all of his intentions.

Standing up, not responding to any of Isiah's comments, she simply said, "Tell Atalia we are going to the pond." Then Marta left the shed and went back into the cottage. She ignored Ezra and Jeremiah for the moment, the two men sitting on the couch and talking in hushed tones. Marta climbed the ladder to the loft and got her knapsack and filled it with some things and then made her way back down to the sitting area. She walked over to the couch and took Ezra's hand and made him stand up. She turned and looked at Jeremiah, fire in her eyes, "Don't worry oh grand puppet master, your prodigy will be returned to you."

Without another word, she walked out of the house, pulling Ezra along with her. Looking at Atalia and Isiah, she nodded her head in the direction of the woods that were about 200 yards from the house and began to walk in that direction. No one spoke, no one made a sound. All that could be heard was the grass crunching under their shoes. As they entered the forest, Marta followed the trail that lead to a small pond. Atalia and Marta would walk through the woods together, just wanting to explore and talk together without Mrs. H always hovering. The discovered the pond a few weeks after arriving, and it became their little spot. As they neared the pond, Marta finally dropped Ezra's hand and put her bag down. Atalia and Isiah, who were still holding hands, stayed back a few feet.

Marta turned and looked at Ezra; it was like looking at a statue. His physical shape had improved ten fold, and he looked like a soldier. But his eyes showed nothing, they were hallow and emotionless. It fueled Marta's anger and what she was about to do next. She walked over to Ezra, and then suddenly reached up and slapped him across the face. She heard Atalia gasp and Isiah take a step forward, but Marta turned and gave them a look to kill. Isiah hesitated, but he stepped back and allowed Marta to continue.

Her focus back on Ezra, she gave him a hard stare before reaching up and slapping him again, this time a little harder. "Is that how I should do it?" she asked, shoving Ezra, "Is this what I need to do to toughen up? Come on Ezra, toughen me up, teach me how to fight." With another hearty shove, "Show me what I need to do in order to send three men to the hospital. Teach me how not to feel, how to protect myself."

This time Marta reached up, her hand in a fist and she punched Ezra square on the jaw. She felt the pain in her hand double from when she punched the wall, but she ignored it. She now got up into Ezra's face, her voice heated and loud, "Come on Ezra, fucking teach me! I want to protect myself because I am NOT going to have you protecting me anymore. I REFUSE to be the reason you die. So be a man and teach me!"

Her voice echoed in the woods and she stood there, her body stiff and her eyes burning holes into Ezra's eyes. The anger was practically radiating off her body, her chest heaving from all the yelling she did. She had no clue what Ezra's reaction would be, but Marta has had enough.

[arockysmith]

Ezra allowed her to hit him. He felt her anger with each blow and he refused to fight back. Her words cut into him like a knife and he refused to look at her any longer. He glanced over his shoulder to Isiah and Atalia who had walked away from them to try and salvage whatever time they had together, but still keeping in distance in case Ezra or Marta lost it completely. He listened to her breathing until it became steady and lighter. After a moment he closed his eyes wondering what he should do. Did he treat her like one of the guys or did he just let her berate him until he could no longer stand the sight of her face. He could feel Isiah watching him closely even though Atalia kept telling him to give them privacy.

He began to open his mouth to speak, but no words found their way out and it was clear to everyone the internal struggle he was going through. He had to be this way or he would fail his comrades, but if he kept it up he would fail himself and Marta. He stood there a moment more before opening his eyes to stare into hers. They were filled with fire, and it was his fault she felt the need to resort to violence.

Finally without anymore hesitation he gave in to her. His hands pulled her and his arms wrapped around her frame. He was feeling her for the first time in months. He nudged her head up with his own and kissed her fiercely. Every emotion he felt was being poured into her with that kiss. All the sadness and anger he had. His lips parted hers and his tongue danced around her mouth as his hands found their way into her hair, knotting his fingers together as he held her close. His body began to tremble and tears started to fall, but he refused to let her go. He needed her more than he allowed himself to believe, and having her here now fighting to break his walls down made his body feel weak. He brought them both to their knees only breaking for small gasps of air and he could hear a sigh of relief come from Isiah as he finally turned his attention to Atalia.

When Ezra finally let go of Marta he leaned his body down so that his head was at her knees and he let himself cry over all the loss he had suffered including himself. His arms wrapped around her waist and he refused to let go. She was his lifeline at that moment and he feared any minute now Jeremiah would rip him from her and he would fall to pieces.

“I’m trying so hard, Marta. I’m trying to be a man you can love and be proud of. Someone you can count on and believe in, but I just keep failing,” he sobbed as he brought his head up to look at her, “I keep seeing Oscar forcing you watch me die and him hitting you and I am just defenseless. I keep seeing my mother smiling at me or giving me a look of disapproval and I know I will never see her face again. I keep losing everyone I love and you’re here right now, but in a few hours I will be leaving and I will be back in that house fighting for a life that I no longer want to live to see anymore.”

He could hardly make out her face anymore through the sea of tears falling from his eyes. His body kept tensing up with each word and he began to struggle to breath. He reached for the pendant around his neck and held onto it tightly trying to find comfort, but failing miserably. He reached for her hand and brought it to his chest so that she could feel his heart beating.

“I just want to keep you safe, Marta. I want to look in your eyes and know I am not a failure. I need to know that I am not going through this for nothing. That you still love me even if I can’t love myself,” he whispered leaning his forehead against hers. “You are all I have left. I don’t know when I will see my father again. I will never see my mother again. You are my only life. I love you more than you realize. I wish we had run away from all of this when we had the chance. I wish I had married you before all of this and I wish I had taken you from this life of pain before it consumed me.”

He finally stopped crying, but he refused to move away from her. He gave her a small smile wanting nothing more than to kiss her again.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta's breathing began to calm and her pulse went back to normal, but she still felt adrenaline pumping through her body. She stood there waiting for Ezra's reaction, she wasn't sure what he would do. Did she push him far enough that he would hit her back? Marta would take it if he did, she was asking for it, but she knew deep down, no matter how far gone and lost Ezra was, he would never physically harm her. When Ezra finally moved and pulled her into him, she felt a wave of relief course through her body. Her arms reached up and clung to the front of his shirt, feeling his muscle underneath. When he kissed her, Marta returned it, turning her anger into love and passion. She put as much intensity in the kiss as she did when she punched him. Marta wanted Ezra to feel her power and her love in that kiss. Her hands reached up, running her fingers through his short locks, and held onto his neck to keep him close.

As they lowered to their knees, their bodies pressed firmly against one another, Marta felt the ache in her body, the need to feel even closer to Ezra. But the heat of the kiss, and all the emotions of her yelling at him, finally made Ezra crumble. Marta stayed there, keeping close and running her hands over his back as he began to cry. He cried for everything. Marta didn't enjoy having to make him fall to pieces, but he was losing himself, and she couldn't let that happen. Jeremiah probably said crying was weak, but it isn't, it is empowering. It refreshes the soul and helps one remind themselves of what they truly believed and needed. When he sat back up, Marta wrapped her arms around him and held him close, listening to his words. She didn't interrupt for fear if she did, he would stop. But he needed to get all of these words out, to remind himself how he got to be where he was. When he finished, Marta reached up and began wiping away his tears.

"You are not a failure Ezra. You are a strong, compassionate man who is willing to go to the moon and back for the people he cares about. But you have lost sight of how to do that, you are becoming the person Oscar wants you to be. You are fueling Hitler's fire, proving to the people of Germany that Jewish people are monsters. But you are't Ezra, you are the most caring person I know. You can't keep being an icon for these men in the way you have been. Violence is never the answer, you need to show them, teach them, how to be compassionate. And if they don't want to agree, then they don't care about you."

She stood, encouraging Ezra to as well. She pulled him into a hug, Marta said her part about the resistance and the war, but now she needed to make him understand her love. Glancing over at Atalia she gave her friend a look and Atalia discreetly nodded back. Marta then took Ezra's hand led him down the path a little father, before turning and taking a less traveled trail. She came to a big willow tree, and she parted the branches and walked through, pulling Ezra along with her. Once they passed the tree, they were suddenly in a small clearing. It was a small field, about the size of the cottage, and it was completely surrounded by trees from every angle. Marta walked to the middle of the flowers and grass and opened her bag and pulled out a blanket she had brought. She laid the blanket on the ground, before kneeling down, pulling Ezra down with her. She looked into his eyes for a moment before leaning in and kissing him gentle. The intensity was gone, but the love was still pulsing through the kisses. Marta kept them sweet and gentle, kissing along Ezra's face, his cheeks, jaw, nose, everywhere. She ran her hands along his chest, and through his hair, and then slowly she reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it and removing it from his body. She ran her hands along his skin, letting them graze over all the new muscles he had formed.

As she continued to shower him with kisses, she reached over and began to unbutton her own shirt and discarded it to the side. Both of them now topless, Marta pulled Ezra close and carefully began to lay down onto her back, Ezra laying on top of her. She broke from the kiss and looked into his eyes, "I love you Ezra Baer." And then once again pulled him into a kiss, this time the desire building. There was no need for words anymore, words only made things worse, they became fuddled and could be interpreted differently. Marta was ready to show Ezra how much she loved him in a new way, with her body. She hoped Ezra understood and wanted the same thing.

[arockysmith]

Ezra laid on the blanket his cheeks flushed red from the slight embarrassment of having finished nearly too early. He put his hands over his face to hide the smile that was threatening to show itself. He had no idea what to expect, but being with her in the way they just had was more breathtaking than he had originally thought it would be. He let his hands fall to the side and he turned himself so that he was propped up on his elbow. Ezra allowed his fingers to trace the curves on her body before kissing her neck. He could see the small bruises forming where he had gotten greedy and bit her a few times. He could hear the birds chirping around them and splashing in the distance, which he assumed was Isiah and Atalia keeping themselves occupied.

“I guess this will be a birthday you’ll never forget,” Ezra said as he sat himself up and pulled his his underwear on.

He kept his eyes on her while he dressed wanting to memorize the way she looked. He hadn’t felt this blissful in months and he wasn’t sure when he’d get the chance to feel like this again. He knew right away it would have to be kept a secret, even from Isiah. His friend was open minded, but sex before marriage was not something to be taken lightly. He passed Marta her t-shirt so that she could began to cover up and he reluctantly pulled his eyes off her so that he could go take a piss a little farther down.

“Don’t...don’t go anywhere, but get dressed. If Jeremiah knows Isiah let me out of his sight for this long I won’t be the only one getting punished,” he said quietly and then walked off real quick.

His shirt was even dirtier than when he first got there, which he didn’t think was possible. Now it smelled of dirt and blood and a mixture of his sweat. He felt a little bad that he’d been too out of it to dress in something nicer. Sure enough she would know the blood wasn’t his, but he wasn’t sure if that thought would ease her mind or worry her once more. Ezra was definitely different than when he got here. His body less tense and his eyes held more life in them. He was smiling and he was opening himself up more than he could do at the compound. He began to wish he didn’t have to go back, but his people needed him. He finished relieving himself and walked back to Marta trying not to let himself get caught up in what was waiting for him back at his new home.

With a sigh he fixed himself up a bit more. “I hope it was as good as you dreamed of. I know this probably wasn’t your ideal setting...but I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. To stop would have been too hard when it’s all I’ve been wanting to do since that night. I don’t regret it Marta and I never will. I will marry you, I promise,” he said as he began to pack the blanket back into the bag while she finished getting herself together.

[Tlstiffl]

Marta laid there, the blue sky above her, her body feeling tingly. She couldn't explain the feelings she was having, but whatever they were, she hoped they never ended. Her body ached, but in such a good way that it left Marta feeling satisfied. She hadn't know what to expect, but it definitely exceeded anything she ever imagined. When they were together, Marta felt such a connection to Ezra, and their love growing deeper. When Ezra popped up onto his elbow and began tracing her skin, Marta's skin was scattered with goosebumps. His touch was amazing. She wished it didn't have to end.

When Ezra made the birthday comment, Marta laughed lightly, "Definitely the best one yet."

She watched as Ezra began to dress, wishing he didn't because she was enjoying the view. The new toned Ezra was definitely fun to look at. Marta loved running her fingers over the grooves of his muscles. She smirked to herself when he sat up and she saw scratches down his back from her nails. They definitely got more intense than Marta ever imagined. Growing up, Marta always imagined her first time to be this innocent, gentle moment, but her and Ezra let their primal instincts kick it. They did what felt right. Just thinking about it made Marta almost reach up and pull Ezra down for another go, but she knew they couldn't right then.

Letting out a sign, Marta finally sat up, suddenly feeling a bit of a chill. There was a cool breeze and as it passed over her naked body, she was suddenly very aware of her nudity. She watched Ezra go relieve himself behind a tree, while Marta put back on her undergarments and pants. She was buttoning up her shirt when Ezra came back over. When he spoke, saying he hoped he was good, Marta smiled. She walked over, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. She pulled back, "Ezra it was perfect. I couldn't imagine it any better. You made me feel so... alive." Her eyes shown as she looked into his. She knew that once they left their little secluded area, reality would come flooding back in and she wished they could avoid it for a bit longer.

But suddenly she heard Isiah calling out, saying they needed to return. Sighing, Amelia checked her clothes once more, and reached up to adjust her hair. She agreed with Ezra that keeping this a secret was important. It would be tempting to talk to Atalia about it, but she knew she couldn't say anything. They left their little hidden spot, hand in hand, and made their way back to their friends. As they approached, Atalia raised her eyebrows. She sensed right away there was a change in both her friends, Ezra more so.

Without a word, they made their way back up to the cottage. As they approached, Marta saw Jeremiah standing on the porch speaking with Mrs. H. And just like that, her perfect moment was shattered. She unintentionally slowed her walk, she knew once they were back, Ezra would be leaving her again. She wasn't ready, she couldn't let Ezra leave, not now, not after what they just shared. Isiah and Atalia continued ahead, but Marta's feet stopped moving. When Ezra turned to her, she looked up, tears welling up in her eyes. "I...what's going to happen?" she asked, her voice shaking.

[arockysmith]

Ezra stopped himself from walking further, turning to Marta with a smile to let her know that everything would be okay. In truth he wasn't sure what would happen. All he knew was that he wasn't going back the same person he'd been and it would cause some issues with the men, including Jeremiah. He brought his hands up and cupped her face placing a kiss gently on her forehead.

"My love you don't have to worry. I will keep up with my tasks and I will hold onto you in my heart and the moment we just shared. I will not be an animal anymore. I will keep myself together. Isiah will help," he said pulling her into a tight hug. "I won't turn into that person again....I promise to fight for us without resorting to violence first."

He could feel Jeremiah's eyes glaring into him trying to reach her. He was furious at Marta for breaking his weapon, but he would hold his anger in until the returned. "Ezra, we will eat and then leave. I expect you to hold up to your training and to deny the food, same with you Isiah," Jeremiah called before turning his back on them and going back into the cottage.

Ezra only nodded, not letting Marta see the rage that continued to burn inside his eyes. He would do his best to keep his words true, but it would test his limits.