[OOC] Walking Dead - Miami, Florida

[Tearstone]

Yes, there are trees on the inside of the fence, maybe a couple along the perimeter. There -are- cameras, but non-functional without power.

[MouseKing]

What's the distance between the exterior stone fence and the regular wire fence?

[CallaLily180]

Super sorry it is taking so long! I am adding a lot of things to it so yeah.

[Tearstone]

10 feet. It varies a little here and there by some inches, but overall... 10'. It's a decent sized walkway.

[CallaLily180]

Tearstone, since you are so well developed I would love to know your opinion on my first post. It is only my fourth casual post so I know it isn't that good.

[Tearstone]

Well, Calla. I'm part way through this post of yours. We're writing in typical story format, in third person limited, rather than first person/first person omniscient.

Since clearly you, yourself, have not been in a zombie apocalypse, nor are ever likely to be.I would say "when did -you- do all this?" but I'll be nice. There's some grammatical or spelling errors in a few places but no big deal. I would also like to point out that this is well. Casual. It's more than just a waterslide, but not all the way to Sea World. A paragraph or two is acceptable, more is usually good, usually somewhere around 3 to 5, so don't be concerned with trying to hit the RP Guild's typed character limit per post, each time you post. The overall length is probably more appropriate to Advanced, which is great. I would say that with the few things I find wrong, this is probably High-Casual, which is an unofficial designation here.

Overall, so far what I have read is pretty decent. I'm planning on finishing it here shortly. I wanted to give my first impressions though before I finished it.

---

On a side note: If this character is merely a well-trained lawyer (per your character sheet).. Why fly for a murder case? Typically lawyers work under their local District Attorney and rarely take cases far enough away to fly. Among the logistical problems involved, there's also the problems with being able to review evidence and build a defense, and or interview witnesses, much less prison visitations (for clients unable to make bail) and there's usually a hearing, and a trial may go on for long periods. Also contrary to what Law & Order would have most people believe, most lawyers or attorneys are working several cases at once, sometimes a dozen or more., which is another reason they tend to stick to their local area. That and if you don't have to track the laws of a dozen different states, counties, and districts, it gets easier. Also, every state, every single state, has their own Bar exam.It's not the same from state to state. When you are being tried for a crime, you are generally tried in the state the crime was committed in. If you murder someone in California and were caught in New York, generally they will put you on a plane or a bus and send you back to Cali.

She must really like to smoke, a lot. You reference it a lot.

I do have a question about the camping/hunting trip - Did they get jumped on the way out, or on the way home? And how close to town were they?

---

[Tearstone]

So yeah, only two general questions... Wrong writing POV.. that's about it. Now, I know things will get shorter as we go along, so I'm not griping about the length, just telling you how it is as far as it's been written. Length is good and encouraged. The more people have to work with, often gets better results.

As a note to others: Only the length is advanced.

[CallaLily180]

Tearstone said
We're writing in typical story format, in third person limited, rather than first person/first person omniscient.

Since clearly you, yourself, have not been in a zombie apocalypse, nor are ever likely to be.I would say "when did -you- do all this?" but I'll be nice.

There's some grammatical or spelling errors in a few places but no big deal.

A paragraph or two is acceptable, more is usually good, usually somewhere around 3 to 5, so don't be concerned with trying to hit the RP Guild's typed character limit per post, each time you post.

The overall length is probably more appropriate to Advanced, which is great. I would say that with the few things I find wrong, this is probably High-Casual, which is an unofficial designation here.

If this character is merely a well-trained lawyer (per your character sheet).. Why fly for a murder case?

She must really like to smoke, a lot. You reference it a lot.

I do have a question about the camping/hunting trip - Did they get jumped on the way out, or on the way home? And how close to town were they?---

To answer your questions in order;

1. These are all memories. That is why I wrote them in first person.

2. Not sure what exactly you mean on this one but I wrote all of the back-story to explain the trip.

3. That is one thing I should explain. English isn't my forte and I'm not a good writer.(I know right?)

4. I was wondering what the exact limit was and since I usually don't write much I wanted to have something big for good measure.

5. I did little research on this part, my fault.

6. She very much does, she is fully addicted to it.

7. They were right outside of the city. About half a mile out at most.

---

I think I will do a quick edit. I apologize.

[Tearstone]

CallaLily180 said
To answer your questions in order;1. These are all memories. That is why I wrote them in first person.2. Not sure what exactly you mean on this one but I wrote all of the back-story to explain the trip.3. That is one thing I should explain. English isn't my forte and I'm not a good writer.(I know right?)4. I was wondering what the exact limit was and since I usually don't write much I wanted to have something big for good measure.5. I did little research on this part, my fault.6. She very much does, she is fully addicted to it. 7. They were right outside of the city. About half a mile out at most. I think I will do a quick edit. I apologize.

It's alright on most of those things, I was just pointing out what I saw. Researching background is a good idea. Its not as important in Casual level as it is in Advanced. My question was mainly about how/why she was flying out for a trial in a different location. It's not impossible, just improbable. So, I was just providing my line of thinking and what I know about the legal system here in the US. I'm not saying she couldn't have gone off to work a case, just asking the how/why, in the context of what I provided.

Everybody has been writing in "memory" or flashback form, and it's still third person, which is my point. The thing is, unless your character is littarlly speaking and relaying those events, they aren't telling the story. You are telling -their- story as you witnessed it, or as it transpired. So you would say, "Maribeth nocked an arrow on her string, and pulled back on it, sighting carefully before letting it loose with a deep thung. The arrow zipped into the walker's eye and exploded out the back of it's head, dropping to the ground like a puppet with it's strings cut." Rather than "I slipped an arrow onto the bowstring and settled it into the rest, before pulling back and looking along the fiber sights at my target. I let the string slip forward launching the arrow with a deep thung from the limbs. The arrow shot forward and punched through the eye socket and out the back of the head." Same story, but the first is as though you are telling what Maribeth did, like in a movie. Rather than you, CallaLily, being the one to draw the arrow, line up the shot, and loose the shaft to kill said zombie.

Another thing is, this has all already occurred as it has been written. It's the past, it's history. It's not saying "i will do something" it is "Maribeth did something". So it's -all- memory. The story is most often told by an observer, someone who was there. Unless Maribeth herself is relaying it, and then that is going to be hard to do, as it will juxtapose the difference in writing styles.

Now, I'm not bashing on first-person writing. Some of my favorite books are written like that. For example, The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher are wonderul. I,Jedi by Michael A Stackpole is another one. There's nothing wrong as far as perspective or point of view goes, or writing in that way, but it's not something that works too well in a role-playing written format.

I'm also not saying you have to change your post or anything, but it's something to take in consideration for the next one. As is, it works decently.

[CallaLily180]

Nope, to late man. All of it hath gone.

And don't worry. Criticism is my favorite way of doing these things. It doesn't get me depressed.

[Tearstone]

aww, now I feel bad... awesome gif btw. Totally yanked.

[liah]

Are we waiting for everyone to do their first reply before we work on our second one? Because if so, it might take us a long time to get flowing with the RP itself.

[CallaLily180]

Tearstone said
aww, now I feel bad... awesome gif btw. Totally yanked.

Yanked? Gif?

I'm sorry. I don't get it.

[Tearstone]

.gif... graphic interchange format..a picture type..usually for animated pictures.



yank is a slang term for stole, borrowed, removed, pulled away, jerked back, etc

[CallaLily180]

Tearstone said
.gif... graphic interchange format..a picture type..usually for animated pictures.yank is a slang term for stole, borrowed, removed, pulled away, jerked back, etc

Thanks.

[Tearstone]

liah said
Are we waiting for everyone to do their first reply before we work on our second one? Because if so, it might take us a long time to get flowing with the RP itself.

For now, I'm going to go ahead and say post at will.

[MouseKing]

Tearstone said
So yeah, only two general questions... Wrong writing POV.. that's about it. Now, I know things will get shorter as we go along, so I'm not griping about the length, just telling you how it is as far as it's been written. Length is good and encouraged. The more people have to work with, often gets better results. As a note to others: Only the length is advanced.

Posts will probably get shorter when we start interacting with each others characters. Its very hard to write a longer sequence of events as all the introductory posts are, when you have to include the responses of characters especially in a shorter, or more tenuous situation, eg. a fight between walkers or another group of survivors.I know that for myself it will probably be hard to constantly write 2-3 word page documents asa post once the group of 6-7 people are all interacting at the prison.

[Svenn]

bleh

[liah]

Ok cool, because we started a few days ago and there are only seven replies. A load of people joined and they haven't done anything yet. So I was just wondering. I'll go ahead and do my second reply then... If that's still cool

[Tearstone]

MouseKing said
Posts will probably get shorter when we start interacting with each others characters. Its very hard to write a longer sequence of events as all the introductory posts are, when you have to include the responses of characters especially in a shorter, or more tenuous situation, eg. a fight between walkers or another group of survivors.I know that for myself it will probably be hard to constantly write 2-3 word page documents asa post once the group of 6-7 people are all interacting at the prison.

If you read what I said later, I do expect post lengths to shorten up. I am well aware that intro/beginning posts usually have to cover long periods of time.

liah said
Ok cool, because we started a few days ago and there are only seven replies. A load of people joined and they haven't done anything yet. So I was just wondering. I'll go ahead and do my second reply then... If that's still cool

I think it's cool.