GAME: Crush A Wish

[ZeroL]

You are crushed by 100,000,000 legal and rightful pennies, that only cause death after they are granted.

I wish that this wish would turn out well for me.

[stardust]

Granted. But it happens to someone else instead.

I wish I had a cookie.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted. It's oatmeal raisin. Healthy!

I wish for a chocolate chip cookie.

[Foster]

Granted. It is burnt to a charcoal cinder-block.

Wishes for less wishes to grant

[Vesuvius00]

granted. your wish has been deleted and therefore un-granted as well. One less is still less!

I wish for a perfectly baked chocolate chip cookie.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted. "I hope you like my cookies, they were made just for you
With a little bit of sugar and lots of poison too"

I wish for acid to no longer rain from the skies of Venus, without simply being transported somewhere else.

[stardust]

Granted. Instead of acid, it now rains mustard on Venus. Hotdogs, anyone?

I wish I never got sick ever again.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted. Unfortunately, getting a limb chopped off in a freak vending machine accident isn't an illness, so that still happens the next time you go to the store.

I wish for a non-poisonous, perfectly baked, chocolate chip cookie. Or a baked potato that is also non-poisonous and perfectly baked.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted. The planning phase started three years ago, required more flour and sugar than was currently on the planet, and will plunge you miles deep in diabetus if you manage to eat it all, but your specially requested 10 ton cookie is finally complete., delivered straight to your doorstep. Bon appetite.

I wish for plants to, at death, instantly transmute into their mass in sugar cubes.

[stardust]

Granted. Unfortunately, getting a limb chopped off in a freak vending machine accident isn't an illness, so that still happens the next time you go to the store.

I wish for a non-poisonous, perfectly baked, chocolate chip cookie. Or a baked potato that is also non-poisonous and perfectly baked.

@Vesuvius00

LMFAO

I can get limbs reattached, right?

@IntPenDespSword Granted. Unfortunately, you also get diabetes, swell up and die.

I wish I was at home.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted, but your home is now the only place you can ever be till the day you die. You can no longer leave in order to go to work, pay bills, buy food, or interact with other living people. As a result, you soon loose your job, and the lack of human contact slowly drives you insane.

also, yeah I guess you can get your limbs sewed back on, but if you do you'll get sick again.

I wish for $1.

[stardust]

That doesn't sound so bad, actually...

Granted. But it's a Russian Ruble, and therefore unusable in your day to day life.

I wish I could sing.

[TwelveOf8]

First you enter your countries idol singing competition. You then blow the judges away with your amazing singing ability. You even impress your countries answer to Simon Cowell. You make it all the way to the finals. The whole nation is watching. It's just you vs your arch rival, the Asian guy with the bowl haircut who sings like Whitney Houston. All of a sudden, the votes come streaming in. Congratulations! A winner is you!

Record deals with Sony entertainment come flooding in. Your latest music video with The Weeknd featuring Justin Bieber and Diplo tops the charts. All of a sudden, all the pop sensations want to collaborate with you. Sensations such as Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande, Zayne Malik etc. You are the hottest thing of the particular year in which these events take place. Your Facebook and Twitter pages become some of the most popular in the history of those respective sites. But then it happens.

"This just in! Is stardust a neo-nazi? Her shocking tweet the pop superstar made last night has gone viral. Many celebrities have taken to the twitterverse to proclaim their disgust at stardusts rather controversial political views.

Beyoncé has even gone so far as to say that never has she been more disappointed with a fellow celebrity. Taylor Swift has also made her displeasure known by calling stardust a "backwards spoiled diva" and just plain "uncool".

All of stardusts sponsors have pulled their support. Stardusts record contract has even be rescinded by Sony Music. "She'll never work in this town again!" said the Sony ceo.

More at 10 on E news."

The tweet you made was perfectly innocent. "I do not support #blacklivesmatter. They call for the killing of police. I think that is wrong." But these days, everything is taken way out of proportion. Journalistic integrity is dead.

You spiral into a vortex of depression and hard drugs. You're found dead a week later. It's been found that you OD'd on a mixture of cocaine and heroin. A nice funeral is held for you but your family would be too busy having fun with the fortune you left behind to ever truly mourn you. The end.

I wish I had the body of a superhero.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, you no longer exist in the physical, measurable universe as neither do the superhero you got the body of.

It was that of Robin, by the way.

I wish for absolutely every living organism of the species Homo Sapiens inhabiting the planet known to said species as "Earth", located in orbit around a medium-sized star with seven other planets and three dwarf planets, to receive the ability to think completely rationally and free of bias, only under the influence of emotion if the matter at hand is sufficiently simple.

[stardust]

Granted. But because what you seek is impossible, it violates causality; a tear forms in the spacetime continuum and swallows the solar system whole.

I wish I could travel the stars, find life more intelligent than ours and form a meaningful, intellectual, PEACEFUL dialogue with them.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, you now can use stars as a mode of transportation. They aren't really fast, nor comfortable.

Ok, intelligent alien life. After years of travelling, you come across a barren planet, mechanized by an AGI. Thankfully for you, it has no intention using the atoms in your bodies or on Earth, but it only wants to talk about the societal impacts of r/dankmemes. It has a great understanding of human society, and stays rational and on topic. Sure, knowing the societal impacts of r/dankmemes doesn't help humanity much, but it's some content.

Also expansion of the universe happens

I wish for a single artificial general intelligence to be made on Earth, with its only goal in mind being to increase the ratio of pleasure to suffering, all largely according to each person's individual values, while ending as few lives as possible, not visibly altering human biology into unrecognizability, and keeping the overall society comparable to its current state.

[TwelveOf8]

You have effectively brought about the technological singularity. Such an event has marked a new era for mankind. No longer would people be violently and cruelly oppressed. With the cessation of the last violent conflict on Earth, world peace would finally be declared. For the first time in human history, mankind has achieved true freedom. Truly, with humanity united as one, we eagerly develop further our space faring technology in order to extend our reach to the stars. But then it happens.

The world is too perfect. The matrix cannot sustain a perfect world, so the system reboots. The simulation used by the machines now resembles the world as it was in the year 1999. Every so often the matrix needs to reboot, so as to refresh the simulation. This is done to perpetuate the matrix.

For such a task, a being known as "the one" would be randomly chosen by the system. This person, alongside like eleven other people, would be all that would be allowed to remain of Zion (the last free human city). This would be after the machines have finished destroying it, along with most of its inhabitants. The being known as "the one" would then rebuild Zion with the other survivors in order to restart the Matrix.

Some people would be able to escape the matrix for various reasons. But what awaits them is a world filled with evil laser firing tentacle robots and super fast, super strong special agents who try to murder them at all times. Have fun.

I wish I had a Hogwarts acceptance letter sent to me as a kid.

[Vesuvius00]

granted. It was a prank however, as you soon found out when you went to Hogwarts and the sorting hat told you that the house you belonged in was your house, with your parents. The entire school erupted with laughter and your memories of the event were wiped before Dumbledore had you sent back home.

I wish I could time travel to any time period I wished without any of my actions actually changing anything. For example, I could go kill Hitler and it not change a thing because the history we all know is now set in stone.

[stardust]

Granted. But as nothing you do has any meaning or impact, you fall into a deep depression and commit suicide shortly thereafter.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[DepressedSoviet]

Granted, however the knowledge of knowing that this perfect wish will be corrupted no matter what you do drives you insane, and you spend the rest of your life in a mental hospital, completely catatonic.

I wish to be the world's greatest poker player.