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8 yrs ago
Current Off Hiatus?
9 yrs ago
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9 yrs ago
"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
10 yrs ago
RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
5 likes
10 yrs ago
The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
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Bio

Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

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After almost forty years, Ezra still took the same spot at the dining room table: the one at the bottom left hand corner of the table. What the other Vanburens didn’t know was that this was the primo seat in the room. Not only did it offer a quick escape through the service entrance or main door, it also provided a nice view of the fireplace and the large bay windows to stare at whenever there was a lull in the conversation or James started up one of his long-winded toasts. However, the key reason why Ezra had chosen that spot for his entire life was because it was the furthest he could get from where his father typically sat without having to look across the table at him for the entire evening. Some might have expected him to move up to James spot like a cousin at a large family Thanksgiving finally getting to move from the card table to an actual table after someone’s aunt died, but he didn’t want the chair. It was far too emblematic.

The fire was getting low. Perhaps he could shrink father’s seat and use it for kindling? Ezra tilted his head and smirked at the thought. Trisha might’ve been able to pull something like that off, but something destructive like that was a bit too dramatic for the man. Guess he’d have to take care of the fire the old fashion way. With a soft groan Ezra stood, smoothed out his sweater, grabbed his mug, and sauntered over to the grand fireplace. He moved the logs around with the poker and the flames regained a bit of spirit, cackling in gratitude as Ezra leaned an elbow against the mantle and observed the room. His chair might’ve been the best seat in the room, but right here was the perfect spot. It offered warmth, something that he almost never felt when surrounded by his family, and a way to immediately end any unwanted conversation by immolating himself by jumping into the fire. It was perfect.

The sound of the fire was soon the only sound in the room. It would’ve been peaceful if Ezra didn’t feel the weight of about a dozen or so eyes staring at him as if he’d been the one to call this emergency family meeting. Instead of enjoying the calm, Ezra spent the time actively looking bored, occasionally poking the fire, and not pulling out his phone because the moment he pulled out his phone he’d immediately be sucked into work. He had mistakenly set it to vibrate only instead of just turning the thing off, and every few minutes he felt his pocket buzz. Ezra didn’t have to look at the pile up of missed messages to know that there was currently a fire somewhere else in Araminta and he was the one expected to put it out.

Ezra took a sip of his mug. Somebody coughed into their hand. A log popped in the fireplace. An ocelot purred. Finally, Oscar walked to the vacant spot at the head of the table, cleared his throat, and began. Ezra watched his younger brother with intent, although his eyes kept drifting over to the ocelot sitting in Sabrina’s lap. He didn’t remember which one of his siblings had twisted James' arm into getting them an exotic animal instead of something normal like a dog, but he could’ve sworn he’d donated that damn animal to the local zoo already. Had he forgotten to finalize the deal or had one of the others swooped in to stop the pickup? Either way, it was another task for the list.

“Supernatural experts?” muttered Ezra under his breath. He cocked an eyebrow, folded his arms over his chest, and stared his brother down as Oscar continued. Everyone, Ezra included, always said Oscar was the smartest one in the family, but that didn’t mean he was exempt from stupid ideas. Ezra highly doubted that anyone who called themselves supernatural experts were experts in anything but BS. Besides, this little curse of theirs was something Ezra thought was best kept within the family. They should be blathering about it to some weirdos who saw a couple episodes of Ghost Adventures and decided to emulate it. Ezra appreciated Oscar taking the initiative, but it would’ve been nice if the kid had come to him for some consultation before inviting what he imagined would be a couple of part-time Hot Topic employees into their house. Not to mention that Ezra had a feeling like he’d be the one to front the bill. He doubted that his siblings realized how expensive their silly whims ended up being.

"They should already be here, right about now..."

“Hold up. What?” asked Ezra, standing up from off of the wall. Anyone else would’ve betrayed their inner feelings at this point, but Ezra was a cool cucumber. For all the others knew he’d probably misheard Oscar instead of being upset. Ezra was about to dissuade his brother to call the whole thing off when Justin and Tuyen entered the room. He sunk back against the wall and gave the intruders a lookover. They weren’t the most professionally dressed and their all black everything getup made him inwardly laugh, but they weren’t as dumpy looking as he had anticipated.

Nor were they as old. Oh God, had Oscar hired highschoolers? Ezra felt something sink in the pit of his stomach. How much ridicule would the family face if word got out that they were now financing a couple that looked like they could’ve been cast in a Disney Channel original? The freshman girl asked for the bathroom. Perhaps she thought she needed a hall pass. Thankfully, there was a teacher present. Ezra turned to the girl and offered her tired, closed-mouth smile, as he gestured over towards Arabelle.

“It’s a big house. Arabelle will show you the way,” said Ezra. Despite his endless exhaustion his voice was as velvety smooth as ever, yet it still managed to sound almost dismissive. He shot Arabelle a look that said watch her. Ezra wasn’t about to allow a stranger walk around their house unsupervised after the break-in a few weeks ago.

"I guess while she's gone, you all can explain to me what happened and anything you might know,” said Justin.

“Perhaps you would like some introductions first? Ezra Vanburen,” said Ezra, offering Justin a firm handshake before leading him towards a chair. As he did he listed off the names of the people in the room and gestured towards them, ending with the one who had called the meeting in the first place. “...and obviously you already know Oscar. Now, I imagine he has already given you some of the details, but in case it his slipped his mind I suppose I can fill you in.” Ezra took his post back by the fireplace. “The short version of it is that my entire family is experiencing an extreme case of carpal tunnel, or perhaps a collective delusion, the moment they set foot outside of this town. Cursed, if you believe in that sort of thing.”

“And the long version will have to wait until you can prove this supernatural expertise of yours. While I trust Oscar, he can be a bit excitable when it comes to certain things. I believe my other siblings would feel more at ease if you can show us that you are what you say you are before we continue,”
said Ezra. The thin smile on his face disappeared as he stared Justin down and looked for any signs of dishonesty.






The Coven was fleeing again, only this time Penny couldn’t blame them. Everything they threw at Annabelle did next to nothing against her healing factor. Even her coins were ejected too quickly from Annabelle’s body before Penny had a chance to manipulate them to shred through her innards. There were enough of them to keep Annabelle busy regenerating instead of fighting, but how long until one of the Coven or herself exhausted their abstraction? Penny began moving to join the other girls in a retreat, but held back just a bit to make sure that everyone got away before Annabelle started her onslaught again.

Lyss shouted something about a person on the roof, but after Mariah’s fiery cocktail all Penny saw was sparks and embers as the beach house caught flame with the abomination. Only after Madison grabbed Lyss and flew away did Penny take off, blasting a few more coins towards Annabelle’s burning body before she skirted around the side of the burning house. She barely made it to the small, sandy frontyard as an eruption shook the ground and the house crumbled in on itself.

Penny turned and gasped as the massive form of Annabelle emerged from the burning rubble, her burnt, gangly body fused with a screaming mass of corpses, and whipped her tail at Madison’s car. The attack was so quick that Penny almost missed it. The vehicle was effortlessly skewered, but better the car than a person. Penny activated her abstraction to allow herself to see Annabelle’s next strike and tensed as the wavy image of the monster’s claws began to move. No strike came as Annabelle grabbed her stomach, doubled over, and began...was that laughter? It was an absolutely awful sound.

Penny dropped her abstraction as the DENS agents arrived and called for everyone to leave. Penny turned to run off with the other girls but then stopped, twisting her hand into a fist as she bit her lip. Goddamn it, this might turn out to be the stupidest decision in what could possibly be a very short life, but she couldn’t leave until she was certain Annabelle was taken out. Penny spun on her heels, reactivated her abstraction in case Annabelle broke free of whatever charm Trevor had cast on her, and ran over towards Meifeng. She stopped next to the woman and braced herself for whatever came next, holding a tiny salvo of coins that swarmed around her wrist for the moment Trevor lost hold of the monster.

“Y’all are part of the group that raided the Dollhouse, right?” said Penny, saving her own introductions for when they weren’t fighting a mutating mass of murder victims. She scanned the area for Emily or Herik but saw no sign of them amongst all of the chaos. “Look, she’s gonna be unstoppable until we hit her with a cure. If you don’t have one then the bitchy brown haired girl and the Thor stunt double do—wherever they are.” Penny felt bad for the Coven members with cursed family, but if Annabelle wasn’t stopped their cures wouldn’t matter anyway. “Either way, I can help.”





Here, have a couple of dorks.





@The Ghost NoteSo are we gonna get a big happy family tree once we (read: slow bastards like me) get more characters up?

Also, how big do you plan on having the Vanburen family be? We gonna fill the line up with a big, meaty cast of expendable siblings and spouses?
I'll see if anyone else bites then I will throw the ooc up.


Well now you're gonna have to do it.






It had been an unfruitful couple of weeks for Penny. With Rowan and Kimberly spirited away to some government blacksite, it was left to her to continue the task of tracking Annabelle. Penny soon realized it was something for which she had no talent. Throw Annabelle at her face and she’d be ready to go for as long as her body would hold together, but actually finding her proved to be a mountain of a challenge. Penny imagined an unstoppable killing machine that turned people into flesh-eating monsters wouldn’t be so hard to find—just follow the piles of corpses and go—but there wasn’t even a drop of blood as far as she could tell. Either the attacks were kept from the news, perhaps buried beneath the exploits of Florida-Man, or Annabelle was in hiding. By the end of the two weeks, Penny had accomplished little more than clean up the room that the DENS had trashed and convince the Coven to let her use it for the time being.

At the very least, the DENS agents had taken care of the Dollhouse mess. The last thing Penny needed was a throng of angry apparitions hunting after her while she played detective. Still, it didn’t forgive them for booking Kimberly. A larger part of the reason why she even bothered to hang near the Coven was to hopefully get a lead on where they were keeping her friend. Orchestrating a full on jailbreak fell under the category of “even too stupid for Penny”, but if she could somehow get a picture to the girl? The exact plan never formulated, largely because she couldn’t find one that didn’t end up with her getting unpersoned also.

These frustrations stewed in the back of Penny’s mind as she leaned against the railing of the deck and observed the Coven meeting, wide-brim hat blocking out the beating sun while an ignored cigarette threatened to jump from her fingers. For a second the cigarette did free itself and began its free fall to the poolside below, but in a blink of an eye the sigil between Penny’s collarbones flashed and the cigarette’s attempt was thwarted as it reversed back into her hand.

She took a drag and glared at Emily as she spoke up when Lyss said there would only be two cures available. It was unsurprising that Emily would want one of them, although Penny’s stare softened and she felt a slight tinge of guilt as Emily explained why she needed one of them. Suddenly, Emily’s fuck-you attitude seemed, whle perhaps not necessarily justifiable, familiar. Penny knew the pains of losing a sibling. Meanwhile, the big guy, Herik, had nearly lost his mom. Penny sighed. She should probably call hers. When was the last time they had talked?

Nobody seemed to fight against the vote, which came to Penny as a surprise, although the girl who had given up her cure looked dejected. Penny didn’t know what her deal was, but it must’ve not been anything major. With all of that figured out, Madison brought up something that Penny was actually interested in: Annabelle. She smashed her cigarette out against the railing and straightened herself up, arms folded over her flowery sundress.

“Yeah, so about that: I’ve been trying to pick up her trail this entire time and there has just been nothing, like, literally nothing,” said Penny, a hint of exasperation at her failure to locate the abomination breaking through. As she spoke, a phone began to ring. “I don’t know if the Forgiven have managed to pull off some media blackout or if we got lucky and she bit it or if—” Penny interrupted her own thought with an annoyed groan as she shot a look towards Lyss. “Dude, just answer it!”






Penny smirked as Emily began to freak out over this Babylon person, although admittedly Penny was in the dark on who the hell was Babylon and why they deserved any sort of excited response. Madison floated the idea of it potentially being someone else. Penny tilted her head. The only other person she knew of with any sort of borderline interest would have been Saul, and that man, despite his denial, would want Annabelle dealt with more than anybody else in the world. At least that was what Penny had originally thought, but the dude did lead a cult and any good cult needed a doomsday prophecy. Annabelle was that for the Forgiven—end of the world type shit.

Fuck,” said Penny, throwing her head back. She’d assumed Saul played dumb about Annabelle because he didn’t want to admit her existence. What if he’d wanted to protect her? She couldn’t decide if her theory was completely stupid or just stupid enough that it might be the truth. She didn’t have a chance to voice it as a swarm of insects buzzed overhead. Penny snapped her head over to the lamppost and spiraled a ring of coins around her hand, in the process shouting out one loud, “Fuck!” as a Dollhouse croney appeared.

Penny’s eyes narrowed as Johnny appeared as well, but she held her hand and heard them out—clamping a hand tightly over her mouth as she snorted at his suggestion of them making an alliance. Fucking christ, the dude sees one deal go south and he’s ready to stab the entire organization in the back? Yeah, no way teaming up with a creep like that could ever possibly backfire. Fortunately, she wasn’t in the Coven. She didn’t have to go along with their choice, whichever one they picked—but it seemed like the girls were leaning towards the sensible option.

Penny shook her head in denial as Johnny listed off Kimberly’s sins. It had to be utter bullshit. He revealed to them that the girl with shitty dreads was none other than Sharon. Penny bite back her lip as the idiot girl she’d executed had the gull to wave at her. She returned Sharon’s greeting with a disgusted huff but resisted the urge to strike. However, the look of malice softened as Penny recalled her conversations with Odessa. A look of guilt crossed her face as Penny lowered her head.

She fell deaf to the rest of the conversation, tuning back in as it seemed like the Coven had made its decision to not work with the Dollhouse rejects to stage a coup. Penny watched as the DENS booked Johnny and Sharon before she turned to join Madison in her car, taking the spot that once would’ve belonged to Claudette. Penny paused before entering the vehicle, told Madison to hold on, and marched over to Sharon as she was being escorted by the agents into the back of their black car. Penny called out to the agents to stop and held her hands up, showing that she meant no harm, and gave Sharon a soft smile.

“Hey, I want you to know that I forgive you. Don’t fuck up your second chance more than you already have. I’m pretty sure this is the last one you get,” she said, with a hint of genuine concern lingering at the back of her strained voice. Penny quickly turned, not wanting to hear what Sharon had to say, and walked away. However, she stopped after a few feet, looked over her shoulder, and with a wrinkle of her nose added, “You should really do something about your hair.”

With that, Penny hopped into Madison’s car.







Vashti was lucky. She was lucky because Cindy didn’t lock her up alongside Kimberly. She was lucky because Meifeng didn’t let her grudge about the truck stop her from taking the girl to the hospital, although a part of her felt like the only reason she’d been kept alive was so she could cash in on that debt at some point. She was lucky that her wounds had healed quicker than anticipated. She was lucky because despite Kimberly fucking things up (and it was Kimberly, probably), the DENS agents in Miami had managed to get their hands on a few cures when they had hunted down the Dollhouse.

Actually, that last part hadn’t just been pure luck: if not for Vashti, DENS wouldn’t have known that the Coven was dealing with the Dollhouse. Claudette was dead, which Vashti felt more of a weird tinge of guilty relief about than anything else, but nobody else had died thanks to the girl narcing the group out. Vashti hoped the Coven would recognize that she’d tried helping them, as little as she could do, but as she kicked water at the edge of the pool she couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Her jacket and her headscarf sat folded on a deckchair, holding a seat as far away from Madison as possible. Vashti lifted her head as Lyss joined the group.

"To put it plainly, there are only two potions to give today…”

“Huh?”

Vashti felt her heartbeat quicken. She closed her eyes and gripped her chipped nails against the siding of the pool. Slowly, she counted backwards from ten. It’d be okay. They’d recognize that she deserved one for sending backup their way in Miami and then she’d be cured and then she’d no longer have to deal with this merry band of jerkasses. She opened her eyes and heard Emily start roaring with laughter. Vashti shot her a look. This was not funny. Okay, maybe it was a little funny. Of course this is the way things would be. Soon, Vashti heard her own laugh. The sound was almost foreign. She stopped laughing as Emily started to talk.

"I'm gonna be nice here and inform people of a few things; my sister is dying. Herik's mother is also dying. The other person with a curse just throws a magical temper tantrum," said Emily.

“Wait…” Magical temper tantrums? Every time the Leviathan attacked she nearly got herself killed. Every time the Leviathan attacked it nearly killed somebody else, too. Son of a bitch, Vashti was pretty sure she’d eaten a motherfucker. She needed it more than the others. She deserved it more than the others. The only reason they had any cures was because of her. The Coven would’ve came back empty handed if at all otherwise. “Emily!”

"I'm sorry Vashti, but it's the truth. We can get you another cure."

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. This was some sick fucking joke. Vashti scrambled up from her poolside seat and turned towards Emily, a verbal beatdown held fast on the tip of her tongue, ready to unleash a flurry of blows. Vashti sharply inhaled and said, “Okay.”

Okay? No, no, no, not okay. The word had come out in Vashti’s voice, but it hadn’t been what she wanted to say. She wanted to call Emily out for being the world’s biggest fucking bitch. Vashti wanted to let her know that being dead would’ve be better than being related to Emily. She wanted to let Herik know that his mom was old and had a good run and might not even really be cursed in the first place so why waste a potion on her when Vashti clearly deserved it more? She wanted to yell at them for failing to have her back, as if promises made at a Red Lobster meant nothing. No, no, no, this was unfair. This was so unfair.

“It’s okay, Emily. You’re right. They need it more than me. I’ll manage,” said Vashti.

Her words came out slow and strained, the Leviathan forcing her will over Vashti to deny the girl of a cure. Perhaps the Coven would think that Vashti had taken Madison’s words about her selfishness to heart, unaware that she was internally screaming herself ragged. The Leviathan forced Vashti to smile an unnatural smile at Emily, as if two spectral fingers had pushed the corner of her lips up for her. She turned and walked towards her deckchair in a near catatonic state, sat down on the edge of it, and stared at the ground in horror.






Penny’s eyes narrowed as Emily insulted her, the vaguest hint of a smile curling on the corner of her lips as the Coven’s resident asshole insinuated that Penny would be stupid enough to smart a fight. She was cocky, not suicidal. But, if there was a fight, Penny knew for certain that while she might lose, it would be a pyrrhic victory for the Coven. Her attention turned to Helena. She shook her head as the DENS agent refused to play ball. Penny was tempted to send a warning text to Kimberly, but with Emily watching her she doubted she’d be able to pull out her phone without it being considered an open act of hostility.

"ENOUGH!"

Madison yelled at the group, unleashing the trio of dinosaur skulls around herself as she stepped in to defend Kimberly. Penny was mildly surprised until she remembered that Madison had been the one to contact their mutual friend in the first place. She smiled wryly and folded her arms as Madison called them all, Penny included, dumb. She wasn’t wrong. Of course Penny had thought there was something strange about the way Kimberly had acted, but she had been too pissed off to take a moment and piece together the evidence. It didn’t help that her head was still throbbing with a mild migraine.

Still, she felt like an idiot for not considering that it hadn’t even been Kimberly in the first place. Penny had been too focused on trying to come up with a justification for why Kimberly would do something like that when she should’ve just realized that there was no way Kimberly would’ve done something like that. Kimberly was too obsessed with Annabelle to ruin a chance to get a method of dealing with her. Even if she wanted the Dollhouse dead, she would’ve gone after them after they had taken care of Annabelle. Likewise, she would probably know that the Dollhouse was chock-full of apparitions. She didn’t even try to seal a single one of them. She didn’t even stand and fight with them. None of it made sense if it was actually Kimberly; a kind of doppelganger, as outlandish as it was, seemed less farfetched.

“You’re, like, totally right. Thank you, Madison,” said Penny. “Look, Kimberly gains nothing from pitting the Dollhouse against the Coven except for a shitload of enemies and loses her best chance at finding a cure for Annabelle. Unless she’s completely batshit insane, which she isn’t, then it had to be someone else trying to fuck us all over. Someone who either wants Annabelle to keep raging, or wants you girls to get screwed over”

“Now, I’d find it hard to imagine with the oh-so-cordial treatment I’ve been given,”
said Penny with a roll of her eyes, casting a look of scorn towards Emily and Maya. “But has your little Coven made any enemies that’d benefit from this? That one gold bitch who joined late seemed to have a bone to pick with the lot of you.”






“Oh, bullshit,” said Penny with a shake of her head as Emily dared to fabricate some story about Kimberly holding Maya up. She continued to refuse to believe it even as Maya corroborated it, although Penny was struggling to come up with a reason as to why they’d lie. At the same time, she was beginning to see plenty of reasons as to why Kimberly would want to turn a gun on them. But to actually fire it? Utter horseshit. None of this felt right, but there wasn’t time to parse through it all because the look in Maya’s eyes had turned hostile. Bring it on, then.

However, before it could be brought a wall of squawking birds emerged between the girls, their caws echoing through the parking lot and drowning out the sound of their screaming match. Penny’s eyes turned to Helena as she tried to gain some control of the situation, her lips drawing thin as the woman claimed that they would handle Kimberly. No, they would not. It didn’t matter if they were, apparently, government agents. The absurdity that a group like the Coven were even aligned with an agency was utterly baffling. Penny was about to voice her objection to this clown when Maya continued her barking.

“I don’t even know who the fuck you people are,” said Penny. Even if she were in a calmer mindset, she wouldn’t have pieced together that the Liao she knew was related to the Liao mentioned by Helena. She was going to reiterate her stance on nobody going after Kimberly, but she was too beat to take on the entire garage. Plus, the agents Helena had mentioned likely were already on the case, but did they know that they were going up against a teleporter? Kimberly probably wasn’t even in Miami anymore.

“I’d have less objections if I knew what your entire deal is,” said Penny, gesturing towards Helena as she pressed her for information. “Are Agent Liao and Keagan here or could I speak with them? Also, what will they do to Kimberly if they catch her?”
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