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Baklava Member
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@Crimson Raven Concerning Ark... There are a few changes I would recommend. Firstly, could you elaborate a little more on Ark's appearance? Most notably, are there differences to note from the picture used or does he look exactly like that? Also, what is he known to wear when he's not decked out in bright red and gold battle gear? Or is that all he ever wears and he's just not one to wear casual clothes?
With Ark's nature, it seems he has a few contradictory character traits that could use a bit more explaining. He is described as being cynical and apathetic, but also thoughtful, kind, and loyal. The very definition of the word apathetic is "showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern"-- so it doesn't make much sense. Is he kind and thoughtful on the outside, but apathetic and cynical on the inside or vice versa? As it stands now, I just feel like I don't understand what kind of person he is. I understand that he's someone with a lot of patience who tends to bottle up his feelings and that he's extremely stubborn and fearless and loves the violence of combat. Does this cause him to act aggressively with others or does he do a complete 180 when he's not dealing with enemies? Also, I would be very interested to know what kind of affect his extremely traumatic past has had on his character.
With his backstory, I might tone down the emphasis on how cold the North is. It's a fairly large country, but not a world map. I suppose you could say it's colder up there, but not anywhere close to a frozen tundra. I'm also a bit confused about what happened with the bandits that bound, blindfolded, and gagged Ark. Why would they return him to his father rather than just kill him like most bandits? Does Ark ever plan on going back for his mother?
I would also recommend clarifying where the fire came from when Ark discovered his powers during the attack as it seems like he generated a great deal of fire with the way it is now. Were the creeps setting the camp on fire and that's where it came from? Also, with the location being so close to Frel, it wouldn't make sense for that many orcs and the like to be there. Frel is located far away from Spiritus Raptor, so to see that many creeps so far away from there would be very uncommon. It would make more sense for them to be close to Vevian, Jeorvo, or Periset when the attack occurred. Also, could you add a break somewhere in the third paragraph of his biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).
There are also quite a few typos I would suggest spell checking before the deadline. Other than what's been mentioned, everything looks good, though.
With Ark's nature, it seems he has a few contradictory character traits that could use a bit more explaining. He is described as being cynical and apathetic, but also thoughtful, kind, and loyal. The very definition of the word apathetic is "showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern"-- so it doesn't make much sense. Is he kind and thoughtful on the outside, but apathetic and cynical on the inside or vice versa? As it stands now, I just feel like I don't understand what kind of person he is. I understand that he's someone with a lot of patience who tends to bottle up his feelings and that he's extremely stubborn and fearless and loves the violence of combat. Does this cause him to act aggressively with others or does he do a complete 180 when he's not dealing with enemies? Also, I would be very interested to know what kind of affect his extremely traumatic past has had on his character.
With his backstory, I might tone down the emphasis on how cold the North is. It's a fairly large country, but not a world map. I suppose you could say it's colder up there, but not anywhere close to a frozen tundra. I'm also a bit confused about what happened with the bandits that bound, blindfolded, and gagged Ark. Why would they return him to his father rather than just kill him like most bandits? Does Ark ever plan on going back for his mother?
I would also recommend clarifying where the fire came from when Ark discovered his powers during the attack as it seems like he generated a great deal of fire with the way it is now. Were the creeps setting the camp on fire and that's where it came from? Also, with the location being so close to Frel, it wouldn't make sense for that many orcs and the like to be there. Frel is located far away from Spiritus Raptor, so to see that many creeps so far away from there would be very uncommon. It would make more sense for them to be close to Vevian, Jeorvo, or Periset when the attack occurred. Also, could you add a break somewhere in the third paragraph of his biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).
There are also quite a few typos I would suggest spell checking before the deadline. Other than what's been mentioned, everything looks good, though.
@Jay Kalton That video is seriously awesome. Like damn.
@Scrapula I don't have any changes I would recommend-- it looks fine to me. You're more than welcome to make any changes to it that come to mind before the deadline, though.
@Crimson Raven Alright, thanks. I'll look over it soon.
There wasn't much I could find using Google concerning this topic, so I figured I would ask directly.
I'm trying to compile a list of fun roleplay writing games/challenges. I have no idea what the official title is for what I'm referring to or if there even is one, but surely some of you will know what I'm talking about-- interesting challenges involving characters or players (or both) that serve the purpose of either providing greater insight or simply being fun. These challenges usually take place in the OOC, from my understanding.
In the past, I've done them in the form of surveys asking for opinions on how the plot is progressing. I've also heard of a challenge where everyone writes a paragraph or two about how their character would perceive each of the other characters of the roleplay just based on appearance only.
I find that they're particularly useful during waiting periods. They keep the roleplay fresh in everyone's minds while a certain key player is on a week's leave or while waiting for the roleplay itself to begin.
I'm sure there must be other and more fun and interesting challenges/games out there, though?
Some feedback for you folks...
@Zombehs Concerning Jorak Tenumbra... We already spoke via the interest check and I can see that you added the location for Jorak's hometown on the map, so thanks for that. Nothing new to report about Jorak's CS-- looks good!
@Scrapula Concerning Leon Alabaster... He'll be able to indulge in his love for loincloths much more outside the desert (although I can't guarantee he might get strange looks if he walks around the marketplace in such attire). We already discussed this in the interest check. Thanks for making that edit.
@Undine Concerning Raine Laiken... We already spoke via the interest check. Everything looks good.
@Captain Jenno Concerning Brande Ashbell... Everything looks good except it seems that he's just recently discovered his ability and he's 24. He should have discovered it about 7 years ago. Other than that, you're golden.
@Dynamo Frokane Concerning Vessa Fairwraith... There seems to be a bit of an inconsistency in Vessa's backstory. If Vessas father raped her mother on one of the escape ships from Xavier, that would make Vessa over 50 years old (as nobody has been know to live in Xavier since the war 60 years ago). Perhaps he could have been on a ship escaping from a southern town on the south-eastern side of the mountains that was being pillaged by orcs from the Realm of Spiritus Raptor? Escaping to Inisad? Also, her powers would have awakened shortly after/the day of her 17th birthday as opposed to just before her 18th. Other than that, everything looks fine.
@McHaggis Concerning Elspeth Scout... Everything looks great. The only note I might add-- and this doesn't necessarily merit a change at all-- is that Xaviar is a largely uninhabited town and quite dangerous. If her father was a pirate and wished to venture there via boat, he would need to cross the Crimson Sea to the east. It's possible he could make it through by hugging the coast, but it would still be very dangerous.
@NightFlight Concerning Audra Hesten... We already spoke via the interest check. There's just one more edit I would recommend-- could you add a break somewhere in the first paragraph of her biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).
@Crazy Doctor Concerning Kayla Halogi... We already spoke via PM-- thanks for making the requested changes. You put her town name down as "Jeorvan" when I think you meant to put "Jeorvo". There's also just one more edit I would recommend-- could you add a break somewhere in her biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least). Other than that, everything looks good.
@Jay Kalton Concerning Aleta Stormcrest... Character sheet looks good. The only thing that's missing is her discovering her powers when she turned 17, since she's 19 she would have had them for about 2 or 3 years now.
@BubbleGumKing Concerning Adrian Murray... I won't ask you to change the character's gender. I realize it's still a work in progress-- but just to make sure-- I see that you ended on discussing his 17th birthday but there's no mention of his awakening powers. I'm sure you probably have plans to get to it, but I just wanted to make sure it's clear that including that information is a requirement. Also-- just for consistency's sake, can you please use the character sheet skeleton I created? Namely in reference to the Personality/Nature section.
@Zombehs Concerning Jorak Tenumbra... We already spoke via the interest check and I can see that you added the location for Jorak's hometown on the map, so thanks for that. Nothing new to report about Jorak's CS-- looks good!
@Scrapula Concerning Leon Alabaster... He'll be able to indulge in his love for loincloths much more outside the desert (although I can't guarantee he might get strange looks if he walks around the marketplace in such attire). We already discussed this in the interest check. Thanks for making that edit.
@Undine Concerning Raine Laiken... We already spoke via the interest check. Everything looks good.
@Captain Jenno Concerning Brande Ashbell... Everything looks good except it seems that he's just recently discovered his ability and he's 24. He should have discovered it about 7 years ago. Other than that, you're golden.
@Dynamo Frokane Concerning Vessa Fairwraith... There seems to be a bit of an inconsistency in Vessa's backstory. If Vessas father raped her mother on one of the escape ships from Xavier, that would make Vessa over 50 years old (as nobody has been know to live in Xavier since the war 60 years ago). Perhaps he could have been on a ship escaping from a southern town on the south-eastern side of the mountains that was being pillaged by orcs from the Realm of Spiritus Raptor? Escaping to Inisad? Also, her powers would have awakened shortly after/the day of her 17th birthday as opposed to just before her 18th. Other than that, everything looks fine.
@McHaggis Concerning Elspeth Scout... Everything looks great. The only note I might add-- and this doesn't necessarily merit a change at all-- is that Xaviar is a largely uninhabited town and quite dangerous. If her father was a pirate and wished to venture there via boat, he would need to cross the Crimson Sea to the east. It's possible he could make it through by hugging the coast, but it would still be very dangerous.
@NightFlight Concerning Audra Hesten... We already spoke via the interest check. There's just one more edit I would recommend-- could you add a break somewhere in the first paragraph of her biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).
@Crazy Doctor Concerning Kayla Halogi... We already spoke via PM-- thanks for making the requested changes. You put her town name down as "Jeorvan" when I think you meant to put "Jeorvo". There's also just one more edit I would recommend-- could you add a break somewhere in her biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least). Other than that, everything looks good.
@Jay Kalton Concerning Aleta Stormcrest... Character sheet looks good. The only thing that's missing is her discovering her powers when she turned 17, since she's 19 she would have had them for about 2 or 3 years now.
@BubbleGumKing Concerning Adrian Murray... I won't ask you to change the character's gender. I realize it's still a work in progress-- but just to make sure-- I see that you ended on discussing his 17th birthday but there's no mention of his awakening powers. I'm sure you probably have plans to get to it, but I just wanted to make sure it's clear that including that information is a requirement. Also-- just for consistency's sake, can you please use the character sheet skeleton I created? Namely in reference to the Personality/Nature section.
I'm a bit confused. Ariel is not allowed, but what about the Little Mermaid? I'm assuming the stories that many of the Disney movies are based off of are allowed as long as we're not using Disney's version as what we're basing it off of, right?
@Jay Kalton As Scrapula has said-- certainly not. You may absolutely apply for whatever element you wish. Please refer to Rule 1 in the rules section for applications.
Important notice! As I have now received 5 different character applications for the element of fire, I am notifying everyone in advance that I will only accept ONE more application for that position before closing it. This is on a first come first serve basis and I will not accept anyone staking a claim on the last slot without submitting a COMPLETED character sheet.
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