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9/17






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9/20




???





i want to be somewhere else

9/14





9/15













9/16




???





Emma | Marcus



𝕄: 𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟙𝟜, 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟘 / / 𝕃𝕒 ℙ𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕒, 𝕄𝕒𝕣𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕 / / 𝕋𝕠𝕨𝕟 / / ~𝟚𝟘𝟘𝟘

Collab with @Diggerton @Chasers115


Emma entered the APC wordlessly. Ernie, of course, wasn’t far behind her. It didn’t take her long to find her spot. Her spot, next to Marcus. She seemed hesitant, if only for a moment, to sit down. She gave Marcus a small nod. ”Hey.” her voice was empty.

Truth be told, she wasn’t in the mood for talking.

Marcus gave Emma a silent look as she climbed aboard the APC. There were too many thoughts of his own that fluttered inside his head, and he was thankful for anything to come along and take him out of that moment.

For making this all seem ordinary...

How far off that little talk of theirs seemed right now.

"Hey..." he replied, summoning the strength for a small, if hollow, smile. He slid over a little bit; an invitation for her to sit down next to him, to relax, to hopefully forget for just one moment how unordinary their experience had just been.

Emma accepted his invitation, this time forcing any hesitation away. Still, unlike the ride over, she allowed a little bit more distance between them. She returned his smile, with great effort.

No, that was a lie. It was easy to fake a smile. It always had been.

”So…” a small laugh came from her, forced, stilted. ”I guess, ‘how’s it going’ isn’t really an appropriate question?” she said, feeling a hint of awkwardness.

"Probably not, but I don't exactly see any better alternatives." Marcus said, returning with a single, tired laugh. It'd be a long time before any of this left his mind, but for now, maybe it was just best to follow Emma's lead and pretend like nothing had happened.

"I think our card group is gonna be a little bit short now."

Emma regarded Marcus with a slight frown. ”Yeah…” luckily for her he was ignorant towards what happened between her and Ernie. Hopefully things would stay that way, but she was doubtful that Ernie would be interested in a game of cards with her now.

”At least…” Emma gulped, feeling a twang of guilt for what she was going to say, ”Nevermind.” she said, shaking her head slightly.

At least we lived.

”I’m just glad… glad that you’re okay.”

Marcus smiled again, a little more convincing this time; a little warmer. He scooted a little bit closer to her, if only just enough to know she was there. A reassurance for himself.

'Okay' wasn't exactly the word he'd use to describe his situation, but he needed to put his brave face back on. The Marcus who's job it was to make sure that everybody else was also 'okay'.

"How are you holding up?"

Emma’s frown became a little more distinct. She found her hands squirming against each other uncomfortable in her lap. ”I…”

A gulp.

”I’m fine.”

The words were convincing enough. A small lie to ease her troubled heart. In truth, she couldn’t stop replaying what happened over and over in her head. She was convinced that she could’ve, that she should’ve done something. She blamed Ernie, but she knew that she was the coward. If she was anyone else, Savannah would still be alive

But she didn’t say that to Marcus.

Instead, she just nodded to herself, letting him scoot closer to her, scooting a little closer to him in turn. A small smile came to her lips. She was glad, at least, that she had someone else. Someone to smile at her even now, ”Yeah. I’m just glad we’re leaving.”

Marcus had said those words enough to know the true meaning behind them, but if his suspicious were raised by Emma, he didn't show it. There was no reason to push - they'd been through a lot, and it certainly wasn't like he was willing to spill his feelings on the matter.

"Yeah...I've had about enough of this place for a lifetime." Marcus said, an unusual amount of cynicism in his voice. There'd always be places like this one, but for now he was happy to put it behind him.

He let the thought hang there, as he shifted slightly with the vehicle's movement, the wheels softly crunching gravel beneath them.




At some point during the APC’s journey to the town of La Plata Emma had fallen asleep, head falling unceremoniously onto Marcus’s shoulder. Sleep would’ve been a blessing if not for the dreams. It seemed that her sleep these days wavered between the nightmares and a blissful state of dreamlessness.

The good dreams, it seemed, were far and few between.

Today she dreamed of the day USARILN had come to take her from her family. It wasn’t one she liked, but it came often. She squirmed uncomfortably against Marcus’s shoulder as the APC made its way towards their destination.

But no respite came for her.

Instead, she awoke when the door to the APC opened and a soldier announced their arrival. She gave Marcus a small glance, slowly coming to the realization that she had used his shoulder as a pillow. A small moment of hesitation before she said, "S-sorry." with a slight smile. She wasn't sure if she had to apologize, but they had only been a 'thing' for a short while, so she erred on the side of catuion.

Marcus had stayed awake; there certainly wasn't going to be much sleep for him anytime soon. As the silence had grown deeper and Emma had leaned over on him, he'd simply given her a quick look, and tried to shuffle himself into being more comfortable without waking her up.

Warning bells rang in his head as they stopped; this certainly didn't look like the school they'd been taken from. It looked quite similar to the place they'd just left, save for the fact that it seemed to be in one piece. They'd apparently stopped at a motel, if the dingy sign out front was to judge by - the other vehicle had continued onward, taking the injured students somewhere farther down the path. While Marcus tried to crane his neck to see, he stopped as he felt Emma shift, thinking he'd woken her up by accident.

When the door finally flung open, he surveyed the situation a little more. Seemed like a quick pit stop for now - a temporary housing as they made their ways back. Probably didn't want to risk travelling in the dark after the last incident. He was reminded of their first transport, and how similar it seemed now.

Marcus glanced down at Emma, now satisfied with the answers he'd come up with. He gave her a small grin as she apologized. "Oh hey sleepy-head, have a good nap?"

”Well… not exactly.” she said, looking around as she started to wake up properly. ”Where are we? This isn’t the school… did I miss something while I was asleep?” she said, starting to get up.

"Some small town, I don't think we're that far away from Wisford. My guess would be that we're just stopping for the night. Don't want to worry about getting ambushed in the dark or something." Marcus said, taking a moment to stretch. It was the best guess he had at the moment, although he'd certainly be taking the time later to find out for sure.

”Right.”

Emma hesitated once again.

”Well, I guess if we’re at a motel we should go grab rooms… or… well, if you’re not tired we can take a look around the town. Uh, only if you want to, of course!” Emma said, rubbing the back of her head.

"Well, Sleeping Beauty, I think wandering the town isn't the best idea right now. Unless you want to be torn apart by rabid journalists." Marcus said, nodding over at some of the more confident souls who prowled the perimeter.

"But if you'd like to stroll about town, we can make it a date!" he said with a grin. An odd thing to suggest after what they'd been through, but perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea.

Emma laughed, giving a small blush at the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ comment. ”Hmmm. I’ve always wanted to be on TV.” she said with a hint of sarcasm. ”And I don’t exactly mind another date. Something to take our minds off of things..?” yeah, that didn’t sound too bad to Emma.

"Well, you certainly have the face for television!" Marcus said, standing up and offering Emma a hand. It would be hard to tell what exactly there would be for them to do in this town, especially with the restrictions that would inevitably laid out for them.

It just left the slight problem of the publicity. He didn't like being the center of attention, or at least not big attention like interviewers and stuff, preferring to stick to the smaller crowds that Class Clown rewarded him with. Just this once, though, he'd make an exception.

"Choose a direction, I guess. We can walk until we find something, or get tazed! Perfect date idea!"

Emma gladly accepted Marcus’s hand. ”Right. Maybe if the cameras catch us we’ll be like Sparrow and Kadabra.” she joked. Of course, she knew that there was no way they could be as popular as the beloved Precursors. After all, they were just ordinary Subnaturals, something to be reviled by the normal.

”Let’s just hope the school doesn’t decide to taze us. Getting electrocuted on camera wouldn’t be very cute.”

It took every inch of willpower for Marcus to spoil the moment with a 'shocking interview' joke, but he managed it, replacing the pun with another warm smile to Emma. "Looking up to TV's cutest couple, huh? I guess I can live with something like that." he said, following the guard into the motel.




Marcus listened intently to the guard's speech, if only to know what he had to do to avoid being tazed in the middle of the street. It wasn't long after the man's speech ended that he flagged down the nearest guard and got the 'all-clear' for departure.

Even the braver of the reporters hadn't quite surrounded the building yet, so Marcus and Emma were free to leave unmolested. For now at least; time would only tell how long that would last.

"I don't think getting back in is going to be as easy as getting out..." Marcus quipped, turning around to see if they were being followed. "But I guess that's a problem for later."

Emma nodded. ”I guess so…” she said, taking a breath, contemplating her next words, ”Marcus… do… do you think…” her toned darkened a little. She hesitated for a moment before abruptly continuing, ”Do you think Lily’s okay? You were closer to her than I was, and she seemed pretty banged up.”

It wasn’t the question she was going to ask.

"I wouldn't call us close, exactly..." Marcus said sheepishly. They'd only even interacted during battles; the first time she almost got him blown up, and the second time he almost forced her into taking too many injuries and bleeding to death. Certainly not the kind of relationship where they'd be described as 'close'.

"I hope so, though. She transfered the injuries away, but that's a rough deal: taking everyone's injuries on herself? Not something I would have picked."

Emma couldn’t help but giggle a little. ”That’s not what I meant, ace. You were standing closer to her. But… yeah. She was really brave… what an awful power. I don’t know if I could do that.” Emma said, nodding to herself. ”I’ll have to stop by the hospital and check up on her.”

"O-oh." Marcus stammered, his face flushing a bit as he figured out the miscommunication. "Right. I knew that. She looked fine." he quickly said.

His immediately embarassment was fortunately able to cover up by the appearance of a small stop across the street. A wooden sign, which probably used to be a dark shade of blue but was now faded to a soft sky color designated the location as the 'Blue Moon Ice Cream Shack'. He stopped for a moment, pointing out the small building to Emma.

"Looks like it's open, wanna swing by and grab a cone?"

”Hmmmmmm.”

Emma, for a moment, feigned deep contemplation before a small smile crossed her lips. ”Very well, I’ll allow it.” she said, with a twinge of sarcasm, taking off towards the store.

”By the way, don’t think I didn’t notice how embarrassed you just got.” she said, a devilish smile planting itself on her face.

"You always notice things like that, how am I supposed to pretend like you didn't?" Marcus teased back, following behind her.

The shop was being tended to by one cashier in a striped uniform. He didn't look much older than the two subnaturals that had just walked in and had obviously been watching them from inside. He gulped back his fear and remained silent, allowing them to browse over the flavours on display for the moment. It was obvious that the pair weren't very welcome here.

Emma gave a wary glance to the cashier, and another wary glance to Marcus. She leaned towards him, ”I… don’t think they care too much for subnaturals here.” she whispered to the boy, feeling a tinge of red in her face. She wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or anger, suddenly conscious of the cashier’s gaze.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that feeling myself." Marcus whispered back, still checking out the different ice creams available. "You want to leave? I'm sure there's got to be somewhere around here that's a little more friendly."

Emma glanced at the cashier and then at Marcus. ”No. I want ice cream.” she whispered back, frown clear. ”The regulars can be scared of us if they want to be, we’re not going to hurt them.” she continued. She didn’t wait for Marcus’s approval before walking up to the counter, ”I’ll have a scoop of butter pecan, please.” Emma mustered all of the politeness she could, smiling, doing her best to set the boy at ease.

Marcus shrugged nonchalantly; she was right, even if they were frightened by a little smear of color across a random kid, there certainly was no reason to be. Hell, if the normal civilians here had known how much they'd just done, they should have been treated like heroes.

"Peanut butter swirl for me, please!" Marcus said, following Emma's lead and trying to look as nonthreatening as possible.

The cashier nodded wildly, his hands managing to stop shaking as he scooped the corresponding flavors from the displays. Despite the store's signs clearly showing options for varying toppings and cones, the boy said nothing and offered the two orders in the standard blue cups.

"S-six..." his voice was barely audible as he feebly asked for payment.

Emma nodded slowly. ”Six…? Six dollars?” She gave Marcus a slight glance before pulling out her wallet, retrieving her school card, and extending it towards the boy.

Marcus internally smirked at the kid's reaction. Surely they weren't that frightening? Just a couple of teenagers trying to get a scoop of icecream! Nothing weird about that at all! Sure, they had superpowers and all, but that certainly meant nothing when it came to the enjoyment of a frosty treat.

But he was getting off track.

He reached for his wallet at the same time Emma was apparently reaching for hers, displaying his card at the same moment. "Hey now, if I recall correctly, you paid last time." He turned to face the boy, still giving Emma a sideways smirk, "Here, take mine."

"School's paying for it either way, but sure, if you want to feel good about yourself." she said, putting away her wallet with a small smirk.

The cashier eyed both cards fearfully, unsure of which one to take until the X-marked girl made the choice for him. Wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible and avoid any physical contact with a subnatural, the boy practically swiped the card from Marcus. The panicked action had its consequences, however, as it slipped from his grasp and bounced off his other hand, landing right into the tub of pistachio flavor. All the color drained from the server's mortified face as the card and its USARILN East logo pointed up at him like a death sentence.

"I-I'M SORRY!" he screeched, as he fished the card from the display and rinsed it off. The transaction was soon made in record time and the card was pitched back at Marcus over the barrier.

The whole spectacle was laughable, especially as the fearful kid dropped his card directly into an open tub of ice cream, eliciting a very sarcastic "Well that can't be sanitary."

He was less humoured when his own, wet card came flying out of the booth at him, fluttering through the air to hit him directly in the face. It did no harm other than a single rivulet of water that dripped across the the bridge of his nose, but it did leave him slightly irritatted, evidenced by the singular second of scowl he gave.

He bent down to pick his card out of the dust, sighing to himself as he brushed some of the dirt off of it, giving Emma a look that amounted to 'Can you believe this guy?'.

'Timothy', if his nametag was anything to go by, continued apologising profusely. He removed the pistachio tub from the counter with the excuse of "need...c-clean" and promptly disappeared into the back of the store. It didn't seem like he was heading out any time soon.

Emma gave a small sigh, returning Marcus’s glance. ”Guess he didn’t want a tip, then.” she said, grabbing a spoon and heading for the door.

"I've got a tip for him: be nicer to your local superheroes!" he said, placing his hand to his mouth to shout the last part into the back. Grabbing his ice cream and following Emma, he left the shoppe behind him, taking small comfort in is small bowl of dessert.

Emma shook her head a little, giving him a quick glance of disapproval. ”They already hate us enough, we should avoid giving them more reason to.” her sentence was followed by a small sigh as she took a contemplative bite from her ice cream.

"What?" Marcus said incredulously, taking his own spoonful of ice cream. "I think that went very well!" This part of his statement he could not finish without chuckling a bit to himself.

"Most people wouldn't have been as restrained as I was, so I'd consider myself to have been the paramount of courtesy just now!"

Emma’s eyes widened a little, a restrained smirk planted on her face. ”Really, you call that courtesy? Kid was scared out of his mind, I don’t think you’re ‘comments’ were helping.” she said, her tone was placed between teasing and serious.

"I would have said the same thing to anybody, given the situation! Because I, unlike some people don't discriminate." He tried to hide his mischevious grin with another bite, failing miserably.

"Not my fault the kid can't take a joke!"

Emma sighed. ”All I’m saying is that your ‘jokes’ might end with a ‘Villagers marching on Frankenstein’s monster’ kinda situation. We don’t want a bunch of rioting angry normals marching on the hotel, right?”

"That's...fair." Marcus said, slightly humbled by her argument. She made a valid point; perhaps what he thought of as 'funny jokes' weren't exactly the best in a situation like this. If his interactions with Callan had taught him anything, it was that not all problems were solved with humour, as he'd originally hoped.

"I suppose you're right, I probably shouldn't trigger the everyday worker bees. You want me to go back and apologize? 'Cause I'll do it!" he said, turning around to face he building, wicked grin on his face.

Emma gave a small laugh. ”Maybe not the best idea, don’t want the poor kid to have a heart attack when you walk back in. I appreciate the attempt, though.” Emma looked down at her ice cream, taking another bite. Her smile slowly drooped into a frown, her thoughts turning away from ice cream and Marcus’s jokes.

”Hey… hey Marcus, can I ask you something…?” her tone soured a little, suddenly downcast.

Marcus's jokester attitude shifted completely at Emma's sudden tone shift, and he turned back around to walk along with her. The question, the sudden drop in the mood; he recognized the atmosphere. These kind of things weren't his home turf - he did far better with a lighter mood.

"Yeah, what's up?" he said, the slight hint of curious concern being the only betrayal to his thoughts.

Emma’s pace slowed down a little, ”It feels kind of silly. We’re acting like nothing happened, but… I can’t stop thinking… thinking about Savannah. Do you think… do you think that things could’ve gone different?” Emma’s voice was shaky. She wasn’t saying what she really wanted to say, but it was close enough. She couldn’t get the image of the girl’s twisted body out of her head.

Of all the questions she could have possibly asked, why'd it have to be that one? The one question that had been hammering his brain since the moment he saw those lifeless eyes. He felt his blood turn to ice for a brief moment; of all the people to ask, it had to be Emma, too.

"I..." What was he going to say? That he'd effectively killed an innocent young girl because of a lapse in judgement? That he'd let an abberation onto the APC, and the whole fight could have been avoided if he'd been paying attention? That Savannah, Callan's arm, Siena's injuries - none of it would have happened?

He was taking too long to reply, how long had he been standing there without an answer?

"I don't know...." he finally said, the words oozing out of his mouth like molasses. "It all happened so quickly...I honestly don't know if we could have done anything..."

Emma stopped walking.

”No… no, I don’t think that’s true. When I got the call from Brent… when he said that you were in trouble… I didn’t do anything. I just… stopped. If I had moved quicker, I think… no, I know, Savannah would still be alive.” Emma looked at him pleadingly. Her voice rung hollow. ”Why couldn’t I do anything? It’s just like the Flag game, but this time it was real… someone died because of me, Marcus.”

Marcus stopped too, although his eyes weren't as pleading as Emma's were. He looked to the ground, as if searching for an answer written on the pavement. All of the things she was saying were sticking in his chest like a dagger.

Someone died because of me

How desperately he wanted to tell her the truth, but that would mean condeming himself. Would mean standing tall and facing his problems head-on, and owning his mistakes.

He wasn't very good at accepting the blame.

"Emma, I was closer than anybody there. Trust me, I've already asked myself this question far too much." It wasn't a lie, but he certainly wasn't being forthright. "I tried as hard as you did...but that's our life now, I guess." he didn't have all the answers right now, but god did he wish he at least had one.

Emma looked down too.

”Right.”

She gave him a small pat on the shoulder, ”We can’t... I guess there’s no use worrying over what could have been.” Emma was trying to convince herself of that, not him.

”It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

Usually she was a good liar, but the words rung hollow.

"You don't have to be fine," Marcus said, smiling weakly. "But you are here, and that's the most important thing."

He punctuated his sentance by grabbing her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Even now, as he tried to make everything fall into a semblance of 'all right', the question still burned inside him, eating away like a parasite.

”Yeah… you’re right.”

This time, at least, she managed to make the words sound a little more convincing.

”It wasn’t your fault either, you know that, right?” those word were easy. It wasn’t a lie, she really believed it. ”It was just… something that happened. We can’t blame people… or blame ourselves.” she wasn’t sure if she was ready to give up her guilt, but now she thought it was something he had to hear.

If only you knew

"Yeah...I know." he said, giving her another weak smile. She didn't know; he didn't deserve her confidence, the ease at which she passed the blame off of him. But she said the things he'd been trying to convince himself of; without the abberations, none of it would have happened. Surely it was their fault and not his.

It helped a little bit.

"We should probably head back now, before Tim's mob catches up to us."
Honesty: A Tale of Two Stigmas


𝔼𝕞𝕞𝕒 | 𝔼𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕖

Collab with @banjoanjo


It didn't take long for Emma to find Ernie. Her fellow Aberration. Her teammate. Her comrade. Her would-be friend. Honestly, she wasn't sure why exactly she despised him so much. He was usually affable, usually friendly, except for those times. But she knew that she should've understood. Understood what the stigma does to you, how it makes you act. It was his stigma that made him such an asshole, wasn't it? That was the likely explanation. That was the explanation that absolved him, especially in her eyes. She should know what it's like to have that other voice creeping in the back of his head. By all accounts she should be friends with him. They'd hung out, they ate lunch together... and he was a lot like the people she knew back at home.

Maybe that was why she couldn't help but hate his guts.

Her anger amplified a thousand fold when she saw him emerge from the house completely clean, in new clothes. Was that why he ran away? To clean up? She was done trying to surpress how she felt. She glowered as she jogged towards him towards him. She wanted to do what her stigma told her to. She wanted to hurt him, but she surpressed that urge. She'd have to satisfy with letting her anger out another way. "Jesus FUCKING Christ Ernie!" her voice was shrill, anger clear. She'd had enough of today, "Did you not hear what Ethan said? Cat's Cradle is here, and you ran off to take a fucking shower? Are you trying to get left behind? Are you trying to fucking hold us up? Enough people have died today, why the hell are you going off on your own when a group of fucking sociopathic Animi could be around the corner?"

It took him longer than he liked. To release that vice grip of terror clenching his heart. To remind himself that Reno was far, far away. To remember that it was just Emma that was screeching at him, one of the farthest things from what he considered a threat at East. It took him far too long.

Ernie staggered back, a pitiful expression lining his face before he managed to compose himself. He was supposed to be more than the frightened child from years ago. His mouth opened to answer, but he struggled to compose the words. There was one question that shook him in particular.

"How many...did we lose?" Ernie murmured quietly, looking subdued.

Emma’s mouth hardened into a line. This wasn’t a question she wanted to answer. A noticeable pause passed before she said, ”Savannah… and a lot more regulars.” another pause, ”We almost lost Lawrence, but he should be stable now.”

Lawrence was fine. He wasn't even needed for that. But Savannah...

He had neither the desire nor the right to mourn, not when there was a good chance that it was his partly his fault that the APC got attacked. Another compulsion seized him, told him that he had to avoid seeing that little girl at all costs.

It's a miracle we didn't lose more, he thought, but his mouth remained clamped shut.

Instead, Ernie looked down at the tight trainers on his feet, mulling over the rest of Emma's questions. He knew how stupid it was to be worrying about his cleanliness when Cat's Cradle were in the area. He knew, but he just didn't care. He wanted to be away from everyone, he wanted no one to see him. Bad habits were getting repeated, habits that had taken him months to work himself out of, habits that no one but he had ever understood. No one would understand. So there was no point in explaining himself to Emma or all people. His expression turned to one of disdain, though whether it was for himself or the girl, he wasn't sure.

"Shouldn't you be with Marcus? Why did you even follow me anyway?"

Emma scowled. She wasn’t in the mood for Ernie’s games. ”Fucking really? I followed you because, like everyone else, I want to get the fuck out of this shithole and we can’t do that until you get your ass on the APC that’s waiting to take us out of here. And that’s the only reason I’m here. This isn’t the time to run off and fucking take a shower.” Emma was exasperated. Fed up with this battlefield and with Ernie’s bullshit.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say what you’re thinking, it’s just the stigma.

But she had to. She couldn’t fight off the urge, she just had to get the last word in. The voices pushed, and if she was being honest with herself she wanted to say it. ”It should’ve been you, not Savannah.” her voice was filled with animosity. Did she think he’d care? No, not really. But it felt good to let him know exactly what she thought about him. With that she turned on her heel, marching back towards the APC. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He better follow too, or I’ll have Determination drag him back.

Ernie stared back, stunned, eyes wide open. It was the truth, after all. There was no right or reason that he was standing here while others had perished. The guilt crashed onto him like a toppling shelf, and Ernie could say nothing. But guilt soon turned to aimless anger, a fury that only escaped because it was Emma who had said it. Emma, who had a rare, strong power like Sander. Emma, who was sociable and perfect and pretty without even trying, when it had taken Ernie so long to get to where he was now. The nice girl who enjoyed the quiet, civilian life that had been ripped from him, who had everything without lifting a finger, even though they shared the same mark. Who the FUCK was she to talk?

The boy stomped towards Emma. So this was why he disliked--no, fucking hated-- this girl. It made a stupid amount of sense when he took the time to think about it.

"Yeah?" Ernie yelled back at her, "Well, I'm still here! So we all have to fucking deal with it!"

Did they really? Hazel and Sander seemed to had tried to change it. Nothing had stopped them, so what was there to stop Emma? Ernie bared his teeth and wrenched Emma's shoulder back to demand her attention. Part of him wanted to grab her by the hair and shove her into a collector to see how she felt when it happened to her. Another part wanted to just goad her, to just end everything. Third time was the charm, right?

His fingers dug into her shoulder. "Why don't you try it, huh? Hazel and Sander didn't have a problem with trying to kill me. Kardos won't stop you! FUCKING TRY IT."

Emma stopped walking. She scowled.

And then she smiled, just a little.

And then she laughed.

”Is that what you think? That I want to murder you? Please. I’m not like you.” she pointed to the X-mark on her neck. ”We both have it. We both know what it’s like, the stigma, the whispering in our heads all day. But do you want to know what the difference between us is? I don’t listen to it. I can get by without sating it. It fucking kills me, but I can do it.” lies, the voice in her head told her, she wasn’t getting by, but she said it anyways. ”I can tell, you do whatever the fuck it tells you to, don’t you? If I sat here goading you, like you’re doing to me, you’d do it, wouldn’t you?” Once again her face hardened.

”That’s so fucking pathetic Ernie.”

Right where it hurt the most. Like it was with Hazel and Sander, he would never have the ability to kill her, no matter how much he wanted to. His Stigma had always been the only strong thing about him. Ernie pulled his hand back as if he'd been burnt. Did she have some fucking telepathy power to go with everything else? He knew it was stupid to protest. To keep trying to get the last word in this losing argument. But anger had a way of messing things up for him, like always.

"Right. 'Cos how long have you been an Aberration again? How many years have you gone surrounded by dozens of Stigmas and X-marks who would gladly snap your spine if you weren't careful enough?" he snarled, "Don't talk like you know what a Stigma can do. And don't you dare talk like you know a goddamn thing about me."

Grasping at straws.

Emma’s eyes narrowed. ”Fuck off, Ernie. Years don’t matter. The fact of the matter is I can handle it and you can’t because you’re a petulant fucking child. I’ve had my stigma for almost a month and I can already handle it a million times better than you can, so what does that say about you? Until you learn how to handle your shit you’re nothing but a liability to all of us. Just look at Sander! I have no idea what the hell you did to him, but given what I know about you probably gave him a good goddamn reason to hate you so much.” her mouth contorted into a sneer.

”But you’re right, I don’t know you. I’m just making guesses. Care to prove me right? I know what you want to do. What the stigma wants you to do. So go ahead, either do it, or come back to the APC with me. Either way you’re nothing but a fucking coward.” she knew that she no longer had the high ground- she was just blindly provoking him. Not blindly, no, underhandedly. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Flawless loss. She'd completely demolished him, and he couldn't even say a word back. He had no dirt against her, no protests against the accusations pointed at him. It was everything he'd tell himself, all the reasons he loathed the X-mark on his neck. Had he always been so transparent?

"You're right. It should have been me," he whispered bitterly. He wouldn't have been able to stand it if she heard him agreeing with what she said. He was the one who endangered Evac by handing over David. He deserved everything he was getting here.

A sudden realisation hit him. One final goad. Ernie had nothing to lose that hadn't already been viciously swept away by Emma.

"Yeah. I am a coward. I stood by while Zoe melted a rogue mage's ear off. I ran away with Christmas while Evac was getting their asses kicked. But that's not even the funniest part."

Ernie's shoulders slackened and he looked to Emma with a sneer.

"It really should have been me instead of Savannah. We asked Evac to pick up the rogue mage, after I scarred him for life. He was a spy and those X-marks must've been gunning for their buddy. I bet he had some kinda GPS tracker on him. Made the ambush a lot easier. So if we had just kept the guy and stayed put, it's likely that me or Zoe or Christmas would be dead instead."

She already hated him. Purging his conscience and provoking her would have no effect.

"So yeah, that was 100% right. Along with everything else you said. Savannah is dead when it should have been me. I've had years to raise myself to your moral level and nothing's changed. So I doubt I'm gonna learn anything from all this. Are you gonna keep wasting your breath? Are you gonna actually do something? Cos I'm fine either way. We can just walk back and have a nice group hug with Marcus and Cal and Siena and pretend to get along like we always do. Because nothing's going to change. I'm still going to be this trashheap when no one's around, and you're still going to have that perfect Stigma-free life. Everything we've done here was a waste of time."

Emma knew, at that moment, that she truly hated Ernie. Her fist clenched without her willing it.

Kill him. You know you want to.

No. She couldn’t do that. But she really did want to. ”So, it was your fault? You take all the blame? A little girl died, and you’re going to sit here and try to use that to… what? Provoke me? I thought you were an asshole. But I was wrong. You’re fucking despicable. You’re right, you are a trash heap. And it really should have been you. And yeah, we will spend a bit longer sitting here in front of the others pretending everything is okay. But that’s fine, because I know that you should’ve died. The truth is you’re a fucking waste. You can’t do anything. A rope isn’t going to save you when you’re alone against an enemy subnatural. So you know what?” Emma leaned in, whispering so the cuff couldn’t hear her. It scared her that she managed to smile as she spoke. ”When it comes down to that, I’m going to let it happen. I don’t need to kill you. It’s going to happen either way, isn’t it? When it comes to me having to choose between you and any of the others I’ll abandon you without a second thought. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but it’ll happen, because that’s what you deserve.”

Emma backed away, resuming her normal volume.

”You put people in danger. People died, people got injured, because you were sloppy. And we can’t afford that. I hope that eats at you, Ernie, although I doubt you give a shit about a near-stranger's life.”

Emma turned away, walking back to the APC.

”Come with me or stay here and get killed by Tumor, I don’t care.”

He couldn't find it in himself to be angry at Emma anymore. He was just...empty. She'd taken everything, said everything that needed to be said. There were no more excuses, no more opportunities to feel sorry for himself or use as some kind of emotional bargaining chip. He had been completely exposed. So why wasn't he more afraid?

Ernie watched her walk away, and in spite of himself, he felt like laughing. It was amazing how quickly someone could tear apart every single shred of his identity like that. He knew he deserved far worse than these verbal lashings, and he knew that Emma had the power to bring everything he had coming. He knew that her Stigma would be telling her to give in and crush the annoyance in front of her. But she had remained steadfast. She resisted it and turned away, which was more than Ernie had ever done. Yet another classmate Aberration that was better than him in every aspect. He really fucking hated her.

"I'm glad we can be honest with each other," he spat, quietly so she couldn't hear.

He followed without another word.
howdy boyos emma got and upgrade wowzers i'm tired just going to copy paste what idiot face said

Determination looks a bit more human now and has a defined face, though still black and smoky (SMOKING HOT) otherwise. Custom to Emma’s next manifestation and will continue to look like that afterwards.

Is able to understand and follow more complex directions now.

look at that strong boyo is even stronger wowzers he's so swole and dependable too bad emma's a big idiot okay goodnighty now dmfdsf

ill edit it into my cs when i'm not on the verge of death don't lemme forget thx

Emma didn't care about it anymore. Siena came. Callan charged. Marcus charged. The other, the old man that she didn't recognize, likely a survivor from the city was hit by a spike as the APC sped away. It just didn't seem matter to Emma. Not now. Savannah was dead. Lawrence was dead. A sudden crisis of faith. What were they fighting for? What was the point? Child soldiers forced to fight at the behest of a power hungry bureaucratic bitch, waiting to die an inevitable death at the hands of some horrible abomination. Fighting a war for humans that didn't want them, humans that hated them. Weren't they people too? Didn't their feelings matter? It seemed from where Emma stood that they didn't. Not to Zhang, or to the people of CC1, the very people that Alexis and Padma had died protecting. They'd just as quickly spit on them as thank them. None of them would remember them for their efforts, none of them would give a shit if she died. All USARILN saw her as was a human weapon to sacrifice and then throw away. All she had was her fellow subnaturals, wasn't it?

If you end up investing everything in the people around you as your foundation instead of yourself, then when they die here it's going to destroy you.

She couldn't get his fucking words out of her head. The one answer she could always come back to. If she couldn't live for herself, couldn't live for some higher purpose, that was all she had, wasn't it? Relegated to watching her friends die around her. She didn't even know Savannah or Lawrence that well and she felt like just had her fucking heart ripped out. So what was the recourse when it was Marcus, or Cal, or any of the people that she had suddenly found herself caring about. Once again she'd had to remind herself that she'd known them for a little more than a week, but now? In this world that seemed to be dying around them, in this world where her family had been ripped away from her? They'd suddenly felt like her best friends. So what the hell was she going to do when they'd died horrible deaths too?

You know exactly what you'll do, you spineless fuck. You'll do what you always do.

Suddenly, Emma slipped away.



Another dream. The beach was gone.

A cliff. Emma stood on the edge of a sheer cliff, stretching far above a rocky sea. The waves crashed with force below as Emma gazed distantly from above. Distant physically and distant mentally. She wanted to fall away, separate from herself and become one with the ocean. She wanted to revel in her sadness. She wanted to scream how she felt into the sea below, unload the feelings pent up inside her for all to hear. But her mouth wouldn't move. She couldn't will the words out of her. The lie was too hard to break, the unspoken deception that she played out every second that she had lived. Instead she could only do what she always did- scream on the inside. Hoping, as stupid as it sounded, that someone would understand her without her having to explain. That someone would recognize how scared she was... how weak, how tired, how alone.

No one would. She wouldn't tell them. But she could still wrestle with the thoughts in her head.

This is hell, isn't it? This... this is so horrible, there's really no other explanation, is there? I just wanted a simple life. Was that so much to ask for? To be pretty. To be liked. I didn't need much, did I? Just to be happy. Just to meet someone that I could love, that I could hold, that I could tell anything to. I could grow old and flicker out of existence, forgotten but happy. But now? This is some kind of curse. Having to live with these voices screaming in my head, begging for me to hate myself, turning me against myself. Never certain if it's me or the stigma. I can't be a hero. I can't be a savior. I'm not dependable. I'm not strong. I can't keep this up. A rare, strong power with unlimited potential? What a fucking joke that is! Dreamcatcher must have a shitty sense of humor to give something like that to a useless bitch that can't use it. Someone that can't save anyone with it, that's a constant disappointment to everyone around her, that instantly shuts down when a stranger dies in front of her.

Everyone is going to die, and it's my fault. I'm not useful. Dead weight.


The sound of the waves. It was soothing, almost. But suddenly with but a slip of the mind it melted away and the waves weren't waves and the cliff wasn't a cliff. They were stars, colliding, receding, meeting again in a constant cycle, constant struggle. The world around her was infinite, distances around her vast limited only by her ability to understand the vastness of that which was everything. The greatness that was both everything that has been and that will be, at the center of it all a pointless creature called Emma Halwell. She was held by some great invisible hand, protected from the boundless space and separated from it. the sheer noise of it all roared and surged, crashed against her and against the cliff. The waves pounded harder, the waves that weren't waves and a cliff that wasn't a cliff.

A drip. A silken thread extended towards her. It glimmered with an incomprehensible brilliance, but all the same Emma could see the taint that covered it. She still reached for it in spite of herself.



Emma was suddenly brought back to that street in Wisford, Maryland where Savannah and Lawrence had died. But now her feet weren't on the ground- she was levitating, and her ascent wasn't stopping. If she had her Tulaps she might've done something, but all she could do was try to fight the flow to no avail, flailing as she struggled to return to the ground.

If this was indeed a joke, Emma didn't find it very funny.



"Fourth is some bullet-resistant gargoyle, pinning down Savannah."

Emma didn't wait for the last of the creatures to fall. As soon as their victory was assured she turned for the APC's location, hand moving towards the phone Kardos had given them, confirming their position. "I'm going to help the APC." she said quickly to Brent and the others in the Support team. She didn't wait for any sort of confirmation from the others to start running.

Her heart pounded in her chest, not from the exertion of running, but from fear. Now Savannah was in direct danger. Lawrence was down, whatever that meant. Still no word on Marcus. She wasn't sure if she could take it- the death of a little girl, the death of her roommate, the death of Marcus.

Emma stopped suddenly. She had to get there fast, an idea suddenly forming in her head. Determination appeared beside her. Luckily it had seemed that her Tulpas had returned to her, her emotional energy reignited by her desire to save Marcus. Unprompted she grabbed onto the creature, climbing onto it's back. "Run down the street, as fast as you can!" after a moment of consideration the creature did as asked.

If you end up investing everything in the people around you as your foundation instead of yourself, then when they die here it's going to destroy you.

Emma remembered what Lawrence had said to her for the second time today. He was right, she knew. She also knew that she was scared- very scared. It would be the first time that she'd actually fought enemy subnaturals- real people, not monsters.

What she didn't know was if she was more scared for herself or for the others.




"The APC has been attacked by three subnaturals."

Emma froze. It was amazing how quickly everything fell apart. Grant released Angel from the spider's web, but she was clearly injured, her face cut to ribbons.

"Lawrence is down and the rest are missing.”

She hardly knew Lawrence, but he was her roommate. He had listened to her problems- problems which she'd never really told anyone. He'd given her advice. He'd made her feel at ease.

"Callan, can you hear me? Go into town."

Of course, it was Callan that Brent would send. She was strong. She was trustworthy. Emma needed to be here. Callan would be there for him, like she always was. Not Emma.

Marcus.

What would Emma do if he died? Who even was he to her? It was true, Emma didn't really know him. Not really. Not in the way someone should know people that they have strong feelings for. Not in the way that she had known Riley. Not in the way she'd known the others she'd tricked into loving her, those that she had convinced herself into thinking she loved.

But you care about him.

One voice said.

You don't even like him. He's not the one you really love.

Came another.

One thing was certain: Emma wanted to be there. There to protect him, there to make sure he wouldn't die. It should be her, not Callan, that would save him. For a moment nothing else mattered- not Hazel or Siena, certainly not Angel or Grant, not their mission- Factory was dead, after all, they didn't need her, did they? They could finish things here.

Fuck the mission.

She shook her head. She couldn't abandon them in the middle of a fight- what kind of teammate would that make her? What would everyone think of her? The others, those fighting with her mattered too. Their lives meant as much as Marcus's. She had an obligation to fight with them, she was powerful, wasn't she? She mattered. They'd be weaker without her. The might get wounded, or worse yet die.

That's what made it hurt even more when Determination crumbled away. Not to her avail, but by way of her power... or lack thereof. Love wouldn't come, nor Devotion, let alone the others. She was now useless for as long as she was here, as long as she stood there uncertain with her friends dying around her. She couldn't leave, could she? All she could do was stand with mouth agape, an emotional wreck for everyone to see.

Dead weight.

Emma raised her arms to protect herself as the torrent of dust and sludge came upon them, struggling to keep upright on the shakin g ground. "Shit." she muttered under her breath, realizing that the source of the sludge was Devotion. It only took a couple of seconds for him to disappear, the sludge dissipating alongside it. Now she had to worry about Angel, who was caught in the spider's deadly web. Emma took a second before reacting, Determination appearing between a pair of spiders. "Kill the spiders!" Determination was quick to comply, picking the two nearest him and smashing them against each other before moving towards his next target.

Emma's attention was taken by the screams that were now coming from her walkie-talkie. What the hell? Thankfully she didn't recognize any of the voices, but her hand still darted to retrieve it from her belt. "Who is that? What the hell is happening!?" the words came quickly, panic in her voice.

Emma scowled. Not good enough! Everyone else will die if I let Determination wade into the enemies. Still, she was at a loss as to what to do. Hazel had managed to stop the spider's attack for but a moment before they began to regroup, but in doing so had pulled the others into a group that the enemy now surrounded. Angel's raging didn't help... did she not understand that Hazel had saved them? Was now really the time to go off on Hazel? During the time Emma had spent worrying about what to do the others already began to resolve the situation, a series of waves coming from Angel and a large attack from Hazel.

You're falling behind. Not useful enough.

Emma waited until Hazel and Angel were done to summon Determination beside them. "Clear out any remaining spiders!" she shouted, hoping that Hazel and Angel would be enough to take care of the centipedes. For a moment Emma reached for her radio. She wanted to tell Angel to shut the fuck up. She wanted to tell Siena to take it easy, that they'd handle it, that she needed to catch her breath after being attacked by the canine, that she didn't need to...

Emma shook her head. Now wasn't the time. She had to focus on the battle, and getting caught up in pointless conversations wouldn't help.
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