Doc Doctor

The Arena Wars - Xenom invades! - Wave 1

@Seed
What about your bestest best friend forever, that one guy who claims to be a doctor and plays something called a "Gonad"?

The Black Mountain (open tournament)

Whoops!

The Black Mountain (open tournament)

@DJAtomika
(I hadn't read about the separate thread thing when I posted this. I'll add it to your thread when it has been made.)

Gonad stroked his long beard with a heavy right hand, nodding sagely as he walked up to Guzman much like how a kindly professor walks up to his podium. The hulking man seemed not to even have his guard up. His free arm hung easily by his side. Were Gonad to have approached even the most feeble of children in this way, surely would the child have no fear. There was no aggression or discontent in the barbarian's single eye, no fire of competitiveness or secret lust for blood. He was just a big fellow that knew apples were apples and oranges were oranges, and that men could choose to die as enemies or as brothers.

"Bwuh! Taller than Gonad be Tall Man! Not often seen such has Gonad, gruh."

The Arena Wars - Xenom invades! - Wave 1

@LeeRoy@Gun@ShidenBlades

I'm aware of the Freudian shit going around, but IMO it's best to just not take some things too seriously. In fact, it gives me immense pleasure to apply fart and poop gags when things get too choppy. I'd recommend the same to each one of you. Go ahead, let thine characters unleash the full might of their bowels, a musical dedication to comradery and good sportsmanship.

The Arena Wars - Xenom invades! - Wave 1

Gonad slapped his hands together in imitation of Alpha. A farty stench filled the air.

The Black Mountain (open tournament)

Gonad jogged into view, all hot and sweaty. He slid to a stop at the food, looking over the meager fare with a merry eye before selecting a pot of wine. The large man chugged it down with relish, and then filled the empty pot up with the rest of the food. First dibs and all. He did leave a consolation prize though, as it was customary in his village to honor food givers by bequeathing unto them the honorable remnants of meals past. Before leaving the stone table to go do some stretches, he'd have climbed upon it and dropped his tassets, squatting. His rippling thigh muscles tensed...

Thick ropes of firm doodoo snaked from his arse, coiling into a steaming, bespeckled hillock. The pile grew higher and higher, truly a gratuitous offering. Gonad's face grew red, a single purple vein bulging from his forehead as he strained. A fat, egg shaped wallet of dung dropped upon the poo mound like a greased cherry atop a warm chocolate sunday. One by one, several smaller, more compact turdlets fell from the heaving hindquarters of the warrior, tumbling down the grand slopes of shit mountain.

The barbarian knew now that the hardest part had yet to come. He gritted his teeth, tendons in his neck throbbing. A sputtering fusillade of shart shrapnel blasted from his buttocks, the poopy potshots dousing the table and ground like paint cast from a wet brush. The barbarian's teeth chattered now, lips pulled back in a grimace of effort as a single, massive log emerged in slow motion to the ode of Also Sprach Zarathustra.
This elongated monkey-missile descended from on high, crushing into the corn populated caca castle, heralded by a resounding fanfare played from a lone but thunderous tushie trumpet.

His business finished, Gonad hiked up his drawers and hopped off the table to go warm up for the battles to come.

The Black Mountain (open tournament)

Gonad Yaksplitter

Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Eye Color: Hazel

Weapons and Equipment- His body, occasionally a set of thick six-kilo runite (a foreign metal of nigh-indestructible toughness) bracers and a pair of dragon gauntlets (a metal that is a tier above runite, also almost indestructible). He often wears the "Tzhaar-Kal-Ket", an incredibly rare and magical cloak bestowed upon those few in history who have triumphed over the brutal challenges of a terrible volcano-dwelling race known as the Tzhaar. It is impervious to heat and cold & incredibly durable to boot. He also always keeps an enchanted "Inoculation Brace" on his ankle, a magical trinket which renders him immune to harmful substances.


(Gonad with his bracers)

Appearance- Silhouetted against the burning passions of war, a figure stands tall, unmoving. His physique is as definitive as the gory victory with which his gruesome hands secure. Woven into his beard is a tapestry of blood, proclaiming the legendary tales of the countless scars adorning the sacred weapon, known as Gonad. For weapon he is, heated and hammered in the unquenchable fires of battle.

Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places that muscles should not be. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chiseled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. His enormous yet supple frame moves with a primal grace, the likes of which are comparable only to the untamed beasts of the wild.

His body is riddled with the innumerable wounds left by his combative livelihood. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.
He boasts a great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes, flowing down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his piercing glare. Within his single eye resides an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.

Personality- What attributes the primal organism known as "Gonad" bears are no different than the attributes of mother nature herself. Blood-tinged Westerlies carving jagged sluices along the tepid surface of a great and mysterious ocean, whose calm demeanor belies a vast and terrible capability. The wisdom of towering snow-capped mountains, whose interminable experience has been honed over countless millennia of wear and tear. The trepid balance between predator and prey, animal and man, intermingling to form a singular amalgamation of virile life. And yet, he maintains a feature apart from nature. Self-awareness. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, forcing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. He never will engage in dishonorable practices such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight. Though he may oftentimes appear a comical fool, Gonad is truly just a simple man who very rarely premeditates an action, instead acting from the heart and without hesitation, following only the voice of his soul.

Abilities/Skills- Regarded in his home realm as the greatest martial artist and warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength greater than that of a wild animal. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. Gonad is the supreme master of his own body, and can control its functions at will. He can use the full potential of his latent strength, constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex along with a plethora of other abilities. He is capable of touching and harming incorporeal or transdimensional entities by virtue of being too ignorant to know that he shouldn't.
Gonad is a grandmaster of the berserker arts and can utilize three different forms of the technique, each one a step up from the last. These three modes are Semi Berserk, Fully Berserk, and the preeminent Primal State.
He witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom and is said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands.



Background- Gonad is a legendary warrior who hails from the realm of Gielinor, a faraway land entrenched in fantasy and warfare. He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience.

Theme Music:

The Black Mountain (open tournament)

Time for the opening post?

The Arena Wars - Xenom invades! - Wave 1

@Seed
I volunteer. I always volunteer.

The Arena Wars - Xenom invades! - Wave 1

@Seed

@ImportantNobody