Ginger Tee

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta didn't know how to react. What was suppose to happen in a situation like this? To catch a woman kissing the man you loved was one thing, but when that woman was meant to marry said man, what can you say? In this situation, Marta was the wrong-doer. She was the one stealing the man, yet she felt the green eye monster stirring in her again. How could she not? But she did her best to remain calm, and she let Atalia say what she had to say. Marta felt the sincerity in the girl's voice, and sadness in her heart when she heard the girl speak of her father. Marta knew this girl was important to Ezra, so she was going to have to accept her in their life. It was a crazy web they wove, a love triangle for the storybooks, but Marta had more important things to worry about. For example, where she would live in Ezra's parents didn't allow her stay.

She took a deep breath and looked at Atalia, "Please Atalia, forgive me. I have entered all of your lives and created chaos. It was never my intention. I know how important you are to Ezra and I could never get in the way of your friendship. I beg you to forgive me."

"Of course Marta. One cannot always control their heart. It has a mind of it's own."

Marta let out a little laugh, nodding her head in agreement. Atalia turned and gave Ezra a shift kiss on the cheek, then walked past Marta, nodding at her as she left the room and walked down the stairs. Marta stood there for a minute, trying to process everything that just happened. She was still frazzled from her encounter with her parents, and then Sarah, and now this. Her brain was on overload, so for a brief moment she made everything shut up. She looked up at Ezra, smiling. It felt a bit forced, but she hoped he didn't realize.

"So I think your mother wants to try and have you eat some solid food tonight" she said, clearly trying to change the subject to help from going mad with all the new information she needed to process.

She walked over and saw the basket of clean clothes Edith had pulled down from the line outside the window this morning. She must not have had time to fold it, so Marta picked it up and began folding it for her. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta let Ezra kiss her. She would not deny him the thing he wanted, but she tried to keep it soft. But she felt the need behind the kiss, and Ezra's hands on her back as he tried to pull her closer. Marta was nervous about hurting him, and did her best to hold herself up, but with a final tug from Ezra, she fell forward and landed lightly on his chest. But she didn't break the kiss, Ezra kept it going, so she did too. Every kiss they shared brought goosebumps to Marta's arms, and ache to form in the pit of her stomach. She never wanted to stop kissing him, but when he pulled back, Marta sat up carefully. She saw he was in pain, and Marta frowned, but didn't say anything.

She listened to him as he reinforced her greatest fear: she would be the death of him. But he did his best to make her understand that he saw no future for himself, so he wanted to live as much in the present as he could, and that meant being with her. That made Marta's core ache with sadness. She wanted Ezra to believe that he had a life beyond the next year, or five years, hell even ten. Marta wanted him to imagine himself as an old man with gray hair and wrinkly skin. And she wanted to be in that picture. When he said that all she had to do was feed him and then she was free to go, she shook her head rapidly.

"No" she said. "I am not leaving. Ezra you are worth everything. Seeing you almost die... it didn't scare me away, it scared me to death. Ezra I can't imagine losing you, and to think I brought you one step closer to death, how can I not be scared to want to leave in order to keep you safe? But you are right, you aren't safe. No one is, and I am putting too much blame on myself. So we both just need to be more careful. But please stop thinking that I want to leave because you aren't worth. Ezra, you are the reason I am sticking around."

She stood from the bed and went over and got the soup from the tray. She back down and began to feed him slowly. Once finished, she laid down next to Ezra, careful not to brush against him too hard, and carefully rest her head on his shoulder. "You are stuck with me" she whispered, as she felt the exhaustion from the day finally overcome her.

-------------

It was Saturday. It has been about five days since Ezra's attack. He was still on bed rest, but was recovering remarkably quickly. He was able to feed himself, and even sit up for short periods of time. His father still helped bathe and dress him, but Marta made sure to help whenever she could. She would bring Ezra his meals and help feed him, when needed. She would sit by his side and read to him, and even write down any of his thoughts that he wanted on paper. She didn't want his passion for his writing to stop, even if he couldn't physically write well yet. And every night, the two would fall asleep in each other's arms. Ezra's parents gave up trying to separate them, and they agreed so long as the door remained open the entire night. Marta completely agreed to that arrangement, especially since it meant she got to sleep in Ezra's arms.

During the days, Marta started to help down in the bakery, since they were short-staffed without Ezra. Marta insisted, and understood that Abe wasn't comfortable working up front and with the customers. So Marta helped as much as she could in the back; cleaning dishes, sweeping and mopping the floors, and helping with the baking to some extent. She knew Abe didn't trust her with the food, which honestly, Marta didn't trust herself. But there were simple tasks she could handle, like mixing the dry ingredients together or icing some of the cookies. Whatever she could do, she would.

It was Saturday afternoon. The bakery was slow, so Marta told Abe and Edith she was going to run home and get some clean clothes and what not. She had no been home once since the attack, nor has she been to any classes at school; she called her parents nightly and told them she was still at Sarah's. She always managed to make up an excuse as to why Sarah's father couldn't come to the phone. Marta never thought there would be a day that she would lie to her parents so much, but she appears to be an expert. She still loved her parents dearly, but their lifestyle was completely foreign to her now. How can she be a part of a world that fueled the hate? The hate that almost killed the man she loves. She knows her father is a good man, and he is trapped at his job, but he is too much of a coward to fight. And her mother, well she was hopeless.

Twenty minutes later, she reached her house, though to her it didn't feel like home anymore, and walked up the stairs. She went to put the key in the lock, but found the door already opened. Frowning, she walked in and standing in front of her were her parents. They did not look happy; her mother had daggers in her eyes and her father had a look of disappointment.

"Mother? Father? Is everything ok?"

"Get out!" Her mother shouted, completely startling Marta.

"Mother what is going..." she started to say, but was cut off.

"Get your filthy Jewish dirt out of my house."

Marta's eyes widened and it felt like a canon ripped through her chest. She looked between her parents, her hands trembling. That is when she noticed two suitcases sitting on the floor behind her parents. They were really kicking her out. She knew that one day this would happen, but to actually have it happen, it hurt Marta. She looked at her father, tears welling in her eyes. She hated what she has done to her father, he has always been kind and caring to her, but she had hoped deep down that maybe he would understand.

"Daddy?" she said, her voice quiet and meek, like when she was a child and was apologizing for doing something naughty.

Her father looked at her for a moment, before dropping his gaze and turning to leave. That was worse than him yelling at her. She couldn't help but let a sob escape her lips, as she looked at her mother once more, before reaching over and grabbing her suitcases. She turned to leave, but before doing so, turned back to her mother, "I will always love you both. With all my heart."

She then left, without looking back. She felt her world collapsing, but she had to keep moving. This chapter of life was over. She walked away from the house she grew up in. But she had a new life ahead of her. As she made her way down the street, she heard someone calling her name. Turning around she saw Sarah coming towards her. She froze, her eyes panicking as she looked around for Oscar. He had to be there. He must be coming back to finish on his threat. But she didn't see him.

As Sarah approached, Marta made sure to keep a safe distance between them.

"Marta, I have been looking all over for you."

"Why? What do you want?" Marta asked rather harshly, but after what her brother did to her and Ezra, Marta's behavior was allowed.

"Marta I am so sorry!"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Marta, it is all my fault! Your parents... they called my house. They asked for you, but I was confused and said you weren't there, and then my brother took the phone and he..."

Marta held her hand up. She knew exactly where this story was going. Oscar blabbed to her parents of where Marta's been and who she has been associated with. She took a deep breath, looking at Sarah. "Sarah, I do not blame you. But I do blame your brother. And I wish nothing but horrible things for him, but for you, I hope you find peace."

"Oh Marta! Please understand... he's out of control. I hate everything about him. I just... he isn't the brother I once knew." She then reached into her pocket and pulled out a gold chain. Marta gasped. She knew what it was right away, it was Ezra's necklace. "I took this from his room, it was the least I could do."

Marta took the necklace, "Thank you Sarah. This means so much. And I do truly wish nothing but happiness for you."

The girls hugged, and Marta left, knowing that would be the last time she would see Sarah.

----------

Marta arrived back at the bakery. She left her suitcases hidden out back, not sure yet how to tell Ezra's parents what happened. She didn't want to assume she could continue to stay here, but she hoped it would be ok. She checked in with Abe to see if he needed help, but he was handling things, so Marta said she wanted to go check on Ezra. So she made her way up the stairs and took off her shoes and coat, before walking over to the bedroom. She frowned a little when she noticed the door closed; they tended to keep it open now so that if Ezra needed anything they could hear him better. She walked over, and opened the door, and once the room came into focus, she let out a gasp. Before her was Atalia, leaning over Ezra, her lips against Ezra's. Marta stood there, unsure of what to do or say.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta stood there with the tray, knowing she should go over and sit next to him and feed him, but she was frozen in place. His bruised and battered body was a reminder of the terrible things that happened because of her. And her "people". The people from her social standing, the people who went to her parent's church, the people she grew up with, they did this to Ezra. And to the other Jewish members of the community. How could things change so quickly? Marta never remembered it being like this as a child, then again, she was naive and too much in a happy bubble to realize this has always been happening. Just behind closed doors, and in dark alleys. But with Hitler in power, it opened up the hate and it made it ok to do what has been done to Ezra. Marta was beyond ashamed of "her people". That is why she wanted Ezra, and his family, and their community to be her people. Even if it met her life.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Ezra trying to speak and watching him struggle to sit up and reach for her. When he asked if she didn't want him, Marta quickly shook her head. She quickly snapped back to reality, or as close to reality as she could get, and carefully placed the tray atop of the dresser next to her. She walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge facing Ezra, tucking one of her legs under herself. She took Ezra's hand that had been outstretched a moment again, and held it between hers. She reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes, it was still wet from his bath. Marta looked into his eyes, feeling the tears forming again behind hers.

"I don't want to leave" she said softly as she continued to run her fingers through his hair, much like she did the first night they met. She found it soothed her and it seemed to sooth Ezra as well. "Ezra I will always want you. But what am I suppose to do? I bring nothing but harm and danger to you, how can I stay around when I know this is happening?"

She took a deep breath, scooted as close as she could to Ezra without causing him any pain. She wished she could wrap her arms around him, and vice versa, being in his arms was the safest place Marta has ever been. The same can't be said about her arms. Her arms only brought bad things to Ezra. He was pulled from her arms today and beaten nearly to death. He was the farthest thing from safe in her arms.

She leaned over, placing a light kiss on his lips, knowing his face must be in pain from his broken nose. "It should be you who doesn't want me anymore."

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt the weight of the couch shift and she looked to her side and saw Edith sitting next to her. Marta respectfully listened to everything Edith said, and Marta felt her body shaking, but she did her best to disguise it by holding a pillow against her chest. Everything the woman said, Marta was aware of. She knew of the arrangement, and she knew it would be the best thing for Ezra, and Marta didn't even deserve what her mother was saying. Marta would almost prefer that his parents banish her entirely and said they ever see her around here again, they would have her arrested. Or at least taken away forcefully. Marta didn't want that to happen, but felt it needed to happen. She needed to stay away from Ezra, but she couldn't. She was addicted to him. She wanted to be near him everyday. She wanted his touch, to hear his voice, to smell the fresh baked items in his hair, she wanted it all. But there was no way in hell she deserved it. Even when Marta converted officially, she knew deep down, his parents would always resent her. She was a black cloud over their family.

Marta didn't say a word, but stood when Edith did. She walked over to the kitchen and waited for Edith to pour Ezra his soup, which consisted of mostly a broth and a few carrots. She placed it all on a tray, along with a glass of water. Edith was about to usher Marta into the bedroom, when she noticed the state of the girl. Letting out a sigh, Edith removed the sweater from her body and handed it to Marta. Marta frowned a bit out of confusion, but looked down and noticed for the first time the blood stain covering her dress. She suddenly felt nauseous, but suppressed it while she slipped the sweater on. Marta then lifted the tray and walked over to the bedroom just as Abe walked out. He gave her a nod and held the door open for her. Once Marta slipped into the room, Abe closed the door behind her, but left it open a crack. Marta didn't dare close it all the way.

She saw Ezra lying on the bed, his shirt was not on. Marta could see the newly formed bruises which surrounded his previous scars. Marta wanted to cry, but taking a deep breath, she did her best to act calm. The focus did not need to be on her or her emotions. All that mattered was taking care of Ezra and getting him back to full health. She walked over and smiled gently as she carefully sat on the edge of the bed, holding the tray in her lap.

"Hungry?" she asked quietly as she carefully laid a napkin across his lap and got ready to feed him the soup.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta's leg bounced nervously as she sat in the waiting room. It had been nearly four hours since they had arrived at the hospital. Marta didn't know what was happening. She didn't know if Ezra was still alive, or if was going to be ok. She was completely in the dark and she hated it. But her place was out here. She didn't deserve to be in there, comforting and helping Ezra. He was here before of her. The guilt was tearing her up inside. Why didn't she just follow through with breaking up with him? He would have walked away before Oscar showed up and none of this would ever happen.

Marta didn't care how many people were staring at her, but she was definitely a sight to see. She had tear stains on her cheeks, the tears had dried up at this point. Her eyes were completely bloodshot, and there was still a blood stain on her dress. Her hands were buried in her hair, as she rested her elbows on her knees, her whole body shaking from her leg bouncing. She could barely remember how to breath, but she managed enough. The images of watching Oscar beat up the man she loved were replaying over and over again in her head. How could she ever forgive herself? How could Ezra ever forgive her?

That is when Marta realized, she may never see Ezra again. There was no doubt his parents would ban her from ever seeing him again. But the question is, did Ezra want to see her? He knew all these things were going to happen, he knew she would be the death of him. But maybe he had hoped it wouldn't happen, but now that it has, is she really worth anymore? Just a few hours ago he begged her not to leave, and she didn't, but now Marta truly believed he would kick her to the curb. That is if he was even still alive... she hadn't a clue.

As Marta sat there, she suddenly heard her name. Looking up, she saw Ezra walking towards her. She gasped when she saw what condition he was in. His face was swollen around his nose and eyes, and he was hunched over walking with a crutch. She could see how much pain he was in. She stood and just as she started over, she noticed Ezra stumbled. Her instincts were to reach out to catch him, but his father beat her too it. Marta frowned; she was useless. She walked over, wanting to touch Ezra, to make sure he was real, but she didn't dare, not in front of his parents. She felt new fears forming in her eyes, but didn't let them fall. She just wanted to take him away and escape somewhere where no harm could ever come to him again. But she didn't have the right.

Marta dug her nails in her palms, to keep herself from reaching out for him, but she gave him a gently smile and said, "I am so sorry Ezra."

But before he had time to answer, his parents were ushering him out into the hallway and towards the bus stop. Marta walked a few steps behind them, unsure if she should follow. Marta assumed she would not be ever allowed near him, but when the bus arrived, Ezra's mother turned to her, "Come now dear. We must get him home."

So together, they rode back into the center of the Jewish neighborhood. Marta was forced to sit across the aisle on the bus, since Ezra's parents both flanked his sides and held him close to keep the shaking bus from making it more painful. Once they arrived at the bakery, Abe helped Ezra up the stairs and straight into the bedroom. Marta followed, but always stayed a few steps back. She wanted to be the one to help him, but it wasn't her place or privilege. The only reason Ezra was in this condition was because of her. As Abe was in the bedroom with his father, who was helping him wash up and put on clean clothes, Ezra's mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Marta just sat on the couch, feeling completely helpless. She offered to help Ezra's mom, but she said it wasn't necessary, so she just sat there waiting, wondering what was going to happen next.

Men vs. Women Race to 1000

337

What Are You Listening To?

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt the tension leave her body as Ezra stayed close to her. She wanted to slap herself silly for almost doing what she did. She continued to run her hands along his chest and face. Marta tended to do that a lot, almost her way of making sure he was real. She was about to go in for another kiss, when suddenly Ezra was pulled away from her. Marta looked up and her eyes widened and she felt panic spread through her bones. Oscar. Marta watched in terror as Oscar dragged him away. This was her nightmare becoming a reality. Marta, unsure of what to do, did the only thing she could think of. She ran over and grabbed Oscar's arm, in attempts to get him away from Ezra. She wanted the focus on her, maybe give Ezra a chance to run or get help. But help wouldn't come. She knew they were visible and people saw them, but they were too scared to get involved. And Oscar was too determined on Ezra.

So when Marta grabbed his arm, Oscar turned for a moment to focus on Marta. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her close, spitting in her face, before pushing his so hard, Marta went stumbling to the ground. She shook her head to focus, when she saw Oscar punch Ezra in the stomach. Marta gasped and tears streaming down her face. She was helpless. There was nothing she could do. Even despite Ezra's attempt to say they were over wouldn't fool Marta. She just sat there in horror as she watched the man she loved be beaten to death.

"Stop! Please stop!" Marta yelled over and over, but no one heard her. She couldn't even hear herself. Everything began playing in slow motion. The blood dripping from Ezra's mouth, her heart beat in her ears, everything was so unreal. She looked over at Ezra when he tried to warn her to leave, before Oscar gave him one final blow and Ezra blacked out, laying there in a pool of blood. Marta was shaking, silent sobs escaping from her. Everything was her fault. The man she loved was dying right before her eyes.

She saw Oscar walk over to her, and she looked up, fear in her eyes. He knelt down, grabbing her face roughly in his hands. "You want to be a Jewish rat, then you will join him in the gutters." He dropped her face roughly before walking over to his car and speeding away.

Marta sat there, frozen, before snapping back to reality. She quickly crawled over to Ezra, pulling his head into her lap. "Ezra! Ezra please don't leave me!" Marta had tears falling down her face, dripping onto Ezra's face, as she shook holding him in her arms. She suddenly heard a car driving by, and Marta looked up and waved her arms frantically. Thankfully the person pulled over.

****

Marta stood outside the bakery, her face swollen with crying, a few tears slipping from her eyes. Her dress stained with blood... Ezra's blood. After the kind stranger helped Marta get Ezra to the hospital, she explained what happened as the doctors wheeled him away on a stretcher. They would not let her pass through the doors since she was not family. She didn't want Ezra out of her sight, but she knew what she had to do. She took the bus back into town and went directly to Ezra's family bakery.

Walking in, both of his parents looked up when they heard the bell ring. They knew right away something was wrong. Abe walked out from behind the counter and walked over to her. He placed a hand on his shoulder, "Is he dead?" his father asked, in a straight forward tone. Marta who was still shaking, couldn't form any words, shook her head no. At this point, Ezra's mother was standing by her side.

"What happened?" she asked. Marta then did her best to try and explain what happened. She lost track of the number of times she begged them for forgiveness. She knew it was her fault, she knew they didn't approve of her, but the one thing she didn't apologize for was loving their son. Ezra's parents, as hard as it is to admit it, did not looked shocked, yet more guilty. They felt bad sending him off on his own, but he had been adventuring so much out on his own, they knew to secretly meet Marta, that they had a brief moment of hope that maybe it was going to be ok. But look what optimism got them.

Without a word, the two left the bakery, Marta following behind. There were no words spoken, but it was in agreement they would all be going to the hospital. Once they arrived, Ezra's parents were ushered into Ezra's room right away, but Marta had to sit and wait, not knowing if Ezra was in fact still alive, or how he was. She sat there, shaking as she tried to keep from going mad.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt actual pain when Ezra ripped his hand from hers. She knew it wasn't intentional, but the sting was still there. She looked over as she saw the emotions play out across his face. While their time together has been short, Marta could read Ezra's emotions like a book. She saw the sadness, anger and confusion. She could also sense the disbelief, and when he tried to play it off as a joke, Marta wanted to just laugh and tell him it all was. And in a way, it is. She didn't want to do what she said, it was the last thing she wanted to do. But her brain convinced her it was the right thing to do. Damn her brain, it always caused the problems.

She felt Ezra move farther away and begin pleading to her, trying to make her understand everything would work out. Had her optimism rubbed off on him? Was that a good thing or a dangerous thing? Marta wanted to keep believing it was a good thing, but if it were then they wouldn't be in this situation. There wouldn't be this cloud of doom hanging over their head, but it was there. But Marta hoped it would be a rainbow on the other side. Curse her positive outlook, the same positive behavior that made her crumble. There was no way she could go forth with the logical plan. The plan that could save Ezra's life, the plan she just tried to put into action, but Ezra put up so many blockades. So when Ezra asked her for a real reason, she was left speechless.

Unable to control her emotions, Marta closed the gap between her and Ezra and gave him a passionate kiss on the lips. When she pulled back, she kept close, her hand clutching onto his shirt and the other running her fingers through his hair. "I can't... I can't give you a reason. Not because there isn't one, there are thousands of reasons why you should let me go, but I won't let you. I am no good for you. I am the worst thing that has ever happened to you, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

She pulled back slightly, running her fingers along his cheek, wiping the tears that he missed. "You should have never followed me out of the bakery the first day. You were a fool... but I am an even bigger fool to imagine my life without you. When I said I loved you, I meant it. I love you Ezra, so much so, you were right... I am going to be the death of you, but I am too god damn selfish to leave."

She took a deep breath in, still clinging to Ezra's shirt. So much for that plan. But it was a vicious cycle these two were in, and would continue to be in until things really did change. Nothing could change until Marta was no longer a threat to Ezra, which was the day she officially was converted. Until that day, Marta would live with the guilt of knowing anything terrible that happens to Ezra is her fault.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt a knot forming in her stomach. She hated the words that were coming from Atalia's mouth. They were the words and thoughts that Marta pushed into the back of her mind. They were the words Ezra said every moment the first day they met. But Marta made herself ignore them, and in result, Ezra has begun to do the same. She brought them both into her imaginary world fill with rainbows and candy. Marta thought everything was going to turn out ok, but Atalia just brought her slamming back down into reality. Marta couldn't say anything, she honestly felt she was going to be sick. She didn't fight against Atalia's words because deep down she knew they were true.

She watched as the girl walked off, and seeing Ezra come towards them. When the two began to speak to each other, Marta saw the care in Ezra's eyes and body language. He was a caring man, and Marta loved that quality about him, but this time seeing it made Marta want to scream. When he hugged, Marta couldn't take it, she sat down on the bench, her head pounding. Why did she let things get this far? What has she done to Ezra? She looked over again, and the guilty weighed so heavily on her. Ezra needed to be with Atalia. Not just because it was planned from their childhood, but they were the best for each other. They knew what the other was going through and could be there for each other. They would be able to get married and understand the traditions that meant. They would have children and be able to raise them Jewish easily. Marta was doing her best to learn something that a Jewish person learns throughout their entire life. Cramming 17 years of knowledge and believes into your mind can be overwhelming. Marta has enjoyed the things she learned, and she would continue to pursue it, but maybe she needed a different teacher.

When Ezra came over to her, she could see the anger in his eyes. She is assuming whatever he and Atalia spoke about had to do with the recent deaths in their neighborhood. Marta hated that every night she got to go home to her safe, warm house, when Ezra and his family were at risk. Marta had nightmares of the gestapo raided his house, for no reason, and taking Ezra from his bed and killing him.

Once Ezra was seated next to her, she looked at him and tried to smile, but it was too hard. She wasn't sure what to say or what to do. So for now, she settled with taking his hand into hers delicately. Why couldn't they just run away and be together somewhere safe? They could start a new life for themselves. Ezra would continue to teach her the ways of Judaism, and they would build a home together, and maybe one day fill it with children. But Marta knew that that was impossible. Ezra may care for her, he may even love her, but his devotion to his family and his people was everlasting. Marta didn't want to take him away from that and she couldn't. She knew if she asked, Ezra may say yes, but she wouldn't do that to him.

"I think...." she started to say, but paused. "Ezra, I think it best if we stop seeing one another."

Marta didn't know how he would react. Would he be relieved? Would he be angry? Would he cry? Would he tell her she is crazy for putting him through all of this just to end it? That is most likely what would happen, and Marta knows what damage she has caused is irreversible, but she couldn't bare knowing how much worse it could get.