Lady Seraphina

Feedback Wanted: Noir esque superhero story (Short)

Is there expected to be more? Cause it seemed kind of hap hazardous for something that short, or even just for an intro. I realize that the world itself must be introduced but the focus keeps jumping from one thing to the next, first to the burn boy, next to the cop, then to a bank robbery and back to the burn boy. There's also a number of things mentioned that were entirely failed to explain. What do you mean getting an 'occurrence' when someone gets there powers, why would this be the norm to the point where a cop can straight up say someone was lying if they claim otherwise. How do they know the kid is pyrokinetic? From the looks of it he was pulled out of a burning building so burns would be expected, was there precedent of him controlling fire previously, is there some sort of proof that he has these powers? While the security escorting him is impressive why wouldn't they be wearing fire proof gear, or slap the kid in some sort of cuffs that negate his powers.

Overall it looks like a promising premise but through most of it the writing is focused on the wrong details. Sort of gives the reader a 'huh' reaction and while I can answer most of my own questions none of them are self explanatory which requires me to essentially assume bits and pieces of story which overall just isn't good story telling. You style isn't bad and you have a solid idea but it needs serious ironing out.

All In (Video Game Multiverse)

@Kafka Komedy What's the difference between SP and Magic? Also can anyone in the BD universe learn magic or is it specific to particular people, like a genetic trait?

All In (Video Game Multiverse)

@Prince of Seraphs Ah, I think you are referring to the Holy Pillar. That's not where magic comes from, that's simply a huge pillar of transdimensional energy (SP, as it's called in game). It normally allows travel between parallel universes, but said energies can also be harnessed to alter time. The heroes have a device that can store a little of said energy. They can use it to briefly stop time, but if there is enough SP, then the Compass of Space and Time can send users through time, either forwards or backwards. At least, that's how i understand it.

As for the crystals, they seem to power the world's magic, since, although everyone can use magic freely once they're destroyed, the oceans stagnate and the wind refuses to blow.

@Kafka Komedy

I've never played the game I'm just working off of what you've talking about IC. So in Bravely Default magical power previously stored in crystals used as a power source is then released essentially making the source the Bravely Default environment? Am I getting that right?

All In (Video Game Multiverse)

In Fire Emblem, I believe magic is derived from natural ability in an individual and then channeled outward through the use of tomes and staves.

@Lugubrious

Magic in Bravely Default is a channeled purely through the user, Draining there "MP" which probably stands for some kind of stamina considering some non-magical attacks use it.

@Kafka Komedy

But it doesn't have an external source like in Guilty Gear or some of the Final Fantasy games such as a God of Magic or some form of other realm.

In Bravely Default for instance wasn't there a pillar of pure magical energy that Kaiser tapped into for time travel.

All In (Video Game Multiverse)

@Lugubrious@Kafka Komedy
Whats the source of magic in Fire Emblem and Bravely Default respectively.

All In (Video Game Multiverse)

@Kafka Komedy it's coming to Gourd Lake, Hyrule has its own plot owl making an appearance.

So give me time to get up a Terra post before Giage pushes things forward.

Heroes of Beacon - the Next Chapter

Hey @Lugubrious I believe there was some discussion about whether Beacon had a garage where one of the teams could store an SUV or some such. I believe I've located precedent.

The appearance of the Unsubtle in the Armory garage made Oswald chuckle from deep in his chest. "Fuckin' Marcus. I could not be with a better team leader, for the love of all that is good in the world." The professor's interest in the marvel of engineering was quite apparent, and it made quite a bit of sense. How could one look at that thing without experiencing some sense of awe? Even Oswald, as simple as he was, couldn't help but get excited as he thought of how much work and machinery went into the tank sitting in the class.

Oswald Connoly

Heroes of Beacon - the Next Chapter

Sapphire Rode - Infirmary

As Sapphire could have guessed from the shape that Oswald was in his mission hadn't gone particularly well. Sapphire could surmise that much like the previous week it had been what should have been a fairly generic situation that became something much more dangerous after the fact. After all these were supposed to be training missions. If they'd known from the start this much damage could occur a professional hunter's team would have been deployed instead of students. Sapphire hoped this wasn't going to develop into a pattern for Team Codex as they seemed to have had a bad run of luck their last couple of tries.

Sapphire winced slightly at Oswald's choice of words to describe Swansong's mission status. Swimmingly. "Clearly Shiro's been doing more than just asking about how your mission went." She said slightly pointedly but really it was more Shiro she was annoyed with than Oswald. Then again what did she expect, the tiger faunus had no filter. Sapphire had a sudden sinking feeling that her aquaphobia would be common knowledge among the students by the time the weekend was over.

Both Sapphire and Oswald's missions had succeeded overall but evidently both considered them failures for one reason or another. Oswald's reasoning at that moment though seemed a lot more valid than Sapphire's. It was hard to call a mission a success when three members ended up critically wounded by the end. Sapphire's problems with her team dynamic seemed rather petty by comparison.

She didn't want to pry into it though. At least not right now when it was so fresh. At some point Oswald would come to her or one of his other friends to talk but right after it happened was not the time for that. He was likely still at the stage when he could see it every time he closed his eyes.

"You don't have to talk about it right now." she said. There was a certain look in her eye that for most would be hard to place. One that said I've had it that bad before but it was gone in a few seconds replaced by her normal expression which either conveyed I'm concentrating deeply or I want to hit something. It was often hard to tell which.

At the moment the best thing Sapphire could think to do would be to get Oswald to focus on something else. It's what Cecily always did for her. "Were'd you grow up Oswald? From the way you train I'd be inclined to think it was somewhere near the Gates of Hell."
@MULTI_MEDIA_MAN

Heroes of Beacon - the Next Chapter

@MULTI_MEDIA_MAN Did Sapphire ever hear where Oswald comes from? I know there was a conversation about it in the cafeteria during first day of classes but I don't remember if Sapphire had left by that time or not.

Heroes of Beacon - the Next Chapter

I really need to see that movie. Everyone tells me how good Studio Ghibli movies are, but the only one I've seen was Spirited Away I think.

@Guess Who

The Borrowers.