megatrash

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Cameron smirked after Justin had woken her up and executed his plan for escaping. She was lucky to have found someone with the will to live and carry on, because hers was feigning, and with the wrong influence, she would have probably been dead by now. Or worse.

It took one or two throws for her to successfully get the rope up to Justin, and as he braced him, she flexed her hands a few times before grabbing onto it. After a silent struggle, minus a few curses, Cameron had made her way to the edge of the pit, wrapped her arms in Justin, and was lifted out. There was no time for a break, as it was uncertain how long they would be alone on the ground, so she nodded to him, and they both crouched down and ran out silently to the edge of the settlement that was lined by a thick wall of trees that danced slowly in the breeze. It was dark, albeit a small amount of light cast by the full moon above them.

Once they got into the dense forest, they had to move slowly: 1) to avoid making too much noise, and 2) because using a torch or light would give away their location. Any time they heard the noise of rustling leaves or a twig snap, they would freeze for a minute, but those minutes felt like hours in the dark silence that engulfed them. The fact was that with every hang up that they faced on their trip, they were losing precious time, time before they were caught by someone who had move evil intentions for them than the primitive group they had just escaped from.

Based on the moon’s position in the sky, they had been walking north for almost two hours. Cameron tugged on Justin’s shirt to signal him to stop, and after checking the floor of leaves and dirt below her, she plopped down and took a deep breath. Her stamina was increasing with her latest “adventures,” but she still had her limits, which she had just reached. Between deep breaths, she whispered quietly to Justin.

“So,” she smiled briefly as she spoke. “I have no idea where we are. Or where we were.”

A few breaths.

“But, we’ve got to get to Portland before anyone else does.”

A few more.

“Unless they have already.” Cameron’s eyes scanned their surroundings but ultimately landed on the man in front of her. “Thank you for getting us out of there. I, uh, lately I’ve been a bit hopeless. I’m glad I haven’t brought you down.” She smiled faintly and stretched a hand out so that he could help her stand, and once she was vertical, she swept the dirt off her lower half, dug around for the fabric she used in her hair, and quickly maneuvered the black mane up into a knot on her head. She was sweaty. Tired. Blood spattered. But that didn’t matter right now.

“Are you okay to continue? You haven’t gotten much sleep since we’ve crossed paths.” She stepped closer to him to observe his face, or at least what she could see. “You look pretty beat, no offense,” she laughed as she stepped back again and looked around them, a habit she had picked up since her long walk. A paranoid habit. “I’m good to keep moving or good to rest. Your call.”

In all honesty, Cameron was exhausted, but Justin had done so much for her at this point that she was willing to do what he asked. He deserved it. But she also had a feeling that he may push himself to his limits before he took care of himself. A redeeming quality, sure, but in a time like this where split second decisions need to be made, it may have been for the best if he got to rest.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane resulted in hiding in the van with a cup of warm water. She was practically swarmed when she walked into the venue which, to her surprise, overwhelmed her completely. It was possibly because she was tired or had a lot on her mind, but talking to everyone made her feel like she was suffocating. Somehow, her mind always went back to one thing though, and Jane sighed in frustration when Rob crashed her thoughts.

After checking the time, Jane hopped out of the van and entered a side door that led her directly to side stage. She did her sound check, trying her hardest to make sure her voice was okay, and then it was time. The band took the stage under the bright, warm lights, and as they all got situated, she looked to Rob, and her eyes lingered on him for a few moments. Maybe it was the outfit, maybe it was the drinks she had earlier, but he looked so attractive as he sat there. It was as if she had a blindfold on all of these years, one Rob removed when he told her how he felt.

Memories of their friendship flashed before her eyes as she watched him tweak his drum set. Laughs, fights, tears, moments like their night on the roof. She couldn't decide whether the memories made her happy or sad, but Jane knew she didn't want to throw them away. And she knew right then that she couldn't bear to lose him no matter what they decided to do.

When she caught his gaze, she smirked and nodded, but a figure to the side of the stage in her peripheral vision caught her attention. Anna. She caught a cold stare from her, and instead of shooting one back, Jane shifted her focus on the crowd.

"Hey, everyone. We're In Bloom from Long Beach. "
The crowd cheered, and Jane used her fingers to clear her hair from her face.
"Look, I'm not gonna lie to you people. My throat fucking hurts, so if you know any of the words, help me out and sing 'em with me, yeah?"
The crowd cheered once more.
"Sick. Thanks."

-----------------------------------------

As soon as the show ended, Jane got off stage and dashed outside into the alleyway next to the venue, where she leaned up against the brick wall resting her hands on her knees and trying to catch her breath. Her voice was done, yet she managed to push through the show as if it were okay, and soon, a wave of nausea crash over her, and she threw up on the street.

"Fuck," she squeaked after her stomach was done, and she wiped her mouth with an arm and looked both ways. Thank God. No people. No fans. No band. No Rob. Jane wasn't sure what was happening to her, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it was all mental. She was completely consumed with not only the growing popularity of her band, but also with the fact that she would have to completely open up and spill her heart out. That wasn't what Jane did. Ever.

She sighed and walked back to the van and got in the drivers seat as the trailer was loaded. Jane's thoughts were now on the past four days. She hadn't picked anyone up or fooled around with anyone since Rob confessed his feelings to her; it didn't feel right. But, she could feel herself growing antsy, and Jane knew when she got antsy, she usually ended up doing something stupid.

Once everyone was in the van, Jane took off down the road and sighed. "Good job tonight, fellas. Every show we've played so far has been so solid. I love you guys," Jane admitted. She hadn't given them enough credit for what they did every night. For the band. For her.

Once they arrived at the hotel, Jane looked to Rob as they stood at the side of the van. "We, uh, we don't have to hang out tonight if you're tired," she pushed out. Why was she so nervous to hang out with the man she spent the past six years with? It bothered her completely, but she tried to keep her demeanor calm, and she forced a smile as she grabbed her bag from the backseat and headed into the hotel and eventually up to her room, where she changed into a gray tank top and a pair of boxers she slept in. And of course, she showered and brushed her teeth (and prayed she wouldn't need to puke again that night.)

A cup of warm tea with honey and whiskey was prepared and steaming on the table as Jane opened the hotel room window and looked out at the dark sky, a sort of ceiling housing the bustling city below her.

Jane jumped at the sound of her vibrating phone on the wooden nightstand.
"Hey, boss," Jane joked. It was Sam's dad.
"Hi, Jane. Sorry to bother you this late. Your numbers are still skyrocketing. I've been getting calls from radio station after radio station, even a few labels. It's amazing!" His voice was genuinely enthusiastic, and Jane matched it.
"That's awesome. Thanks for the update."
He cleared his throat. Of course that wasn't the only reason he called. "I heard there has been some...drama, for lack of a better word."
Jane sighed. "Everything's fine. We're okay."
"Alright." He didn't sound too convinced. "I need you to behave. God knows what articles they're already writing about In Bloom's wild front woman, we don't need any other bad press. And you know that you're going to have to convince them to write more music like the single. That ain't gonna work if you're breaking their hearts or getting fucked up and sleeping around. I need you to get it together."
His words cut her deep. "I've got it. Good night."

She abruptly ended the call, threw the phone on the bed, and rested her hands on the cold window sill. As much as they thought the tour would grant them more freedom, it looked as though the more attention they got, the more they would be micromanaged, but Jane never did well with people telling her what to do. It usually lit a rebellious fire in her, just like the one she was feeling right then.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

-----Three days later-----

A new, temporary peace was found between Jane and Rob since they fell asleep, their bodies intertwined on the rooftop. They had woken up and not mentioned a word of it to each other, just like old days, and a smile was plastered on her face for the rest of that day. Although she felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off their shoulders, she knew it wouldn't last. She knew she would have to search deep down inside herself to get the answers Rob deserved. Leaving him in this purgatory wasn't fair to him, but at the same time, Jane was probably just as confused. He had always been her best friend, her confidant, her safety blanket. She tried to not thing of those qualities in him gone, but now that she knew how Rob truly felt about her, she remained slightly guarded around him.

Three shows in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Tennessee went smoothly, and the attention that In Bloom had been receiving was growing with each city. Money was pouring in from online and show purchases, and calls were coming in from booking managers to fill the band's off nights and also asking what the probability of extending their tour looked like.

Their first night off in six days was scheduled for tomorrow, and as much as Jane would have loved to squeeze in an extra show, her voice needed a rest. It always sounded raspy and tired, but with each show, she got off stage with her throat hurting worse and worse, and she knew if she didn't get a break soon, she may damage something. She desperately needed a quiet night with honey, tea, and sleep.

Their drive today from Memphis to Raleigh was long - 11 hours - and they arrived at 7:00 pm. Their set times had been getting later and later due to the band's growing popularity, and they were scheduled to play at 10:00pm with their load in at 9:00pm.

Jane spent an hour in her hotel room alone before the show, most of it in the shower trying to let the steam sooth her vocal chords. Upon exiting its warmth, she got a knock on the door. Austin.

"Hey, J. How's the voice holding up?" Austin asked gently, rustling the wet hair on the top of her head.
Jane laughed and smacked his hand away. "I'll be fine. Gotta go easy on the cigarettes tonight." She always said that but never followed through. Limiting herself in any way was a major weakness.
"Alright," he sighed and looked to her sternly. "You and Rob have been getting along lately. Wanna fill me in?"
Jane's eyes darted away from his. "Uh, nothing to fill you in on. We talked. Everything's cool."
Austin scoffed. "Doesn't look like it," he replied, bending down so she'd look at him. "You left him hanging, didn't you?"
She groaned. "How the fuck do you know everything?"
He smiled, satisfied. "Look, I know you're not gonna follow anyone's advice. But, that's not really fair to him, is it?"
"I know, I know." Jane shrugged. "But, Austin, Rob isn't like me. He deserves someone who'll wanna settle down, have kids and a mortgage or some shit. I don't want any of that. And yeah, I love him. But I can't pick apart what that love is, you know? He's been with me for so long that I don't know how I feel. That's just how it's always been. We've been each other's. But... not. God, I sound fucking stupid." She put her fingers up to the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. "We're on tour, man. We were all supposed to be having fun, getting fucked up, sowing our seeds."
This made them both laugh.
Austin hugged her tiny body and sighed. "I know, J. I know. But if you love Rob as much as you say you do, and I know you do, you gotta make an effort to deal with it, or else it's gonna blow up and ruin everything."
Jane nodded. "Yeah," she mumbled. "I'll figure something out."

----------------------------------------

After getting dressed in a tie dye shirt and jean shorts, Jane made a hot cup of tea and headed down to the lobby of the hotel to meet with the rest of the band. The places they were staying at were nicer and nicer, and Jane kept feeling the eyes of the staff staring at her bare feet, which just made her laugh. No one was born with shoes, right?

When Rob made his way down to the lobby, Jane flashed him a genuine smile. She tried to push down the thoughts of her having to open up to him, and instead focused on how great things had been lately. But Jane knew one thing, at least: her physical attraction to Rob had been growing. Usually when people admitted feelings for her, she was instantly turned off by them, but after the night on the roof, of him holding her, she began noticing things about him she didn't before. How well-built he was, his large, calloused hands, his mannerisms and movements, his dark eyes. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her not to act on her thoughts. It was new territory for Jane.

"Hey," she nudged him. "A night off tomorrow, huh? That's gonna be nice." Her voiced cracked at the end of her sentence. "Obviously I need it," she sighed as she eyed the car loop outside of the hotel.
"Maybe we can hang out. Relax, watch a movie or something?"
Jane's thoughts immediately switched from innocent ideas for their night to panic. What if their conversations turned serious? What if he tells her more than he already did? What if -

"Come on, guys!" Sam honked the horn of the van as he pulled up in front of the hotel, and Jane quickly ran out and hopped in the passenger seat. She needed to chill out before she ruined the vibe they created. Things would be fine. She hoped, anyway.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Awesome -- Working on something now!
If I don't talk to you, have a great weekend :)

***Sorry, wasn't able to get one out on Friday. I am working on something for you now!

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

As Jane was awoken out of a pot-fueled sleep, she could tell by the look on Rob’s face that he was about to unload on her everything that he had been bottling up. She braced herself – mentally and physically – as she sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Instantly, she felt remorse for bringing him to this point. He seemed so… rigid. Broken. Upset. If she had just left him alone, let it work it out himself, maybe he wouldn’t be in such a condition. But as she listened to him speak, Jane grew to be concerned about more than just his mental state.

”He’s not gonna…”

"I’ve never felt like this about anyone”

”Oh, no.”

Goosebumps scattered across her skin. His words were reaching out and choking her. Jane’s fight-or-flight instincts were kicking in, telling her to run away as fast as she could from the situation as if it’d disappear on its own. As if that would be the cure to the disease that had been eating away at both of them. But instead of escaping, she sat there, her knees gripped to her chest, and she burned a hole in the ground with her stare.

”Maybe he didn’t mean it like that. I pushed him too far. I’m making him say things he doesn’t – “

"And I have to tell you…you’re more than that to me now.”

”Shit.”

Jane was bad enough at handling her emotion – she often just swept them under the rug and hope they’d dissolve– but she was significantly more inadequate to handle others' feelings. Especially when they involved her. That’s why she didn’t get into relationships. That’s why at any sign of feelings other than physical, she cut ties. But now, she couldn’t do that. Especially to the man she had been badgering to talk to her. But, if she couldn’t cut him out, if she couldn’t run away from him, what could she do?

If Jane new one thing, it was that she wasn’t built for commitment. A powerful sex drive mixed with a tendency to get bored quickly. If she believed that things could be kept casual, they wouldn’t have to deal with this issue at all. They could hook up and still have their separate fun. But the way that Rob was laying his feelings out on the table, it didn’t sound like he wanted to get laid and high-five in the meantime. His words were said in such a matter-of-fact presentation that Jane knew she couldn’t spin them any other way.

He had feelings for her.

And she would probably break his heart.

"Rob..." her raspy voice said quietly. That was all she could push out.

Instead of hiding away from the confrontation, instead of trying to talk her way out of the awkwardness, Jane got up on her knees, moved over to him as soon as he finished speaking, and she hugged him. Tightly. Even though things were now more complicated than she had anticipated, she didn’t want to scare him off from opening up to her. That was what she had been begging for. She didn’t want to break his heart. So she sat there for a minute and embraced him.

When she finally released Rob, she pulled out the joint that tucked behind her ear, ignited it, and moved to the makeshift bed that she had abandoned earlier. She patted the pillow to signal him to lay down, and when he obliged, she rested her head on his chest and threw her arm around his stomach after passing him the joint.

Although it was not her intention, Jane realized that this was maybe a cop out. Perhaps verbalizing her thoughts was what Rob deserved. But, she had been waiting for a moment of peace with him for so long that ruining it seemed like a sin. The warm air and the stars above them were like so many other nights they had shared, but this one was different. The truth lingering between them would now change the meaning behind their actions. Simple touches, words, nights spent together. It was all different now.

Jane rose a bit and grabbed her headphones, sticking one in Rob’s ear and the other in her own, scrolling through her music until she found the song she wanted. Cutting My Fingers Off by Turnover began at a low volume, and Jane took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her arm squeezing Rob’s torso. Part of her wanted to kiss him so badly, be intimate with him, make them both feel better, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. She couldn’t use him to numb her feelings, whatever they were.

So instead trying to fix things the wrong way, she laid on him, listening to his heart beat and moving with the slight rise and fall of his breathing. It felt so good and natural to be there with him. But her mind lingered on what to do, playing out scenario after scenario of what would happen if she tried to make things work with Rob, or if she denied him. Either one could end in her losing him, permanently, and that was what scared her the most other than breaking his heart. She eventually drifted off to sleep, though, her hand resting on his stomach and her face buried in his chest.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

You can totally go ahead if you'd like! You can throw in there that Cameron shook her head to keep things moving.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Thank! Heads up, I plan on my next post detailing the rescue mission from the unknown settlement, but anything you wanna do is fine with me!

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Justin seemed to be way more polite to the tribal group than she wanted to be. Dried blood pulled at the back of her neck as Cameron moved her head, making her wince. The woman getting close to her, observing her, made her tense up as if she was ready to be attacked, and it was noted by the group surrounding them. She couldn't push herself to answer the question.

"Please, do not be afraid, girl. The best thing you could do for your people is be grateful for the hospitality we've shown you." A finger lifted Cameron's chin so that she'd make eye contact with the considerably taller woman.

"You're fine, you're fine, you'll be okay."

Cameron opened her tightly sealed eyes and looked into the swirl of green and brown that was staring at her piercingly.

"Y-yes. We want the violence to end and to provide the means for our people to sustain life."

The woman's fingers on her chin tightened, and pulled Cameron closer to her face. "Those eyes. Almost no color in them. Your people were in Chesapeake."
Cameron winced. This was what she feared.
"Your people, girl, were responsible for the death of many of my men. My warriors."
She avoided eye contact with her until the hand that held her chin struck her across the face, followed by spit in her face after she nearly ricocheted off the dirt floor.

"Our guests are staying," the stern voice boomed in the cell as she tugged on the rope. Men above worked to pull each of the savages up out of the prison, and after all were on ground successfully, the door was closed and the large rock was moved back it its place.

Cameron wiped her mouth with her arm, and the blood smeared as it mixed with her sweat. Her white shirt was also spattered with a deep red hue. She didn't bother to look up at Justin. Any chance of them leaving the settlement in a peaceful arrangement were thrown out the window because of her. Where she was from. At least it confirmed her suspicions of Chesapeake's elders being in bed with the wrong group.

A sigh escaped her as her head landed in her heads, blood still pooling at her lips. "I'm sorry," she muttered. Cameron finally gathered the courage to look up at the man. "I'll get us out. I promise."

On that note, she stood up with a grunt and collected the supplies they had left them. She eyed the rope and then the latch sealing the hole.

"If we throw this rope up and hang it over the door, we can light it, and it should burn the branches and make the rock drop." Cameron sighed. "Then we wouldn't be able to use it to climb out."

She paced back and forth until she grew exhausted and looked to Justin. "I know you're probably sick of hearing it, but I'm sorry." After plopping down onto the ground next to him, her eyes met his green ones. "We'll figure it out."

A few minutes passed in silence, and Cameron laid down and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible. "Good night, Justin." As much as she would like to think she could get them out, save the day, her options were limited, and the chance of them working were slim to none. Her thoughts when back to the man with arrows jutting out of his neck, his eyeballs missing, and the fact that it could be their fate soon was becoming more and more probable.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

I really enjoyed how you described them. And yes, same here :D

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

As Jane watched him approach the van, she knew instantly. “He’s drunk,” she mumbled to Sam and Austin before he hopped in, and unleashed his sarcastic enthusiasm on everyone. Jane wanted to scream, but instead, she kept quiet and calm until they reached their destination. That didn’t keep her mind from wandering though; she caught her eyes drifting from the road in front of her to the rear view mirror, watching Rob listen to his music in solitude.

Why was Rob so destroyed on the inside? If it wasn’t the single, if it really was just him, why couldn’t he talk to her about it? Why was she getting the brunt of his frustration?

Another dark venue. Another crowd. Another long night ahead.

Jane was having getting into the mindset to get on stage, desperately flipping through the songs on her phone to try to find something to fuel her, but nothing was working. She couldn’t even find the desire to drink before her set – which had truly never happened before. But, she forced herself to down a few shots of tequila, and the warmth that they sent through her body gave her the chills.

If she was honest with herself, she most likely had a problem. Not a drinking problem, a drug problem. Just a problem. Jane had difficulty doing the day to day without something to get her by, and her vices all took turns in keeping her numb enough to not deal with the issues of her heart and her mind. Some days, it was drugs. Weed, hallucinogens, select pills. Booze. Others, it was sex. And lastly, it was doing something risky. Sometimes Jane would bomb a hill on her longboard she knew she probably couldn’t handle, go out for a barreling wave in the ocean that she knew would consume her, or even stand on the ledges of rooftops she would sneak up on late at night when she couldn’t sleep. But contrary to what actions like this may describe about an individual, Jane didn’t have a death wish. Quite the opposite, actually. She wanted to live uninhibited by the restraints emotions and attachments placed on her.

One exception to the rules, though, was when her and Rob would hang out. Not currently, unfortunately, but when they were in the depths of their friendship, Jane would almost forget about her emotional tug-of-war and was simply just able to be when they were together. Jane never felt the need to explain herself or try to be something she wasn’t. He made her feel like she was okay the way she was.

Well, he did. Not anymore. And that was probably why Jane was so torn up with his recent actions. She was pining for his attention. His friendship. For him to fucking talk to her like he used to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jane’s eyes scanned the bar to find Rob’s face in the sea of patrons – she felt that after the long, silent car ride that she should try to talk to him – but she had no luck locating him. ”Maybe he’s outside.”

After greeting a few fans, she pushed her way to the street and walked online the sidewalk when she spotted the van up ahead. And Rob. And a blonde. Who the hell was that?

Jane ducked behind another van that was parallel parked a few spots down from theirs, and she focused her eyes on the girl Rob was speaking to. “The Vultures groupie?” she mumbled to herself in confusion as she watched the events unfold in front of her before they closed the trailer’s latch, keeping whatever happened between them, well, between them. The kiss that they shared – it didn’t seem like something spontaneous – but more like an action they had been waiting to do. What they expected to do one they met up. Jane’s stomach flipped.

The alarm on her phone buzzed in her pocket, notifying her that it was time for sound check, and she nearly had to rip herself away from the view to go inside.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was time, once again. The bright lights illuminated the stage, and Jane greeted the crowd.

“Hey everyone,” she smiled as she gripped the microphone stand. “We’re In Bloom from Long Beach, California. Thanks for watching us.”

In the brief moment before the song began, Jane turn to Rob and caught his gaze. Her eyes blinked slowly, trying to absorb the picture of him now to replace the one of him and Anna in her head. Him and Adrianna.

Song one went well. Song two and three did too.

“Whew,” Jane exclaimed into the mic. “You guys are awesome. But, can someone, uh, can someone get me a shot of tequila?”
The crowd woo-ed in response, and not a minute later, a hand from the crowd poked out of the sea of dark, blurry faces with a shot glass.
“Thank you!” she yelled as she shot it back. “I’ll give you a shirt or something.”

Songs four, five and six, and of course, the single, were played smoothly. Although Jane’s voice sounded fine, her energy on stage wasn’t at max capacity. She moved around, interacted with the crowd, but something felt off. She wasn’t enjoying herself.

“We’re In Bloom. Thank you, everyone!”
The crowd cheered once more as they exited the stage. Jane searched for the quickest items she could grab and nearly ran out to the van so that she could sit for a minute. She hated giving a performance that wasn’t 100%.

As Rob, Sam and Austin tumbled in the van, she lifted her head that she rested on the steering wheel and ignited the engine, nodding at Rob’s praise. She didn’t want to look at him, and by his demeanor, he didn’t want to look at her either. Great.

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Jane showered at the hotel for a good half hour, turning the water so hot that it nearly burned her. A painful yet pleasurable feeling. Part of her never wanted to leave, but as the water began to turn cold, she hit the faucet forcefully and groaned as she stepped out onto the white linoleum floor. After checking her phone, seeing she had five minutes until Austin was to arrive, she quickly dug through her bag to to get a pair of gray pajama pants and a black tee shirt, and as soon as she lifted it over her head, a knock sounded at the door. “Coming!”

Austin set up his laptop and opened Netflix, and they both decided to watch Trainspotting for the hundredth time. One of Jane’s favorites. They smoked a couple joints as they sat on the bed together, and everything was okay for the moment, until tears began to well up in her eyes. He looked over, paused the movie immediately, and grabbed her head to pull it on his chest. That’s when she really began to cry.

“Aw, J, come on, J,” Austin attempted to calm her as he ran his fingers (or attempted to) through her wet hair. “J, what’s wrong?”
She waited a few moments to answering him, taking deep breaths and keeping her eyes shut. “Austin, I’ve… I’ve been trying. I really have. I don’t wanna lose him. But…” she trailed off with an involuntary inhale as a result of her crying. “He’d rather fuck Vulture’s roadie than try to fix things with me. He can’t even tell me what’s going on.”

Austin bit his tongue. He wanted to explain everything to her – every detail he had either heard straight from Rob, or picked up himself – but it wasn’t his place. Instead, he sighed and looked down to her on his check. “J. You’ve gotta talk to him. And I mean talk to him. Don’t tell him off and run away. You gotta let him get it out, too.”
Jane nodded silently to his suggestion. He was completely right. But, Jane always ran away for two reasons. 1. She couldn’t get hurt by the words he replied with. 2. She always wanted to see if he’d come after her.
“I’d do some self-reflection, too, J,” he sighed. “Sam’s my best friend, and I don’t get jealous when he fucks someone else.” That made them both laugh, but as soon as the room fell silent again, Austin’s words hit her like a brick.

He was right again, damn it. But what did it mean? Jane never really looked at Rob as anything other than her best friend. She found him attractive, of course, but that wasn’t necessarily something special, especially for someone like Jane. Is that why he was acting weird? Could he be feeling… different?

The movie eventually ended, and Austin and Jane said their goodbyes, closing the door behind him and locking the chain. She leaned against the door and stared at the empty hotel room in front of her. It was only 11:00pm according to the blinking clock on the dresser. Maybe Rob was still up. Maybe they could hang out like old days. Put all the weirdness behind them.

Jane unlocked the bolt again and slipped out into the hallway, the gaudy carpet stretching on for miles in front of her. “504” she breathed, reminding herself of his room number, and when she arrived, she put her fist up to knock when she heard something. Someone. Jane placed both of her hands flat on the cold, white door and pressed an ear to it. A woman’s voice. Then Rob’s. Then hers again.

Jane was an idiot. He wasn’t treating her so strangely because he had feelings for her, she figured, but because he didn’t have them anymore.

Her forehead pressed into the door for a minute, hands remaining at either side of her face, as the self-loathing kicked in, and after listening to the muffled voices, she lifted herself off the door and walked back to her room slowly. Well, what the hell was she going to do now?
Eventually, after she had scribbled a note that said, “Not dead. On the roof.” and left it on her pillow just in case Austin or Sam came looking for her and to avoid any panic on their behalf, Jane made her way up to the roof of the hotel with a blanket and an extra pillow. Her ear buds playing Glass Arm Shattering by Porcupine Tree softly as background noise; this song always gave her the chills. The city life was bustling below her, but up here was where she found had found the most peace in weeks.

Maybe Jane wasn’t as prepared as the thought to hash things out with Rob. She spent these days so sure she was right about everything, now she wasn’t sure of anything. Exhausted by the millions of thoughts trashing around in her head, she eventually drifted to sleep under the stars above her.