megatrash

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Cameron was brought back to consciousness by the feeling of a strong grip on each of her thighs, yet was still very groggy from the injury she sustained.

“What’s going – “

Her voice trailed off when she realized what Justin was about to do: pull out the arrow from her side. “Shit,” she muttered as she squeezed her eyes shut and bit into her left arm moments before used his strength to remove it. An involuntary shriek was released from her lips as it exited her stomach, and if it wasn’t for Jes’s arms holding her, she probably would have kicked Justin forcefully.

Waves of adrenaline, pain, and heat coursed through her body as her muscles relaxed, causing her to fall back down onto the table with a thud. Cameron didn’t move as the two worked to bandage her – only to wipe the sweat that had accumulated on her forehead – and felt relief once she was tightly bound by gauze at her waist.

Her eyes were closed, but Justin’s question caused a faint smile. “I’ll be fine,” she replied with a breathy voice. “Didn’t expect to go down that quickly,” she chuckled as she popped an eye open to look at him. “I don’t mean this as sarcastically as it sounds, but thanks for ripping that arrow out of my stomach.” She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath; she was dizzy from the blood loss and the pain of the extraction, causing her attempt to sit up to be futile. “Can you get me to a chair?”

She wrapped an arm around Justin’s shoulders and grunted as she hobbled over to one of the chairs near where the group had settled in.

“We need to be more careful,” a man spoke passionately. “We can’t afford to lose anyone else. Saul was one of our best fighters.”

“He’s right,” a woman chimed in. “At this rate, only three of us will make it up to Portland whole.”

Cameron’s thoughts focused on the possible survivors of Omega that were left behind. “How many attackers were there?”

“Looked to be about seven, maybe eight.”

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Is there a possibility that any of them escaped?”

“We have no way of knowing,” the passionate man spoke again with a scoff.

“Then whatever survivors trying to find us could be in danger. They’ll never make if if the savages know where our safehouse is.” Cameron looked to Justin with lips pursed in thought. “We should do something. They’ll get slaughtered.”

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Hope you're having a splendid Tuesday. Will have something to you before I leave the office today :)

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane’s eyes widened gradually as Rob confessed how he had been feeling about their time together. Although she wanted to talk about everything with him, she didn’t expect him to pour out his emotions to her like he just had, and it, for a few moments, put her in a state of shock.

“I, uh,” she began, “thanks for telling me.” She rubbed an eye and straightened her postures o that she could face him with her legs crossed in front of her.

What was she supposed to say to him? Any sort of clear thought she had in her head before she was face to face with him now vanished instantly, leaving her struggling to find words to describe how she felt. It wasn’t like Jane wanted things to end with Rob; that was the opposite, actually. But then what did she want?

“I think, for the first time, I really don’t know what I want.” It felt so idiotic coming out of her mouth. Clichéd. Like no matter how much she meant the sentiment, it sounded so disingenuous. But it was the truth.

“You’re great, Rob. You wouldn’t have been my best friend this whole time if you weren’t, you know?” Jane paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. “But, all this weirdness in the air. The fact that you don’t wanna deal with whatever issues come up, it’s like… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too much to deal with.”

Her own words cut her deep.

“It was different when I was just your friend, yeah? Although you always took care of me, it’s different now. I can tell by the way you look at me.” Her eyes shot down at the floor as if she was unable to both be truly honest with him and handle his glare at the same time. Jane felt extremely vulnerable in that moment, and her knees subconsciously made their way up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them as some sort of protection.

“I’m a large pill to swallow. I’ve always known it. I guess I thought you already knew it, too.” Her chin rested one of her scarred knees as she spoke, but as she finished her sentence, her lips pressed against it as she sat in thought, deliberating on how to continue.

“I love you, Rob. I always will. Our friendship has already made you staple in my life. I love the sex. I love the time I spend with you. Laughing with you, playing music with you…” her voice trailed off. “I’m just afraid that one fight or one thing going wrong will make me lose you. That’s all I thought about when the pictures were leaked.”

She felt her voice waver and immediately stopped speaking before it got worse. Her forehead now rested on her knees as she sat in silence across from Rob until she mustered up the courage to continue.

“If you aren’t ready for all this, I get it,” she voice said quietly, muffled by her legs.

Maybe she had been right all along – if her and Rob got into something more serious than just a friendship, she could lose him forever if things went south. It all hurt so much; Jane felt as though she was crumbling, and the fact that her prideful inner-voice was berating her for it right now made matters worse.

Rob seemed to already be gripping onto the last amounts of freedom he could find now, and Jane worried if she would start to feel that way, too. Currently, she had no desires to sleep with anyone else, but how long would that really last?

Jane couldn’t bring head back up to face him, so she sat there in silence waiting for Rob to tell her what he wanted.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Posted and got a bit dramatic. See what happens when you leave me for too long??? :p

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

To be frank, the attack on what was left of Omega was a shit show. Cameron was running on pure adrenaline from the moment she took off with the man who got killed to until they reached the safe house that the crew she was with seemed to know of.

She had finally felt a cool sense of relief wash over her until Justin's words crept into her ears. Cameron immediately began to scan the surrounding area with wide eyes. "I think you're spooked, man," she whispered with a smile. She had an innate sense of awareness of her surroundings, and nothing had triggered her to think something or someone may have been following them. She understood the paranoia, though - probably better than anyone else in their group, so she promised herself to keep a watchful eye out on his behalf.

Cameron took a moment to truly absorb how lucky she had been to come across a man like Justin. She hadn't taken off on that four day walk with any hope for herself, let alone humanity. Now here she was, fighting side by side with the man who had not only saved her, but instilled a sense of hopefulness within her that she didn't know she could possess.

Jes unlocked the sturdy wooden door with a key she had hanging around her neck and pushed it open with great force until it widened to its capacity. "Come on," she signaled to the crowd behind her, but as they all began to funnel in behind her, a woosh split though the silent air, and immediately, Cameron felt a burning sensation in her side.

She swiveled around to see a primitive man lurking behind a staircase of an abandoned apartment building. All Cameron could do was point towards the man before she collapsed in pain and went to grip her stomach, only to be blocked by the stick of an arrow, it's sharp end buried in her flesh.

Her vision became blurry, and her hearing became muffled, and she only caught a glimpse of Jes jumping over her to attack the man along with the most of the group. "Kill him... They'll know... we're here if..." Cameron's attempts at forming a sentence fell flat. The warm blood pooling at her stomach began trickling down to her legs. Her consciousness was fading fast, and she looked up to Justin momentarily, only to offer a sincere smile. "Get up... to Portland... with or without me."

The black fuzziness that had been clouding her vision had now completely consumed it, and Cameron fell forward backward as she slipped into unconsciousness.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane awoke slowly in a drug-induced haze, and without a thought, reached an arm over to grasp Rob beside her only to be grip the sheets next to her. An eye popped open at the discovery of him not being next to her, and she groaned at remembering that he hadn't come back with her. She was flooded with an almost immediate sensation of loneliness.

"Shit."

Jane never enjoyed physical loneliness. She filled nights and mornings with one night stands or friends to touch and hold, sensually or platonic, to keep any notion of isolation at bay. But mentally? No. Jane loved her freedom and the lack of attachment she felt to the world. The feeling that if she died, she would have no one to truly miss in the afterlife. She thrived on it.

But, now? Here she was, alone in a big bed, not only craving to be held and touched, but to be cared for, to be asked how she was and to have conversations about anything however trivial or important, to be comforted, but most importantly, to be loved and appreciated.

All by Rob.

The thought made her shudder. She was growing to be dependent on him - a characteristic in people she hated.

After the revelation, however, she still attempted to call Rob, only for it to go straight to voicemail.

She scratched at her messy hair with frustration before forcing herself out of bed out to the patio to enjoy a joint and a cigarette.

After staring at the shattered screen for a moment, she sent out two texts, one to Austin, and another to Andy, but they both read the same:

"Come smoke with me."

A half an hour later, both Andy and Austin were on the patio with Jane, passing a blunt back and forth and drinking beers. The two had seemed to hit it off: they had similar taste in music and were laughing and joking together. Both had long hair and the same clothing style.

"Thanks for coming over, guys," Jane smiled in sincerity as she passed the blunt to Austin and held the smoke in her lungs.

Austin nodded. "Of course, J. Where's Rob?"

Andy answered. "He went off with Trent and Zoe somewhere. Haven't heard from them since."

Jane did her best to keep a poker face, but Austin, as always, read her like a book.

"What's wrong, J?" Austin asked as he passed the blunt to Andy.

"Nothing, nothing," she replied quietly as she shook her head.

"Oh come on, I know you better than that. And after I read your lyrics, I definitely know it's not only the pressure from the next leg of the tour."

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know, man. Things are just... weird. It's like, every time we have a good day, it's followed by a weird one. There's always some sort of unspoken tension in the air."

"Jane, if you don't mind me asking, why are you even in a relationship?" Andy asked, handing the paraphernalia to her.

"What does that mean?" Jane asked as her curious expression turned to an annoyed one.

"He's right, dude," Austin began. "I would've bet a grand that I wouldn't see you dating someone within the next five years, let alone on tour. With Rob."

"I mean, he wanted something exclusive. I guess I kinda made a sacrifice so I could be with him."

Andy passed her the blunt. "You sacrificed your freedom because you wanted to try things with him," he clarified. "Well, what did Rob sacrifice, then?"

"I don't know," Jane breathed out along with smoke. "Being with someone emotionally stable? Someone who's tits and ass aren't all over the Internet? Someone who will never settle down or want kids and shit?"

"But, J," Austin shook his head, "he knew you were all those things. He still went for it." Austin plucked the blunt from her fingers and took a hit. "Did you know Rob would want you two to be exclusive?"

"No, I guess not. I mean, I knew it was an option, but I didn't really expect him to ask it of me."

Andy jumped in. "I know it's none of our business, but why are you the one here feeling all upset about the relationship while he's out with Zoe?"

His words hit Jane like a ton of bricks. "I don't..." Her voice trailed off.

"I know it's hard to hear, J," Austin said quietly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "But, you haven't been yourself since you've been with Rob. You're not as confident and fun. You seem like you're always off. Questioning yourself."

Jane rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Yeah," she could only whisper.

"Sorry, Jane," Andy apologized.

"Maybe you should renegotiate. Figure out what would make you both happy," Austin advised.

"I've already grown so attached," she shook her head.

"Yeah," Austin replied, "but that's not like you, J. Are you happy?"

Jane remained silent.

The two men on either side of her frowned slightly, and Andy placed a friend hand on her knee and squeezed lightly. "I'm here for you if you need to talk."

"Me, too," Austin chimed in.

"Thanks a lot, guys," Jane said sarcastically, but smirked.

After another hour of drinking, Jane walked the guys to the door and hugged them both. Although she was glad to have friends to talk some sense into her, she felt more confused than before they got there. What was she supposed to do? Ask to turn things down a notch? Ask to see other people? Continue on like everything's fine?

It's not like things were bad, but Austin was right. Jane wasn't being herself. She spent most of her days trying to read Rob, which was usually futile. She was sure that after the pictures were leaked, he had his own doubts about what was happening between them. But what were they supposed to do about it?

After cleaning up the mess they had made on the patio, Jane crawled into bed once again to try to sleep off the sour mood she was in. She put her earbuds in and played Angel by Massive Attack, mindlessly humming along underneath the comforter before falling asleep after trying to ignore the lonliness she felt.

------------------

At some point in the night, Jane had turned over and became aware of the body next to her. Rob.

She sighed in frustration at the day, but couldn't help but smile at his presence. He was the source of all of her emotions lately, good or bad, but none of those could trump the craving she had to be in his arms at that moment, so Jane wiggled her body closer to him so that she could nuzzle up against his chest as she always did.

She took a deep breath once she was comfortable, and she could smell the usual mixture of weed and cologne, but there was another scent she couldn't put her finger on.

She took another deep breath. Was it...perfume? No, it couldn't be. At this point, Jane was now sniffing him. It was the undeniable scent of perfume on him.

Maybe Zoe had just sprayed on too much and transferred it when she hugged him. She didn't seem like much of a hugger, though.

Her mind began racing as she laid there in his arms, attempting not to completely freak out. When had she become jealous? Maybe because he had been the one who asked for them to be exclusive, yet was spending half of his free time with someone else, while Jane drove herself crazy trying to make sense of him and what he thought of her.

She felt tears begin to well up in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath to avoid it getting even more worked up.

"It's nothing, Jane. It's nothing. You're crazy."

A silent half an hour came and went by the time Jane convinced herself to stand up from the wire table and make the trek back to the hotel and whatever awaited her there.

With her slender fingers, she slid in her earbuds once again, but the song she chose this time was sombe: Caught by the Light by The Boxer Rebellion. A mixture of both the abandoned and dark city streets, the vibrations underneath her feet, and the fact that deciding to be with Rob may have been a huge mistake contributed to the tears that were flowing down her face as she pushed herself down the street.

------------------

Jane awoke at her usual early hour and quietly left the room as to not disturb Rob after an attempt to fall back asleep. She couldn't stay there in his grasp with all of the emotions she was feeling; it was too much.

She opted to grab her longboard and roam the dark, empty streets of Minneapolis until she came across a Starbucks that was just opening. After ordering a black coffee, she sat outside alone with a cigarette.

If she was to be completely honest, Jane was nervous to go back to the room and try to work through the unspoken tension that seemed to continually grow between her and Rob. Maybe she could just ask him what was wrong first so that he could lay it out. He was usually better at discussing how he was feeling, anyway. But what if everything was fine on his end? What if this was all one sided?

But then why was he constantly running off to hang out with Zoe? Why did he smell like her last night?

"Fuck," she whispered to herself. Jane truly didn't know what to do. She didn't want to lose Rob, but something obviously wasn't working. She felt like all her efforts to not lose him were pushing him further away from her.

------------------

Jane eventually arrived at the suite, but she couldn't seem to convince herself to go back into the room, so she laid down on the couch and wrapped herself in a blanket.

It was funny. This whole time, Jane worried about breaking Rob's heart. That her carefree mentally and selfish ways would leave him hurting and she would get away scot-free. But now, she was feeling ripped apart by him. Especially by the way he looked at her after the pictures got leaked. It was almost one of regret, or at least it looked that way, but Jane couldn't blame him. Why would a great guy like Rob want to be with a girl like her?

And how did something that should be so simple - being with the man she had known and loved for so long - cause such grief within her?

Jane buried her face into the decorative pillow on the couch and groaned. The day had just begun, and she already wanted it to be over.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

"How'd they get so drunk?"

Jane was fighting the annoyance she felt at the display in front of her. Everyone was having fun, making jokes, and fucking around while she dealt with the inner turmoil of having private pictures exposed and being forced to write music she didn't want to. It was definitely selfish, Jane knew, to feel that way, but as the saying goes: Misery loves company.

She scratched her and furrowed her brow at Rob's question. "I, uh, I'm probably just gonna sleep all day. Still not feeling my best lately. You go have fun, yeah? I'll be fine." She lifted her feet to kiss him, then turned to Austin and Sam. "I'm gonna head out, guys. Text me if you need me."

She waved to everyone in the room before placing the hood back over her head and exiting, eventually finding her way out back to a cab.

It was a gloomy day, gray skies and a breeze contributing to a chill in the air. Jane leaned her head against the glass window in the back seat and sighed. It was sort of ironic that by her not wanting to do much today, she was probably pushing Rob to run to Vicarious (and Zoe), but it wouldn't be right to make him sit around all day while she threw herself a pity party in bed.

As she tried to remove the thoughts from her head, the cab arrived under the carport of the hotel, and she slowly made her way up to the room.

It only took her a few seconds to strip, locate a joint, swallow a Xanax that Andy gave her, and crawl into bed - the only safe place she had found on tour. She breathed a sigh of relief to feel the cool she's engulf her.

Hopefully, the funk she was in was temporary; it felt awful. Maybe she was just PMSing. Perhaps she was just being overdramatic. They were writing a song to help the situation her racy photos got them into, right? Zoe couldn't be that much of a threat to her, right?

"Fuck that," she whispered to herself aloud at her thoughts.

As the narcotic began to settle in, Jane convinced herself that she was allowed to feel as shitty as she wanted. She was sick of choking down her emotions like she always had.

Her body became heavy, along with her eyelids, and she had eventually drifted off into a heavy slumber, one that would probably last for hours. One that would hopefully take the edge off of the stress she was feeling. Before finally falling asleep, Jane had thoughts of texting Rob, but she decided against it. Knowing him, he probably needed his space anyway - a thought Jane didn't like to have.

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

No problem! How are things working out?
I'll try to whip something up for you today. :D

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

As if reality’s cold bite in the form of Rob leaving to go to the studio wasn’t enough to kill the decent mood Jane had put herself in that morning, the kiss he gave her before he left was. Well, not at first. At first it was great, enough to turn her on and almost beg him not to leave, but then… something happened. He abruptly pulled away from her, and the look in his eyes, contrary to his apology, seemed to have something hidden in them.

And that was what Jane was fearing the most from the current situation – Rob rethinking their relationship.

"Jesus, Jane. Paranoid much?"

Before she could call out to him, he had already exited the room, leaving her in the middle of the king sized bed alone. “Great,” she mumbled as she rubbed the bridge of her freckled nose.

The future was so unclear, at for the first time, it really worried Jane. So many factors could change the path ahead of her: whether or not she’d be able to produce new material in four days, whether or not Rob became fed up with seeing someone so controversial, whether or not the internet decided to forgive Jane and move on to the next scandalous story.

Instead of making herself cry, she opted for getting out of bed and rolling a joint for herself before going out onto the patio to attempt to come up with something for a new song. She absolutely did not want to go to the studio, especially empty handed. It was already bad enough that she had to defend the single constantly, which was a product of her writer’s block, but now to try to squeeze something else out? She felt hopeless.

A joint, a cigarette, and a screwdriver later, Jane had made a pile of crumpled up notebook paper on the patio table and was furiously scribbling on a piece of paper when she had finally had enough. Her earbuds were playing Heavy Fruit by He Is Legend, the hypnotic harmonies and unique rhythm pushing her through the difficulties of trying to produce something she didn’t want to.

“God damn it,” she whispered forcefully as she tossed her notebook on the floor and picked up her cracked phone to check the missed texts she had been avoiding and turn off the music.

One was from Andy.

Jane paused for a moment as she had a thought. “Andy.”

She called him, and was greeted by a groggy voice on the other end.
Jane: Hey, I’m sorry it’s early. And I’m sorry I didn’t respond last night. Things were a little crazy.
Andy: A little huh? I’m sorry about what happened, man. That article was awful.
Jane: Yeah… I’m trying not to think about it.
Andy: Got it. Well, what can I do you for?
Jane: Pressure is on for me to write a song in four days. I can’t even get past three lines. I guess I just wanted some advice.
Andy: Four days? Don’t they know that’s not how it works?
Jane: I don’t think they care. They want to distract everyone from my tits, I guess.
Andy: Ha. Well, I don’t know. Are you having trouble coming up with inspiration?
Jane: I mean, I got so much going on. So no, probably not. It’s just putting it in words. Plus, they never usually make songs that are easy to write for.
Andy: Be vague, then. You don’t have to be descriptive in lyric writing. If anything, when a band puts out a song where there’s mystery as to what the lyrics mean, the fans flip out and get excited trying to figure it out. All while you didn’t strain so hard writing it.
Jane: Hmmm, that might work. I’ll call you later, yeah?
Andy: Sounds good. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, Jane.
Jane: Thanks, Andy.

Jane hung up the phone and squeezed her eyes shut momentarily before reaching down for the notebook once again, taking a moment to stare at the worn, leather cover.

”It doesn’t have to rhyme, fuck, you don’t even have to write a chorus if you want. Just write something you can sing.”

Jane gnawed on her bottom lip as she began writing on the notebook she had tossed on the ground prior, making little adjustments as she went in the form of scribbling over words and squeezing some in between others.

An hour and a half after Rob had left, she had something. And it kind of rhymed. She had no chorus, but that was something she could probably have Austin work on; he was always helpful when it came to filling in the blanks for Jane’s lyrics.

She quickly texted Sam for the address of the studio they were at, and after navigating around press that had formed at the hotel, she finally arrived at the concrete building. Jane had to take a few deep breaths before entering, and without taking off the round-framed sunglasses or the hood over her head, she was pointed to the direction of the room they were using by the young receptionist.

“Hi, guys,” her gruff voice greeted them. She immediately went over to the beer that had been delivered and was now displayed on a table in the corner.

The notebook wedged under her arm was tossed over to Austin.

In a messy, cursive script, the lyrics she had written sprawled across the page in an unorganized fashion:

”Swimming downward into the depths of my soul
But I can’t find the words you’d like to hear
And as you string together words from your unrequited thoughts
It only sounds like ringing in my ears
You’ll only be let down in time
If you let me become your only smile
Because what is left of the ruins of my body isn’t much
And I’ll only stay for a little while
The hole in my chest aches when it rains
And the skies as of late are consistently gray
Believe me when I say I’ll only cause trouble
With these unintentional games I play
And yet you say [x3]
Run while you can
‘Cause I’ll just leave you spinning
I’m not good for loving, baby
I’m only good for sinning.”

“It’s shit. Needs a lotta work and a chorus if that’s what you guys want. It’s the best I could do.”

Jane really didn’t want to discuss it further than that, so she diverted the attention away from her contribution.

“You guys wrote anything yet?” She plopped down in a chair and brought her knees to her chest before taking another swig of the beer. She decided to leave her sunglasses in an attempt to hide any dissatisfaction she felt for being there. All that she wanted to do now was lay around in bed and forget every current event. To mope around and be pathetic. To get laid (Rob had left so suddenly this morning.) Jane didn’t want to spend her day writing a song with her half-assed lyrics because Harold told them to.

But, she felt like she at least owed it to the guys to at least put some effort towards a new song – if that’s what they wanted – so they wouldn’t have Harold up their ass.

Her eyes couldn’t help but occasionally fall on Rob behind the tinted lenses. She had felt so confused since she left that morning, but it was neither the time nor place to have a discussion about it. He seemed to be in a great mood, probably from whatever they had come up with, and it wouldn’t be fair for her to ruin it.

So she sat there, pretending the best she could that she was enjoying herself as they played for her what they recorded. “That’s sick,” she said matter-of-factly. “I like it.” Her hand moved to her head to remove the hood and shake out her hair. “So, does Harold want this recorded and mastered in four days too?”

He couldn’t expect that much on top of playing another two shows, right?

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

After tears were cried and anger was released in the form of screaming into her pillow, the only sensation Jane was feeling was numbness. The initial reaction was painful. Why would someone stoop so low? Why did she take the pictures in the first place? Why did it have to happen right now, when they were about to leave the country in four days? It was as if the self-blame cancelled out the rage and vice versa.

Her body was balled up and wedged into the corner of the couch with the hotel-provided blanket draped over her. The TV was just background noise; Jane had caught herself multiple times just staring at the beige wall behind it. A beer that was now turning lukewarm sat clenched in her grasp underneath the blanket that she occasionally took sips of in silence.

Jane wasn’t ungrateful for Rob’s reaction to the situation. He could have easily upset at the person he was dating for the fact that private pictures of her were leaked onto the internet – many guys would be. But, she realized, it was wrong of her to think he would be upset. She knew the amount that he cared for her would trump any sort of possessive instinct to feel betrayed by the situation. There was still a sense of guilt, though.

Any questions thrown at her that night were answered either with nodding or shaking her head, or the simplest response possible. It was not an act or a cry for help, that would be pathetic. But for the first time in years that Jane could recall, she just didn’t feel anything. She had no desire to eat, talk, go out, get high (she didn’t even have the desire for intimacy). No, the only thing she had energy left for was to sit there, on the couch, staring at the blank wall.

She was not, however, relishing in the fact that the news hit her so hard. Jane had built herself up to be this emotionally untouchable, don’t-give-a-fuck person that everyone knew her by, but it seemed like with every recent blow, it was rocking her foundation and causing her to slowly crumble. She didn’t like how soft and needy she had become with Rob. She didn’t like how things the media said began to make her question her beliefs and confidence. She didn’t like, now, that something that should be so natural and comfortable – her nude body – was now being used against her in an attempted to tear her down further.

It was all fucked.

After about two hours of lying on the couch, she announced quietly that she was going to sleep. Jane wrapped the scratchy blanket around her should and slowly trotted to the bed before plopping down into the tangled mess of sheets that they had left behind before the set. She hadn’t even bothered to get undressed before pulling the comforter up over her and rolling herself back up into the position she was in on the couch.
-----------------

Jane dug her way out of the cocoon she had made in her sleep and popped her head up out of the blankets. 6:24 AM.

“Shit,” she mumbled as she rubbed her eyes and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her phone showed a text message she had gotten at some point in the morning.

Harold: Call when you’re up.

She sighed before searching for her pack of cigarettes and heading out to the patio affixed to their hotel room.

Jane: Hey, Harold.
Harold: Morning, Jane. How are you holding up?
Jane: I’ve been better. What’s up?
Harold: Well, I’ve been trying to figure out –
Jane: Harold?
Harold: Yeah.
Jane: I don’t wanna know who did it.
Harold: What do you mean? This asshole leaked these pictures of you to ruin your image, and the band –
Jane: I get it, man. But it’s not like I’m gonna sue. Really, I don’t wanna know. I’d rather just find a way to move past it all.
Harold: Well, we’ve been working on an idea.
Jane: We?
Harold: Yeah. Austin and Sam have been contributing. I told Rob last night, but I’m sure he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you yet. We want to have a new song ready for the European leg of the tour.

Jane's mind flashed to a blurry conversation she and Rob had the night before. Did he mention this? Was she even paying attention?

Jane: A new song? You want me to right a new song now?
Harold: Look Jane, I know there’s a lot going on and your head’s probably all over the place, but if we distract the audience with new music, it’d be much easier for all this to blow over.
Jane: Anything I write isn’t for a distraction, Harold. I can’t just pump out lyrics whenever I want for a new hit. I haven’t been able to write in a long time. That’s why the single was so simple.
Harold: Jane, I understand, but we need to –
Jane: I don’t think you do, man. I’m sorry, I’m not doing this right now.

Jane hung up and nearly fell into the chair behind her. There was pressure to write a new song? Now? How the hell would she come up with something in four days when she had barely been able to write in months? Plus, with all the different opinions on the bands direction, how would she keep everyone happy?

She lit another cigarette and slumped down in the chair as her mind raced over what to do next. She felt like running. Hiding. Going home. Going back to bartending and forgetting everything. It sounded dramatic, but all the anxiety she felt at the moment justified all of her thoughts. Jane had never imagined the tour playing out this way – all of the obstacles, confessions, negative press, drama – it was all making it seem so unappealing now. Why couldn’t things ever be simple? Or at least, simpler.

She noticed the notifications for ten more texts and few missed calls, but she decided, for now, to ignore them with certainty it was from friends commenting on the situation.

After talking herself down, Jane eventually crawled back into bed next to Rob and burrowed her way into his arms. Although she didn’t even want to be touched last night, the absence of his warmth left her craving to be held in the morning. His chest was warm from sleep, and she pressed her face against it and sighed softly as her eyes closed.

The mysterious relationship forming between Rob and Zoe now seemed so menial now compared to what was lying ahead of them, and in that moment, Jane told herself to let it go, although part of her still desperately hoped that the situation didn’t push Rob away from her and into the arms of someone else. Someone less damaged, less maintenance, less Jane. It was a shitty feeling, to be frank, but right now, in his arms, in the early hours of the morning, none of it mattered. Not Zoe, not the pictures, not the threat of having to write new material.

And if Rob was to grow tired of all the repercussions that came of being with Jane, then she would absorb as much of him as she could while she had the chance.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered in a barely audible tone before pressing a kiss into his skin. She wasn’t sure what exactly Jane was apologizing for, but she knew she felt it. She drifted back to sleep rather quickly and hoped that today would be better than the one that preceded it.