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    1. MenacingEffect 6 yrs ago

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6 yrs ago
Current Bagels are strange. They are a bread with a center. They are the Saturn of Bread.
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The statue he stands next to is smiling with a jovial expression, it is in strange comparison to the deadpan mute expression the man with silver colored hair is wearing. Dressed in all black the statue seems to be even trying to hint that the man leaning on his leg should lighten up a bit. Green colored tattoos marked his face and while he wasn’t generally considered beautiful by Denar standards, he was striking and handsome to human perceptions and even some alien who had to take a double take at the long, narrow, faced man. Some even walked past him a few times just to get a look at him, which he ignored or didn’t register you couldn’t quite tell.

“Didn’t expect you to be a Denar,” you mention walking up to him.

“Didn’t expect you to take as long as you did to walk up to me,” he grumbles in a husky, but hoarse tone.

It is then you realize one of his eyes is completely white and upon closer inspection it seems to be a mechanical eye to replace a living one.






Those who know Reaver, know the phantom that others have portrayed. A man dressed in all black, wearing a hood and concealing his mouth with a mask. It's likely why authorities never got a proper facial profile of the somewhat notorious Reaver. Most have only spoken whispers of him, most only know whispers of him. And then just as the myth began to become a reality, the phantom vanished.




"Sometimes my own name sounds strange to me. I haven't used that name in a long time and I don't bother to bring it up. Sometimes Syous means traitor, other times it means nothing to those who don't know the history behind it."

Age: 35 - Though keeping in mind the 300 to 500 year lifespan of a Denar, he is practically a teenager with platinum blonde hair in comparison to some much older Denar in the universe.

Gender: 1st Male, 2nd Male *Further explained in racial information

Job: Gunner - Maintenance of the ships guns, in emergency situations can act as pilot.


Race: Denar









This is the notorious Reaver, you’ve heard things about. People have spoken about his disappearance, so him emerging out of the woodwork looking like...well this. Denar are fairly attractive, he’s handsome, with platinum blonde hair it almost looks silver. But he’s also probably a bit uglier by Denar’s standards.

“I wasn’t expecting the notorious Reaver to be a Denar,” you say.

“Yes, because out of the countless species in the universe only a certain number can do what I do,” he replies dryly.


He doesn’t seem to care too much for you, his facial features remain stiff he doesn’t emote and somehow you get the feeling ,as he looks at you with violet colored irises, that he is annoyed with you. It in his mannerisms and the way he stares at you, the way he seems to not even want to talk to you. You’re wasting his time asking for his assistance. You get this sense he wants you to get to business and skip all the idle chatter.




Despite not being built, as far as you can tell the man is intimidatingly tall. At around 6’4” you wonder if he’s ever hit his head on the door frame entering somewhere. Though you’re certain if you said anything he’d just walk off and ignore you. His lean, but lithe tone body is mostly hidden by an oversize,though it fits him, blue trench coat in a mock military style with silver trimming. It is frayed at the ends, and the blue is fading. Black fingerless leather gloves, on the palms the leather is worn down.

Cavalier boots with silver, metal buttons on the side and a collar around the calf. With black khaki material pants.

“You ever going to say something other than continue gawking,” he says.


While his voice is very gruff and for anyone else it might not have been considered attractive, he carried it off with this husky undertone that only made his voice sound smoldering. You could imagine some young girl being infatuated with his whole look, daydreaming about him. An obsessive crush based on the bad boy image he seemed to exude. Green markings have been placed on his face, though you cannot necessarily decipher them very well. You’re afraid to ask him their meaning. A sword with a metallic, rectangular sheath at the side of a belt around his waist he begins to turn on his heels.

He’s lost interest in you.


Personality:

It’s very clear to observers that Reaver is lone wolf, but the reason why often escapes them. Most who see the type that prefer to be alone immediately assume it is out of some kind of hubris or pride. That they are too good for others, but for Reaver it is exactly the opposite. Self aware and understanding of his own mistakes, makes him aware that at some point in life others will make mistakes as well. It is less about him thinking he is better than everybody else and more like he doesn’t want to be reprimanded for the mistakes of others. Too many people working on the same project raises the likelihood of mistakes stacking on each other, making the likelihood of being caught increase. In his job, and in his work he would rather escape the whole capture part due to someone’s else’s own negligence. But would accept the consequence if captured by his own mistake.

Reaver is not necessarily a chatty individual, he prefers to get to business and can be very straightforward. Though this is more a preference of his to keep those who he works with as business partners. Those he doesn’t directly work with and aren’t in the same business as him, he’ll chat with them and isn’t that he is against friendships. Merely coworkers remain coworkers. Friends are people you don’t work with. And the friends Reaver does have are people who know a different side of Reaver than the cutthroat, gives every job his one hundred percent attention that everyone he works with sees him as. One of Reaver’s special interest is guns. It is easy to see a shift in Reaver’s stiff mannerisms to delight. To some it might be an uncomfortable change, especially since his hobby seems to extend to to his violent trade. Though Reaver’s enjoyment of guns extends further from just their deadly attributes. Often you will hear him geek out on the historical aspect of the gun or what gun played a significant part in a war. He focuses more on the story of guns than he does their deadly nature.

This love doesn’t just stop at guns, Reaver has interest in ships probably why he owns his own sword class fighter loveling docked and taken care of. His interest of ships extends from treating it in the same way someone might treat a car. In fact he’s the one who painted his ship.

You may even see him geek out with certain tech and ship parts. He even seems fond of accessories for his ship as well, like fuzzy dice.

For some this is enough to forget Reaver’s trade of business. A trade of business he doesn’t particularly regret or feel guilty about. Just because the man can geek about ships like they are cars and go into in depth historical conversations about guns and their significance, doesn’t make him any less ruthless than what he is. Reaver is not a nice man, though he never hides this fact about himself. He’s not going to sugar coat that fact. Manipulators are liars with a sweeter smile and a nicer pat on the back, in his opinion.

He’d likely shoot a traitor without any hesitation or a sweat on his brow. He’s sold hordes of people without shedding a tear for them as they are ripped apart from their families to work as cheap labor or as a concubine for someone who views them as merely property. He’s reposed ships. He’s dug up corpses. All without it poisoning his soul. Or if it has, he’s unaware of it doing so. And if it has poisoned his soul it certainly hasn’t been with shame that some experience in this line of work. As a child he always sought out to impress his father, and as an adult he’s always sought out to be the very best at what he does. He respects those who don’t preach to him about the ethics of it all, he likely ignore you.

He’s loyal to those who work the hardest and trust those who can be honest with themselves and about themselves. Reaver’s not necessarily an evil man, it’s not like he sought out the virtues of being a deplorable human being, though whether he views his actions as evil or deplorable is a different story. It is merely the influence and experiences he grew up with others around him. He had either two options in life, shut down and be unable to harden oneself. Or harden oneself and make the tougher choices in life even if they are unpleasant to some.

Reaver likes cold coffee, sometimes he likes marshmallows in them if he’s feeling fancy. If he were to choose an animal it be cats over dogs. And actually has a gigs worth of music stored in his ships hardware.


Weapons:


Silver Star: Call of the Falling Sky


Some stories told to children are stories so fantastical that they sound more like fairy tales or exaggerated truths that they come off so far removed from the truth they couldn’t possibly be reality. The Silver Star is spoken even among the Denar, where did it go? Why is it missing from the Syous family home? Some, after all these years believe it to be stolen. None assume the Silver Star, the blade forged to honor and bestow upon Arahni Syous, would be at the side of some son of shady criminal who shared the bloodline.

In Honor of Admiral Arahni Syous commander of the Falling Sky.



They say the Karatai have seized the Falling Sky. Impossible the Falling Sky is near impregnable. Well they have boarded the ship.

Admiral Arahni Syous serviced the fleet of the Falling Sky for two hundred years. He started off as a recruit like any with wide eyes and a sense of responsibility to his people. Quickly proving that he was adapt in his ability to learn quickly and not take risk that would otherwise put others in danger. Over the course of his career one thing mattered to Arahni the most, it was the protection of his crew and the protection of the people. His honoring oath when sworn in, was: the strength of the people guides me to make decisions with the people in mind. While his career had always been steady, he has only been seen with great respect and admiration after the Karatai tried to take down the Falling Sky. A proud, and monstrous sized ship that housed most of the military institute of the Denar.

“Admiral they have breached the hall,” a bushy eyed recruit salutes him with shaking hands.

Admiral? He remembers when he was in that position. A recruit looking up to his elders with respect and fear. His first skirmish that was something like an odd hundred years ago, wasn’t it?

“Stay calm,” Arahni tells the recruit, “the calmer we are the better we can figure out a solution.”

And a solution they needed fast. He had only been in a few big missions before, most of his career had been won through small skirmishes. Now he was dealing with something major on his hands if he couldn’t get it under control, he needed to find the Marshall they needed a plan.

This side of the ship had seen better days. The Karatari had rammed their giant brigade into the side of the Falling Sky to break through the metal. Metal was now all misshapen, the smell of a small ship fire beginning to develop, the sound of guns, and shouting from men.

“Marshall,” Arahni finds the Marshall, Zran giving orders to a few of the lower ranks.

“Finally here,” the older man grumbles, he’s got wrinkles on his face, the markings on his arms tell tales of his heroics.

“Do we have a plan?” Arahni ask.

Zran scoffs.

“Plan, defend the Falling Sky with our very last breath,” he mumbles.

Not much of an order. Still Arahni took it as a challenge. He would defend the Falling Sky, for better or worst.


For his service and for his dedication to his fleet, we honor Arahni and the Syous family with the Silver Star. May no one forget his heroics that day.

Silver Star Schematics:

Made of a high 1566 spring steel. Infused into the blade itself are symbols and runes, to those who are not Denar would not understand the symbols are in honor of an individual and their deeds.

The crystalline structure of the blade and it’s elegant craft is that of elven craft, but the Memory Stones as the Denar call them are not merely to look attractive. Embedded in the stones is a star chart that can be activated. It acts as a GPS to the users current location..



This ugly beauty is a piece of shit, but it’s better than getting tracked by the ballistics on the books. Made more out of convenience than efficiency, I know there’s better out there, I don’t care what you suggest to me, I don’t care to get another gun, and if you continue to talk we’ll test the Frankenstein on you.



Frankenstein Schematics:

The Frankenstein is an unusual gun, made out of do it yourself parts. In theory the Frankenstein is a coil gun that used a high powered magnetic burst that ruptures living or something that imitates living tissue. It means it makes a mess by blowing off a few fingers, maybe a hunk of shin till it’s dangling on sinewy bits of vein muscle and the bone exposed.

A more extreme example would be something like this, but the Frankenstein is slightly underpowered than that and the amount of damage is how much you charge your battery and cook your energy so to speak.

The Frankenstein is only slightly more powerful than your microwave at 1,100 watts to 1,550 watts of damage it’s just enough lethality to kill a man. Though there are some restrictions of the gun itself. First off the batteries need to be charged separately of the gun. The gun when in use has to ramp up voltage before it can release a magnetic burst and if you don’t have enough juice in the battery the gun isn’t going to work efficiently.

For a semi less impressive, but fatal injury you need to charge the gun up to only 50 volts, takes 30 seconds, to blow off a hunk of flesh. And if you want something more impressive like a good chunk of flesh missing its 100 volts, and takes up to 60 seconds to ramp up. So it’s not as efficient as say a gun that can fire multiple rounds, but the output of damage outweighs the con of being unable to fire multiple shots at once.

The typical Frankenstein has up to 4 Shots before the battery is toast and the cartridge needs to be taken out to be recharged. And the gun needs up to 10 seconds of cool down time in order not to cook the coils, essentially the coils could potentially overheat if you tried to fire too many shots at once. In a worst case scenario you could have the battery or the gun explode on you.

As well as the fact that magnetic EM burst can be disrupted by other microburst of energy. And I know what you’re thinking or asking, can it shoot through walls? Short answer is no. It might make a decent crack in the wall, but the Frankenstein isn’t shooting through walls or exploding whole bodies. You’d need something a lot bigger, like the ship guns, and a lot more wattage and a bigger battery to do anything like break through a wall. I’m certain most would prefer the more efficient and time saving, plasma or rifle weaponry over a coil gun, that requires a little bit of hassle in order to be effective.


Abilities:

Being Denar means Reaver is in more touch with his sixth sense than some others. Though most Denar are naturally in tune with their sixth sense, to further expand on its capabilities some seek to expand on their techniques in how to decipher the messages of their intuition. Reaver has a good inner voice, while he himself differs from his spiritualistic Denar for a Denar that has “lost his way”, Reaver is exceptional at having the knack of feeling a situation out and knowing when to leave based on the aura around him. If something feels heavy to him and tense, he knows to tread more carefully, if he cannot shake his anxiety, he knows there is big danger ahead. Reaver is so good at managing to feel out a situation, he could read a situation with his eyes close.

Cybernetic Eye, just because it sounds like Reaver is some flawless criminal who has never made a mistake in his life. He has made mistakes and some of those mistakes have cost him things. One of them being his left eye. Still what the cybernetic eye has given him is something people only wish or dream they could have the ability to do.

The cybernetic eye is not only programmed to replace his lost vision from the missing eye, but it has a very special quality. The eye is able to pick up soundwaves, in which it is programmed to then translate those audio waves through a script to decipher what is being said. Sometimes you cannot always go in guns blazing and sometimes you need a more subtle approach. His eyes is perfect for a couple of feet of tailing a target, and being able to listen into what they are saying without having to implement a bug on said individual.
Any specific information on a Gunners' job?


As the group carried on. Seemingly growing suspicion of each other, their thoughts are interrupted by the sound of screams. A boy in rather worn clothes, covered in mud is swatting the air.

“Aaaa! GET THEM OFF!” he shouts, as he’s running out of the brush, five Jeweled Hornets are following him trying to stab him with their pointers.

Rhaya and Francis being the sensible individuals they are try to rush into to help the boy. Distracting the Hornets with hand waving. It seems to work as two of the Hornets move their attention to the both of them. One of them trying to pierce Francis. The other trying to pierce Rhaya.











Yoo-hoo. Hi. Hello. Little Adventuring Orphan’s. My name is Fortune and we will meet someday. For now, just know you are very loved and very blessed. Because of this I ,as a treasure fairy, deal strictly in the distribution of treasure from beyond. With that out of the way here are your gifts;



x12 Crux Gems - to distributed evenly among the cast

That's all I have for now. Buh buh bye now.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________



Map For Reference


The group has just left Cosmo City, looking over the map brought with them they determine the direction they should go. The origins of the Dark Witch’s home is unknown and they have no leads to go off of. Looking at the region map there are several options to discuss among each other. The orphans lay out many ideas, when Sith takes the reigns and suggest if the Dark Witch is as powerful as the stories claim, than the group should level up first. However, the path is not set forth, just yet. Knowing Sith is in the lead means perhaps an aimless direction. It’s why Francis steps forward to provide the plan Sith does not have. Now the Orphans have a base to go off of;

-Find Information about the Dark Witch
-Explore the world for Gems, Spells, and Ruins to activate Waystones


Rhaya looks nervously at the forest, a bead of sweat rolls down her forehead looking over the map with the others. While she has agreed to this journey, she cannot help, but feel a little unease with the groups decisions. At first it seemed like merely a joke, or a childish idea they were pursuing, now it all seemed to real as they decided where to go, "I have a feeling we should take the path that's easier than wondering in a random direction and running into something that can kill us easily." She suggest an pauses when she notices the group looking at her.

"Mostly because I just got here only five months ago, sooo, I would probably be lost like a sheep," She adds onto what she just said awhile ago," she nervously adds to the group as if she has to explain her position.

Archibald on the other hand stares at the forest. The trees all look like monstrous shapes, looming over him and ready to grab him. He looks over the map, knowing full well the things that dwell in the trees and man cannot always be too trusting, "Everywhere looks scary..."

Seeing the two others look nervously at the map. And Archibald's fear, Astraea steps up, she looks confident and bold that she has a plan. Perhaps to ease their fears and worries. Smiling she proudly announces to the group,"I feel that heading towards the forest would be the best place to start. There are plenty of places to camp, hide, and a multiple amount of creatures that could be used for food or perhaps will have information for us if intelligent. We could head through the forest towards the direction of a city to stop for supplies later."

Do these people know how to give directions? They are as vague as a two year old drawing you a swirl and telling you that is a dinosaur. Where? In what world does a whirlpool equate to a dinosaur. Valeo begins to slow clap, "So far only one person has had a more sensible answer, do you know where to go though princess? I say we check out Crystal Grove. We are after all looking for spellstones, waystones, and knowledge about the Dark Witch. This isn't a camp out, you're suppose to have more direction when figuring out direction."

Well he had one thing right, still Sítheach couldn't help, but feel a little peeved that Valeo had been the one to have given the only location of the group. He had hoped to see the group struggle and then he would have come in with an answer. Accepting their praise, ah Sítheach you are so wise and well guided. Now another person wanted to stick their nose into their business and he didn't even really like Gertrude. Still he just laughs and smiles at the group, holding in his resentment.

He claps his hands excitedly, "No one said you had to come Archy. You can go help Gertrude and send us letters if you like." he pauses to look at Valeo, "Crystal Grove. I heard there were horrible monsters there that rip people's limbs off."

"Yeah, but that's the whole forest, anything can rip a limb off, it's the ones that melt you into non existence, or drown you in the depths you have to worry about. You can survive being an amputee, you're not going to come back from being people juice" Valeo sharply retorts.

Yep, he's going to irritate him throughout this whole entire journey.

Francis steps forward to stop those two from turning this into a battle of wits, "Crystal Grove sounds fine. Like Valeo said, everything's going to try and kill us. Might as well go to the place where we can actually get something out of it. I'm sure we can find some villages out there too if we don't reach cities to resupply."

Meanwhile, Archy in a small voice, trying to vye for the attention of others, remarks to Sítheach, "N-no I want to help too..."

Of course he did. No one denied that. What Archy made up for his cowardice, was sheer moronic willpower. Though Sith could admire moronic willpower, than someone idly sitting by and doing nothing.

At the same time Valeo saw this as more of an opportunity. Always searching for the weakest link. Working in a group was a new dangerous gambit and trying to figure out who was to break first was a matter of life and death, "Even more fun we can bet crystals that BooBoo over here will be the first amputee and if he's lucky just a puddle of half Vampry juice. Unfortunate he drowns in the sea or in a lake, terrible way to go."

Sith would made a similar joke. Instead of being annoyed he merely laughs, "Sure I am willing to bet. I am going to go with eaten and digested."

Francis efforts to stop these two from going back and forth seemed in vain now as Valeo remarks, "A classic, you are a traditionalist."

Sith merely smiles and merely reminds Valeo the difference between him and the half deamon, "I am an old fea. We prefer things to be done in a traditional way. The first traveler should always be eaten. A boy and a girl shoved in a stove eaten by a Crone. A Orc eating you raw, limb from limb. A tiger munching on your innards before going in for the leg meat."

Naturally all of it falls on deft ears, as Valeo merely remarks, "Now you're just trying to get on my good side with that comment."

Francis begins to walk off from the city gates. In hopes that his lead will start to move everyone forward in direction. They all begin to follow his lead. It seems to have silenced those two for now.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________



Somewhere Very Far;

"The children have left Gertrudes," a silhouette in the dark can be seen bending, even in the dim and faded light.

"So they have finally left the safety of the nest," a feminine voice replies, she could be barely seen in the dim, faint purple light of the smooth, black stoned Spire. It hummed with an ancient power, an old power. Only she understood what it said to her. She could see the writing on the wall that they could not.

"That is correct," the man watches her, even in the faint glittering light of crystals that have replaced flame for light, she is beautiful, her back exposed in a dramatic swooping gown, it leaves much to the imagination, yet her pale skin and spine exposed tempts him to walk closer.

She turns around as if sensing his intentions.

"Pay someone to deal with them," she says.

He looks taken aback.

"You don't want to hire one of the Generals?" he ask her.

She plays with her fingers on the jagged, ebony, black throne. Her black nails coiled around the spines of the chair playfully.

"A true manager of war does not send their best to assess the strength of others," she tells him.

"Very wise, I will have that setup," he says.



Equipment

-O Crux Gems
-Spellbook, Focal Crystal


While true Gertrude's health was on his mind, he was glad that the others had agreed to this journey. If she hadn't gotten ill he didn't think any of them would have agreed to come along. Why should they? They were comfortable in their beds and comforted by the warm familiar comforts Gertrude brought. For all that he considered of her, what was most important to him was recovering his lost memories. Not something he could do, sipping on tea and slipping in the silken sheets. Furthermore though, something bothered him. This note from a mysterious fairy. As if, suddenly the world awaken and they became the center of the world's vision. Suddenly things were beginning to revolve the orphans. As if agreeing to this journey they had actually signed a contract that put their lives on the line.

Fortune and this key. They had not actually distributed the gems. How much did they know of fortune or who the mysterious benefactor was. Why give them a key like this? Something about its shape seemed familiar to him, though he was rather unsure of why. Like something in the back of his mind, crawling to the surface, yet barely visible.

"About the key," Sith called out to the group that had fallen silent once they passed the threshold of security. Cosmo City slowly beginning to become a distant vision. Behind trees that created a natural passage, and a natural wall, the glittering barrier could still be placed in the distance, "Something about it. I have a familiar sense with it. Do you think it could possibly be a new memory?"

If anyone was paying attention they probably saw Sith smile. The possibility that he might be reminded of something meant that this road to recover the fragments of his mind, might already be working after all.
My Final Thoughts


@LemonZest1337

Species: Dhampir: Dhampirs work a little differently than a normal vampire. First off is their ability to withstand sunlight, though it still burns their skin terribly and hurts to stand in for long periods of time, it won't ultimately lead to their demise on its own. But their skin isn't the only thing sensitive to light, their eyes are also sensitive to light, this is both a perk and a hindrance.


A balanced Species overview. I have nothing further to say, as I will not ask for a revision, because I believe this species overview serves it purpose. However, for future advice, it would also have been nice to dive into Dhampir "culture". In Pathfinder they would be described as nomads drifting from town to town. I tried not to give too much in hopes that you would play around more with the concept. This is suitable and fine, a little bit of advice for later on to flesh out the prospects of his adult life.

Description: Archibald Insists on wearing simpler cheap clothes, not getting the whole deal with fancy clothes. Although he's a Dhampir his appearance is on the human side lacking any actual hint of being half vampire. He is a rather small boy for his ages, only being 133.6cms tall and weighs about 20 kilograms. Any trinkets he carries are either on his belt or in his backpack.


Short and sweet. The picture serves to highlight and portray the character, though there is more to a character than just sight, but sound as well as the way they smell. Again passable, but for the future try to get into more than just the surface and use the appearance to highlight the five senses of appearance. The way someone smell reminds us just as much features of them as the physical.



No complaints from me. He feels his age. Encompassing in that I see no problems with his Skills either, they seem appropriate for his age.



I have nothing to say about his battle profile either. It feels appropriate for his age, I like the fact he does not have a designate style of training. It is fitting and suitable.

Lesser Spells


I feel like he could be powered up just a little. Tap and Water bomb are suitable. And I like them. But I feel;

Bucket:This spell allows you to control a small amount of water, it's a weak form of hydrokinesis. It's applications are mainly supportive things, but it can be used to dump a decent amount of water on a target, provided water is present to be used.

Is redundant with water bomb and you can by the third spell give him a little bit of more power with this spell.

Intermediate skills and misc battle information seems reasonable and suitable to me. I like both. I have no comments.



I will be frank and say that this is probably the weakest element of the sheet. While it is written concisely and cohesively. I wish there would have been more effort to have been made. An exchange of how Arcadis and Viola met. You could have taken the opportunity to write their history and end it on leaving Archibald. I wish there had been more. That you played more, used this section to your advantage. Otherwise, it is nice and concise, and it simplicity also serves it purpose. So for that I praise it.

Overview; I think Archibald is a wonderful character. You have managed to capture what a 10 year old is, not just what a 10 year old feels like that. With that I feel like Archibald will serve the team well enough. The only revision you need to change is Bucket, to give him a spell with a bit more bite.

Verdict: Accepted per the change in the spell section

@Akayaofthemoon

Species
Half Celestial - One of many different types of non-human beings who share the godlike/holy characteristics of being more powerful, longer-lived, and, in general, much happier than humans. They tend to live peaceful lives, never staying in one spot long as they love to wander and fight of dark souls that come along their paths to protect others. They grant wishes and miracles to those that are in need though they are rarely seen. Those that have seen Celestials describe them as soft and calming, giving a sense of peace even in the darkest of times to those that are near. Their smell changing to suit each person's senses and always seeming to draw the light to them. They can have up to six wings in total, three pairs each, but each extra set it earned with time and the wings are almost always the palest of colors with accented tips. The most common being white with golden tips.


I have the same general advice. While the description serves it purpose. I wish there had been played around with more. Create a Goddess. Also you forgo abilities of the species, so I am a little uncertain of what they do. I would have given them Disease Resistance, makes it harder for them to get sick. A spice up. This is optional changes. I am not asking for these changes. I wish to have seen more and to have their own feel.

Description
The sounds of a rippling stream echoed through a silent forest. The night air bringing a slight chill from the gentle summer breeze which carried with it the pleasant smell of pine. The shadows danced in the light of the moon as the trees shifted in the wind, fireflies twinkling their own luminescence to chase away any fear of the darkness along the narrow path. The dried needles on the forest floor crunched under each step forward with no destination in hand but the hope for a clearing to appear along the way. As if your prayers had been heard, the illumination of pure moonlight showed ahead which were the telltale signs of an opening in the vast amount of trees that made up this forest. A rush of excitement flooded your being and your pace quickens from the relaxed one that you had been content with earlier.


I had a lot of fun plotting ideas with you. And what you took from that plotting is a beautiful prose. I have to say that I adored every minute of this description piece. You have the talent and the strength to create this beautiful imagery alongside this beautiful energy. I have to say this is my favorite appearance description in a long time. Kudos.

She is calm in the face of adversity. When presented keeps calm and focuses on the issue.


Could be written; When in the presence of adversity she keeps calm, and focuses on the issue.

Struck out to me as a little awkward to read.



Otherwise I have no other comments. It is a pretty good run of the mill personality. I enjoyed it, it was a lovely read. Again you have a great knowledge of word usage. Which I like. I wish more of Astraea stood out to me to make her more of a whole person. She feels one note to me. Again it is an optional revision from me. I wish she had something that would make her stand out, prejudice maybe against those that judged her, maybe she does get violent with injustice as we are discussing in the discord.

Skills look fine. They are reasonable to who she is as an individual. I have no comments.



Perfect. Love it all. I have no other comments to make about this section. It is short and too the point. Which can be good sometimes. Love it.



All seems good. I have no comments about this section. It all works together. Good job.



It is this and your appearance that stood out to me in the most in your sheet. I love both. They are elegant. They paint a beautiful picture and I really have nothing to say about your tale. Because I quite frankly enjoyed reading every moment of it.

Overview; Astraea looks like she will be a good sensible ground for the character. I enjoyed your sheet and do not have any revisions for you other than optional revisions that you may ignore.

Verdict: Accepted

@deadpixel101

Species: Bug-Folk. Silk moth variety.

Bug-folk are a varied group, taking after the many genus of insect-like creatures in humanoid form. They most often retain some attributes or abilities of the true insects they draw inspiration from. While the communities of bug-folk can often be rather separate and divisive they have taken to congealing into larger communities despite the food chain their progenitors once belonged to. Bug-folk do not in fact partake in hunting each other in any form of cannibalism, though it was at a point tradition to stay within groups of bug-folk of the same kind.


The more unique choice out of the group. And to be frank, I give you props for really thinking outside of the box with that one. I really like the Silk Moth Bug Folk and cannot wait to bring them more into this tale. For being creative and imaginative I give you a applause. Good job.

Description: Simon stands at roughly 4"9, not being particularity short or tall considering his age. Like many bug folk he is quite light despite his size, weighing somewhere in the ballpark of 90 lbs. His person is often smudged with oil in places. Bumps and scratches appear all over and are promptly covered with an array of colorful band-aids. His voice is slightly awkward in a way that's hard to describe. A little higher pitched then one might expect, with slight accents on certain vowels. His pronunciation of words lean to what he thinks sound good instead of what are etymologically correct. His eyes appear luminous in dark locations, though they are instead reflective; rather than giving off their own light.


It is simple and gets to the point. I have no problem with simple descriptions, they get to the point and are straight forward. For someone who drew their character, you have little visual context. Which is interesting. Not bad. Just weakens a creation from your own mind. No changes needed to made. Merely an observation.

Persona


Like many of the current proposed cast, it seems the purposed strengths are talkative and easy to get along with. Despite that I really find your neutrals and flaws to be more interesting than your strengths. Which is shame, because I love the idea of this individual working to their own music. It be nice if that musical quality was brought more into your strengths and the character was fleshed out beyond being nice and independent. Which is a criticism I had of some of the sheets and may repeat myself once or twice. This again is general advice with optional revisions.

Skills, Neutral, and Flaws really flesh out Simon. I wish his strengths were as standout as they were. They are what makes Simon unique. And I liked those qualities.

Battle Profile


As we talked before, I absolutely enjoy this. It is unique. It refreshing. I love an engineer rifle user. I have no comments about this part of your sheet.

Magic Profile


Perfect. Everything about this feels unique. I loved the spells. I loved the misc battle info. These are the standouts of your sheet. And stood out with a concrete design in mind.

Tale


I liked the fairy tale aspect of this. The way it was written. We had this discussion on the discord. My preference is more of a history like Astraea or even look at Arisen sheet. Mainly because I feel like I am being told the emotions and not feeling the emotions. You lose a lot of emotional weight, by not exploring them. Otherwise, I enjoyed the tale, and again these are not revisions to be made, they are meant to be advice for the next you build a sheet.

Overview; I feel the personality is a bit weak, I also feel the description is also a bit weak and the tale. It is the same thing I said about Archibald. While simple is good and getting to the point is good, I am disappointed that someone can draw a character and not have this abundance of visual design in mind for their character. Otherwise, the battle profile, the species, and the mechanical work is nicely written and I enjoyed them.

Verdict: I'd like to see some more reviews and thoughts on Simon from the other cast members. Preferable Arisen and Maybell who have not gotten around to it. Pending Acceptance.

@Polaris North

Description: Francis lets out a noble aura, as was taught to him ever since he was a child. Standing straight and confident, his strides are long and sure. His movements are graceful but precise. There is nothing in his body language that would reflect the insecurities within. The expression on his face when he isn't with anyone is usually just a neutral face plastered on - often seen as bored or lonely. It is reminiscent of a look that someone has when he's mourning, or when he's remembering something that can be considered as 'sad' or a 'horrible' memory.


Yes please more. I enjoyed read your description of Francis. He exudes this princely aura and I felt like he was coming alive off the page. I absolutely enjoyed the way you worded information. I loved the way it was organized. This is how to get to the point, be simple, but still be able to give character to the individual you are creating. Kudos.

Persona


It seems like everyone is taking, doesn't get bothered by much classes. With that out of the way I actually feel like Francis' strength is his weakest part of his personality sheet. While reasonable it comes off very stereotypical, something you'd expect from a noble. I wish to have seen some quirks in personality. A break in the mold maybe. Of course this is optional. With Idris redacted, I don't have any more comments on the flaws because they no longer conflict with another's character and neither does his strength. The skills to the persona all equal what a noble person might have been. However, I would suggest, optional, that because he was orphaned at a young age you could drop in some other elements.

Battle Profile


One of your stronger sections. I enjoyed reading this portion of the sheet as well. It is a good setup and I love when not every character is magey. And that's what I am enjoying so far out of the potential cast members. Francis has good setup and balance.

Magic Profile


Traditional and classic. I respect the classics. Again I like how Francis doesn't lean too much into the sorcerer box.

Tale


Another well written tale. I liked the storybook element of the way it was written. I enjoy this idea of being able to explore this family curse. That will be a very interesting arc. To see who cursed them and why. I enjoy a good mystery and to figure out the clues. I really look forward to this aspect of Francis. My only criticism would be that instead of writing it as a narrative, you gave lots of exposition. I enjoy feeling what a character feels then knowing what a character knows. Otherwise though I thoroughly enjoyed the tale.

Overview; You have a solid concrete idea and I enjoy Francis. I cannot wait to make a curse arc, because that will be fuuun. However, just as I have told Akay, Dead, and now you. The personality strengths are weak. And do not shake up much. It lacks creativity and punch. However, this is not asking for a revision. If you want to revise it is up to you. Just as it is up to everyone else.

Verdict: Accepted
So far looking good everyone's reviews are coming out. I appreciate the cordial respect you have put forward with each other.
@BladeSS4



Please what I enjoy more than anything is someone posting PMs a GM sent you in the OOC. What does that accomplish exactly? I mean unless you're trying to start some trouble. Arisen informed the group already and the reason why. Please don't be like a certain someone because we'd like to invite you to other RPs in the future. Provided you change what needs to be changed. Thank you. Goodluck now.


A Collab between myself and AngelofOctober


“I’m so sorry for your loss,” that’s about the tenth time he had heard it today. Not that it particularly bothered him, he recognized it’s what others to say to comfort themselves usually. That seems like a cynical way of putting it, but that’s the way it felt. People giving him strange looks as he remained stone face. Heard a few folks tell his mother it’s denial. Though his mother just played sad widower better than he was able to cry for face.

Walking up to his mother, she looked towards him, dabbing her eyes, purposely smearing her eyeliner. They shared the same black hair, and her Hungarian features came from her.

“May I take a break?” he ask her.

“You take as many breaks as you like dear,” she said with a crack in her voice and a wink from her left eye.

She said it herself this funeral was for show, after the family had an uproar when she had originally said she didn’t want a funeral. Neither did his father. The family, however, had a different idea. After his mother had an argument with his grandmother, they chose this place, a small church in their smaller village. Wrapping his scarf, which was draped over his seat, around his neck he walked outside for a bit of air.

Sitting outside in the lobby he’s getting looks from the family and their friends. He didn’t necessarily what they were saying. More he prefered they said nothing. His aunt Bethany had given him a particularly scolding look as he took out his laptop. She places her pointer finger up to one of her friends and walks up to him.

“Are you doing okay Sugar Flakes?” she ask him in a sweet voice.

He wished they weren’t so concerned about him. Though he supposed he understood why they were. They were afraid for him, it’s why he accepted it.

“I am fine,” he replies with a nervous calm. She frowns.

“If you say so, you’ve been through a lot,” she says.

He knows she cares for him so all he does is nod a wordless thank you before lifting the top of his laptop up. He just wanted a moment to himself to zone out. While he may seem like a natural extrovert, these kind of exchanges did begin to tire his thoughts. Avoiding his blog for now he went to check his emails instead. Probably another set of condolences.

Meanwhile,

Dorumon initializing the device first.

“It will search for the next best candidate,” Dorumon says handing Kei back the device, “You might not come out completely clear.”

Kei could feel a sense of nervousness. He knew he had agreed to do this. More like forcefully volunteer. Now he was becoming worried that was a poor idea. Managing to take a few breaths, a portal opened in the device, glitching digital swirling binary code. Here went nothing.
As Nathan began to delete a handful of emails, mainly junk mail, his computer screen began to act up. It’s probably on the fritz again. He had been meaning to get it fixed, just hadn’t had the time. Till a small Asian boy was becoming blurry, but clear on his screen.

“Hello,” the boys voice was unstable, glitching a few times.

“He-llo?” Nathaniel questions whether or not he should be talking to some stranger on his computer. Is this hacking? He was certain the movies version of hacking wasn’t exactly truthful, yet he had no other way of describing this moment.

“O-h good you can hear me,” the young boy laughs nervous, “I’m Himura Kei. And we need your help.”

“Who’s we in this case?” Nathaniel not sure if the concern of his family is warranted at this point since he seems to be losing his mind.

“You’re one of many Digidestined and right now their world is in trouble,” Kei says, “They say the badguy of this world once he takes over the Digital one will come and take over the human world. I don’t know how much that is true or not. But-we need to collect Crest in order to take down this evil.”

What was the normal reaction to a scenario like this, Nathaniel wondered. Puzzlement is a good one. Worried for the sake of one’s sanity is another one. A childish side of him wanted to believe in fact that all this boy on the other side of the computer said is true. His own excitement or desire for an adventure kind of tingling, but since he was eight he knew adventures to a magical land were not reality.

“Okay,” Nathan says, “Do you have any proof?”

It takes the boy second. At first he thinks he’s lost the boy before he sees a weird creature, whose body looks that of a blanket and three horns.

“Hi I am Kokomon,” it speaks.

Well that’s some proof.

“This is all an odd strange little request,” Nathan says, “And if I deny this request?”

“It’s fine we’ll find the next person, truth be told there’s a lot of danger here,” Kei tells him, he sounds earnest and a little scared, “One of the kids we just met...died. I want to be transparent about that and clear...that….so far this journey has been dangerous and has lead to the death of..someone. You don’t have to come...I’ll tell the next person and the next person...I..”

Wait, someone has died?

“How old are you?” Nathan replies.

“Ten,” Kei remarks.

Somewhere in the universe or perhaps somewhere else, several young kids were off on their own witnessing the death in a new world. Ordinarily something like this he’d laugh off as the lack of sleep. But the young man in the screen sounded scared. Albeit a bit nervous as well.

“Don’t hang up, I’ll help you,” Nathan says.

“You...should…” Kei pauses for a second, again Nathan’s afraid the connection has been lost, “say goodbye to your family.”

Nathan gives his own nervous laugh while looking back at the church. If he were to die in a strange little universe his mother might not want to hear about it. And if he met a fate as worst as death he’d have nothing to regret.

“I’m all right, go ahead send me through,” Nathan said.

“Just take my hand,” Kei said.

Well moment of truth whether or not this was some kind of elaborate dream or if it were reality. He stuck his hand through his computer. It felt like being squeezed through a tube of toothpaste, as he was squeezed through a small space. Till he came out the other side. To see a purple dinosaur. The boy from the message. A young girl with red hair. A brown hair boy stunned in silence and a lot of trees. Nathan dust himself off, though he was uncertain was exactly he was dusting off.

“Well, this,” Nathan looked around, “Different.”

“Um, can I get your name?” Kei asked.

“Yes, sorry, I am scattered at the moment,” Nathan smiles, “Nathaniel. Nathaniel Steiner. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I wish it were on better circumstances.”

He really is ten. He’s shorter for a ten year old.

He’s older than him. Though Kei wonders how many people he were expecting to be his age. He nervously looks at Nasaneiru-san.

“It’s...nice to meet you too Nasaneiru-san,” Kei replies.

Kei nervously hands him the device. That’s the device Toristusan wore. He wished Nasaneiru didn’t have to wear it. He could understand how it could be weird to others.

“When you put it on your Digimon should come out,” Kei nods.

“Well let’s hope I have the code to breakthrough,” Nathan laughs. Kei stares at him. Nathan smiles.

“Nevermind if I tried to explain it wouldn’t even make sense,” Nathan tells him, “You don’t have to call me Nathaniel. Nate. Nathan. Neil are all acceptable as well. I have a versatile name.”

He’s honestly trying to make this kid a little less nervous.
Kei not sure he understands. He smiles though.

Nathan puts on the device, which turns from it’s multi colored patterning, to a nice dark fuschia. There a blinding lighting comes from the device.

A small bird shape creature comes out. It immediately starts running around like a dog when it gets the zoomies.

“Who are we fighting? Where did they go?” the creature ask looking both ways and zooming past Rachel, to run back to circle around Nathan and Kei.

“Well aren’t you active,” Nathan laughs.

The creature stops. It’s eyes begin to get big and seemed to spark with excitement, “NATHAN IS HERE! NATHAN IS HERE!” It begins to shout and run around some more.

“Well at least that’s half the introduction to spare,” Nathan says nervously, “And your name?”

“It’s Pinamon,” who has finally decided to relax near him.

What a strange circumstance this is turning out to be. Though he supposed he didn’t have much of a complaint. Who knew this all might be the fun he needed.
Example Post


Equipment: 4 Gems, 1 Boss Crux, Staff
[clearly this is different in the RP, you’ll start off with 0 gems]

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[post here - may add portraits, and character font]


Hunters

Non Affiliated with the Dark Witch, however, hired by her goons. Lesser than Generals in team of power.


Great Generals

Affiliated with the Dark Witch. Very Powerful.
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