So glad you could make it. Not many people have taken a look at the house in a while, so to have some fresh faces pass through is a welcome sight. Apologies in advance, but the last person to take a tour of the house wasn't interested in buying it, and this house has seen a bit of disrepair that bears a cost too great to invest into. Luckily for you, the house is being offered at a steep discount. Follow along, but please watch your step and stay close. The floors have holes and the halls are dark.
This is the ______ room. Here, you can sit back and unwind, watch something on the CRT television, maybe congregate with others. The floor here is over a century old, though it's been covered over and built upon multiple times over the years, each time with a starkly different style. The trimming along the walls needs work; there were reports of mice, but exterminators have come through here multiple times, making sure that nothing that doesn't need to be here is here. Should you want to stay, it'll be just you and the house here. You can paint the walls any color you'd like, though it is advised you take care not to remove the wallpaper. The walls are fragile enough.
This is the kitchen. It's a bit small, but you'll be surprisedβand maybe even excitedβto know that the fridge is a lot bigger on the inside than you'd expect. You could fit quite a lot of food in here. There's also a mirror installed on the inside of the fridge, in case you want to look. The cabinets are made of oak and nailed directly into the studs, but you should watch your hands when feeling around inside each of them. There's an uncontrollable electric current that likes to shift between cabinets through the nails. It's low-power, so you don't have to worry about any lasting damage to your skin. There's also a door to the backyard right over there, but it's perpetually locked.
This is the dining room. Not much to say about this room, except that it's cramped. The table in this room runs end-to-end, but there's only one chair for the table itself. The others have disappeared one by one, leaving impressions in the rug that can't be vacuumed out, no matter how many times it's been done. You could buy more chairs if you'd like, but they won't last long in here.
This is the bathroom. Unfortunately, despite multiple cleanings, the bathroom has maintained a rather strong scent of iodine. Being in this bathroom for longer than 20 minutes might have an adverse effect on your eyes and throat, though nothing that would require medical attention.
You have reached the halfway point of the house tour. It is now time to head upstairs. If you feel a scratching, pulling sensation at your neck while we walk up to the second floor, do not be alarmed.
You'll notice, as we walk, that the photos in these picture frames have been left unchanged. Staring at them for too long may result in a building sense of unease, but the black ovals in these photos are harmless. Attempts to remove the photos have been made, but they are permanently fixed to the wall.
This is the upper floor hallway. You'll notice this hall has upwards of 20 doors, each with its own architectural style, but the only one that can be opened and occupied is the guest bedroom at the end of the hall. Touring that room is unnecessary, as the room is very small and contains a single twin-sized bed with a memory-foam mattress, the dent within it getting progressively deeper. Attempts to open all other doors in this hallway have only resulted in leading to the guest bedroom, despite the floorplan depicting much different bedroom designs.
Upstairs, we have the room. Formerly referred to as the attic, the room is the blurriest of all rooms in the house. It's dangerous to be in here for too long; you may be damaged by exposed nails in the wood. On any given day, you might find the room filled with notebooks. These notebooks are themselves filled with all manner of information, hastily written and rewritten ad nauseam. It is advised not to look through these notebooks when they appear in the room. Doing so might cause you to spend weeks in the room reading, affecting your eating habits, sleep patterns, and more.
If you look out the window, you'll see the backyard. The backyard stretches on for acres in all directions, one of the biggest in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, the grass is dead and the yard is filled with thorns. If you look in the distance, there is a single tree; also dead, but still standing. It likes to appear in different spots, but never far away from its home.
You have reached the end of the house tour, but there is one more room to show you.
This is the basement. The concrete floor here is wet at almost all times; don't worry, no mold. As you can see, in the middle of the basement floor, there is a hole. It is unknown how deep the hole is, but surveyors of the house have tried to gauge its depth by dropping stones into its recesses. Judging from the sound of the stone hitting the bottom, the hole is anywhere from 6 feet to 3,000 feet in depth, and this seems to change periodically. If you shine a flashlight at the wall in the hole, you'll see scratch marks and moist blood trails that never quite reach the edge of the hole. Despite this, there has been no evidence of any creatures inside.
The house tour is now complete. If you find this fixer-upper to your liking, the paperwork is ready to sign. You might have a bit of a difficult time ahead of you.
But, I promise the repairs are worth it.
PalmerEldritch,
Burglar,
Birdboy,
MaeB,
Riven Wight,
Bacon,
ShankySpice,
Tyler Night,
Floofenstein,
Stryder BC