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16 days ago
Current Ethical issues aside, AI prose is just really bad.
3 likes
24 days ago
She wanted to read, she wanted to write, but the main thing she wanted was something to fight
4 likes
1 yr ago
Make it clear that you don't need him to be reading Dante tomorrow. Also suggest it would be fun if you had a private language that you could use to mock English speakers in secret.
5 likes
2 yrs ago
Luckily history suggests an infinite ability for people to be shit heads ;)
1 like
3 yrs ago
Achmed the Snake
1 like

Bio

Early 30's. I know just enough about everything to be dangerous.

Most Recent Posts

Hard Days and Cold Nights

The carriage creaked to a halt as the coachman hauled on the reigns. The four horses neighed and stamped their feet in frustration, iron horse shoes sparking on chips of flint in the road way. The big horse’s breath steamed in the cold winter air even though the lazily fall snowflakes had yet to coat the ground. The pine and oak of the Drakwal too had yet to take their coat of white, the anemic heat of the sun enough to ward off the flakes until the chill of night set in. That should be an hour or two yet, even in these northern latitudes. Even so they cast long shadows over the road, a remote section of switchback that climbed out of an isolated valley. The cause of the abrupt halt was immediately apparent. A moderate sized tree lay across the road, obstructing passage out of the valley. Judging by the green and healthy look of leaves and bark, it had obviously not been felled by the slow decay of old age or the vicissitudes of weather.

The coachmen let out a curse which morphed into a cry of alarm as a half dozen figures dressed in mismatched armor and threadbare cloaks emerged from the treeline hefting rust splotched weapons and an assortment of firearms that looked like they were as dangerous to the users as to their intended victims. All had looks of feral triumph on their unshaven faces. The leader, a muscular man with a dirty blond beard and a great sword slung over his back sauntered forward, a triumphant smirk on his face that showed off surprisingly good teeth given the scarred and battered shape he was in.

“Thought you could use the snow to escape did you Gräfin,” he mocked. A slim hand pulled back the curtain to reveal the woman inside. While she was unquestionably beautiful, graceful and poised, she most certainly wasn’t Gräfin Brunhilde Von Dounkebruk who possesed none of these qualities. She was dressed in imperial fashion, a corseted shirt of red and cream stripe, though she had forgone the traditional long skirt in favor of tight trousers of dark brown fabric and long boots like those favored by pistoliers. A rapier, of find quality but with its once fine hilt worn by long use was belted around her waist, along with a pair of long cavalry pistols. Another marked departure from the noble Lady of Donkebruke. There was a forgien caste to her, a slight angularity of features and a wavy quality to her dark hair that suggested she was likely from at least the Southern Marches, and likely from Tilea or Estalia.

“I’m not a Gräfin,” she confessed in accented but perfectly intelligible Riekspiel.

“I am a Baronetess of the Court of Middenheim, though honestly its an ugly word and it dosen’t come with any land or income,” she explained to the gruff bandit who had been shocked by this sudden departure from his plan.

“Where is the bitch who owns this carriage?” he demanded, confusion transmuting to anger. A frequent response in this bandits life it might be observed.

“Probably back in town sitting down to a Mondstille feast I expect,” the stranger, definitely a Tilean, replied, remarkably undisturbed by the bandits, many of whom were now openly leering.

“I don’t know what you are playing at bitch,” the leader snarled, “but I suppose we can find a use for a pretty noblewoman as easily as a fat one.” That raised a lewd chuckle from the gang.

“I am Camilla Dela Trantio,” the woman introduced herself, “and I’m afraid I have other plans.” They started at her with open incredulity.

“Listen bitch, I have six men here and a score back in camp and I…” The treat was interrupted by the distant boom of a firearm. It was a sharp precise sound, a dwarven made weapon if Camilla was any judge.

“Nineteen,” she corrected. Veins bulged in the leaders neck and he opened his mouth to snarl a threat. Another boom sounded from the direction he had indicated his camp was in with a hook of his thumb.

“Eighteen,” she said mildly. The bandits had had enough.

“Get her out of that fucking coach and…”

“Oh we can get out on our own,” Camilla interrupted with a smirk. The leader was fit to burst, and it seemed likely that appolplexy might carry him to Morrs garden on the spot.

“We? You got a mouse in your pocket or something?” he sneered.

“Not exactly,” she admitted, and then swung the door of the carriage outwards on its tallow greased hinges.

“I’m not a bloody mouse,” a gruff voice declared. The bandits had just enough time to register the squat form of a dwarf laying on the floor of the coach, a dark green ranger cape tossed over a shoulder and a wide mouthed blunderbuss clutched in his meaty fists. They did not, however, have time to move before the coachgun went off with a roar that would have outdone some small cannons. Three of the thugs staggered back, one of them spitting blood, another clutching at his shredded chest. The third took a piece or rusty langridge through the eye and collapsed to the ground without so much as a twitch. Camilla hauled the door shut and ducked behind the thick oak panneling as the survivors refleivly fired their own firearms. One of the pistols snapped impotently and a second hissed as the poorly maintained weapon squibbed. Both the leader’s gun and another thugs pistoles fired, gouging splinters from the side of the equipage. Camilla popped up and kicked the door open, with her boot, leaping gracefully to the ground with a pistol in each hand. Both weapons cracked one dropped a thug who was tearing at the priming pan of his pistol to the ground, clutching at a red wound in his gut. The other struck the leader in the chest plate, but ricocheted from the thick metal, with an audible clang that flung him to the ground. The dwarf rolled out of the carriage somewhat less gracefully, hitting the ground with a thump but rolling to his feet in an instant. He swung the smoking blunderbuss like a club, caving in the skull of a bandit holding a smoking pistol with a sound like a melon being dropped to the floor. As the leader staggered to his feet the surviving bandit lunged for Camilla, her rapier whipped free of its scabbard, flickign aside his short sword before thrusting expertly into the gap between breastplate and pauldron. Bright red arterial blood gouted from the bandits lips, staining his beard before he fell to the ground.

“I will make you die slow!” the bandit leader screamed, unlimbering his great sword and taking a swing at Camilla, she skipped back out of the arc and tried to thrust in while her opponent was of balance. Violent and stupid the man might be, but a poor swordsman he was not. He managed to get his blade up in a cross cutting parry that would have shattered the slender blade if Camilla had attempted to parry the stroke rather than dancing back once again.

“That little knitting needle isn’t going to stop me girl,” the bandit snarled.

“I’m going to..” whatever else he was going to do was lost in a scream of agony as the dwarf’s short handled axe hacked into the back of his knee in a spray of blood and popping tendon. The brute screamed like a cattle at slaughter and collapsed as his leg gave way. The dwarf stepped forward and, quite dispassionately split the bandits head from crown to nose with a second slash of his bloody axe.

“He dinnae know when to shut up,” the dwarf exclaimed in the sudden silence that followed. The only sound was the coachman who was by now retching in horror at the sudden and complete slaughter that had unfolded in the space of a few heart beats. Blood coated the road side and the bodies steamed in the chill winter air.

“My thanks Master Bjornson, might have been a real challenge with that great sword of his,” she admitted. Gunir Bjornson laughed derisively.

“Ye’da managed lass, ye always doo,” he said, wiping blood and brain matter from his axe blade onto the bandits cloak.

“Well I’m just as pleased I didn’t have to,” Camilla admitted. In the distance the sound of gunfire grew more intense, intermingled now with the clash of steel on steel. Camilla whipped her own blade clean with the tunic of a dead bandit.

“We had best get to it, sounds like Cydric might need our help despite his boasting,” she declared.
@POOHEAD189
Jocasta cursed as the occupants of the tavern surged to the windows, eager to get a look at the impending show down. There were shouts of alarm from inside the VIP area and alerts began to appear in her optics. Red dots flagging Chalnarc's gunmen as they shook of their booze and drug induces stupor to come to their bosses aid. For a moment she hesitated, this was nothing like her original plan but this would be her one and only chance to take a shot at Chalnarc. Win or lose he would either be dead, captive, or on the move and she didnt want to spend months hunting him down and prepping another extraction. She toggled one of her contingences active. The pianist, having stopped playing to watch the battle outside jumped as the vase of flowers atop his instrument seemed to stand up on metal legs like some kind of insect. It rotated a few hands breath and then made a humming sound. The concealed claymore, planted by Jocasta the previous day went off. Unlike the conventional type of the warhead this variant was anything but indiscriminant. Six chambers went off, spitting six spikes of burning copper, hammered by the backing explosives into a lethal dart. Each was targeted on one of the henchmen and they went down in a windrow, flailing arms and spraying shattered chest plates. One of the six was taken down by a head shot. That wasn't showing off, if the computer could have safely plotted a center of mass shot it would have taken it, but a civilian had blocked the line of sight at a critical moment. Internal titanium partitions funneled the back blast down, shattering the piano in a spray of splinters and flying keys. Several of the crowd screamed as they were pepperd with the secondary shrapnel but those were the breaks. Jocasta took care not to kill unnecessarily, but she didn't waste sleep on minor injuries to people who, in all likelyhood, deserved worse.

Jocasta slipped from the bar as the blast and shrieks thinned the crowd by the door momentarily. The hot sun scorched her skin immediately and she wished she had the time to don better clothing for the task, though if she were getting wishes she probably wouldn't start there. Chalnarc and the mysterious stranger were circling each other now, Chalnarc holding his blade in a low guard. Her AI, patched to her implant and linked to the database in her ship flashed up a half dozen identifications for the mysterious combatant, but none of them had more than a twenty percent likelyhood, making them the electronic equivalent of guesses. Clutching her stunner insider her coat, she prepared to wait out the combat. If Chalnarc won he would be weak and off guard when she struck, if the newcomer... well she would cross that bridge when she got to it.

Emmaline glanced at Amal and then back to Albrecht. She didn't want to pay, two thousand marks would wipe out most of what they had but she suspected Albrecht would be shocked that she had even that much. Likely enough the old leecher wanted to bleed her of what cash she had and then enlist her in one of his innumerable schemes.

"Fine, two days," she grudgingly agreed, earning an arched eyebrow and then a beatific smile from her master.

"Well I am more than happy to grant my favorite apprentice a few extra days to come up with her admittedly laggardly dues," the older wizard said with a self satisfied grin. Emmaline rolled her eyes. It was possible to run from Albrecht of course, but it would mean dodging other wizards for the rest of her life, the College made rather a point of policing its students, and even though Albrecht wouldn't denounce her to witch hunters, there was no guarantee other members of the college would grant her the same forbearance.

"There are days," she said to Amal in Arabyian, "that I wish we had stayed in Araby."

"Is it the sand or the blistering heat you miss?" Amal rejoined with a grin that showed Albrecht his own gleaming white teeth.

"Good point," Emmaline conceded. Albrecht glanced between them suspiciously, put off to be party to a conversation in a language he didn't understand. He reached into his robes and produced a clay pipe and a pouch of tobacco. With practiced ease he packed it with the pungent herb and ignited it with a whispered spell.

"It is a real pleasure seeing you Emm, women of such beauty and natural blondes beside, you would swear Riekland is crawling with them but I make half my money selling boiled horse piss to bleach the heads of desperate house fraus."

"That one armed dwarven bastard sold me out didn't he," Emmaline declared out of the blue, having spent a few moments trying to figure out how Albrecht had tracked her. He was a wiley old dog, but magically he wasn't in the top tier of wizards, like Emmaline herself, destined for the middle of the pack. Albrecht smiled admiringly around his pipestem.

"Beautiful and brilliant, if only I were twenty years younger..."

"And fifty pounds lighter," Emmaline interjected, evoking a wince from the heavyset wizard.

"Ouch," he admitted, touching his heart to show he had been wounded by the remark.

"And had some hair," Emmaline added for good measure.

"Bit of a shrew though," he confided to Amal in a theatrical aside.
Emmaline narrowed her eyes at her former, well technically current, master. Albrecht grinned his cocky grin at her and waved at the bar maid who approached warily with a pitcher of ale and two mugs on a wooden tray. The wizard took one mug and drained it in a single long swallow then took the other and the pitcher and waved the woman off with a playful swat on the rump.

"And how much do you think I owe you?" the blonde wizard asked, gently releasing Amal's wrist in time for the daggers to vanish. Albrecht nodded courteously to Amal and then spoiled the gesture with a belch that rattled the window. Emmaline rolled her eyes, amused in spite of herself that her tutor hadn't changed in the time she had been away.

"Two thousand marks," the plump wizard declared in a matter of fact tone.

"TWO THOUSAND MARKS?!" Emmaline demanded, not realizing until head began to turn that her voice had climbed into a shout and she had half stood from her chair. With an obvious effort she calmed herself and returned herself to her chair. Albrecht had the decency to look slightly embarrassed but he recovered himself quickly.

"That is insane, you haven't taught me anything in two years and precious little before that," she protested face flashed at the older wizards audacity.

"You wound me my dear, I like to think I played a key role in forming you into the impressive young woman you are today," Albrecht replied, moderating his leer for Amal's sake.

"And in any case the College is a wee bit iffy on what does and does not constitute teaching, some might say that I have furthered your instruction by sending you out into the world. They might also point out that you stayed away far longer than the task I set you in Tilea required. A task I note that still hasn't been completed," Albrecht tsked.

"That wasn't exactly my idea," Emmaline replied petulantly. Albrecht spread his hands wide in a placating gesture.

"Not saying it was but rules is rules girl," he said, taking another mighty swig from his flagon before pouring it full with the pitcher, slopping foam over the top and onto the table.

"Two thousand marks is still an insane figure," Emmaline responded stubbornly. Albrecht nodded, clearly having anticipated this objection.

"Guild dues are adjusted for the fact that the apprentice is expected to work for her master Emm, cooking, cleaning, helping with spells, and..." he paused and cast a wary glance at Amal, "...other things. All of which you most definitely haven't been doing for the past two years." Emmaline scowled.

"And I suppose you told all your cronies you were coming to see me before dressing up as a story book wizard in case I decided it was cheaper to dump your body in the river?" she enquired with an air of resignation. Albrecht smile spread brilliantly across his face, golden teeth gleaming in the lantern light.

"And weren't you just saying I never taught you anything?" he beamed with avuncular pride.
Emmaline allowed the spell to crumble, the voices of the plotters, now discussing where they would spend their imagined immense wealth fading away into the murmur of background conversation. The food was very good and the wine was excellent, though Emmaline's palate had been coarsened considerably during her year in Araby where the rough Arak had been the drink of choice. For a blessing the mood in the tavern seemed calm enough. In one corner a very drunk young pistolier was describing a battle he had fought in against the chaos hordes, making exaggerated hand gestures and rhetorical flourishes to describe the battle. In another a trio of dwarves talked in low voices, like the rumble of a distant storm.

Feeling pleasantly full and warm with drink, Emmaline was just about to suggest they retire for the evening when a sudden hush fell over the room. A figure was standing in the doorway, he was heavy set and resplendent in the regalia of a gold wizard, complete with staff and golden chain of office. He paused for dramatic effect before striding over to where Amal and Emmaline sat, staff thumping on the floor with each step. Without waiting for invitation he pulled a chair from a nearby table and spun it around taking a seat facing the two travelers, straddling the seat and resting his crossed arms on back of the chair. He was considerably less impressive up close, bald and liver spotted and with several golden filling in his wide grinning mouth.

"Albrect," Emmaline muttered with a sigh. The eyes of the disreputable looking wizard twinkled.

"My heart is filled with joy to see you are alive my dear apprentice," the other wizard said with an ironic flourish.
The conversation by the bar was either going very well or going terribly depending on ones point of view Jocasta thought as she twirled once more around the pole. She lifted a leg high, placing her ankle by her ear as she pirouetted in an impressive display of flexibility. The feat was greeted with a clatter of credit chips and wolf whistles from the denizens of the bar. It looked as though the mercenary, whoever he was, had the bartender really sweating, the nervous twitching of the lower two sets of arms a dead give away among Bargonians. The song was beginning to wind down now and her set was ending, which was a shame because it would cost her the vantage point of the stage. An icon blinked in the bottom corner of her optical enhancement, a red urgent alert from one of the optical bugs she had placed during her three days of employment as 'Sarisa' the dancing girl. A subconscious twitch enlarged the image to take up a quarter of her view. A large feroucious looking man in body armor was shoving his way out of the VIP section. His body was covered in armor but his scarred head was bare. A nasty looking shot gun was slung from his armor and a knife that would count as a sword by any reasonable definition hung from his belt. The AI projected a 92 percent match for Chalnarc based on previous images it had seen.

The set ended and Jocasta sashayed of stage as quickly as she could, this might be her one chance to get a shot at Chalnarc away from his gang of bully boys. Hastily she exited to the dressing room and threw on a coat over what little she was wearing. She touched her pocket to make sure her equipment was still in place and then slipped out into the bar itself. Chalnarc was stalking towards the stranger now, his face set in a scowl and his spurs clinking on the plastcrete floor.


A minute later they had taken a seat at a table of polished oak. At Emmaline's insistence they took a table on the far side of the room from the plotters. If Amal thought it a strange request he didn't mention it and instead drew her chair out for her with a graceful flourish she took a seat on the battered wooden chair with a smile and a moment later a buxom serving woman hustled over to the table, casting an admiring glance at Amal before her eyes flicked a trifle jealously to Emmaline.

"What'll be mien herr," she asked in a voice that had a slightly unpleasant nasality to it, probably because she was attempting an Altdorf accent that was at odds with whatever part of the empire she was from.

"Stew and bread," Amal responded promptly. The smell of baking bread and simmering beef stew was mouthwatering and Emmaline whole heartedly agreed. He arched an eyebrow at her inviting her comment.

"Wine as well please, a bottle of whatever," she replied dismissively. The serving woman made a slight curtsey and then turned to fetch their food.

"You have a plan to listen in somehow," Amal stated and Emmaline nodded, she leaned in close as though kissing him but instead her lips moved in a quiet chant. A moment later the sound of conversation, soft enough that only they could hear it began to emanate from the window beside the table.

"There is lead in the glass," she explained, making a discrete gesture to a similar window beside the would be thieves. It wasn't a difficult spell to work to transfer the vibrations, but it did take a rather devious mind to think of the application in the first place.

"Huh," Amal commented and Emmaline giggled and turned the subterfuge into a real kiss.
The same character one year later:

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