PlatinumSkink — Roleplayer Guild

Oh, uh, players is to get a randomized roll? Then I suppose I need to say that I'm somewhat interested and is weighting it against everything else in my life. I'm not sure if I want to, yet, but I'm thinking about it. Maybe a roll to see what kind of girl I'd be playing would spur my inspiration, if it's not too late. Haha.

Edit: People's Characters
GrafRoy Zeppeli's Touma Yuniko. Exp: 3, ToF: 5 5 -> 6, ███: 27% -> 34%
... GrafRoy second character. Exp: 2, ToF: 8, ███: 12%
Antarctic Termite's Kei Wentz. Exp: 4, ToF: 6, ███: 24%
Lolita Complex's Minerva Meyer. Exp: 1, ToF: 7 -> 9, ███: 3% -> 8%
PlatinumSkink's Monika Sakovich. Exp: 1, ToF: 4, ███: 7% -> 12%
sassy1085's Beth Wilde. Exp: 2, ToF: 6, ███: 7%
A Cute Angel's Mary Beth. Exp: 4 -> 5, ToF: 1, ███: 14 -> 19%
LaXnyd's Kazimiera Sienkiewicz. Exp: 3 4, ToF: 5, ███: 14%
The book of bad juju's Violetta Fitzgerald. Exp: 2 3, ToF: 5, ███: 7%
Flamelord's Carina Lykke. Exp: 2, ToF: 2, ███: 3%
Ariamis' Julia Steinhart. Exp: 2 3, ToF: 7, ███: 18%

Other people in this thread
Drunken Loli. Exp: 4, ToF: 1 4, ███: 21%
Yidhra. Exp: 3, ToF: 6, ███: 28%
Vocab. Exp: 4, ToF: 5 6, ███: 31%
Natsu
Stern Algorithm
Lennon79
AtomicNut

All of which I write is my own opinion which could be extremely wrong or what-the, I am trying to make myself sound like a not-authority. It's just that, I know I like to get feedback so here's my feedback to you all. ... Well, except maybe this time, this time I maybe don't want feedback, not as serious feedback, anyway. But I'm pretty sure all the other authors do, sooooo.

Interesting world. It’s, of course, a style of world which I’ve seen before but that’d be hard to avoid at this point, but it was still executed with enough tension and mystery that I continued reading throughout the entry without losing said excitement. It wasn’t the most amazing thing I’ve ever read, I was a lot more interested in the world than the characters, but I consider this a pretty good entry. The one thing that bothers me considerably is really the ending, and I can’t blame you for that because that’s the friggin’ labour. Haha. Well, in any case. We didn’t learn if there was something more major at play or if this was just kids at an arcade or similar. Eh, wasn’t really needed.

Labour wise, there’s just one tiny detail. The labour specifies that, regardless of who betrays whom, both are placed in danger due to their actions. It’s minor, but unless we count that Sloth could have been countered by Ana when he went for the kill I don’t see the treachery putting him in any specific danger. … Oh, well!

… Pretty sure the first paragraph could have benefited of separating the description of things happening in the city and when we reached things that concerned the characters. I was getting dazed getting through the paragraph, when suddenly ‘woah, character’. Haha.

Alright. That was decent enough. I didn’t get all that excited as I read through it, but taking account what will happen after the events of the entry I’m pretty sure you accomplished the labour. Hm. Yeah, I don’t believe I have more to say.

Little Blue Riding Hood, eh? XD 
… Oh, my. My previous statement was more accurate than I thought it was. I just wrote that as soon as the blue cloak was mentioned. Hah.

It does appear that you suddenly changed into first-person for no specific reason. Maybe this was intentional, but if felt rather weird.  … Nah, it doesn’t seem to have been intended, since it swaps back after. Eh.

Awww. Transformed into Sapphire. Lapis, eh? That’s adorable. XD

Alright. You clearly have a talent for the descriptive arts. Those paragraphs were a bit heavy, but I was intrigued enough to hang on anyway. I actually liked it better when they weren’t talking, hm, not entirely sure why. Maybe I didn’t find that the dialogue fit with the fairy-tale setting that had been presented. Though, otherwise I found your little twist on the story interesting, and it was open for many interesting developments. Quite a magical little tale. … But of course, the labour itself forced us to this relatively uninteresting ending. But well done, anyway~!

… Jedi, eh? Alright, let’s see.

… Dunno. I kind of like the Star Wars universe for being so clearly divided. If you’re going to create such a thing as a “Good Sith”, it makes me sincerely question what they’re fighting for to begin with. Besides that, I feel a Jedi should have been able to sense that he was about to be attacked, but the series itself has an occasion rather similar to this, so eh. Suppose he was emotionally compromised and unable to sense with the Force on that point. That’s certainly possible. Oh, well.

Hm. I do wonder a bit about how this entry relates to the labour. Let me examine the rules again. Did he require the AID of his mortal foe? I mean, I suppose he betrayed himself as well as the prisoner he was supposed to escort by attacking and thereby defying the way of the Jedi. I suppose he can’t really complete the escort of a prisoner without the prisoner, but is that the same as requiring his aid to undertake this journey? Eh, not my call to make.

Otherwise, nicely done. There’s nothing in the text itself I can complain on. It’s a stable piece of literature. Well written.

… Is that a twist on ‘Of Mice and Men’, by any chance? XD Alright, let’s see.

… You know, of all the things I did not expect to associate with one another, the story of two men seeking jobs at ranches dealing with deeply realistic issues and the bloody tale of Greek Mythology at war with these two very different characters meeting was probably among the least expected. XD

… It’s a bit depressing, reading these two characters’ somewhat interesting interactions, but due to knowing the labour I know something will have to happen. Oh, well…

Now that I’m done, I kind of feel that maybe the title was just a coincidence. Maybe. In any case. The entry was well written. I don’t even need to tell you that. The characters were interesting, the scenario fantastical, the possibilities exciting. … The ending was… … … *sigh* Oh, well. You know, when you build such an amazing scenario for a labour that has to end like this, it kind of feels like a waste, you know? Eh. I’m feeling kind of apathetic right now. Meh. Alright, onto the next.

… HAH! The mortal foe in question, was this dog? Well, after this, he certainly is! And yeah, his betrayal caused “peril” for both of them, that part is accomplished hands down. Not entirely sure Larry needed the dog’s aid with anything, but otherwise, a quite amusing way of accomplishing the requirements of this labour. Quite interesting. Though, those long paragraphs before this was leaving my already tired self yawning and with blurry eyes. Gosh, that took quite a bit to get through. But yes, the highlight of this is certainly how you chose to accomplish the labour. Nicely done. Haha.

Alright… So, this was my entry… And for most of the writing time, I had zero inspiration to write it and intended on skipping, because I didn’t have the pressure to complete all labours on account of already having failed a few… But then, the very night that was the last day of delivery, my mind suddenly was all like “HEY, IT’D BE EVEN WORSE TO NOT DELIVER ANYTHING AT ALL!” so I wrote this with very little inspiration and just the powerful desire to send something in. I… couldn’t proofread it, because I was collapsing in exhaustion at the time. I wanted it done as quickly as possible, but still with a resemblance of quality. I went back and forth, writing different parts of the story that I knew I needed in a strange order and I don’t know if it all connected in the end. Okay. Let me force myself to read through this and review it like I’ve reviewed the others.

… It’s hurried. More time should have been spent on the actual dilemma which the entry was named after. There’s a lot of exposition in the beginning, but it was needed to get out of the way for the scenario to make sense. As much as I had liked to do “show, don’t tell”, I didn’t feel it was important to the scenario and I didn’t want to make it longer than it needed to be. It ends very strangely, partly because I read through the rules of the labour and went “Oh, the betrayed foe must survive”, and had to add that last paragraph where it was supposed to just end with the line “Kill them both”. But… all in all, I’m happy to find it isn’t quite as much a complete disaster as I felt it was when I sent it in. Alright, let’s see what the judge thinks. Haha.

The scenario was based on the “Prisoner’s Dilemma”, except when I was done writing the story I was like “Wait, this isn’t the ‘Prisoner’s Dilemma’ anymore, this is more like the ‘Fool’s Dilemma’. … Yeah, I’ll name the entry that.” … Yupp.

Firstly, impressive image which has been included into this hider. Now, let’s see if the story is as impressive.

I notably prefer when there’s a space between the lines. Like, the way I structure this opinion. Though, that may just be my own tastes.

… *gasp*… It certainly was. From the perspective of the labour, I have no idea which one of these I am supposed to be the “character” and which is to be the “mortal foe”, and I have even less idea of which one really betrayed the other first, if there even was a betrayal in this story. Really, felt like they held their alliance for as long as it was necessary. Whatever, I’ll leave that to the reviewer. My point, is that this was a very exciting experience that was as interesting as it suddenly turned intense towards the end.

Now, I don’t really feel like answering the poetic side of this entry, but can I just out and say how much I appreciate the thoroughly awesome battle they had towards the end, there? Seriously. I’d like to see that animated by someone with a budget. Man. I could so clearly see the amazing feats each magical combatant did one after another, my mind was animating the battle as it was going on. Now that, that was an experience. With somewhat interesting characters, a fantastic setting with allows mystical fighting like this to take place, and woah is the imagination soaring. I’m not sure if I’m one of the few who’d think this and everyone else would get lost in your text and lose track of what was happening or if my experience would be shared with anyone in the world who read it besides me, but in any case. Excellently done. That was quite the entry. And the fact you had a drawn image to compliment it, too. Wow. Nicely done. Haha.

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