PlatinumSkink — Roleplayer Guild

Huh. Nobody has said anything further, eh? Then, forgive me for double-posting.

... *immediately checks if there’s text between the lines* … Sorry, I had to. XD

… Um. Yupp. That’s a thing. Was there an artistic reason why some sentences start without a capital letter? Um. Anyway. Yupp. Not sure I can critique this at all. XD

And that’s got to be the longest title I’ve ever seen in a contest like this, but suppose that might be appropriate.

So, um. Um. Uuuuuuuuum. I am, um, significantly creeped out, but I think that might have been the intention, so brilliantly well done! XD
I was trying to come up with ways to praise the Glorious Leader in my entry, but seeing this, I clearly didn’t try hard enough. XD
Impeccably done. You are, no doubt, a master of the art of praising. I am happy to have found one such an entry among this batch. Hahaha! XD

Well. It sounded really good! XD

It feels a bit short. Like the entry didn’t have all that much of a point. Sure, he’s a great important guy and all, but was there nothing dramatic about this guy that could have been qualified as a ‘tale’? Because, yeah, this feels more like describing the guy rather than telling a tale about him.

But the contents aside, I’ll have you know I sang this entry out loud as I read it. And you know what? It sounded really good. So yeah, most excellently written a little piece of writing! I have no critique to give on that front! Good job! XD

*looks through the rest of the entries a little fast* Welp, there ended the short ones. XD

Heh. I’m amused. Who was it that promised to write a sci-fi western, again? XD

All in all, there isn’t all that much to this story. It’s a pretty simple story. The fact that it was kinda sci-fi didn’t really add anything specific to the enjoyment other than to make it just a bit stranger. However, I did enjoy what it was. It succeeded in being what it was, and it brought a little smile to my lips as I reached the conclusion. Thanks for providing it to me. Haha.

You're skilled in writing in the style of elderly tales, o poetic one. Haha.

Alright. That was a dramatic one. The tales of trails, and what was the result of leading these to their end. It was somewhat long, I did feel the pull of weariness as I read on, but this was a very well-written and powerful entry. You're skilled with your words, and spoke a tale like the classics of old. Beyond the apprehension of getting into a tale as mighty as this, I have nothing but words of praise for you. Dramatic and satisfying end to it, too. Well done.

Still. The “Trail of Loyalty” is an asshole trail. I get the point of it, but I get into roughly the same mood every time I run into it. Oh, well.

*imagines the title said in the voice of that guy from that one Pokémon song* XD

Alright. Yupp, that's one way one could imagine things going in a revolution. 15 minutes into the future can be an exciting time. Though, yes. I didn't really feel anything magnificent or incredible which would cause me to vote for this entry. But, it is well enough written. I can't say anything negative about it either, really. Just didn't grab me. Well enough done, haha.

I'm... kind of prone to motion sickness. In fact, I'm kind of motion sick right now because of the bus ride I went on six hours ago. Let me tell you. THAT TRAIN RIDE DID NOT HELP MY SYMPTOMS. XD

… Puah. That... that was a trip. And with that, I mean it was like an actual acid trip or something. It was like a dream, so unfocused at what it was doing at the moment and constantly changing what strange imagery that it was deciding to show the viewer at any one time, changing the twists and contents of the story sporadically throughout the entire thing with no clear rhyme or reason. So random! I still have no idea what role Alice had, but I am pretty annoyed he didn't do more to defend her. Oh, well. So, uh. The entry was well written enough, and there's clearly no lack in imagination here, so allow me to just ask... What the heck happened here? I don't think I understood anything. Maybe choosing to read this instead of going to bed in this tired form was a bad idea. Or, maybe it was the best idea? I don't know. Hahahahaha.

I cannot have tips for this, because I still have no real clue what was going on there, or WHY these twists were happening. What were the roles of all these women and splitting guy? Of the spirits or that god? Why was the witch having her revolution and if she had good reason to do so or not? Why was the Diamond Queen called a hag by other knights? Why was that guy so big? Why was... … … Yes. I have no bloody idea, and I don't think I'm going to dwell on it longer than I need to. But, well, I did smile because it was so thoroughly strange? Hahaha. XD

I... don't get it.

Oh, well.

…

Well, more like I don't feel it. It's excellently written, and I do believe I know what you're going for. Thing is, since I don't know what happened I can't go 'oh, that's clever' or 'oh, that's sad' or any other emotion. I'm just looking for answers, and looking for answers isn't good for my enjoyment of a piece. What kind of death could she have known was coming yet was the result of him ruining his life to ruin hers? The police-man said it was a crime-scene. If she was murdered, isn't it potential evidence? And he burned it. He destroyed the potential evidence. Hah. … In any case. It was a depressing little entry that didn't give me the information I desired. So... oh, well. Onto the next.

Well. It should be pretty obvious what's wrong with Johnny. Geesh. In any case. Um. Yeah. It's a pretty straight-forward story. I found the poem to be better suited to the story than the story itself, actually. Your writing is good, I don't need to say too much on that, however, allow me to just say that I'm not very good with depressing stories. It's like, the moment the war is mentioned my whole mind just went “Ah, one of THOSE stories” and I was reduced to roughly the same emotional state as that of the narrator.

So, yeah, um, well written, but look at the other guys for better feedback. I'm just going to go and sigh in depression all day. Hahaha...

I @vote for Firebrand. So many brilliant ups and downs on that tale, and in the end, it looks like his loyalty paid off. And the fact it read and felt like ye olde tale style was an amazing bonus. Well done.
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