Teh-heh. It was a bit of fun thinking which of you the last entry belonged to. After all, I knew Athinar was writing on an entry, but would WiseDragonGirl really let this labour go by without her providing an entry? ... Turned out that, no, she wouldn't. Haha.
@Athinar Ten paragraphs? That's still considerable. Too bad. I'll look forward to potentially seeing you next time, then! Haha!
All of which is contained below are my own opinions and that's about it. Just thought some people would want to have some reviews. If not, oh well, here they are.
Yepp. That's a thing. It's rather nice of you to take a time and place in history and then change that in some way to make it an entry. It's also one way to make an offer for their families. All of their families that has EVER LIVED were at stake, eh. Interesting! XD
… Still, the absolute lack of any characters at all throughout the entry made it kind of boring to read, I'm afraid. Since half-way through, we already pretty much knew what was going to happen. There wasn't much excitement, just brutal slaughter. Felt like that dragged on a bit. But still, your writing is quite nice. So that's about that.
Still. That makes me wonder how this labour will work when you make the main character “All Humanities' Armies”. Would it then technically be alright to leave all these armies alive even if the entry kills their families, would it be alright to leave whole armies alive? … No point in asking, nobody survived. XD
... Yeah, you're right, it is confusing. I had no idea what was going on at all during the first part, and while the second part explained most of it to the degree that I actually didn't need the explaining notes, you're right, I can't really say that it forgives the entry. I've never been a fan of either confusing nor negative entries. This is both. Though, the story did make me interested in what's going to happen to Taina from now on. But, suppose, that her life kinda still exists. … I do worry a little about “Both the old and young need to be amongst their number”, but eh. Otherwise, it follows the labour rather well, and it does tell a story that I understood by the end of it, which is alright.. Yeah, that's about it. I'll leave the rest to Terminal.
A problem I had with this labour was that, the things that this labour demands to happen, they're not things that should be completed in a short span of time. Sure, one COULD just have had the character in question say “NO WAY!” instantly and then see everyone they love die, but to me it feels like that would have made the story very hurried! And then, when I had decided on a character and a turn of events to happen, I couldn't just have her change her mind too quickly either, that'd feel too abrupt! She had to have gone through a few battles first!
… So, in the quest of somehow completing this labour and simultaneously make a good story with reasonable pacing, my entry became a little lengthy. A little. … And then I was randomly inspired to throw in more things to more properly give each character a reason to be there, so my mind wouldn't feel they were fillings that didn't have a reason to be there other than souls to talk to. And this was the result. I didn't actually start dividing the story into chapters until I realized that my story was becoming too long not to have them. So, yeah. I apologize to those who had to read my very long entry. Still, I hope it was at least reasonably enjoyable. Haha.
I rewrote the entity of the last battle the last day because I felt it wasn't personal enough the first way I wrote it. It became a lot longer. I hope it became better. Haha.
I will have to say... GIVE ME A CLEAR DESCRIPTION ON IF THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A MERMAID OR NOT TO BEGIN WITH. XD … Alright, there it was, in the fourth paragraph. I was straining myself up until that moment. Haha.
… Alright. It kind of feels like that ended way too quickly. You spent such a beautiful amount of time setting things up and developing things, that when suddenly this magic, that demand, that stab and those consequences happened a little too quickly. That's actually kind of something I was afraid would happen with my own entry when this labour was presented, hence partly why my entry is so long, I didn't see a way to make this labour justice without stretching things our a bit. But, still, that was a rather interesting world you set up (obviously reminding me of the Little Mermaid) which I would have been interested to read more about. Yet, now it ended so abruptly. Oh, well.
… Oh, yeah. It was you who said you had to end it quickly because you had no time. Yeeeaaah... I can see that. Too bad. Oh, well!
Oh, THAT'S a solution to avoiding a longer entry. … Yeah, this is a good entry. There's sadness, but the main character took the “follow their demands” route, so it spared his family with reasonable degrees of hope by the end of it. It isn't clear if we should be happy or sad, something's definitely wrong here, but all things considered, it was very realistic and life-like. It feels like this is how some such encounter really would happen, and the solution was pretty reasonably good for the main character, as far as outcomes that completes the labour goes. Still, the request of the enemy wasn't particularly hard to accept. In any case.
As far as I can tell, you've done it again. Haha.
... So, you've been dragged through the hole to hell, and there's still this much left of the entry. So, aaaaaare you going to have a positive or a negative ending? Wheeeeeere are you going with this?
Oh, alright, to a “to be continued”. Indeed, this rather simply completes the labour that is around this time around. I will, however, rather easily admit to not having been particularly interested in the descriptions of the depths of hell which you have provided here. I'm unsure where you're leading this tale, but, um. If you make Michael act against Xantier at any time later in this, and that then does NOT result in the deaths of this family, won't you have failed this labour that perhaps this chapter on its own clears? … Am I thinking too deeply? Haha.
Otherwise, your writing and imagination is fine enough. Yeah. Haha.
So, um, anyone who decides it takes too long to read my entry is entirely pardoned for that, haha. I do believe it is fairly readable, but there can be any number of reasons. Mostly time-related reasons. It's only 3073 words short of half the first Harry Potter book in word-count, after all. Haha.
The hider currently located at the end of my entry was really only intended for Terminal where I included it in the PM, but he seems to have included it for all to read, so allow me to share that it was influenced by my emotions at the time and should not be taken seriously. If/when you get there. Haha.
I must say, writing this entry has been... an experience. Because of what I've now written, rather than just looked at it as a entry to a contest online, I've compared it to the world at large, to the books of established authors and the guides on the net for actually writing one's first book. ... Of course, with predictable results. But it does give me an impression of where I am, and what would be needed of me. Heh.
Of course, I don't even dare to look at my entry for a little while. I think I'll wait until the review is done. Yeah. Until then, I'll stay clear from reading it. Hahahaha...
“They’ll only ever get stronger.” Raru Reilode, representative of Security who had seen the enemy fended off time and time again outside of Oreino in Province #57, his fists clenched as he addressed the rest of the Order. “Every time we see them, new kinds of monsters appear. It doesn’t matter what we research, they’ll create a counter, and I’m sad to say, they’re researching faster than we are.” His glare of experience and hatred caused silence throughout the council, the dwarves sitting in silence. “They’re destroying our troops faster than we can build them.”
“If it weren’t for the magic of our allies, we’d be even more screwed than we are! Hahaha!” Rasur Tharum laughed out, being the other member of the Order that had fought the Darkness. He seemed oddly jolly for someone who was speaking about things of certain doom.
“… Our research of their bodies revealed no particular weak point.” Zuth Falmal said, the only female member of the council looking somewhat down. “And even if we did find one, the enemy is constantly evolving. We can’t trust any particular weak point to remain.”
“There is no choice, then.” Gegel Burgapal, the proud dwarf of trade, said with a somber tone. “We have to move our people away from the coasts. We must seek shelter in other nations, or we’ll be overwhelmed.”
“The people of Orngat may not be moved.” Maar Buralode, master of Law, instantly interjected, lying lazily down in his chair as he spoke and caused Gegel to frown. “The Order is the defenders of the people, not their leaders. We cannot command them to leave the nation. It is their own choice.”
“FINE.” Gegel replied, his chin raised and giving a glare at Maar. “Then how about giving a healthy recommendation? Anton Evald has enough influence with the people that, by his suggestion, most will follow.” He mentioned the representative of the people, the human which told the people all they needed to know. He could be useful.
“We’re not down, yet.” Belden Drunarum, representative of construction, said putting his fists together. “My defensive structures are still holding strong. No attack of the Darkness against my Dwarven Defenses have yet to do anything but wither away! The seas may be theirs, but the ground and air still belongs to us!”
“Ground, maybe. Air… I don’t know anymore.” Zuth thought of the flying creatures that most recently attacked the Ironclads at Oreino (#57). There were simply no good technique available for taking those down.
“The caves have been prepared.” Rak Garkafal, the cautious dwarf of finance, said as he pushed his glasses back. “In case of an absolute emergency, we can hole ourselves under the mountains like our ancestral kinds, and we can live down there for a long time. Assuming the Darkness does not dig down to us.”
“Oh, they would.” Raru muttered. “They would.” Rak’s expression twitched at the lack of hesitation and surety in the old dwarf’s tone. Was it that sure?
“It does sound like a rather bleak situation.” Thirbek Radadak, the polite representative of foreign matters, added. “However, always remember that there are a lot more nations than us that also fight the Darkness. We’re not alone. Our allies of New Engelica and the Broken Empire have performed admirably.”
“But even they will fail one day.” Raru mumbled with a dark voice. “Unless we find some way of ending this once and for all, we will all perish.” Numerous other council-men did not really appreciate Raru’s new tone about these matters. He had always been the angry one, but he was usually the LOUD angry one. Not this quiet, depressing angry.
“… Then.” The entire council suddenly turned their heads in absolute attention as the first word from Kalderur Tordud, the Judge of the Order, finally was heard since the beginning of this meeting. “I believe you will appreciate our next point, Master Raru.” Kalderur stood up, his form looking so ancient that it looked strange to see him stand up with such strength. “Azras, our representative of Defense, will be arriving shortly. He has some interesting information.”
“Scared?” Penokio asked, looking at his young should-be pupil but the kid was way more brilliant than him already.
“Y-yes.” Jonathan answered, clutching his device. “It’ll be my first time actually meeting the Order.” They were walking behind Azras Burapal, the representative of Defense, who had declared that this was to be presented to the Order at once.
“Keep your back straight. Stay tense, it helps, and is natural. You’ll never be calm anyway, so just smile and go with it.” Penokio offered questionable advice. “There is a possibility that your device will save the world.”
“I-I wouldn’t go that far.” Jonathan looked down at it. “It can track the rough location of the Arch-Lich, yeah, but… but we don’t even know how quickly he moves, or exactly how accurate the data I pick up even is. It might just send us onto wild goose-chases. Or, maybe, he’ll use it against us to trick us into ambushes, or…” Penokio interrupted the words by slapping his student in the back, Jonathan’s eyes going wide with surprise and looking up at his supposed teacher.
“I’m supposed to be the worrier here. You be bubbly, positive and a sunshine of brilliance as always, alright, Jonathan?” Penokio demanded of him with a glare. “If you feel all that doubt, think of those who you’ve helped, and those that have helped you. Heck, those mages of New Engelica even helped us with trying to make sense of our magical readings, despite everything. How would they feel if you suddenly gave up?”
“Oh, yes! The mages!” Jonathan looked down at his device. “They were so helpful! This device would never have come this far without them! If this works, it will entirely thanks to them! I must mention this to the Order!”
“Right. Exactly.” Personally, Penokio was just very happy they hadn’t been blasted to pieces. Just as he had predicted, the mages hadn’t looked very… comfortable… with what Jonathan had done to their little sprites. Regardless, they had helped perfecting this device, for they recognized the value of such a device. “You’d fail them if you gave in to your doubts now. So let’s go show the Order what you’ve done, now, right?”
“Yes! Absolutely!” Jonathan smiled once again, looking up attentively, ready to do things. Penokio breathed out in relief at that bringing up the mages had actually managed to cheer him up.
“Indeed you will.” Azras grinned in front of them, having heard the entire conversation. Azras looked uncharacteristically hopeful about the invention of the human boy behind him, as he opened the door to the order. “Look alive, kid, they’ll want to hear all you have to say.”
So Jonathan saw the Order, flinched a bit at the extreme pressure from their powerful dwarven stares, but after a quick encouraging look from Penokio Jonathan took a step forward, and showed his invention.
Total 135 M-Warrior units, 55 M-Walkers, 58 Ironclads, 75 Interceptors. #57 has 28 M-Warrior units, 11 M-Walkers, 12 Ironclads, 16 Interceptors. #56 has 28 M-Warrior units, 11 M-Walkers, 12 Ironclads, 16 Interceptors. #54 has 27 M-Warrior units, 11 M-Walkers, 12 Ironclads, 15 Interceptors. #50 has 26 M-Warrior units, 11 M-Walkers, 11 Ironclads, 14 Interceptors (Broken Empire, reinforcing the coastline) #49 has 26 M-Warrior units, 11 M-Walkers, 11 Ironclads, 14 Interceptors (Broken Empire, reinforcing the coastline)
1 Mechanical Warrior, 1 Ironclad, 1 Interceptor in each Orngat province 1 Ironclad in each Broken Empire province that I've built docks in, 2 of them.
Research: Tracking the Arch-Lich, 3/3, Complete
After what has been a successful demonstration for the Order, the council of Orngat have decided to manufacture more of these devices that shall be able to track the Arch-Lich and send them to any nation that would be willing to receive one. They include a jar of sprites, of the kind which is used for conjuring familiars, which somehow respond in different ways to the powers of the Darkness, specifically that of the Arch-Lich, somehow. By the use of this, the measurement devices resembling that of a scale and arrow on top will give a reaction, with lots of spinning Orngat gears on the inside, to show the APPROXIMATE direction of the Arch-Lich through the arrow along with the APPROXIMATE distance to the Arch-Lich through the scales, should the GM feel the desire to share it. That should be enough to estimate in what different provinces he might be in, well, that’s all up to the GM on how effective the device is. Do with the information you might gain, precisely as you like. Probably not this turn, though. Haha.
Savo
Xaltwind
Lunamaria Hawke
Kon Kon
Floofenstein
RPM
Renose
Rune_Alchemist