Simple UnicycleFAIR WARNING: To anyone with a Luck under 5, I will take advantage of it in all situations. So, please don’t be angry when a bullet ricochets off a wall and enters your kneecap.
@Zoey White
After revewing Sylvia, I think she’s a solid character. She's got a lot of layers. You have obvious flaws, obvious strengths, and most importantly an obvious reason to be in this group. Your writing sample was a fast and entertaining read. I usually don't care for characters that manage to take out numerous characters in their prompts. But you bring up the moral quandary of it, and you have Sylvia get injured. You also show the varying state of her mental readiness and addiction.
I’m interested to see the duology of her personality on drugs and off of them. I like that they both have their bonuses and negatives.
The only thing I ask of you is that you re-read the rules. There's something you're missing in your CS.
@Searat
Your CS is well written. I have found little wrong with it in regards to grammar and word usage. The biggest problem I have with your CS is the fact that Felix is rather bland. Even after reading his backstory, he feels like a generic character. Not to say he isn’t a good character. He just needs a little something-something. Perhaps go through their Appearance and add something about interaction. Their personality also felt less like someone describing them and a description of personality. Your Writing Prompt was good. Your backstory is also very interesting.
Your weaknesses need some work. The strength and charisma are okay, but your character’s Luck is not that low to warrant it being a weakness. Make up an interesting weakness, something that would affect your character in certain situations. Possibly a combat weakness, since you really don’t have one of those. You don’t HAVE to base this off your SPECIAL I was just saying it could be helpful in forming them.
You have too many skills. There's ONE COMBAT AND ONE ACTIVE OR PASSIVE SKILL. Or TWO ACTIVE SKILLS, TWO PASSIVE SKILLS, or ONE ACTIVE AND ONE PASSIVE SKILL.
Please re-read the rules, because you're missing something from your CS.
@Tim
I like “T”, he’s an interesting character. You’ve incorporated your SPECIAL really well into the CS. Low charisma with unnatural synth-ness.
Just a few things:
Your appearance needs a little beefing up. You manage to tackle a lot of things in the personality and equipment section, but I need a little bit more. I do like the mention of him trying to play human, and failing a lot of the time. It offers an uncanniness that can lend itself to the RP. I just need a little bit more, becuase it is lacking.
Not having a combat skill and having a gun will limit your accuracy with the gun. That being said, you’re not going to be entirely useless, just less proficient than someone with a combat skill.
Just reconfirming, the HUD only displays information previously gathered on people? Like a database? Not like a way to know meta-information?
Your Writing Prompt is good, a little trope-y, but man it’s hard not to be trope-y in this situation. The only think I want to note is that you change tenses a few times throughout the prompt. Just keep an eye on this. I didn’t see it in your backstory, so I’m not worried about it. Just calling it like I see it.
Also, the added backstory fleshes out a few of the quandaries I had in your CS, so I’ve redacted a few points I’ve made on here. I liked it.
@RTron
I enjoyed all of Frankie. I understand that his 10 Endurance and 1 Charisma come from an obvious place. So, I’m not going to say anything about that. Your backstory fills in the gaps where your CS doesn’t. And we talked about him being an intelligent supermutant. Everything looks in order. You might want to add to your Appearance because I find it a little lacking in clothing and general demeanor.
That being said, re-read the rules. There's something you're missing in your CS.
@Simple Unicycle
Call us “Team Huge Ass Dudes.” To be fair, they all vary in the way they handle their problems and the weapons they use. So, I’m digging it. Still, waiting on that combat sniper. I know you’re out there somewhere.
Anyway, I have a soft spot for guys that are too beat up to be conventionally attractive *stares at all their male characters* Yep. So, Joe is an A+ for me in that regard. Your sheet is good, I just have a couple of things.
The biggest thing with your sheet is your Charisma of 1 and then your personality section showing that he’s a talkative likable guy. A Charisma of 1 should really be someone who looks someone in the face, spews out offensive words, probably burps, and then grabs them inappropriately. Or maybe a whiny internet neckbeard who thinks “incel” is actually a thing. Eugh. While I wouldn’t say Joe would need a Charisma of 5, considering his looks, probably 3 fits your description a bit better. You can probably take the points out of Intelligence, Agility, or Luck. No one looks like that by being sorta unlucky.
After you tweak your SPECIAL a bit, maybe give your weakness a bit more pop. Your strengths are justified by the SPECIAL, but they’re very strong. You could use a weakness that really tempers your strengths.
Man, oh, man. This Writing Prompt should be called: “I love me some bar fights.” Nah. I enjoyed it, and Joe was different from T in that respect, showing the way that they handle trouble.
@WXer
Okay. First things first. What is that picture? Is that a frozen man? Is he porcelain? I’m not complaining, I’m just VERY confused. Also, I chuckled WAY too long at “St. Jack City.” I can’t even. Good job.
I like Franz. He’s odd and quirky. I’m also glad we finally have someone that capable of charisma and speech. Seems like a lot of characters here have taken a hit to it. Which makes sense, the world is a tough place. But it’s good to have someone with some charisma. And your strengths and weaknesses are really even. Just like… a thing.
“jerky-like face,” beautiful descriptor. Let’s see. The Appearance section needs a little more attention. You actually put a lot into few words. Which I appreciate and envy. I just need a smidge more about interaction. You do a good job with the personality section with this. Just some first impressions.
Beyond that, it’s a solid character. I like him, and really the only thing I might have negative to say is that he’s very one-type. That being said, I feel like you’ll develop him well.
@Zoey White
After revewing Sylvia, I think she’s a solid character. She's got a lot of layers. You have obvious flaws, obvious strengths, and most importantly an obvious reason to be in this group. Your writing sample was a fast and entertaining read. I usually don't care for characters that manage to take out numerous characters in their prompts. But you bring up the moral quandary of it, and you have Sylvia get injured. You also show the varying state of her mental readiness and addiction.
I’m interested to see the duology of her personality on drugs and off of them. I like that they both have their bonuses and negatives.
The only thing I ask of you is that you re-read the rules. There's something you're missing in your CS.
@Searat
Your CS is well written. I have found little wrong with it in regards to grammar and word usage. The biggest problem I have with your CS is the fact that Felix is rather bland. Even after reading his backstory, he feels like a generic character. Not to say he isn’t a good character. He just needs a little something-something. Perhaps go through their Appearance and add something about interaction. Their personality also felt less like someone describing them and a description of personality. Your Writing Prompt was good. Your backstory is also very interesting.
Your weaknesses need some work. The strength and charisma are okay, but your character’s Luck is not that low to warrant it being a weakness. Make up an interesting weakness, something that would affect your character in certain situations. Possibly a combat weakness, since you really don’t have one of those. You don’t HAVE to base this off your SPECIAL I was just saying it could be helpful in forming them.
You have too many skills. There's ONE COMBAT AND ONE ACTIVE OR PASSIVE SKILL. Or TWO ACTIVE SKILLS, TWO PASSIVE SKILLS, or ONE ACTIVE AND ONE PASSIVE SKILL.
Please re-read the rules, because you're missing something from your CS.
@Tim
I like “T”, he’s an interesting character. You’ve incorporated your SPECIAL really well into the CS. Low charisma with unnatural synth-ness.
Just a few things:
Your appearance needs a little beefing up. You manage to tackle a lot of things in the personality and equipment section, but I need a little bit more. I do like the mention of him trying to play human, and failing a lot of the time. It offers an uncanniness that can lend itself to the RP. I just need a little bit more, becuase it is lacking.
Not having a combat skill and having a gun will limit your accuracy with the gun. That being said, you’re not going to be entirely useless, just less proficient than someone with a combat skill.
Just reconfirming, the HUD only displays information previously gathered on people? Like a database? Not like a way to know meta-information?
Your Writing Prompt is good, a little trope-y, but man it’s hard not to be trope-y in this situation. The only think I want to note is that you change tenses a few times throughout the prompt. Just keep an eye on this. I didn’t see it in your backstory, so I’m not worried about it. Just calling it like I see it.
Also, the added backstory fleshes out a few of the quandaries I had in your CS, so I’ve redacted a few points I’ve made on here. I liked it.
@RTron
I enjoyed all of Frankie. I understand that his 10 Endurance and 1 Charisma come from an obvious place. So, I’m not going to say anything about that. Your backstory fills in the gaps where your CS doesn’t. And we talked about him being an intelligent supermutant. Everything looks in order. You might want to add to your Appearance because I find it a little lacking in clothing and general demeanor.
That being said, re-read the rules. There's something you're missing in your CS.
@Simple Unicycle
Call us “Team Huge Ass Dudes.” To be fair, they all vary in the way they handle their problems and the weapons they use. So, I’m digging it. Still, waiting on that combat sniper. I know you’re out there somewhere.
Anyway, I have a soft spot for guys that are too beat up to be conventionally attractive *stares at all their male characters* Yep. So, Joe is an A+ for me in that regard. Your sheet is good, I just have a couple of things.
The biggest thing with your sheet is your Charisma of 1 and then your personality section showing that he’s a talkative likable guy. A Charisma of 1 should really be someone who looks someone in the face, spews out offensive words, probably burps, and then grabs them inappropriately. Or maybe a whiny internet neckbeard who thinks “incel” is actually a thing. Eugh. While I wouldn’t say Joe would need a Charisma of 5, considering his looks, probably 3 fits your description a bit better. You can probably take the points out of Intelligence, Agility, or Luck. No one looks like that by being sorta unlucky.
After you tweak your SPECIAL a bit, maybe give your weakness a bit more pop. Your strengths are justified by the SPECIAL, but they’re very strong. You could use a weakness that really tempers your strengths.
Man, oh, man. This Writing Prompt should be called: “I love me some bar fights.” Nah. I enjoyed it, and Joe was different from T in that respect, showing the way that they handle trouble.
@WXer
Okay. First things first. What is that picture? Is that a frozen man? Is he porcelain? I’m not complaining, I’m just VERY confused. Also, I chuckled WAY too long at “St. Jack City.” I can’t even. Good job.
I like Franz. He’s odd and quirky. I’m also glad we finally have someone that capable of charisma and speech. Seems like a lot of characters here have taken a hit to it. Which makes sense, the world is a tough place. But it’s good to have someone with some charisma. And your strengths and weaknesses are really even. Just like… a thing.
“jerky-like face,” beautiful descriptor. Let’s see. The Appearance section needs a little more attention. You actually put a lot into few words. Which I appreciate and envy. I just need a smidge more about interaction. You do a good job with the personality section with this. Just some first impressions.
Beyond that, it’s a solid character. I like him, and really the only thing I might have negative to say is that he’s very one-type. That being said, I feel like you’ll develop him well.
5 
5 
3 
7 
8 
7 
5
