vietmyke

Falling Skies: 7th Mobile Armor Suit Team

@Harbringer The jump pack is not for landing- its for leaving xD

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

@6slyboy6, okay, so I have some things I'd like to address with this character that need to be ironed out.

Aside from the fact that he's essentially playboy Bruce Wayne with superpowers, I'm okay with the money rich kid attitude- (even though one could consider the power of capitalism another superpower of its own). What I'm not okay with, is the extent of his powers, which are, to be frank, excessive.

Blink teleporting, or LOS teleporting implies that there needs to be a line of sight in order for him to teleport, which means he can't and shouldn't be able to just blink to a place he can't see. I mean, its not too difficult to just shoot a glance to your left/right to ensure your path is clear and then blink. Same goes for the distance he's allowed to blink- which is currently stepping pretty deep into Heat's territory. I imagined the idea of blink teleporting as short range, fast, and tactical, as opposed to a means of transportation. Also, the ability for him to blink up to 43 times in a minute is pretty broken. He's only had his power for a month after all. Though there are several ways you could make blinking less broken- the way I suggest is limiting him to a blink every 3-4 seconds.

On to Tobias' second superpower: Capitalism! So Tobias is a rich playboy who also happens to know his way around guns, and martial arts and surprise!: Owns a private army. As a rule of thumb, PMCs generally aren't too big. Because the UN controls the Solar system- they're not about to let anyone else take a piece of their pie. So most PMC's are generally relegated to armed security details and space escorts for private sector companies and individuals. With that being said, there is definitely no way the UN would allow Mars- an area with increasing amounts of tension, to possess a private standing army. Enson's standing forces can be larger than the other PMC's by comparison, but not enough that they'd be able to stand toe to toe with the UN for an extended amount of time on their own.

Also, define "most of the weapons market", is this like 40% of the weapons market? which is an immense amount of the market for a single company to control. Or is it like 75%? 40 I'm okay with, 75, not so much. Also, are they an arms manufacturer? or a robotics and VI manufacturer? Enson can have their own robots, but it is highly unlikely they'll be as extensively used as UN robots- which aren't exclusively Lorne either.

Enson can be a powerful and influential company, and they can have a treaty with the UN/Lorne/USF- in fact, they'll likely be the primary arms manufacturers for the UN if this is the case, and I believe thats an interesting aspect that can be used in the RP, but it can't be a powerful, influential company that leads in multiple categories and owns a massive army.

---

Essentially, you can have power, but not that much power.

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

@bluetommy2 Mkay, I mainly wanted the clarification in slightly. The thing about him being 7 feet tall is mere curiosity, because it is quite uncommon for the average person. Meh, makes my job easier- a 7 foot tall superhuman is a lot easier to spot than a not-7-feet-tall superhuman.

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

By the way, anyone on a W.I.P sheet waiting for comments... the reason I won't is because I prefer seeing the whole sheet before I declare judgement.

@Sep

I on the other hand, will be pointing things out as I see them.

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

@bluetommy2 your character has the ability to very slightly shift his height and change his face, how slightly is "very slightly"? One inch? two inches? 5? Also, 7'3" is very tall for asian descent, even 200 years in the future. Your background has very little detail to it, so its hard for me to find out if the height is a genetic thing, a freak accident think, a strange stroke of luck.

Incidentally, I wouldn't call being uni-lingual a flaw. I assume every character in this RP will know english/common form of communication. I'd consider knowledge of extra languages an advantage, but lack of extra languages is by no means a flaw.

Power balance is fine, sample post looks good.

Just my two cents on the character.

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

ARTEI-0014

Name: ARTEI-0014 'Artie'
Age: 10 Months
Gender: None, though is occasionally referred to as 'he' by its human operators. Artie's vocalizer uses a deep, male voice pattern.

Appearance:
As an AI, Artie has no specific body, outside of a cylindrical AI-core housed deep within one of the USF's most secure facilities, though he regularly transmits his 'consciousness' to an A-1 Tactical enforcer unit. A-1 tactical enforcer units are less common than the more ubiquitous X3 robotic infantry units. the A-1 Tac-Enforcer stands in at 7 feet in height, though their effective height while in a combat stance is closer is closer to 6'8" and weighs just under a ton when fully equipped. The A-1 Tac-Enforcer is a highly advanced droid, designed specifically for handling riots, as well as engaging tactical combat scenarios, and is surprisingly mobile and agile for its size. Using advanced cyberlimbic technologies to create a single body, The body itself is made up of advanced electronic circuitry housed within a EMP-cased shell of advanced artificial servomotors and processors. The artificial body is then clothed with diamond-carbon weave kevlar, and additional high strength alloy armor plates are equipped on the body making the A-1 highly resistant to small arms fire, natural hazards, and explosives.

Capabilities:
Built into Artie's specific A-1 shell, is a suite that allows Artie to control other A-1 and X3 units in the field. Artie's combat shell is EMP-shielded. The A-1 Tactical Enforcer is able to use almost all U.S.F. standard equipment, and comes with its own built in weaponry.

• STAKEN Medium Machinegun - A heavy battle rifle typically used by the USF, the STAKEN fires advanced, chemically powered 7.62mm rounds with considerable velocity and accuracy. It features a fire rate of 750 rpm, and is usually uses a 50 round box magazine. The A-1 units typically use the STAKEN linked to a large ammunition reserve on its back carrying 1000 rounds.
• R36 Shotgun - While often used as a full weapon by most troopers, the A-1 units utilize R36 shotguns as sidearms. These powerful shotguns are semiautomatic and and feature a 12 round magazine. The narrow spread of these shotguns allow them to be used even at range, and can load a variety of shells, from standard shot, to slugs, electrostun, rubber, and suppression foam. The R36 also has a front plate for door breaching.
• mini-launcher - Built into the wrist of the A-1's left hand is a 40mm munitions launchers. Capable of launching any USF standard 40mm grenade, the A-1 typically loads stun/flash grenades for riot situations. The mini-launcher has an internal magazine of three.
• Electrical Whipcord Built into the wrist of the A-1's right hand is an electrified whipcord launcher. The whipcord is often utilized to capture and incapacitate fleeing targets.
• Suppression Foam - Built into the under-wrist of the A-1 is a suppression foam system. Suppression foam is the USF's primary method of combating riots, spraying dissidents with rapidly congealing, electrified foam to immobilize and incapacitate unruly citizens. The suppression foam has only a mild effect on armored units, but can severely hinder the movements of vehicles as well.
• Punch-pads - A sheath of armor plating that can deploy around the 'fist' of the A-1, protecting the top and 'knuckles' of the manipulator, allowing it to engage in melee combat without damaging its less sturdy manipulators.

Personal Skills:
Highly mobile and capable in both long ranged warfare and CQC combat. His tough construction makes him extremely durable and difficult to overwhelm with sheer force alone. Artie capable of taking considerable punishment. He has the logic and computing skills of a supercomputer and has the ability to control multiple X3's at once.
Personal Weaknesses:
As one of the first attempts to mass produce AI's, Artie is prone to the occasional glitch. He also occasionally expresses conflicting opinions, and exhibits less compliance than many Corporates would like.

History: Advanced Reconnaissance and Tactical Electronic Interface, Serial number 0014, commonly referred to by his USF handlers as 'Artie', is a prototype Artificial Intelligence unit created by the Lorne Corporation for the USF, with the intention of mass producing capable and efficient, yet cheap AI. Highly classified and only created in limited numbers as of now, each ARTEI unit is typically bound to a human "Operator", either a USF Squad leader, or Hunter unit, to provide it with tactical as well as strategic advice. ARTEI is capable of re-tasking local robotic units in order to provide further aid.

ARTEI-0014, commonly known as Artie by development teams as well as the few ground teams its been in contact with was the first ARTEI unit to complete standard testing 5 months after its creation. 0014 then spent the next 4 months conducting classified raids against various pirate forces in order to continue gathering combat data and combat experience. ARTEI-0014 has spent the last month at a holding facility, where he maintains guard over a select group of unique humans.

sample post

MARSSOC - U.S.F. Special Operations Command
Sub-Level B2, Advanced Robotics Laboratory
New London, Mars

The Advanced Robotics lab was a hub of activity, as various scientists and technicians walked back and forth. Some carried holo-tablets, while others stood and conversed with one another, under the watchful eyes of heavily armed marines at every door, all the while the steady hum of electrical systems and robotics permeated the lab. The lab itself was a pristine white, stark white and gray metal and machinery covering the entirety of the lab, illuminated by bright lights, and contrasted by the glow of blue holo-displays. The only things that appeared out of place in the otherwise clean lab was the presence of a gaunt, scarred, military type man, and a quartet of massive deactivated A-1 Tactical Enforcer units in the center. The A-1s were currently plugged into a series of large computers, dozens of cables connecting their backs, and various other parts of their bodies to the powerful super machines.

"So what exactly am I looking at here, Doctor Santoro?" the military man asked with a heavy southern drawl, his scarred face obviously skeptical. "You brought me down here because you said you had something vital to my... reclamation, efforts. All I see here are A-1 enforcers. Handy, but hardly anything new."

"Well General Tawes," Dr. Santoro replied, explained, with all the air of a patient teacher explaining a concept to a poor student, "As you know, the VI's that the A-1 and X3 units utilize, while effective at their designed tasks, are relatively incapable of independent thought- as they are supposed to be. As a result, they're poorly prepared to handle the spontaneity of our... subjects."

"What we propose is the utilization of something considerably more advanced, to help you in your mission. Something more capable of thinking on the fly."

"So... are you implying, that we use an AI?" General Tawes asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing at the Doctor.

"Yes, general, that is exactly what we're implying."

"You damn eggheads know that this is illegal, right?" General Tawes growled quietly, stepping closer to the doctor so only he could hear.

"We are well aware of the legality of AI on earth, General. But rest assured that the AI will be obedient to their operators. Furthermore, the situation here on Mars is rapidly falling out of control, is it not? The sooner we can resolve this issue, the better, don't you think?"

The general glowered at the smug doctor for a moment before finally conceding. With a dismissive wave of his hand, the general took a step back as Doctor Santoro nodded to the other scientists and technicians, who quickly began typing rapidly onto their consoles. The lights in the lab dimmed for a moment, as power surged into the bodies of the A-1 units. The front center one whirred to life, the operating lights on its back, head, and body blinking.

//INITIALIZING...
ARTEI-0014 ACTIVE_
SHELL TYPE: A-1 TACTICAL ENFORCER_
WEAPONS SYSTEMS: ACTIVE_

'ARTEI-0014. ACTIVE.' The massive A-1 unit spoke, its vocalizer deep and bassy. 'AWAITING ORDERS.'

Crisis Mars: Evolution [Super humans on Mars]

@vietmyke ARTEI got fat. I am going to ask, since you're here now and interested in going the route of the USF, do you want to design the military? _{I'm also updating the A.I tab that there is an exception to A.I running on Mars.} If you agree you can just do it in GuildFormat and PM it to me. Also drop by the old stomping ground at some point.

@Sep

R00d. And didn't we already design the military like ages ago?

I was stomping last night but you were out for the count.. D:

It's spring break so my internal sleep clock has been royally fucked.

Waeldeshore: The Wars Beyond [DISCONTINUED]

While I find the character interesting, I personally would like seeing a bit more variation between this character and Hex's. The idea of there being two massively muscled men with overflowing confidence, while an entertaining thought, can quickly lose its charm.

I also hope the idea of "acting from the heart, with no premeditation" doesn't separate the player's responsibility over the character to keep within the lines the GM's provide.

Is just me two cents on the matter.

Falling Skies: 7th Mobile Armor Suit Team

I think you're underestimating how powerful your autocannon is- it fires the same rounds that the Sentry's autocannon uses, but other then that it looks fine to me.

Demon Daydreams and Schemes

Furiously typing as we speak!