whizzball1

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by Extra>

*activates my link to the others to figure out where they are relative to me*

@whizzball1

*follows the link to everybody*

<Snipped quote by whizzball1>

PD said not to attack.

@Ignacious

Oh. I must not have heard.

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by whizzball1>

*you come back to where you were*

@Extra

*activates my link to the others to figure out where they are relative to me*

Myriad Reality

@DarkwolfX37
Getting better.

Critique^2

A young human with brown hair and green eyes found himself walking through the slums of Millennial City alone. Normally he would avoid such places, especially alone, but today's circumstances decided otherwise. The machine shop he needed was here, and angels were rarely around due to the relatively higher influence of demons. Besides, today was Zee and his monthly day away from each other. As he walked away from his finished errand, Kain thought back to the day before.

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A spirit and a human were at a table in the alley by their home. An angel stood before them, a sword in hand and malevolence in his eyes. His beautiful white wings belied the menacing expression he wore. Kain and Zadkiel ("Zee," as Kain called her) stood facing each other, ignoring this threat as they conversed.

"I'll handle this one. You focus on taking your turn." Zadkiel said.

"No way. I've been needing actual combat to make sure I've really mastered my new technique. I'll fight him."

"No, I'll fight him."

This back and forth quickly devolved into bickering and name calling, slowly deteriorated the angel's motivation from his righteous mission into simple anger.

(Deteriorated should be deteriorating.)

"Enough!" he called, finally at his limit. "I will retrieve the mantle of the holy Zadkiel, regardless of whether I must kill you both or just its holder! Prepare yourselves!"

Zadkiel began to step forward but was cut off by Kain throwing a knife, Zadkiel's soulshard, at the angel. It flew past, missing its target, and the angel began to laugh. That is, he began to. Kain teleported to the still in mid-flight soulshard and grabbed it just as it began to leave the range of his reach, immediately using it to cut into the back of the angel's neck, cutting off the laughter.

("Still in mid-flight soulshard" sounds clunky. Try "Still flying soulshard." "Just as it began to leave the range of his reach" is also unnecessarily bloated--this can be made more concise, as: "... and grabbed it just before it escaped his reach." There are several other ways to word that simpler version, so whatever you think is best. "Immediately using it to cut" is redundant. Since we already know he just grabbed a knife, we can just say "immediately cutting". And, to diminish the redundancy of using "cutting" a second time, we can emphasise this second "cutting" as an important addition, as: "neck--cutting off the laughter, too." Or, "neck, cutting off the laughter with it.")

"Yes! Perfect execution, and perfect execution!" Kain exclaimed as the angel fell to the ground. "Too bad that he didn't move; I might as well have been practicing on a target." He sat back down at the table and scanned the chessboard. "Damn. I can't see a way out of this. I think you win.

"You know, for someone who wants to know everything, you sure pass up a lot of chances to learn things. Now we don't know if he was working on his own or if there are others after us." Zadkiel moved to reset the board, and they began again.

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Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by whizzball1>

*you can't even hear yourself speak and i somewhere else looks to see that a bishop on my side is moving*
This may be very anticlimatic....

@Extra

*teleports again*

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by Darlit Glitch>

Artorias: Yes. Except this one has shown a higher power towards the others. So they won't attack unless we attack.
- *Looks to Ruby*

@Ignacious

Hey, I thought they were going to attack us. I didn't know we weren't supposed to attack.

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by whizzball1>

*once you teleport , you actually appear in a room with extreme pressure that is being put unto you as it is completelydevoid of light*

@Extra

*unaffected* Oops. Okay then. No teleporting. Now, how to get out of here?

Myriad Reality

.

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by Etcetera>

Artorias: We must get going.

@Ignacious

Now would probably be a good time to try teleporting. *teleports a few feet inside of the safe house*

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by whizzball1>

I don't like this world.

@Etcetera

And it'll just get worse as we go on, too...

Myriad Reality

<Snipped quote by Ignacious>

This is horrible.

@Etcetera

This is what we signed up for, unfortunately.

<Snipped quote by Etcetera>

Artotias: Drones. They are trying to capture us to bring us to their queen. That's why they atttacked the beasts.

@Ignacious

How easily can one teleport around here?