The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

[MyCatGinger]

I have 48 hours to comprehend and write for this challenge?
Oh my god, the clock!
But I will not fail you. Question! I'm sorry if it seems daft, but will the scene have to involve other parties than the dying one? Or can they die alone?
I'll be writing my favourite character's death from an old visual novel I planned to create's concept. I think it'll be fun killing him off...

EDIT: 42 now. Also, approximately how long must it be?

[Holmishire]

I have just submitted my entry. Compared to my first draft, it is vastly condensed—but I feel it is better this way.

Some of you who followed OldGuild's WotM contests may recognize some of the characters.

[mdk]

I have just submitted my entry. Compared to my first draft, it is vastly condensed—but I feel it is better this way.

Some of you who followed OldGuild's WotM contests may recognize some of the characters.

@Holmishire

heheh, mine too, possibly but probably not.

[Terminal]

I have 48 hours to comprehend and write for this challenge?
Oh my god, the clock!
But I will not fail you. Question! I'm sorry if it seems daft, but will the scene have to involve other parties than the dying one? Or can they die alone?
I'll be writing my favourite character's death from an old visual novel I planned to create's concept. I think it'll be fun killing him off...

EDIT: 42 now. Also, approximately how long must it be?

@MyCatGinger

Nope. They can be utterly alone if you'd like. Or you can write about them dying with a stadium audience. Entirely up to you.

As stated in the contest description, you can submit a story of ANY length to me.

Any length. I will take three paragraph quips and 80,000 word epics.

And yes, 48 hours. It used to be 288 hours, but then time happened.

*Checks Watch*

Really more like 36 hours now .

[PlatinumSkink]

I've finished something I can send in if I want. It isn't the ending I wanted, but eh, it can work if the worst comes to pass. I can see if I'll review it tomorrow. ... Heh.

[Gwynbleidd]

So when's this due? 11:59PM EST by tomorrow night? Currently writing. Might try to finish it tonight.

[Terminal]

As of now, everyone has until Midnight TONIGHT to submit their entry. Specifically Midnight of the 30th. I will accept entries right up until the stroke of 12:01. The contest ends on the 1st of May.

That is the OBJECTIVE first of May, to answer @Dark Wind's inquiry. I.E., the first of May for the entire Earth, and not merely the UK or USA. This is to give everybody as much time as possible to finish their entries without actually extending the deadline.

Approximately 24 hours remain.

[PlatinumSkink]

Alright. I sent mine in.

Not sure if I'm happy with it, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut guess it's fine.

Let me personally hope I didn't screw up something horrible. I only read it through twice, after all.

[Psyga315]

I already sent mine in about a day after the thing was announced. So I'm good.

[Terminal]

As an absolutely last moment notice: Eight hours remain until it is objectively May 1st for absolutely in the world. I know of perhaps two people who were sprinting to finish their submissions, so consider this your last chance to dash in through the window before it slams shut with a leaden thud of finality. Much like the finality with which all these characters are trippin' dead all over the place.

[MyCatGinger]

Aaah I think I'm out. x.x
Procrastination for studying, although tempting, is the last thing I should be doing.
One last question. It might be a little silly... Is it that we can drop in on another section of the labours? And then stay till the end?

[Terminal]

Sure, feel perfectly free to take up other upcoming Labours.

TTL: The Second Labour will presumably commence immediately after the conclusion of RPGC #2. Look forward to your work then, @MyCatGinger

Exactly an hour remains.

A lot can get done in an hour. You'd be amazed. Perhaps with others.

Perhaps with yourself.

[Syben]

Wow I'm sorry I missed this. I didn't even realize what today was... fuck.

I'll try to drop in on the next labor, I've got caught up fixing my car and starting my job.. and basically re-doing all of my adulty life adult things.

._.

I'll drop in on the next one though, good luck to those in the first round.

[Terminal]

The submission period for The First Labour is now officially over.

And now, I am going to fall into a brief coma.

Expect all story submissions to be posted in the TTL thread later today. The Judges will have reviews and judgments for every story available by the 4th, which is when all the winners will be declared.

Feel free to provide your own reviews and commentary on the stories in the meantime, but also keep an eye out for RPGC #2, which should be starting right this instant.

Hint hint, @mdk.

[mdk]

There's my entry! Anyone from the WOTM era remember Mary Plymouth vs. Lewis Carlton? It was a big-guns showdown in an old hotel, on the 'post-apocalypse' theme. Anyway that turned into a novel, and her nickname turned into 'Tumbleweed,' and the showdown with Carlton became just one action-packed chapter of many. Now she's finally dying. I tried to preserve the bare-skeleton writing style..... and after summarizing the plot for TTL, I feel really strongly that I need to go back and edit that thing, so I might be firing up that project again pretty soon.

[PlatinumSkink]

So, is all discussion to remain in here or can reviews or such be posted in the "The First Labour" thread or how do we comment?

@mdk ... Eh. That one was written by you? ... Heh. ... I can confirm that anonymity influences the impression of entries. Probably not the vote of a contest (when it is a contest), quality is discernible after all, but still. Hah.

[Terminal]

Reviews should probably remain in here for the time being, but may be transferred to the First Labour thread once the third judge has reported in with their entries.

[mdk]

@mdk ... Eh. That one was written by you? ... Heh. ... I can confirm that anonymity influences the impression of entries. Probably not the vote of a contest (when it is a contest), quality is discernible after all, but still. Hah.

@PlatinumSkink

In hindsight I probably should've written more in the actual narrative style, because it's a little off-putting. But the whole book is that way. I was afraid that if I started writing more than just the one paragraph, I'd never stop.

[PlatinumSkink]

Alright. I’m no judge, but here goes. Now to prepare to become depressed.

Also, I am not going to hide which entry is mine. I am not going to write a fake review, however, at the same time I am going to <partially> hide it from those who don’t want to know before they read the entry, or something, I don’t know. I’ll be stating that I wrote the entry within the hider which should contain the review for the entry I wrote. So if you don’t want to know for whatever reason, don’t enter the reviews of entries that you don’t know who wrote. That’s about it.

Now I’m just going to post these and hope I’m doing nothing wrong.

Damian

... Heh. There were quite a few places where you forgot to include a capital letter where one should have been, and some place(s) I noticed where there should have been a question-mark but there was a dot. Eh, I’m pretty sure you should be highly aware of how much this deprives the quality of an otherwise excellently spelled story, so I’ll leave that at that. Also, using words instead of numbers looks much nicer when reading it.

We don’t learn a lot about your character here, do we? Not much to connect to. We only have a single individual running and eventually dying. Well, the only job was to write a death scene, so that’s fine, I suppose. It was a labour for yourself, not necessarily one for others to read, I think? Heh.

I could argue that the ‘heroicness’ of throwing himself into a horde and detonating himself kind of decreases the ‘unpleasantness’ score we were supposed to get, even though he didn’t actually save anyone and didn’t actually desire to die. Eh, I’d probably be kind and give you a pass anyways, for it wasn’t really a happy death, after all. Of course, I’m not the judge. Haha.

Nicholas Santos

Heh. That was probably a little bit more that was in mind for this labour. You set up a little bit about the character, enough for us to know a bit to relate to him, and perhaps feel something for his eventual demise. Of course, since we already knew he’d die, this is a death scene, after all. … And he achieved nothing, and didn’t get either a dramatic end nor find out what happened after his death. If anything, I could argue that the amount of text after he had already been stabbed was a little bit long and felt a little odd because of it. But eh, that could just be me, personally. I’ll have to congratulate you on a labour well done. That’s about it.

Benjamin Wilkins

… Well done. When I think of death-scenes, it usually follows my favorite kinds of characters, that are distinctly unnatural characters that are fighting for the good of the world, and it wouldn’t be odd to see any of those die by their day-to-day activities. Here you have a completely normal guy, and normally the feeling of sadness over a character’s death would be blunted due to knowing a character would die. Yet, you USED this feeling, included multiple places where it would be perfectly explainable that he’d die in an accident, taking the time to explain the different dangers in drawn-out fashions that made us see the possible outcomes before us, and then hit it in the chest with a fast and powerful finisher to prove us all wrong. The way you wrote after was also a highlight, it made me feel for the character’s friends and family, and made me feel it was a true tragedy. Well done. Very well done. Oh, well.

Tumbleweed

… Ah. Well… I’ll have to say. The first read-through is the most important one, and after this first read-through… I am thoroughly confused. In addition, I am not entirely sure all that backstory was even necessary, because we got really little time to try to connect to the main character anyways. I can’t help but think this is somewhat of an incomplete death scene. See, a death to me includes three parts. First all the thoughts and feelings before it happens, then the fraction of a moment when it happens and what goes through one’s mind then, and then lastly the events and feelings from sustaining the damage until actual death. You’re only including the last part in the actual writing that matters. It makes things feel incomplete to me. … Still. Well written, you’re showing off some sincere literacy skills, and I have no doubt the novel you’ve written is an exciting one. I wish you good luck with that. Haha.

Peter

Well. That was… vague. I had sincerely no idea what was going on. Maybe that was for the better, there’d been so much to explain, otherwise. I know not for what any of them died, or why, or by who. Everything regarding that is a mystery. … Well, suppose that’s one way to do it. I can’t say for sure if I had preferred it any other way, but eh. It is a mass of bitterness either way. But, well, that’s what this entire labour was fated to be, anyway. So what can I say? Interesting usage of complete vagueness to still deliver the intended emotion. Well written. Oh, well.

Watchman

… Yupp. It is infinitely clear what has happened here. I’m left with few words to say. It was a death scene, as described by the labour to do. It was written with quality, and it did exactly what it was supposed to do with no discernable errors which I can locate. If anything, would that really be the haphazard way they’d execute such a significant person? Well, suppose it drives the point home that he was a nobody to them. Yupp, well done.

Alex

Ha. Alright, then. I understand the idea. It is one stupid way to die, ain’t it? Yeah. Well. Somehow, it felt like it happened too fast. It feels like we should have had a little bit more time to get used to Alex in her regular world, her expectations and the like, but she just up and left and then bang. That is the impression I get, anyways, and you’re obviously free to disagree. Other than that, everything in your writing looks quite alright. The purple is a little bit hard to read against that background, but. Nicely done.

Eima Illervin

This is my entry. I apologize if it is too long and you got bored reading it. If you found it interesting, then… I’m happy you did. I’m personally not even sure if this is good or not, so I put myself at your mercy when it comes to that. This takes place in a roleplaying world where the players were mostly in the school mentioned at multiple times in the entry… yeah. I distanced myself from that and had my character on the way somewhere else, and... yeah.

I’m kind of worried I might not have made her death unpleasant enough. I mean, she’s practically smiling as she’s dying in the end there, during her own little delusion. Eh, up to the judges, I suppose. Haha.

The one that lacks an identity in the title

It feels kind of like the amount of text in this entry is somewhat irregular. Some parts have more text than others. I do not know if this was due to a choice on your part or if you were running out of time or something, but it went from being rather beautifully charming and well-described in the family situation to, uh, a rather unimpressive death-scene. It simply didn’t hold up the emotions the same way, and as such didn’t leave much of an impact. If I may say so… it felt like the beginning was a beautiful world where everything was alive and moving naturally, and then we continued to a rather stale, grey and scripted death scene. It wasn’t just that scene, it was a bit before that felt like a row of one-liners that didn’t transmit the emotions well, didn’t give a clear image. It just happened without me feeling anything about it, because the writing there failed to inspire these emotions in me. Well, it is still well written, but that’s what I feel. And that’s about that.

[SilverWolfAngel]

Ok; I did Killing Alex, and here is my reply's and thanks to those who have reviewed it.

PlatinumSkink

@PlatinumSkink

Thank you for taking the time to read it and bother with a review. I see what you are saying and after thinking about it and letting the thought stew, I'm gonna say I agree, and I guess that's partly what I'm here for, to get others to look at my work and say; "That bit there could be done better." so, well, yeah. Thanks. :)

Also while I'm here and thinking about it, thanks for your review on Raggle Taggle Gypsy for RPGC 1. :)

CaughtInTheRiddle

@CaughtInTheRiddle

Thank you for choosing mine and taking the time. I will apologize for grammar mistakes, I'm still learning and a bit rushed, although that should probably never be used as an excuse, it is my reason. I completely missed that I had changed from past to present tense, I normally wright first-person, present-tense, when not role-playing, and was juggling working on something else, my guess? I switched from the other one, typed a bit, and switched back, never seeing the tense change.
As for her death itself, I could probably have done better, but I certainly intended her to get hit by a car, the challenge I believe was:

Write a death scene for your character. Make it unpleasant. No dying peacefully on their death bed, unless that happens to be a particularly bad way for them to go. All deaths are final. Ensure they do not return, and ensure they are not made a martyr of except perhaps against their will.

And I really did have to think for a while, after figuring out my favored character, as to how I would kill her.
I had considered having her simply swamped under by MP's and die in Hack, with her body just collapsing dead in the real world, although I do not know what happens if they die in Hack, but every time it just came back to being hit by a car.
Technically it was unpleasant, and sure as hell wasn't peacefully on her death bed. And who would make a martyr out of some random kid that became road-kill? It also never said anything about the death having to be dramatic, or amazing, just that we had to kill them. So I killed her, (And she hates me for it) and I killed her in a way I felt suited this.
I guess that what I am trying to say here is that, yes; I agree it was rushed and messy, but no; I would have still killed her off by being hit by a car.

So I'm sorry if Killing Alex was less than enjoyable to you.
I will now stop attempting to make excuses for my poor and rushed work and buckle down and accept it.
I will keep your review in mind when writing, but won't let it put me off, although I doubt that that was your intention. :)
I am Not asking to be reconsidered for winning, I can accept that I didn't, I don't even completely know why I am even writing this, but mostly I guess it is to prove a point that I don't even remember, and I guess to thank you for the review, and to acknowledge the points you made, even if I have to do it in my long-winded, rambling way.

Thank you for your time, and sorry if this is long.

(Also sorry if I sound rude, I can be a bit prickly when taking criticism, but am attempting to get better.)

So yeah, now I'm gonna go sulk before attempting the new RPGC challenge, and then you can read even more of my dubious work! :)