22xander said
Name: Alexander 'Ace' HelsingAge: 16Gender: MaleFaction/Allegiance: Ace is feircly loyal to the merc organisation that took him in, despite how ideological they are.Relic Description: Its a silver sword with a bone handle that is covered in intriquite runes and knotwork. The knife gives him the reflexes of an angel, as well as the ability of flight.Appearance: Coal black hair, with white streaks. One blue and one brown eyes. Vary pale skin, and razor sharp teeth. He has pure raven black wings, which sprout out of his back.Flaws: Neurotic, Autistic, unsociable, feircly loyal, suspicious.Skills: He has an encyclopedic knowledge of old-world lore and survival skills.Biography: Ace was born an orphan and he was taken in by a mercenary organisation. [will expand]Personality/motivation: Ace is complacently neurotic, and he is so loyal to his company that he will kill for it. His social inabilitys dont alow him to do much in the way of social interactions, but he tries his best to help everyone.Relations: He is equally distrustful of everyone, except those who he tries.Final Point - Secrets: (this point can be PM’d to one or all of the GMs if you want. If you want it secret from someone, specify that, please.)Theme Song: The animal I have become
Even I think you're going to need, well, a great deal more. Take a look at everyone else's apps, and the IC- even our small posts are larger than that what you might find in other roleplays. Even with your to-be-expanded biography, I think it's one of the ones that's been used too often, and is, even for the shortened version, far too short. Another thing is that a Relic is a single specific item- you mentioned a silver sword and some knife. A Relic is some kind of generic item, such as gloves, or a ring, or even maybe a belt. It'd be very unusual for it to be an actual weapon.
And your appearance needs expanding, as well as... well, most everything. The roleplay needs more interaction- being unsocialable isn't an option, according to Ellri [One of the GMs] some time before now, since we
need more interaction.
In addition, well, your Relic doesn't seem to have very many negative affects. It gives him wings, the ability of flight, sharp teeth, and superfast reflexes... and... what's the minus? What balances it out?
Why does he have wings? Make some more connections. Your skills will also need to coincide with your current setting- if you're working for a mercenary guild, then you will know how to fight and hunt, much less general education. And again, being antisocial isn't an option- we need the characters to mix. And most all of the characters in the roleplay are unknown to anyone- we're all ghosts, on the edge of society. The only important NPCs you could be trying to assassinate are the higher ones, such as the Prince-turned-King.
You may just want to start over, if at all. We have higher standards here- not to say you're not good, but if you're more the level from
The Last of Us, then I suggest not roleplaying here. We're more wordy and picky.