Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RomanAria
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RomanAria 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕟𝕦𝕘𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕊𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕦𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕪

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I uh... haven't even read all the entries yet. For shame, Aria.

I promise, I'm trying, guys. I'll see if I can't get a few reviews up today, in any case.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by darkwolf687
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darkwolf687

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@vote Dramatic Reveal. I just love it xD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by darkwolf687
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darkwolf687

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@mdk Thank you for your kind words.

The Brigade are not a canon faction; They're a hanger on from roleplay lore and Andrei was based off their leader. I just failed to flesh them out in the course of the story. I didn't touch any canon characters and such because I simply don't think I could do Valves work justice; Part of the reason I elected to make Barney's only interaction with the Sectoral entirely off screen.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Terminal
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Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy

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Voting closes in a few hours. Make sure to get your vote in if you haven't gotten around to it yet.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Holmishire
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Holmishire Ghost with no home.

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Welcome back to yet another round of Holmishire's critiques! Enter at your own risk.

Note that the letter grades are just my personal feelings toward the entry, and not necessarily an accurate gauge of quality. They are also unrelated to the criticism given in the hiders—even if I've written a massive critique breaking down problems in your piece, that does not automatically mean it was a bad entry. It just meant that I needed more words to properly address those issues. I'm trying to help writers improve, not bash them. Believe me, I have written some massively error-laden short stories.

That being said, feel free to question me on anything I say.

>C


>B


>B


>C+


>B+


>B-


>B


>B-


>B+


>B+


My @vote goes to the fifth entry, the Mirror Boy, for its lie both contained depth and was pivotal to the essence of the entry.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by mdk
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mdk 3/4

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Winner: 'The Mirror Boy' by @Alice!


Everybody loved it, and for good reason. @Alice also takes home the bonus category, 'All's Well, Ends Well.'

Runner-Up: 'Dramatic Reveal' by @PlatinumSkink!


A fantastic lie in a richly creative world. @PlatinumSkink also carries away the bonus category, 'When Life Gives You Onions'

Bonus Category Awards


We were slightly sidetracked with other circumstances during the normal judging period. This tentative list includes a winner for each category -- there's a tiny chance that we may elect later to add additional winners, pending further conversation, but these prizes are well-deserved and also totally safe. Congratulations to the following:

Illuminati Confirmed -- 'Unforseen Consequence' by @darkwolf687. A rich and complex conspiracy, full of betrayal.

When Life Gives You Onions -- 'Dramatic Reveal' by @PlatinumSkink. This story was lies upon lies upon deeper lies, truly nailing this contest's theme.

Insidious Whispers -- 'Crude City' by @Byrd Man. Not only was this twisted mystery truly dark, its secrets remained buried even after discovery. Profoundly well written.

All's Well, Ends Well -- 'Mirror Boy' by @Alice. An absolute gem of a piece, whose bittersweet conclusion left us wishing we could believe that it did, in fact, end well.

Last but not least!


In the first contest, we started a shaky tradition of recognizing outstanding contest efforts with the hopefully-coveted RPGC TOAST. Only @Kakashi Hatake has earned that honor, for recording his own lyrics in our musical-themed contest. Today I'd like to recognize another, very different, yet wholly significant contribution. We'd like to thank @Impaqt for their -- ironically -- impactful teamwork in helping us protect the integrity of these contests. @Impaqt helped us right a mistake we made months ago, and sparked big changes to how we'll handle plagiarism in the future. Honesty and diligence can be thankless tasks, but not today. We'd like to award the second-ever RPGC TOAST to @Impaqt, on behalf of everyone who participates, and on some level, on behalf of writers everywhere. And also on behalf of @Ghost Crowley.

Congratulations to all our winners, thanks to all our reviewers, hats off to all our participants -- and finally, for your next contest, head on over to your regularly-scheduled Fourth Labor courtesy of @Terminal (already in progress)
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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by darkwolf687
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darkwolf687

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Congratulations to @Alice for the win, congratulations to all those who won a bonus category award (So I guess that is a double congratulations to @Alice) and a heartfelt thanks to the team which saw fit to give my story a bonus category award, even if I feel it is slightly undeserved xD
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by RomanAria
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RomanAria 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕟𝕦𝕘𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕊𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕦𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕪

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Congrats to @Alice and @PlatinumSkink and @darkwolf687 and @Byrd Man and huge, huge shout out to @Impaqt. THANK YOU SO MUCH IMPAQT, WE LOVE YOU.

I suppose, now that results have been posted. I really ought to reveal.

I wrote "Reality Checkmate."

I uh, don't exactly *know* what the lie was. It was called, "Oh, yeah, the entries are due today! You have 20 minutes before bedtime! GO GET THEM!" so... this happened. Anyway, going back through it, I got a better idea of what convoluted, overly-subtle lies I told. SO thus, if you wanted to know...

One: The lie that the narrator's, uh, "love interest" told. Writing fiction. The idea in my head was that he/she wound up becoming so deluded, so involved in his/her own fictional, literary world, that he/she went and offed his/herself. I know I should have expressed this better in the text, but I just want to provide more information here.

Two/Three: The lies that the narrator her/himself told. One of which is fairly obvious, lying to her/his friend, pretending to care when she/he was dead inside. But the other.... Well... The end of the poem, "But now it is my time to go // The end of my lie is finally here // And now, at last, I have no fear." Somewhat implying that she/he is going to die, yes? Wellll... the narrator didn't. Let's leave it at that for a moment.

Four: As Holmishire guessed, "Life" is the second-most-important lie here. Life is, at least in the narrator's mind, a lie, because it is so terribly short in the grand scheme of things and there HAS to be some greater fate than just spending between 40 and 100 years on this planet and then decomposing and furthering the cycle of life.

Aaand... Five is going in a hider because I can't. Warning, emotional.


Anyway. Thank you so much for all the kind words, to all the people who reviewed my writing. It means so much to me to get encouragement, especially for difficult pieces like this one. <3 you all.

Also, I *am* still working on reviews. Tomorrow, guys. I promise cross my heart.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Psyga315
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Psyga315 From Shadows

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I wrote A Little Black Lie. I based it somewhat off a scene in an anime where a minor character is killed, and the heroine asks where said minor is. Their killer simply states that they moved to Canada. A lie. Then I decided to go "YO DAWG" all over it.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Alice
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Alice

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Thank you SOOOO much everyone and congrats to everyone else!

I am so happy. I also have to apologize because I did not have Net and did not get to participate in the reading voting phase in this contest, but will be reading the other entries asap and commenting on them.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by mdk
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mdk 3/4

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Quick check to gauge one of our changes -- everyone noticed that we changed the voting this month, and told everyone to pick their favorite lie, as opposed to their favorite entry overall. How'd we feel about that?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Holmishire
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Holmishire Ghost with no home.

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Quick check to gauge one of our changes -- everyone noticed that we changed the voting this month, and told everyone to pick their favorite lie, as opposed to their favorite entry overall. How'd we feel about that?


I personally prefer voting for my favourite entry. Deciding what consisted of the best lie is difficult, and ultimately as subjective as it would be otherwise. In a sense, the main advantage of changing the voting system was not how it affected the voting, but rather how it affected the entries themselves, because they made a more significant effort to incorporate the theme.

So I'd be cool with doing something of the sort from time to time, but for the most part I'd say quality voting is the way to go.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Terminal
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Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy

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Considering the number of people who did not vote for a particular story because of the lie therein, I feel the bequest was lost at heart. Ask again next time when more people actually pay heed.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by PlatinumSkink
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PlatinumSkink

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Haha. Yes, lesse. I wrote Dramatic Reveal. Thanks those who read it and liked it.

It is based on the idea that "What if, in one of those arch-typical story-driven RPGs, when you get to that mid-game enemy that was initially presented as the grand villain but he dramatically reveals to have been good all along when he explains himself... What if he was lying?" The story was written in a single, hurried, day because I had been busy, but I was still pretty proud of it.



I am happy you liked it. I am amused that you saw the twist coming and enjoyed it regardless. As for your minor gripe, I do not regret it at all, real Embervi is such a casual dude that it felt totally fitting. XD



Yupp. This entry was written to look like the world of one of those JRPG worlds, so I am happy I got that down. For the part of you missing the magic, I did mention in the beginning that Embervi was wielding a magical staff, but I suppose I could have done some form of thing to introduce the existence of magic a little better. It was a fantasy world, after all. Haha. For the exposition... I did have a lot of information I wanted to get through. Three paragraphs felt enough for the start to get the reader into the story, then... oy, this is a story of exposition. I had a huge world to develop for a short story. I suppose I simply had too much information in this. I'll keep it in mind. As for the repetition... I was in a hurry, so I might have let a few of those through. Sorry about that. Haha. I'll keep it in mind for the future~ Thank you for reading~

I am very much happy that I managed to fool someone. I have one of every kind of the three most common reactions in three reviewers! I feel wonderful! Hahaha. Alright. Now to explain myself to Holmishire.

>B-


The first sentence should be present-tense. I mean, unless the story itself is destroyed, the story will still take place in that world. I can't say it "took" place in that world, since the story still exists. Of course, all the rest is what happened in that story, hence past tense. Did I get something incorrectly?

Everything in that world was designed for this short story. This entire story is about this meeting, the rest is just information I needed to make up for this story to make sense. There was no way I could have done it other than either informing the reader in the beginning or throwing all the information into their lines, somehow. Which I might have, but it felt wrong to send the reader directly into the encounter without an idea what was going on. Three paragraphs felt just enough. Two wouldn't have gotten enough info to the reader. Four would have become too much. Three felt like just enough.

Yeah, I didn't have too much room to develop them in the short time I had with them, haha. Thanks for saying they're interesting.

Embervi was never supposed to hit any emotional chords. The story was simply too short for that, so I settled on that the reader simply got to be aware of what was going on. Joirn I included because the trope of an enemy becoming an ally is common enough for me to include it, because it was interesting. Tytanios brief bitterness about it is because, well, he's human and therefore felt just a tinge of regret about sending a chap he slightly liked to his death, but nothing more to it. It just made sense from the character as I created him. And yes, the final conversation was made to be as anti-dramatic as possible. This was to represent how we no longer were on the field of telling a dramatic story, but simply the backstage where the two who prepared the epic reveal talk about what they just did as casually and naturally as possible. Yupp, that's about that. I do see what you're saying, but I never really went out with the intention of making it like you're describing that it could be. And I'm... kind of fine with that. I only had a day to write it when I finally decided to. Thanks for critiquing.

Now for something completely different.

<Snipped quote by PlatinumSkink>
/me hides somewhat in shame

I'll be entirely honest, mate; I didn't even proof read it. Additionally, after I got about half way through writing it, something happened in real life, so approximately the last 9000 words were half arsed. Thus, I cannot in good faith accept any praise for effort because the effort I put in was pitiful. I once spent nearly two full days with no work done on it at all before finally going "Oh yeah, I should probably write..." I entered this because a friend urged me to, I put in only a modicum of effort to write a piece up and have no intention of actually winning anything. I have never entered a contest here before and quite possibly never will again.

As for the ending, I am sorry it disappointed. In truth, I had nothing in the way of ideas for an ending, decided not to think anything ul and so just choose to simply play it straight. This is probably just another sign that I'm lazy haha.

It is the world of Half life and I am glad you think I portrayed it well; Though I am hesitant to pat myself on the back for it could easily have been so much better


I can't possibly know if you portrayed it well; this is the only portrayal I know! I just know I got a rather good image in my head, accurate or not! XD

In any case. I think you should feel a bit better. While yes, the lack of proof-reading was apparent, I still think you wrote a pretty nice story, all things considered. Should be at least a 7/10, even if it had a rather disappointing ending. I mean, it got sincerely exciting, with amusing comedy thrown in for good measure here and there, and some heartwarming and understandable situation and engaging individuals. Kind of. Yeah. Except the ending disappointed. Oh, well.
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