Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

Alright guys-- sorry it's taken me a while to get to this. I wanted to be able to sit down and give some good reviews before I post the OOC and start taking official submissions.

@Zombehs Not very many improvements I see could be made. I know the map information wasn't up at the time, but if you could mention where Lorcrove is located in relation to the map in your final draft, that'd be great.

@Captain Jenno We already spoke via PM, so we good. :)

@Sodium While you are certainly more than welcome to create a single character sheet to apply for two different elements, my only qualm is that the section describing Isaac's elements (based off of of which role he would get) is very terse. They seem to be mentioned as neat tricks he can do at parties rather than what they are-- very amazing and impacting gifts. I would like to see a bit more about his discovery of these powers and how they impacted him mentally. He's had them for about 6 years now, so try to explain how he's learned to cope with them. Please also keep in mind (and this is for everyone) that the ability to communicate with animals is not akin to the ability to control them. While I can see Isaac as being a very persuasive person, he might have a difficult time convincing rare animals to forsake a life of freedom for one inside a cage or enclosure (unless he were to trick them, in which case I would be interested to hear more about why he may not be the kind of person to feel sympathetic to their cause-- is he one to befriend animals or manipulate them?).

@Scrapula Very nice! Leon is a gladiator badass. I can't help but feel that your description of his typical attire would be a bit unpractical outside of the arena though. With the harsh weather conditions of Periset, it would be very important that he keep himself covered from head to toe in light, loose fitting clothing in order to protect himself from the sun. Also, while I have no qualms with his gladiator trainer being an orc, I would keep in mind that it is very uncommon for orcs to feel any compassion towards humans. They would sooner use them as a simple means to an end and eat their face than be very nice. This would mean that Branwen might have faced some hostility from his fellow orcs for showing any sort of kindness to Leon. I'm fine with it, but just so long as that's clear. Lastly, and this is a rule I had yet to clarify, healing, just as the use of any elemental power, requires energy. This is important to know since if a light elementos becomes gravely injured, it serves to reason that they may not have enough energy to heal themselves. Just a tidbit of knowledge to keep in mind.

@Undine I can't think of many changes I would make. There are a few typos I would recommend correcting before final submission, but that's it.

Oh... and also... AN OOC IS BORN! Please review the application rules!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Sodium
Raw
Avatar of Sodium

Sodium nanananananananananananananananananananananaSODIUM

Member Seen 6 mos ago

@Baklava
I left that section rather terse because I just wanted to give a general idea, not each and every detail. I felt it would be sort of a lost effort, as one of the two would be cast out in the end. That's not to say I haven't been pondering where each would take Sir Isaac uniquely. I intend to greatly expand the section once his elementos had been chosen, but I'll flesh them out a bit further once I find myself a bit of time for creative writing. That'll be in anywhere from a couple hours to a day or two, though.

Please also keep in mind (and this is for everyone) that the ability to communicate with animals is not akin to the ability to control them. While I can see Isaac as being a very persuasive person, he might have a difficult time convincing rare animals to forsake a life of freedom for one inside a cage or enclosure (unless he were to trick them, in which case I would be interested to hear more about why he may not be the kind of person to feel sympathetic to their cause-- is he one to befriend animals or manipulate them?).


This is actually one of the things I had thought about in detail. The animal world is not all rainbows and gumdrops - certain animals prey on other animals. Naturally, some animals would be willing to help another dispose of their natural enemies, be they in competition for the same prey or their predators. In the same vein, should one get close to a predator, the predator might be willing to impart some tips on how to hunt for their prey. Personally, I'd ask a snake how to find a bird's nest.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

@Sodium I get where you're coming from and I have no problem with saving certain details for the story ahead, but I have no way of knowing that you've put thought into it unless it's in the character sheet or I receive a PM about it (or unless you say in the description that you will be adding more information about it later). If you would like to flesh it out in your final submission, that's also fine. I was just going off of what had been posted here thus far.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Scrapula
Raw
Avatar of Scrapula

Scrapula

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

Also, while I have no qualms with his gladiator trainer being an orc, I would keep in mind that it is very uncommon for orcs to feel any compassion towards humans. They would sooner use them as a simple means to an end and eat their face than be very nice. This would mean that Branwen might have faced some hostility from his fellow orcs for showing any sort of kindness to Leon.


That's what I assumed. Considering how the main antagonists are the industry-standard army of holistically evil green humanoids, I'd intended Branwen to be a major outlier. As a result, he was a just barely more considerate person who still liked killing folks, and fled to sate his own need for human company. Being an orc, the only place he could find that would accept him was the Fight Pits.

I don't really intend on having Leon use healing magic much. He is, first and foremost, a gladiator and a field medic. He'd much rather re-set your bones and wrap your cuts than take the weakling's way out and heal it up with magic. Of course, he often finds situations where he is either forced to use it or accidentally uses it, and it eats him up inside. The idea of using simple magic to solve all his problems runs counter to his whole philosophy, but he sometimes can't keep himself from just skipping hardship using his healing magic.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Sodium
Raw
Avatar of Sodium

Sodium nanananananananananananananananananananananaSODIUM

Member Seen 6 mos ago

I'll flesh the sections out a fair bit before posting Sir Isaac in the OOC.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Captain Jenno
Raw
Avatar of Captain Jenno

Captain Jenno Waltzing for Zizi

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

Had an idea for fire, too, that'll be up soon. Awesome stuff so far, folks.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Sodium
Raw
Avatar of Sodium

Sodium nanananananananananananananananananananananaSODIUM

Member Seen 6 mos ago

My boss told me to watch a security program for a while, which translates to "goof off online and glance at the server monitor every minute or two". Here's Animals/Plants expanded. I'd like your opinion before I do the same to Earth/Stone.



EDIT: I'd also like to know about the animals in the setting a bit. Are they able to understand humans by default, or do they need to be speaking to the Animals elementos or have been around humans a long time?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Rinoa Rose
Raw
Avatar of Rinoa Rose

Rinoa Rose The Spunky Gelf

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Here's what I have so far for my fire element character! I'd appreciate any feedback or thoughts on it :)

Name: Drake Furon
Element: Fire/heat element
Age: 21 years old
Race: Regrettably human
Gender: Male

Appearance: *Picture to be added soon*

Character’s Build: Drake has a decent build for a young adult, with broad shoulders and evenly toned muscles which he gained from long hours of welding. He maintained his physique at home by wrestling with his younger brother. He’s usually sporting some dark facial scruff but never fully grows it out merely because of the slight fear he has of looking like an overgrown dwarf.
Eye color: The inner ring surrounding his pupil is a soft earthy green that spans out into the outer blue that envelops the remainder of his iris.
Hair color: His shaggy black hair has natural tints of red and dark brown.
Skin color: Drake’s skin tone closely resembles the color of cinnamon which darkens each time flames cast shadows along his dark skin..
Height: 6’2
Scars: Drake has a scar from a knife wound on his shoulder.

Wardrobe: He typically is very laid back with what he wears. He commonly is dressed in full length brown pants with a fitted white shirt, and a mid-length black dragon skin coat with deep pockets on the inside to carry his concealed weapons and tools.

Nature: Drake is a quiet, even-tempered man by practice. Others oftentimes interpret his demeanor as stand-offish and hard, but he just prefers to mostly observe and keep to himself. His temper rarely flares, as it was stressed in his home to be collected at all times despite anger, but when there is what he deems injustice or excessive pride, his self-control is known to slip. He is truly a soft hearted individual who makes a valuable and loyal friend.

Backstory: Drake was born into a prosperous family in Jeorva that also miraculously balanced a happy home life. He is the first born within his small family, made up of his parents and 13 year old little brother. He was raised to show respect to everyone and be cool tempered even in the most stressful situations, which he still struggles with today.
After moving closer to the college in Jeorva, shortly after his 17th birthday, he worked in his father's metalwork shop to support himself. His hard work in the metalwork business paid off and allowed him to begin his own business. While working alongside his father, he found that he seemed to be drawn to the flames used to bend and shape the metal. He somehow felt a gentle pull from the flames, beckoning to him. Drake would generally ignore these feels being under the assumption that the heat was causing confusion and exhaustion.
But that soon changed the night he discovered his ability to manipulate flames. When he was out late, Drake and some friends were attacked at knife point by a drunken man. His attacker lunged for him but only managed to gouge his shoulder (which later left a 3 inch scar covering the top of his shoulder). Drake, who was always quick on his feet, disarmed his assailant and retrieved the knife. Without intending to, he seized energy from a nearby street fire and struck his assailant. It was in this infinite moment that the realization of his connection to fire was made known to him. Astonished by this experience, he further explored his abilities by routinely attempting to control the fire instead of allowing it to control him. Through many years of vigorous training, he managed to gain better control over them.

Goal: Drake wants to create a comfortable life for himself and his future family. He imagines himself living a happy life running his trade business with his brother and parents actively involved in his life. His ultimate goal is to eventually raise a family in a safe place where he wouldn’t fear for the lives of his future wife and children.

Inventory:
Switchblade
Drake acquires this on his 18th birthday and is never seen without it.
Tinderbox
For obvious reasons, Drake carries this around to always have a source to power his element.
Journal
This is where he documents his triggers, boosts, and limitations that he discovers while building his control.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Captain Jenno
Raw
Avatar of Captain Jenno

Captain Jenno Waltzing for Zizi

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

Name: Brande Ashbell, "The Vagabond Prince."

Element: Fire/Heat

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Appearance: Standing at 6'2", with broad, powerful shoulders and an equally powerful gait, Brande Ashbell has spent his life working towards what he perceives to be his profession's perfection. He is toned, but not particularly muscular, and light on his feet: his physique is tailored for quick combat, after all. His features are bold and angular, his cheekbones defined and his jaw pointed, and the same is true of his hair: a finely trimmed, blonde ducktail beard-and-moustache, tailored to a point, and a head of flaxen hair, combed meticulously back. His eyes are cool, and grey, a familial trait for which the Ashbell family were named.

In terms of outfit, Brande wears a banded, tanned leather cuirass, and a pair of complimentary leather wrist braces, over a black ruffled shirt.
A set of similar leather grieves compliment the ensemble, as does a sterling, silver rapier, which hangs from his belt. His pants are made of a light, baggy material to enable quick lunging movements. When travelling, he conceals most of this beneath a long, black cloak which he binds with a long, copper-coloured thread. On its hind, outlined in silver, a sword faces downwards, its tip piercing an eight-pointed star.

Theme Song:


Nature: Brande is a force of nature, consumed by an obsession to meet and duel his perfect match, driven by his lifelong commitment to live by the sword, and die by the sword. Like his father before him, all Brande aspires to is the final, perfect fight. If you defeat him, his loyalty is yours... if.
He is the eternal showman, and like the element he's come to serve as avatar of, this beautiful flourish is part of what makes him dangerous: a combination of skill and recklessness.
Outside of combat, he's sharp-tongued but good-spirited, and once his loyalty is earned it's banked for life. He's a very friendly, very jovial man... until you draw your sword. In which case, "Are you feelin' lucky, amico?"

Backstory: Brande Ashbell is the son of Fiam Ashbell, who in turn was the son of Aviur Ashbell, one of the last knights to lose his life at Xaviar.
The Ashbells have a grand legacy, of fighting (and tragically, often perishing), in stupendous battles. For as long as their name has been floating around Coake- since the first of them arrived, from a distant, Mediterranean climate- the Ashbells have always been known for their military service, and their ferocity with a blade.
It is a long lived family, proud and- before darkness swept over the land- large. But most of them perished in the war, fighting to the last breath... most of the survivors were only children at the time, and many of them didn't start families. His father was the last Ashbell father.

The Ashbell lineage dies with Brande.

This is partly due to a strange, Ashbell tradition: that they should only marry those who can beat them in a fair fight.
But, at least, he will go out with style! Brande is distilled from a long history of swordsmen, all of different styles and disciplines. His father was a saberist, and his grandfather a student of the twin gladius. And Brande among them, a flamboyant disciple of the rapier, as his mother was before him. The Ashbell were once famous for their massive collection of familial blades.
How Brande longs to see that collection again.

Brande is a travelling swordsman. Despite his family's past wealth and prowess, he's a rolling stone, and not by choice.
Once, he'd been a wealthy youth, without a care in the world: he'd lived on the family estate, Serifina Heights, an expansive series of luscious courtyards and beautiful, antiquated architecture. It was there his father had taught him the way of the sword. It was an ancient rite of passage, starting when he was seven. To become an Ashbell man, you must pick an Ashbell weapon.
"Pick any blade from my armoury: as an Ashbell, you'll eventually be proficient in them all."

Serifina Heights is gone, now. A burnt ruin that still smoulders lightly in the hotter months. It had been South of Jeorvo, East of the Wisdom Mountains.
For fifty years, his father recounted, no element of darkness had ever stepped foot on Ashbell ground: it was as though they'd been granted clemency.
Five decades, untouched.

It was destroyed in a night. To this day, Brande doesn't know why: but one night mid-Summer, an army garrison descended from The Wisdom Mountains, and decided that Serifina Heights would be their bounty. The Ashbells and their staff, of course, raised arm against them: and had it been a fair sword fight, they might even have won. But when have goblins and orcs ever played fair?
The main chateau had already caught fire before Brande's father had realised he'd never stood a chance. In the final moments before the whole estate went up in flames, Brande was told to run, with only is mother's sword at his side.

Brande never stopped running.

Eleven years have passed, since that day, and the ruins of Serifina Heights are still there. Brande has visited them many times over the years. To meditate, to train. But he hasn't let his past dampen his spirit. Like his father and grandfather before him, his passion is the blade, and with said blade he's still steadily carving his way towards vengeance, and pursuing the glorious final fight his father was denied.
With his family gone, his estate destroyed and his wealth seized, Brande lives his life walking the land, now. Sharpening his skills, and pursuing the fabled "perfect opponent", the battle of his life.
So ill is his fortune, but so unbreakable is his spirit, the people he's passed have even given him a title: The Vagabond Prince.

During a recent excursion to his old home, however, Brande's sword-fighting dynamic changed somewhat. Whilst camping out under the stars and among the ruins, searching for any remainder of the old sword gallery left un-pillaged, Brande had a most peculiar dream beckoning him Northwards. And when he awoke, he felt a strange kinship with his dwindling campfire, fueled by the burnt beams of his childhood manor. Absentmindedly, he'd reached to prod the ashes with his sword: only to find that when he drew the blade back, the fire came with it.

Brande was an elementos. Brande controlled fire.

Flaming blade at his side, Brande departed for Jeorva the next morning: ready to cleave his way to victory.

Goal(s): To become the greatest swordsman the world has ever known, and carve his way through the forces of evil with his flaming blade, Esmeralda.

Inventory:
  • One rapier, Esmeralda the Flame Cleaver. When he's near a source of fire, he draws it to this sword's blade.
  • A tinder box
  • A set of matches
  • Handful of cigars (he might be broke, but his tastes are still rich!)
  • A shaving kit, complete with straight razor
  • One waterskin, slung from the belt
  • A messengers bag
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by NightFlight
Raw
Avatar of NightFlight

NightFlight Mischief Defined

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

My turn! I'd love feedback, if anyone has suggestions :)

Name: Audra Hesten

Element: Wind/Weather

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Appearance: *Picture to come* Two things immediately draw your eye when you see Audra: (1) her deep red hair and (2) her small, boyish build (5'1"). Her skin is very pale, despite working outside daily (a mystery to the Hesten family, and oftentimes yet another point of ridicule), but her grey/green eyes only stand out even more strikingly because of this. Her mood can be measured by the color of her eyes, as when she is content and happy they favor a greener shade, but when she is angry they turn grey to match her inner emotional storm. Because she is usually out in the orchards with her brothers, Audra usually ends up wearing their hand-me-down work shirts and pants, which only end up hanging pitifully on her thin frame, despite her mother's efforts to tailor them smaller. She wears her hair down and free as much as she can (which reaches the bottom of her shoulder blades), but will wear it in a braid to keep it out of the way as she goes about her work.

Theme Song: Still being determined, but it'll be great. Fear not!

Nature: Audra has a spunky, fiery nature to match her red hair. She speaks her mind and is a passionate, adventurous soul. She feels semi-obsessively driven to prove herself, to prove that she can do things just as well or better than everyone else. She is also mischievous and will likely not pass up an opportunity for a good prank. She has a short temper and holds grudges. While she likes to be the center of attention, she really does make an incredibly loyal friend.

Backstory: Audra hails from the farmlands of Diedremere, where she and her family make their living off of the fruit orchards that had passed through the seemingly innumerable family generations. Every Hesten was expected to work that very land until they no longer lived, according to ancient tradition. Audra, however, was never satisfied to be tied down by this tradition. Her family have often felt exasperated with her dreams of leaving to live a life of adventure, a notion which seems pointless and frankly unimaginable to them. Her 5 older brothers (Audra had arrived as a surprise to her family 10 years after the youngest boy) would tease her as they all worked together tending the orchards, enjoying the fiery, indignant responses from their only sister. Audra was oftentimes overlooked outside of these moments of ridicule, however, for many reasons. Her small body was much weaker and slower than her brothers, causing them to generally just do things themselves rather than wait for her. This, however, would spark her competitive and stubborn spirit, and she would try to keep up and do things herself, no matter the cost to her. Despite these things, Audra loved her family deeply, but just wanted to be able to have them see her as their equal.

And so she dreamed.

She dreamed of leaving the farm, of really making herself into something amazing. She didn't even have what she wanted to do or where she wanted to go clearly defined in her mind - those details weren't as important as seeing the amazement and pride in her family member's faces as they saw what she had accomplished all on her own. This is what fueled Audra in her passion to be different and show them all what she could do. Her family, however, did not see her ambitions in this light. They thought her a foolish young girl and figured this "phase" would pass as maturity settled. Little did they know of Audra's plans now that she was just about to have her 17th birthday: to gather a few of her belongings and leave to live her dreams....whatever that meant. She supposed she'd figure out the specifics on the way.

Goal(s): Audra dreams of becoming wealthy and powerful, leaving her family's farm far behind her. She longs to be able to prove herself to her family, blowing them away with her grand achievements.

Inventory: *Will update shortly
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

@Sodium Looks good. An interesting take on pets, particularly. To answer your questions, for the sake of the story animals are not able to understand human speech. They may understand a human's intention by the tone of their voice or learn to obey a particular human word such as "sit", "stay", or "come", but they cannot fully comprehend what people are saying-- with the only exception, of course, being the animal elementos, who is able to communicate with all animals as well as be understood by them.

@Rinoa Rose @NightFlight I will get to reviewing your CS's on my next break. Feel free to post them in the OOC in the meantime if you want, though.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

@Rinoa Rose Everything looks good, but there are a few things I would recommend adjusting. Firstly, I'm glad you included all of the requirements in your character description, but could you put it into a more paragraph-like format? Just for consistancy's sake. Secondly, could you expand a bit more about how he trained himself to use his newfound ability? Mainly, did he keep it a secret or tell only his family? I ask mainly because it seems like he is very close to his family, so it would be a big deal whether or not he decided to hide it from them.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

@NightFlight Everything looks good so far! The only thing I would recommend adding is her discovery of her abilities. With her just barely being 17, if you are hoping to expand on her initial discovery more in your first post, that's perfectly fine. As of now, however. the roleplay will be starting shortly after if not the night of her 17th birthday. So if you could include something about that, you should be fine.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by NightFlight
Raw
Avatar of NightFlight

NightFlight Mischief Defined

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

@NightFlight Everything looks good so far! The only thing I would recommend adding is her discovery of her abilities. With her just barely being 17, if you are hoping to expand on her initial discovery more in your first post, that's perfectly fine. As of now, however. the roleplay will be starting shortly after if not the night of her 17th birthday. So if you could include something about that, you should be fine.


I was planning on having her discover her powers more fully in my first post, so I will definitely get that in there. Thanks for the feedback!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Baklava
Raw
OP
Avatar of Baklava

Baklava

Member Seen 4 mos ago

AUDITIONS ARE CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS. Here's a link to the OOC. Please review the application rules! #bump
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet