Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Lurking Shadow
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No it's all good. You're fine. No need for healing, already had a backup plan ready for that.


so any preference then?
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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so any preference then?


None for you. So go ahead and put something up. :)
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Lurking Shadow
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Argent
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I'm interested!
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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I'm interested!


Welcome aboard
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Argent
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@AngelofOctober
So, what would you think about a character who's main ability is enhancing the abilities of others?

Not as in copying them, but as in- if she concentrates on another character, she can temporarily 'boost' their power a bit, or help control some of the side-effects of the more dangerous powers.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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@AngelofOctober
So, what would you think about a character who's main ability is enhancing the abilities of others?

Not as in copying them, but as in- if she concentrates on another character, she can temporarily 'boost' their power a bit, or help control some of the side-effects of the more dangerous powers.


Interesting I'd like to see what you come up with.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by rawkhawk64
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I'm trying to translate game mechanics to an RP like this. Never really tried this before, but I'd like to think I've done a decent job of it.



Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Burning Kitty
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Haven't finished reading it yet, will just had to make one observation.

London Hero Alliance (LHA) is worded wrong imo. It should be called Hero Alliance of London (HAL).

Just my
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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Haven't finished reading it yet, will just had to make one observation.

London Hero Alliance (LHA) is worded wrong imo. It should be called Hero Alliance of London (HAL).

Just my


Probably true Hero doesn't even work for this RPs premise much either. Considering my plan was to make this more like a crime solving with supernatural powers and supernatural elements. With action peppered in. Because I get so sick and tired of the traditional hero RP. Beat the badguys up.

I need a name. Suggestions.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Burning Kitty
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Could go with New Breed Police Department (or whatever they call it in Jolly ole England)
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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Could go with New Breed Police Department (or whatever they call it in Jolly ole England)


Maybe.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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@rawkhawk64

So far it is looking good and I like it;

Everybody we have a discord - discord.gg/6UYsBMN

This link shouldn't expire.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Burning Kitty
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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@Burning Kitty

Is this the final sheet?

The Assassin Ability seems more Psychic, with the Aura ability of it, than it does Physical. Is there something that makes it more Physical than Psychic?
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Burning Kitty
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It was a toss up between physical & psychic. I went with physical because of the invisibility but that could be psychic. It’s done-ish, little light in places but couldn’t think of anything else.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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It was a toss up between physical & psychic. I went with physical because of the invisibility but that could be psychic. It’s done-ish, little light in places but couldn’t think of anything else.


Okay. Well hit me up when the sheet is done.
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Okay. Well hit me up when the sheet is done.


I wasn't planning on doing anything else to it unless you wanted me to.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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@Burning Kitty

The personality is a non personality. I don’t know who she is as a person.

A true tactician and firm believer in the teachings of her father. She was also very reverent of her father. She planned her missions carefully and patiently, considering every angle to ensure the best chance of success. If necessary she would adopt jump into the situation without carefully and patiently planning her missions, when this was necessary she survived because she was very good at thinking on her feet.


True tactician, how? What are her father’s teaching? “Perception is reality” “An eye for an eye” Second sentences sounds more like a summary of her actions or what she does. She was very good at thinking on her feet? She isn’t now? This needs another lookout and needs to have more meat on its bones.

Skills: Blending, Eavesdropping, Freerunning, Interrogation, Lockpicking, Social Stealth, Swimming, Whistling


Skills are to be relatively non combat related, if they tie somehow into the mundane parts of their life, then you need to write in how. Like I put Viorel is a tactical thinker, but how it affects him in the mundane parts of his life. These skills need defining, because even they have limitations to their function. This is a list.

Hobbies: cats


What does this even mean? Is she a vet technician when not working for SYNBAD? Is she a cat breeder? Is she a crazy cat lady collector? Does she train cats?

Weapons: Throwing knives, dual gauntlets with built in brass knuckles and hidden blades, kukri

Equipment: smoke bombs, each gauntlet has a rope launcher

Fighting Style: Stealth elimination: the killing of a target without drawing attention of anyone who could pose a threat


Another list, but no explanation in how she uses it. And that fighting style makes absolutely no sense. I noticed the Baritsu. But Stealth Elimination? That is the vaguest explanation of a fighting style. How? What methods and techniques and the limitations? Etc.

Ability Information:
Name of Ability: Assassin’s Dogma

Class: Psychic

Character Theme: Stealth

Ability Capabilities & Qualities:
Assassin’s vision: able to instinctively sense how people and objects relate to them, which manifests as a colored glow, much like an aura. Red indicates enemies or spilled blood, blue indicates allies, white indicates sources of information or hiding spots, and gold indicates targets or objects of interest.

Invisibility

Healing

Strengths of Ability:
Assassin’s vision: grows more powerful with use. She can mark targets and see them through walls.

Invisibility: activated automatically

Healing: activated automatically

Weaknesses & Limitations of Ability:
Assassin’s Vision: it is not infallible, if someone presents as a friend completely hiding their true intentions they will not have a red aura. Cannot run while in use, if they run it turns off.

Invisibility: Only works when crouched and still and takes a few moments, automatically becomes visible when bumped into or when in motion

Healing: it takes time and only when not physically engaged in life or death scenarios.


This whole thing doesn’t relate to a Tier 5. Tier 3 or 4 more than likely and I’d go with Tier 3 to be perfectly honest with you. Invisibility and Healing would need some rework. How much time does Healing take a minute? What level of healing are we talking here? Major or minor wounds? What about severe wounds how would they affect her? You cannot just write down a sentence and expect this to be considered clearly defined for abilities.

Invisibility “works when crouched” sounds a bit silly like a video game and I’ll be honest it can be reworked that she has chameleon like skin and can sort of change her skin to the environment around here, but out in the open she cannot go invisible. I don’t make invisibility interesting because right now, it’s not. The only part of the abilities that I find actually clever and interesting is the Assassin eye and the ability to mark her targets with a psychic aura she can only see. I also said that powers are to be specialized into a branch. So how does Invisibility and Healing relate to the assassin eye?

This is not a world where a New Breed is Superman and gets super strength and Xray vision and frost breath and heat ray vision. Their mutations are specifically specialized in a focus or area that fits their theme.

Biography

Quote: there is no quote

Reputation: non-existent

Theme Song: there is no theme song


I get where you’re trying to go with this. But the biography comes off hokey and nonsensical. Quotes are still required and so is a theme song. I don’t mind the non existent reputation as much, but the other two things are needed.

What this character needs is a breakdown and some flesh to their character. They need to be plausible, breathable and more focused. I’ll be honest with some of the skills you could cut them down to about half. I don’t do power play. I ask for this level of detail so that way if someone explodes someone’s leg off, you can’t say “my leg heals” like magic.

Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by AngelofOctober
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@Bai Suzhen

I’d really like to throw it out there at I firstly love Morag. I think that it is a unique concept to give this kind of power often given to fat slovenous man to a beautiful attractive woman. Something about that really works for me and really appeals to me and I really want to accept Morag, but we need to work on somethings before I can even do that.

Tier: I'd suggest lowering her down to a Tier 3 due to her ability being so linearly focused with her metabolism.

Appearance, where did height and weight go? I need at least those. Though this section could use some polish, however, I am not going to force it upon you.

Personality:

A cross between playful and professional, ready with a quip but not about to let it get in the way of what needs to be done. Has something of a chip on her shoulder about New Breed discrimination, believing it to be why she was never accepted into the police. She likes to be prepared for situations.


I am going to say that this really undercuts the woman I have seen in the non canon RP. I’d like to see more personality in here because at this point this is really limiting on what the character could be. It’s sparse in details and frankly doesn’t give me a sense of a nuanced individual.

Skills: Training in criminology, forensics, investigation etc.


This is not acceptable in anyway. I don’t do list, especially when they add in etc. You need to define these skills more. How far her training in criminology was, her area of focus, how she performs this, etc. ←-see, etc. doesn’t belong in a skill section. These are ways to flesh out your characters knowledge and even these skills close to her non mundane existence and they don’t seem connected much to her mundane lifestyle. Where’s the “i like to fold laundry”.Once again this is where you can get creative and create the sense of a person.

Fighting Style: LHA-taught mixed martial arts. A simple but effective brawling style for those with enhanced abilities.


Who is teaching this? When? Viorel cannot teach martial arts. Most of the people in SYNBAD use their own set of enhancement of style to correlate with their fighting style. And even this description of the style is barebones and sparse and lacking detail. Hasn’t told us how it works, what are the techniques used, etc.

Strength: Above human - push a parked car or crack concrete with a kick

Endurance: Above human - Heals quickly, can shrug off punches that would KO a human, stamina further enhanced by ability.

Willpower: Good, but within human range.

Speed: Above human - Can sprint on par with a bicycle, and maintain for extended periods

Reaction Speed: Above human - can't catch a bullet, but has a decent chance of dodging if she can see the gun


First off, these belong in the Combat Information section per the sheet format was written. In this case it keeps things organized. The main meat of this, is that this isn’t necessarily good. Once again you don’t add the detail needed. Strength for example, she can push a car or crack concrete with a kick. But you don’t further define this. Probably I should have clarified more these categories though they seemed obvious. Strength isn’t about offense it’s about the physical defense. Endurance has a lot to do with stamina and sustainability as well as healing. But the taking a punch should be moved into Strength. Willpower needs further defining. The whole section needs more than single sentence to convey a range of function.

Character Theme:
Physical Enhancement

Ability Capabilities:
Extreme Metabolism/Internal Alchemy


As I defined in the character sheet, character theme is the gimmick they present. And it is the combination of all combat skills and abilities and how they combine it together that paint the picture of their theme.. So is her ability metabolism or is her ability physical enhancement? Because this is how this world works. Fire is fire, it cannot be water, and cannot make people wet as well as be fire. Ability Capabilities should read more like;

With her extreme metabolism she has an internal alchemy that allows her to do [insert whatever it is]

Qualities of Ability: Morag can metabolise anything. If she eats, breathes, injects or otherwise takes it into her body it is quickly and safely broken down to fuel her and her powers. Some things have more energy than others, so she can still become exhausted by extended activity, but consuming something rich in energy quickly refreshes her. She is capable of breathing underwater, enduring vacuum by snacking, and breaking down large foreign bodies such as bullets to heal without a scar.

Most of what Morag eats goes towards replenishing her energy, letting her go all out for extended periods, which is often misinterpreted as a 'Popeye's spinach' effect.

Morag's mouth is much stronger than the rest of her. She can bite through a reinforced rod she struggled to bend with her hands and comfortably drink acids that would have burned her skin. The explanation for this is currently classified as 'magic' as tests haven't discovered anything abnormal in her saliva etc.

As a side effect, she is immune to poisons, drugs and alcohol, and enjoys the taste of things that would leave a human gagging. She'll drink bleach for fun.

Morag's powers manifested when she was a baby, and would leave bite marks in her crib. Her enhanced physical attributes have also been slowly increasing, from being an exceptionally athletic child through a mildly superhuman tween, to reach her current level. She is still growing at a slow and steady rate, and will likely be exceptionally long-lived, as much as anything about a New Breed power can be predicted.

-snip-


Same comment as I made above. I gave you the categories to plug this in, because right now I cannot follow what is a strength or weakness. My categories give me an ability to organize information and categorize it appropriately. With that said, I did state above, I want to know directly how her metabolism affects her to give her physical enhancement? Is it only after she eats things, etc? And if that’s the case then her combat information would need to be reworked. Though I’ll be honest and say without the categories I am having trouble following along.

Before SYNBAD Morag got a minor mention in a local newspaper for having a part-time job at a dump, eating non-recyclable waste. It still shows up if you google her.

Morag's first job with LHA to make the news was a 'silly season' headline in which she foiled a villainous bomber's scheme by eating the explosives. To her dismay, this was all the paper focused on and not her investigative work tracking him down, or even her soundbites about being a part of LHA. To make things worse, it was before she had picked a codename, and the journalists took this as an opportunity to get creative. The name 'Snack Attack' still follows her around, despite being officially 'Foundry'.

One thing Morag brought to LHA when she moved in was her childhood stuffed animal. Kevlar Kevin is a stuffed bear made of kevlar, and stuffed with ball bearings. It was specially ordered by her parents, and was one of the few toys Morag couldn't accidentally destroy or eat with her powers at the time.

From a gossip magazine: Star Spotters! Sharon from Peckham sent in this pic of local heroine Foundry out for a snack attack with a smoking stranger! Is London's caped crimebuster club recruiting, or is this the start of a romantic relationship? (Pictured is Morag at a Priceo Coffee with another Newbreed made of smoke. The article ended up killing their fledgling romance, as the smoke-girl was not prepared for the increased scrutiny)

I’m going to be extremely blunt and straightforward, but this comes off very lazy. You didn’t write any of the actual interviews, which I think they help define the character and give them more personability. And while I asked you to get these clips up, I didn’t necessarily mean rush the Biography. Just meant to get them up.

All in all I see potential in Morag and want her to be the best she can be. I really want her in this RP. Super bad, but these glaring spots I cannot ignore.
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