Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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Were you planning on using my big murdering hobo (White Tiger) as a plot element??? I can still play him after I edit his sheet into a more protagonistic character. Or you can take him over as a npc.


No. If you can edit him into a more reasonable version of the initial draft, then that's fine.
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by Chairman Bao
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Ok. Sorry if i overstepped my bounds of properness with that question. I will play my second character application, and send White Tiger to his death.

Thanks a lot for the big explanation of how the magic system works in this universe. I really was confused quite a lot. Zeroth's explanation in the discord actually confused me more because i misread something he said and thought Qi cultivation had something to do with understanding how the universe works and cultivating your mind, body, and spirit.

EDIT: oh wait, it does have something to do with mind, body, spirit. I guess the pure unrefined energy that is turned into Qi is used by the mind, body, and spirit.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by ANYM
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@Zyx thanks a lot! why don't you join up, too?


>I'm a bit busy with an Elden Ring fanfic that's rapidly approaching novella length, and a bunch of reading I have to do for a programming logic course I'm taking. I don't really have that much motivation left for a casual RP at the moment, hence why I don't join. Plus I uh, have no ideas for characters.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Chairman Bao
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Ok, that's fine. You're actually 1 out of 2 people who visited my profile. I thought if you joined this rp, we could have more grounds to make friends. Selfish, huh???
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by ANYM
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>Just a tad presumptuous really. I'm here for the RPing, not the friendship aspect. So long as the writing's thriving I'm here. When it's not I'm going right back to solo stories.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Chairman Bao
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Perfect. I love making stories. I can't help but write stories up. We will meet again, elsewhere!
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Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by miztli
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Looking for a bit of advice! Please let me know if anything needs developing.


Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Chairman Bao
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WOW, SHE IS HAUT. TOO BAD MY CHARACTER IS MARRIED AND IS ON A QUEST TO FIND HIS LOST WIFE AND CHILD. IF NOT FOR THAT, HE WOULD CERTAINLY... UH... PERFORM A DETOUR?
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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Looking for a bit of advice! Please let me know if anything needs developing.



Okay, my immediate thoughts: The character itself is good. No real issues. Just the main things to keep in mind (since the structure of the cult has very much been freeballed through PMs):



As for things to change:

On body enhancement: This is kind of my bad for making it so vague and also just describing it as passives. What body enhancement is are effectively the one and done things your body should go through as you are a martial artist. This exists kind of because I had nowhere to put things such as damaged dantian (weird that it would go under enhancement, but it would go under here), bone modification (think the trope of a martial artist's bones being broken mid-meditation as they gain the perfect martial arts body), and purging all grime from your muscles would go. I, admittedly, played pretty fast and loose with this section since there are things that don't feel like they would be techniques.

Basically, qinggong and combat would both go under techniques since they are things that you are actively doing.

On cultivation base: I think you missed this one. It's a bit weird since most wuxia tales have a basic method that everyone adheres to. This section is basically about how your character gets qi for martial arts. Do they meditate, what types of energy do they use, etc. If you'd like help with this since it is admittedly kind of weird and open, just ask.

On techniques: The idea behind this isn't really to be a strict list of moves. Some people treat it as such and I don't mind, but it is fairly limiting. Effectively, it would make a bit more sense to call it things something like style. The idea being that in universe, your character would learn things from a martial arts manual. Each individual manual should be an entry here. So in effect, your character would have 4 entries in techniques: one detailing your qinggong, one detailing your hand-to-hand (debillitating strike and reinforced palm would be under it), one detailing burning body, and one detailing the sword technique. Generally, these techniques should aim to work together rather than a kitchen sink of things.

Also, for elaboration:

The Heavenly Demonic Master's fire is a very specific thing that's passed to 1 person (and is currently likely to be lost). It's fine to have another fire that mimics it or is just similar, but it's not the real demonic fire.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by miztli
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On cultivation base: I think you missed this one. It's a bit weird since most wuxia tales have a basic method that everyone adheres to. This section is basically about how your character gets qi for martial arts. Do they meditate, what types of energy do they use, etc. If you'd like help with this since it is admittedly kind of weird and open, just ask.
OwO

I took your advice to update this character, so let me know if there's anything that need further developing.

As for the cultivation base, I think I still need help with this. Is there a method closest to the HDC? I think it'd be interesting if Zhu's base could reflect her training under HDC. Otherwise, I went ahead and described typical meditation as the character's cultivation base.

Additionally, the names for her techniques/weapons/etc are a bit lackluster. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!

Also, I noticed too late that there's more women than men. Would y'all like me to change this character to be a guy? There's not too many references to her gender within her story, so it wouldn't be a huge change.

Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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I took your advice to update this character, so let me know if there's anything that need further developing.

As for the cultivation base, I think I still need help with this. Is there a method closest to the HDC? I think it'd be interesting if Zhu's base could reflect her training under HDC. Otherwise, I went ahead and described typical meditation as the character's cultivation base.

Additionally, the names for her techniques/weapons/etc are a bit lackluster. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!

Also, I noticed too late that there's more women than men. Would y'all like me to change this character to be a guy? There's not too many references to her gender within her story, so it wouldn't be a huge change.


As for cultivation base, there's no exact method of cultivation. Each faction has a general rule (but is not a strict rule). Martial alliance methods should feel traditional and slow; no shortcuts or cheats. Recusant (unorthodox) should feel a lot more reckless. Shortcuts, cheats, etc. The devil clans should feel a lot more sacrificial. Sacrificing others, sacrificing the self, irreversible damage for extreme power. The Heavenly Demonic Cult generally falls under whatever for power, but doesn't go as far as the devil clans. Self-sacrifice is much more common here.

For her gender, it doesn't really matter.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by miztli
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As for cultivation base, there's no exact method of cultivation. Each faction has a general rule (but is not a strict rule). Martial alliance methods should feel traditional and slow; no shortcuts or cheats. Recusant (unorthodox) should feel a lot more reckless. Shortcuts, cheats, etc. The devil clans should feel a lot more sacrificial. Sacrificing others, sacrificing the self, irreversible damage for extreme power. The Heavenly Demonic Cult generally falls under whatever for power, but doesn't go as far as the devil clans. Self-sacrifice is much more common here.

For her gender, it doesn't really matter.
OwO


Alright, with this, I think the character's done! I expanded her cultivation base to mention self-sacrifice. Let me know if I can post it in the Characters thread. ^^

Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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<Snipped quote by OwO>

Alright, with this, I think the character's done! I expanded her cultivation base to mention self-sacrifice. Let me know if I can post it in the Characters thread. ^^



One thing moving forward. Generally, freely manipulating qi is really far off so it wouldn't matter if your dantian is broken for this point. Pretty much no character should be able to project qi like they're flicking a booger.

Besides that, your character is good to move to the character tab.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by miztli
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Haha, okay! That sounds good, then; I won't worry too much about her dantian for the time being. I'll go ahead & post it in the character section!
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Wei Wuxian
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<Snipped quote by Wei Wuxian>

Tse Hyu-lin is good to put in the character tab. Just keep the thing I said about strong poisons (see: poisons specifically made to kill martial artists) requiring a more active procedure in mind. I'll probably say something about it if it ever comes up, so it's not actually that important to remember.




<Snipped quote by Chairman Bao>

The character fits in better. I will say that you don't have to just completely 180. The big issue with your initial character was that he was effectively a murder hobo that had his motivations run opposite of everyone else. If you would like an example of a violent character that would work in this setting: The Fist Demon of Mount Hua (another manhwa) follows effectively a dude that kills a lot of people. However, his violence is generally aimed at people who he feels deserve it (attacks him first, attacks others, etc) and the protagonist of that series has no real reason to kill random people.

Misc changes and fixes:

Body enhancements are meant to be your passives. Since he activates his healing and strength/speed using a qi technique, you should probably just remove the two lines there and leave the body enhancement section blank.

Why do his memories give him energy? It feels a bit odd under any energy system. It would probably make more sense that his memories give him the willpower to refine his unorganized, unspecific qi. That's probably a small edit.

For his techniques, you could probably elaborate on his martial arts a bit. Is he an untrained monkey man? Does he have some background in some kind of fighting? etc etc.

Besides that, the big thing is editing. I'm not the biggest stickler for things, but give your posts a few checks to make sure everything looks good. There are some things here that feel like they would make things rough.


Awesome. Will do. Reading through the IC to catch up.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Chairman Bao
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@OwO Can I move my character to the characters section?
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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OwO what's this?

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Can I move my character to the characters section?


While I'd like to thank you for sticking around for rewrites, I unfortunately don't think I can accept your character.

The character still has general writing and mechanics issues that have just persisted through multiple iterations. The suggestions have generally felt slapped on rather than integrated into the character.

The weird posts haven't really helped either.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Taka
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Am I still able to make a sheet? I had a big hiccup but I am back.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by OwO
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Am I still able to make a sheet? I had a big hiccup but I am back.


You were in the interest check so sure.
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