Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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I may have done that a couple of times in my post..maybe


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Hidden 3 mos ago 3 mos ago Post by Danvers
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‘Her smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips.’

Playing would make it present.

Tbh it’s good feedback. Though may be getting flashbacks from my English lit A level 😂
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Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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‘Her smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips.’

Playing would make it present.

Tbh it’s good feedback. Though may be getting flashbacks from my English lit A level 😂


The way I see it is.. as long as I can read it immediately and it flows well, I'm not too fussed. If it's incorrect to the point where I have to read it back to understand it, then it needs fixing. But yours was nice and cohesive when I read it. :)
Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Danvers
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Well thanks! :) I’m glad haha
Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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Well thanks! :) I’m glad haha

Np!
But if you ever make a bad post, I have just the gif....

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Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Gunther
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TBH, I was working as a Substitute School Teacher when I got fired.
Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Apoalo
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Tenses are my archnemesis. Feel free to point them out if you see me swap randomly.
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Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Obscene Symphony
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‘Her smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips.’

Playing would make it present.

Tbh it’s good feedback. Though may be getting flashbacks from my English lit A level 😂


Actually, it would be present if it was "Her smile still plays mischievously at the edge of her lips." Which of course wouldn't be good for this type of writing cause we need past tense!

What you have there is a dependent clause, I think. So that sentence would be fine, PROVIDED THAT it's a dependent clause in some other past tense phrase and not just on its own. For example, "She walked alongside her friend, her smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips." That's perfectly fine and still past tense.

But if the section was, "She walked alongside her friend. Her smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips." The second sentence, because of the "playing," is necessarily dependent and can't stand on its own, so this is wrong.

You could also have it be correct put before the other part of the phrase. "Smile still playing mischievously at the edge of her lips, she walked alongside her friend." While technically correct, it reads a little awkwardly with such a short second half, so I would put the "playing" part second, though that's a style choice at that point, I think.

Take for example this alternative as well:

"She walked alongside her friend. Her smile still played mischievously at the edge of her lips."

It's very clunky and while I don't think it's technically wrong, it would be better style to connect them somehow, either like the examples above or with some kind of conjunction:

"As she walked alongside her friend, her smile still played mischievously at the edge of her lips." Or

"Her smile still played mischievously at the edge of her lips as she walked alongside her friend." I personally prefer the first example.

Hope that helps! Do correct me if I got anything wrong. ^_^
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Hidden 3 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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Me proof reading my posts...
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Hidden 3 mos ago 3 mos ago Post by Danvers
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Though I honestly do appreciate any constructive feedback

Also classic Davos xD
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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Feel like the OOC needs a bump
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Obscene Symphony
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not GoT but
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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not GoT but


Important image
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Gunther
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@BleedingLover Excellent job conveying Priscilla's feelings. I could feel the tension between her and Edwyn.

@Danelaw Baldric will be late for dinner. Hard day preparing the raiding party for the upcoming strike.
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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@BleedingLover Excellent job conveying Priscilla's feelings. I could feel the tension between her and Edwyn.

@Danelaw Baldric will be late for dinner. Hard day preparing the raiding party for the upcoming strike.


Understandable!
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Gunther
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@Danelaw looks like we continuing the archery range with another collaboration. This one includes Ariella.
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by BleedingLover
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@BleedingLover Excellent job conveying Priscilla's feelings. I could feel the tension between her and Edwyn.

@Danelaw Baldric will be late for dinner. Hard day preparing the raiding party for the upcoming strike.


Thanks, Gunther. I had a great writing partner that helped make the scene realistic.

Whoever that guy is. >.>
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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<Snipped quote by Gunther>

Thanks, Gunther. I had a great writing partner that helped make the scene realistic.

Whoever that guy is. >.>


Just some intelligent, wise, charismatic, handsome, cool guy.... Idk either!

Jokes aside u did great
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by BleedingLover
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<Snipped quote by BleedingLover>

Just some intelligent, wise, charismatic, handsome, cool guy.... Idk either!

Jokes aside u did great


I giggled at that first line though. :)

Thanks but so did you though. I think we captivated their relationship greatly in that post. I can't stop reading it!!!
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Danelaw
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<Snipped quote by Danelaw>

I giggled at that first line though. :)

Thanks but so did you though. I think we captivated their relationship greatly in that post. I can't stop reading it!!!


Agreed
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