Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Tuujaimaa
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Tuujaimaa The G3tt3ner of G0TT3M3L3TT3S

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When Time began, there were not four eternal childbeings, but five.

But then, as Time began, one of the eternal childbeings begin to do what should have impossible.

They grew up.

The Sempiternal Tweenbeing, as they became to be beknown, bebearer of the Heart of Spades and the beSpade of Hearts,

walks the land once again.

or maybe he crawls honestly i'm not sure i'm having a hard time visualising this
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by AdobeFlash
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AdobeFlash Thrumunculus

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SPONGEBYRNE THE FOREBODEN



Yes, that most fateful hour had fallen again. SpongeByrne roamed the empty streets of Neo Orleans, eating a raw salmon as he poked around the alleyways and side streets and roundabouts. Not a soul in sight. He grimaced. This wasn't good. His link with the suit was reacting. A spiking, sharp pain in his solar plexus. Did...the Infernal do this? Byrne kicked over a trash can, and out crawled what must have evidently become of the citizens of this city. A city so proud of how it could survive any cosmic flood.



"Well, sure, they can survive now." He was quipping to himself already. That was never a good sign. The streets echoed with the gurgles of the ex-residents. "Well, they could still be considered residents. But I doubt anybody is paying rent. Or collectin" Byrne took another bite of the salmon. This whole thing...it couldn't be. While he did work towards the end of all there was, he couldn't allow a GE3TTTENING. That kind of suffering went against everything he stood for. Every facet of his existence. Finishing off the salmon, he threw its skeleton towards a now growing mass of Sea Monkeys. Things were about to get ugly. Footsteps. Then, a noise undescribable. Then there was no noise in Neo Orleans...
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by yoshua171
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yoshua171 The Loremaster

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Hidden 1 mo ago Post by ArkmageddonCat
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ArkmageddonCat That Guy

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It had been years since his weebification, years since he had been so unrightfully shamed by his commander, Leader. He had seen the start to the prophecy as it began to unfold like those cloth napkins folded around your silverware at restaurants, and all of the pieces were falling into place like the puzzle pieces of one of those hard-mode 4 piece puzzles. You know, the ones that are next to impossible because they're just so complex? THis was some next-level shit happening, and Phil was the only one who could see it happening. The only one.

The chosen one. The knightly crusader whom would possess the eyes what would look upon the appearance of the Beyonder even they are meaningless...

Phil shifted his weight, the licorice chains that bound his arms and legs jangling with every movement. The gingerbread prison cell that contained him reeked of sugary goodness, a foul stench he had come to despise. Phil was not what one would call a jolly rancher, at this point, nor was he a happy camper. For years after the Battle of Today, those he thought were his friends locked him away in a prison of sweetness. Their betrayal left a sour taste in the mouth - a taste that turned all things sour.

But Phil knew, deep within his kidney and even within his liver, that his time would come. He would be the one to herald the return for seconds of their great savior, and though he had become a sour puss... there was no greater sweetness.
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Hidden 1 mo ago 1 mo ago Post by yoshua171
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I'd like to tell you a story, not a long story, but one that a{i}s long since overdue.

The END.

It's the story that ends before it begun, the story of the lost, but not the forgotten, the story of--alas--the GEttethj child, the kid which whose wildness and freedom was soundered, whose sounds were silenced, and whose footsteps--pattering, pitter patter. Pit pat, tip tap, tuppins.

Tuppins, tuppins for free.

what was I saying?

Um.

Shit.

Wow, uh, hey, I think I need a break....
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an agonizing yyell, a scream, a terrible, tortured, turtorous, tainted, telling howl can be heard. It is a sound most forboding, the sound o f a n a r r a t o r in great agony. The sound of a soul traped and forced to serve a long gone and forgotten servant, a servant who is a kid WHO ist getted, or gottenth despite the efforts of tweens, teens, adolscenet, and even those adoolts who have now befome so alone, if perhaps not terribly uncommon.

I... I'M SORRY, I'll...I'll keep going.

crying is heard
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----AAAAHHHHH O-OKAY! Fuck, shit!

Tuppins. Tuffins; Puff; Putuf----ajklbvh Puffins. Antarctica is melting, the ice black and gritty with ba(th)salt and tourmaline, shattered and ground to dust. It flows into the sea, and the ocean devours it, the greayt burgs recking havoc on the ecosystem.

On the great steppes of AFRICA a lone monkey of blure, blue, fur and manganimous mind--his heardtEverBIGGERthanOURS--stands, his legs fully muscled and his chest full to bursting with BLUE. He is soon to go beyond even the sky, the lands and rivers long since left behind.

He will go--and follow--where Harambe once had been and where soon he would surpass. In these last years, though truly toaster terrifying they were, he had learned--and learned to(o?) many--much.

Turning to us, as if he could see beyond the gray of the space between the space between the space between spaces he gives us one solemn nod of his small monkey head and in that moment a great wisodom passes out, becoming KIdDED and real as it spreads from his form.

"M pe emi yoo l kuro, ugbn pe lailai yoo e iw ati gbogbo ohun miiran ni inu mi."

"Mo m pe ni awn akoko ipari mi ni mo di TRUTH.

ERU DI MI"


Then with a single tear tha t blue from his face and fll to the earth,...Sunalafia deflated and then vanished, all that which was left of him being a small pile of fine bluish fur, which in a single moment was blown askance by a gentle summer breeze.

Where once the soothsayer stood there was something strange. A divot in the ground, and in that divot there was a crack and within that crack there was were eyes, and those eyes belong (ed) to Wendy.




Glub.

Glub.

Glub.

Glub.

Glub.



Somewhere, somehow, in a forest, there's a single goose, and she's screaming, screaming like the angry dad you never wanted; screaming like a duck.

screaming

"WHERE ARE THE EGGS KAREN!?!"

Fuckin' stupid Lisa Karen.

Uh, I mean. TRAGIC, TRULY TRAGIC.
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by AdobeFlash
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SPONGEBYRNE THE FOREBODEN



Detroit.
Detroit, Detroit, Detroit.

SpongeByrne had hoped to never set foot inside this godforsaken city. Not after what he'd heard. Horror stories and the like. You know. Old Man Ford cutting up little orphan boys and using them as furniture. The baseball man shoving orbs up the urethras of anyone who wasn't guarding their tunnel of urine. And the worms.......

SpongeByrne shuddered.

As he phased through planes, aligning himself so that he might stake out the city more clearly, he felt a mighty aura. The aura of a killer. And then, he saw him, in the distance. Goofykins...

Hesitation. Perhaps the first time he'd felt it in aeons. Should he approach? What did that psychopath have planned? Was the Infernal using him as a pawn? Using all of us as pawns?

SpongeByrne took a bite of whole swordfish. Bitter, sweet, wonderful. Perhaps a farewell to the life of relative comfort he'd lived. Things were about to go downhill very, very quickly. Where else to be, though? SpongeByrne finished the fish in one bite and walked after the psycho killer. Not one with intent pure enough to make a song, however. One of malice and disgust. They had much to discuss
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it HAD been Karen

all along

there was never anoheter, no,m not even lisaFUCK you lisa you wretched harpy

KAREN had stolen the eggs, the precious eggs with which to make omelettes! The eggs, which had the potential to become children, could become GOTT3N... and if they could GET KID they coiuuld become an UNG3TT3NER of K1D?! but KAREN had stolen them all away, not delivered them, left them sonmwhere to become A GOTT3M3L3TT3!!!!!!! and that ckould not happen, no no, because the INFERNAL had taken all of the kids and so the SEMPITERNAL TWEENBEING had nobody to Fort Nites with or to Nite Forts wioth and deep within her dusty schkull a thought of what once was or perhaps could have been but had since been memorialised as a fortnite dance echoed

we live in a society... rise up G4M3RS...

"Mauris odio dui, tempus? Nec condimentum nec hendrerit nec orci duis? Id facilisis est, a tincidunt!" came the cry, crystal clear, through the woods. Karen didn't stand a chance.

BIUT LO AND BEHOLD

THERE WAS ONLY MARGARET, SCREAMING ABOUT KAREN!

"Fusce ac urna, diam. Mauris pharetra tortor mattis lorem ullamcorper ultrices."

"it WaS KAREN! kill HER! SHE STOLE AWAY THE EGGS! SHE FORGOT THEM, SHE ABANDONED THEM, SHGE LEFT THEM! TREACHEROUS GOOSEKIN!"

"Nulla eget facilisis massa curabitur et cursus nulla quisque eget. Dictum nibh lorem!"

"You CANNOT KILL ME! I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN MARGARET!!!! YOU CANNOT KILL A GOOSE, JUST AS YOU CANNOT KILL JOY! you cannot kill joy you cannot kill joy you cannot kill joy you cann kill joy you can kill joy you kill joy killJOY killJOY killJOY oh it's such rapture, such beneficence, such wondrous agony you killJOY you must join me let me KILL your JOY"

And then, like so many opponents in Fortnite, Margaret was simply gone. There was nothing left, not a speck, not a hint, that she had even been there. And the Sempiternal Tweenbeing thought for a second that she might have felt a tiny speck of something awakening deep within her, a beautiful joy, but then it, too, was simply gone.

"Curabitur venenatis elit sit amet pellentesque Detroit. Mauris pretium dapibus enim et pretium, proin."

And so the Sempiternal Tweenbeing vanished and reppeared in Detroit, ready to begin anew the hunt for TREACHEROUS KAREN AND HER VILE EGG-THIEF WAYS
1x Laugh Laugh
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"Ohayou, in turn, reader! I'm looking, in turn, for my, in turn, nemesis @BlackDragonSol! Have you in turn seen him, reader? The Black Dragon must be held in turn responsible for his crimes! あなたが順番にいなくて本当順番にに寂しい... 順番に ゆりや!!!"

the WHITE DARGON LUNAR crested above the skies of Detroit, their signature white trilby staying perfectly still atop their head.
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Every sauntering step shock the transdimensionalunicore Fabrical matrices within a mile or more of distance from the snsa-visageo’d figure of the Great Ineffable Prisoneror. Ghis gaze fell upon Detroit, locking there, the Fractid he had left behind already long gone from his mind and gone mind from his long. Lifting a hand-gloved-hand, Goffykins raised a single ear and listened closely aeven as he continued his sartorial strut--his suspenders, checked shirt, boots, hatted crown, and hand-gloved-ahnds all quite ON FLEEK, moreso even than the long and byogone fop, Shakespeare (and his band of merry Garries).

Brielfly a frown most magnanimous cast itself over his face as a pallor casts itself atop the flesh of a vampire--or indeed the shade casts itself away from the sun.

“Hy knyo thayt presyence anywheyer,” he proclaimed with joyous, terrible, glee. Then, with the most brief of gestures he saluted, and from that salute numerous colors were spwned and those colors were neon and splendiforous as one could consider so unreal and esoteric were they. Indeed, they were quite untoward and outworlderly, so much so that one might consider them to be wholly outside the realm of Possiubility, let alone within the realm of Universia. Still, thAT WHich was SPONGBYRNE would grasp the shape and hue of these eldritch color-things, but only insofar as one could in the space of one femto second for no sooner than the colors had appeared, they shot forwards in a single beam of blinding ephemeral light so ENSCOPUlating that it would imbossiple to miss them even three continents away.

“Hyeuck,” he uttered before he crouched down and rolled up his pant-legs. “Hylooks like I cyn’t hyold byck this time!” Pants rolled up past his hairy knees, Goofykins deepened his crouch before suddenly inflating with a single massive deep breath. With a gulp, he swallowed the breath and in the same moment his fyeet exploydid, sending him hurtling into the air at 425,836,477.17 times the speed of sound, divided by 2.7356987854113568.

The speed of light is 186,282 mph or 299,792,458 meters per second. Let that sink in. I’ll wait………………………………………………………...………………………………………….okay that’s long e-fucking-knough.

The speed at which he moved put such force on Earth and the forces of reality at large that briefly, all color, substance, and sense winked out. It was like going to sleep, losing time, being knocked unconscious, becoming insensate, and drinking the worst possibl;e coffee all at once. This went on forr ten long long endless second….
CHAMBER OF THE PRODIGAL SON

In their struggle all the primordials halted and each directed their full attention and gaze out into Universia and the Planesworlds from whomst they had created and they had indeed created them. What they saw was...nothing. Utter emptiness. It filled with with with them...them with, it filled them with TERROR more true than they had ever felt, all except perhaps the INFERNAL and -̡͍͙͔͖̲̭͕̱͙͓̜̩̫̳̦̳͔̙ͪ̀̎̊͂͑ͤ͋̈́̑̈̎̈́ͪ̽͟͞͠-ͭ̌̃̇̑̏̂̋̔ͦͪ͋̔̈́̽͏̢͏͖̱̜͉͠R̴̛͍͙̤͓͙͖̪̻̫͍͕̬̪͈͕̩̤̠̊̐̉͗̾̀̕͡-̓́͌͐ͦ̃̇ͯͧ̈ͭͦ̄͏̧̕͏͚̱͍̠̞̦͖͙̮̘͈͔͎͍̬̞͈̣-̥̰̭̖͓̻͕̱͈̰ͪ͌̾̀͑͡͡ E D . The INFERNAL MERELY CHUCKLED while -̡͍͙͔͖̲̭͕̱͙͓̜̩̫̳̦̳͔̙ͪ̀̎̊͂͑ͤ͋̈́̑̈̎̈́ͪ̽͟͞͠-ͭ̌̃̇̑̏̂̋̔ͦͪ͋̔̈́̽͏̢͏͖̱̜͉͠R̴̛͍͙̤͓͙͖̪̻̫͍͕̬̪͈͕̩̤̠̊̐̉͗̾̀̕͡-̓́͌͐ͦ̃̇ͯͧ̈ͭͦ̄͏̧̕͏͚̱͍̠̞̦͖͙̮̘͈͔͎͍̬̞͈̣-̥̰̭̖͓̻͕̱͈̰ͪ͌̾̀͑͡͡ E D continued to foam frothing blood as it had been before.

“BEHOLD AND TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF ONE OF MY LESSER INDUCTEES. HE WHO SLAYED EVEN THE GREATEST OF CARTONISTISIA, WALT DISNEY. GLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAH,” the childbeing laughed, the sound grating upon the nerves in a most terrible way. The Pillars of Color and the Three other Child-entites shook themselves from their stupor and for the briefest of moments took to extending their power into Universia.

Eight.

The TERROR matrices formed once more and the flow of time resumed.

Seven.

The Fabrical matrices began to expand out from the Chamber of the Prodigal Son and at first merely space itself existence’d, and then dimensions began toi blossom and fold in upon themselves, intertwining or isolating themselves in kind.

Six.

Energy came to into begininning-began,phasing out of knowhere beyond the beyond; from the Ether plane, but not at all related to it.

Five.

Energy densified, becoming material and substance.

Four.

The first cosmic booty cheeks clapped and so nebulae and stars formed.

Three.

Somewhere, the first Chic-Fil-A opened. Then, immediately afterwards, All the Gods TM came into being.

Two.

Planets and asteroids and other shit came into being, who cares.

One.

Life and all of history and existence as we know it came into being and transpired.

Then, for the briefest of infinite femtoseconds, the primordials rested...and then fell upon one another in furious battle once more. Now, however, the INFERNAL had the edge. He wasn’t tired like his siblings...slowly...he was winning.


“J̶̧̛͟͝Ó̶́͞Y̨͏͢͜͞ ̷͝K̨͝Ì̵͜͜L̀̕Ļ̕Ś͜,͘͟͢ ͏̶͠҉B̢͘͜Ú́͟͏͢T͟͟҉ ͏͘Y̧̡͜O̸͘U̶̡̡̧͟ ̸͟C̴̛̛Á̶͟͠͠Ń̶͏̷’͜͏́͘T̢ ̶͟͜K̷̡͡͡Ì̶͘͢L̢̀͟͠͝L̴̸͡ ̡̛̕͜͡J̸̨͜Ǫ͢͢͜Y̢͏͝͝,̶͠ ̸̡͜J͜͠͏̛Ơ̴̡Y҉̧͘ ͞Ḱ̡͘͠I̸̴̢͡L̷̵͢Ĺ͏Ş̸҉ ͞͏B̛U͏̸̢T̴̴̀͝ ̀͠Y͘̕͟͡͠O̶̢̧̕̕Ù̸͡ ̴̷̀͠C̶͠͞A͝Ǹ̴’̴͜Ţ̶͠͠ ̷̕҉̴̢K̢͏̷҉I̛͝҉̢̕L̶̡Ĺ̵̛͘͝ ͏҉̧͝J̵̧͞O͟͏̶̡Ỳ̨̛͡͡,̧͝͏̨͟ ̸̛͝͏J̵͘͡Ó̡̀͘Ý̷̵͝ ̸̧K̷̴I͜͠L̵̨͠L҉́͡S̶̡͢͢,̶͠͞͞͠ ̵͞B̀͟͟͠Ú͘͢͝T͏̶̢͢ ̴̛Y̡̛͜Ǫ̛͘̕U͜͞ ̴̧̀͘C҉A̶̛͜͡͝N̶͟’̵̷́͜͜T̢̡̀͞ ̶̵̧͏Ķ͘͡͠I̢̧͠͝L̸͘L̵ ̷͝͡͝J̢͏̛O̸̧̕Y҉͢”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Goofykins had stopped all at once 200 feet above Detroit, 50 horizontal feet from SPONGEBYRNE--YAAAAAH ISOSCELES TRIANGLES YALL--and there he stood midair, and amidst the air he was, and the air filled itself with color, and that color was RED, and that red was gotten.

With one giggling shifting of his floopy ears, Goofykins pointed dramatically down at SPONGEBYRNE and with that single gesture--and his raised chin-faced visagooglekins--it became truly apparent that his actions were not just a challenge and a threat, but also a promise of D00M.

The game.

Goofykins extracted a gamecube controller from thin air.

“Engyard, spongebyrne.”

The controller suddenly warped and twisted and cartoonified before becoming a sword the size of a skyscraper, but which was contained withint he space of a normal sword.

It was limitless.

Goofykins’ eyes glinted like red stars and in that instance it shifted from day...to night. “TRYEMBLE SPOGNBRYNE, Hyu’ve stopped in my domain noew and thyere is no escape whyle I styill breathe”

He brandishes his blade and then began to fall through the air, tumbling without any control at all. Yet, every so often as he spun and got tangled in his own ears and clothes, one would glimpse the red glint of his, the INEFFABLE PRISONEROR’S eyes. Indeed, it appeared that while his whole body ragdolled, his head never moved and his eyes remained locked on the interloper who dared stand beyween him and hyis prize.

After all, there was no greater insuylt than that.
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by AdobeFlash
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AdobeFlash Thrumunculus

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SPONGEBYRNE THE FOREBODEN



Tch. What a show-off. SpongeByrne dusted off his shoulders. This was gonna get ugly. Such power...such speed....almost terrifying. Keyword: ALMOST. SpongeByrne had to hold back a chuckle. This man...No. This was a beast, or even something beyond that. A creature of pure rage. Pure cruelty. Just pure malice. Something like this, in this Universe...It would certainly set his plans back if not dealt with. SpongeByrne saw the RED inside, the Lurking Interloper. "What a mess I've stumbled into" SpongeByrne thought as Goofykins unsheathed his blade. A weapon that could easily rend him in two, surely. Infinite mass in a limited space would probably kill anything it touched. Positively vorpal.
Nice.
SpongeByrne took a step forward. His footsteps left a circle. An occult symbol that couldn't be possibly parsed by a being not attuned to the right Planes. Maybe Goofykins could. Maybe he knew what SpongeByrne was doing. Well, it was too late now.

"It's your domain, huh? That might muck things up a bit. Kukukukuuuu, I'm not quite sure how this will end up! Never tried it before. However, let's not discount my ability. Activate: Talking Head! Once in a Lifetime!"

With these hallowed words, SpongeByrne extended a pointer finger that began to glow with a light colorful and colorless. He had activated Once in a Lifetime...

TALKING HEAD

ONCE IN A LIFETIME




ONCE IN A LIFETIME! ONCE IN A LIFETIME! AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF LIVING IN A SHOTGUN SHACK! AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A LAAAAAARGE AUTOMOBILE!!!

ONCE IN A LIFETIME transports the user and those in his vicinity into various scenery. This scenery changes at random usually, but the user can expend energy to manipulate what scenery appears. If the user activates the FRIPP EFFECT, the scenery will permanently change into a wavy blue background full of both mana and accursed energies. This negatively effects both the user and the target





The world began to warp. Detroit began to fade. And it turned and turned and turned and nobody could really say where anybody was. The desert. The jungle. The other Hells. Inside the heavens and outside the Purgatorium. It changed at random intervals. Nobody could tell when it was gonna end or where they were gonna go. Sure, they were going to "go" there, but they weren't actually there. It was an illusion, but it felt like it was there. It felt real, even though it wasn't. But maybe it was. The Talking Head, mouth of the Big Suit, worked in mysterious ways. SpongeByrne was used to it. He had felt it a hundred times. Nausea could be seen physically emanating from the aura of the surroundings. It was hell. It was colorful. It was colorless. It was Big Suit.

"Your move, Goofy. Kukukukukuuuuu~"

Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Tuujaimaa
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Tuujaimaa The G3tt3ner of G0TT3M3L3TT3S

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"I see my chance, reader (who is most certainly an avid animu fan!). I, the heroic and venerable WHITE DARGON LUNAR will, in turn, save Spongebyrne the Foreboden from certain in turn doom!"

White Dargon Lunar braced himself. This was going to be his most in turn challenging fight yet. His hair stood on end, agitating his signature white trilby just a touch. Was this finally going to be... a ふさわしい相手? As he stood before the GREAT INEFFABLE PRISONERER, he could in turn feel the adrenaline rising in turn. It was happening... he swore to his master that he would never unleash more than exactly 17.7-inturn-233% per cent (percent) in turn of his true power...

"MASTER... I MUST BREAK MY VOW TO YOU... THIS OPPONENT IS TOO IN TURN STRONG, IN TURN. I MUST USE THE FORBIDDEN TECHNIQUE. I MUST... USE MY SECOND ZANPAKUTOU!!! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE, THIS COMBAT... IT IS THE GREATEST CHALLENGE I HAVE EVER FACED!!!"

"完璧な神のウィアブーの白いトリルビー... !"

White Dargon Lunar's twin swords flashed in turn in the mooninturnlight. Spongebyrne... would be saved!!!!!!!!!!! AND MAYBE IF HE SAVED SPONGEBYRNE, YURIYA COULD LOVE HIM AGAIN???????!!!!

And then White Dargon Lunar died, cleaved in two by the infinite mass of Goofykins' BUSTER SWORD.

The white trilby remained, floating to the ground.

Hidden 1 mo ago 1 mo ago Post by yoshua171
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Aloft was held his skyscraper blade, which truly scraped the sky, fpor he stood there, wiothin the realm of skyeia,below the heavens above,aloft the heaven’s hell below. Then it all went a shuddef and from thos eshudders the land warrped and twisted and warred with itself as reality attempted and failed to latch onto a single location.

Goofykins began a skypound dance,. Thrusting his hips with mighty motions, overexaggerated to a degree most untoward, his string-bean ears flopping back and forth outb of sync with his herrendousy hips.

“Hyuck Hyeuck, Hyeck, Hyonder, my my may Mr. Byrne Down The Kids, I tyink you may have miscylcyullated,” the Ineffebable Prisoneror hyucked most spendiforously. “Hyu must think me getted if this is your first thyout to unwield me and mine!” Then, Goofykins began to laugh, and his laugh laughed and his laughed, laugh, laugh, loaf, lough, luffed, louffed, lorfen laugh laughing laugh’dededdigginsly AND FROM THAT HORRIBLE SOUND THE WORLD SHUDDERED IN CORRUSCATING PATTERNS of unshoadden nature. A face resolved itslef in the bakcscape of their battleground and briefly the meow most è̷͠l͏͏̢͘͘d̶̵͜r͘͞i̵̶͝҉͠ţ̶͡c̴̢͞h̷͟҉͟ rang out through the minds of everything present, and with the sound the SOUND became orange, and with that ORANGE the woruld around them collapsed into orange and black stripes and with those stripes…

You know what, fuck that.



Goofykins swung the skyscraper blade and it cleaved through space itself leaving a deep riftstrain more destructive than even the thirty-first deletion. Time wobbled and wibbled and collapsed and then stabilized, but the space never healed


DETROIT - Long ago.

It was a perfectly average day in Detroit, there was smog and crime and alas the city still existed as a member of the United States of AMURICA. It was a bright beautiful smog-clouded day. A man was taking his daughter, because it was TAKE YOUR KID TO WORK DAY, truly it was all around a better time.

Then.

Then it happened.

A black hole opened in the sky and it tore open, a huge gray blade slicing the very plain in twain, from sky to deep beneath the ground. Buildings were parted and the force of the slash destroyed much of Detroit, rendering it into ruins that could not be healed or unrendered. From the Massive Riftstrain monstrosities were belched, but the gray blade was extracted and disappeared. Usually, a Riftstrain would simply close, but this one was different...instead of merely closing it collapsed and warped itself into needles and threads that wove themselves into the very fabric of the once great industrial city.

It would only be a year later that the City became a City State.

Suddenly all glimmers of uneasying joy fell from the face og Goofykins. The great riftstrain continued to spread, rending not just where they were in moments, but destroying the illusion and SIMILITUDILARLY destroying portions of actual real life locations that the imagery had been evoking.

HyueckHyeuckHyeuck he chortled in monotone. “Hyu myscalcyulated,” hye said stepping forwards. Each footfall made the sky shudder and the illusions continue to tear asunder. He then began hopping down invisible steps in the sky before his legs ran on air, as if slipping, and he began to slide clumsily downwards--his expression flat and lifeless the whole while, making the the actions of his body totally de-synchronized from his expression. He began to accelerate at a startling rate--not dissimilar to his earlier movements(itud[itisia])--and eventually he regained his sliding balance, leaning back on the invisible slide, sparks being generated at his feet as he moved his skyscraper blade infront of him and cradled it like so many CHILD.

“HYU WHYLE REGRET YOUR UTTERANCE CUR. Fyrst I while pluck from you the SYUIT of Big, THEN I will defame you before you and your acolytes! First one lung, then an eye!”

Far away a deep chant could be heard, emanating at a distance from the Forsaken Lands of India and all DisneyLandia.

“AFTER THE EYE COMES THE LEFT THIGH. ONCE HE’S GONE THAT LOW, YOU KNOW HE’LL SOON GO HIGH. NO ESCAPE. NO QUARTER. LIKE US YOU WILL SOON BE SUPPRESED. OPPRESSED. BECOME THE OPPRESSED. SERVE HIS WILL. SERVE

SERVE

SERVE

SERVE

SERVESERVESERVESERVESERVESERVEserveserveserve”


On the horizon thousands of silhouettes became apparent and their size grew at a rate most unsyyttling.


The DISNEY ARMADA was on the march, and there was no styoppyng them now.

His forces commanded and commandeered--the conquerening that he’d been playing for decades finally in motion--Goofykins, formerly Goofy(kins), jumped from the slide and began hurtling down through the air at cartoonish velocity (speed lines exuding out from his body as he fell), raising his skyscraper sword above his head, readying a mighty blow to deal to the unkidded Byrne and his channeld BIG SUIT.

Elsewhere, a duck sneezed.

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There was a shift in the air of the prison, and the silence seemed to move and quiver. The darkness bent in on itself and gave way to color, first producing hues of blue and then finally shifting to orange fuzz that dissipated back into colorless blackness. It was time. A threat to surpass metal gear was on the rise, and should it be left unchecked all children will be gotten by the dark side of gettening.

Phil, mustering his mightiest roar, let loose a terrifying mewl - much like the most ferocious gerbil you've ever seen - and broke loose from his licorice shackles. The guards at the door opened the peek hole to see a raging Phil beginning to tear away at the gingerbread walls. What an idiot. They thought. He'll never break through those walls, they're dummy thicc.

But then the guards realized he had broken free from his shackles, and barged through the cell door to find Phil had somehow magically disappeared into thin air. "What is this? Magic? Did he just disappear into thin air?" One of the two guards inquired, to which the other replied. "Phil? Magic? Listen to yourself, you sound crazy. Kinda like... Phil." The second guard stopped, turning to his companion and drawing his maraca mace from his side and threatening to be really annoying.

"You're not Phil, are you?! Where were you when he broke free a minute ago?!" He demanded, sweat beading up on the forehead plate of his helmet. The first guard smacked the maraca mace out of the second's hand, severely hurting himself as the weapon rattled to the floor with a deafening thunk. "I can't be Phil you fig-muffin-butt-face! I was outside with you! You were right there! My god... you're almost as dumb as... Phil..." He said, coming to a sudden realization.

"Flabbergasted shiznit! I left my ye olde fire pit burning at my ye olde homestead! My waifu is gonna make me do the tide-pod challenge, I just know it..." He spoke in a worried tone, before coming to a sudden realization. "Wait a gosh-darned second, you're not Phil are you?! Oh, it's the perfect disguise! Pretend to be a guard outside the cell you're supposed to be locked away in, and then blame the other guard when you try to break out so that you're then free to walk right out of here. It's genius!" He exclaimed, drawing his invisible bazooka from his back and aiming as his now ex-best friend.

Putting his hands in the air and fearing for his life, the all too recently unfriended guard pleaded with the other. "Wait, no, you got it all wrong! I'm not Phil! And besides, you'll blow us all up if you're not careful! Everybody knows that gingerbread amplifies explosions from invisible bazookas! Please! Just be reasonable for a second!" He pleaded like a lil bitch.

But his friend, now equally a bitch, conceded to the filthy beggars plea. He lowered his invisible bazooka and looked down at the floor, and that's when he noticed it. Scratched into the floor were the letters K, L, O, P, U - which spelt Klopu. Of course! He was a notorious sentient cinnamon bun wanted in over five territories, so he must've helped Phil escape!

Or... no... wait... it actually spelled "look up". The guard released an audible "oh", with a surprised pikachu face plastered on his helm at the sight of what he saw once he saw it in himself to see what could be seen on the ceiling, and what he saw was what he had seen to be seen and simultaneously sawed. It was the seeing of this thing to be seen that saw the next series of events that would be seen through by all those who saw what was happening and could see it unfold as if they saw it with their own two seeing eyes.

Phil clung to the ceiling, his head turned 180 degrees to observe the two guards below him. Upon being discovered he REEEEd loudly and dropped down upon them from the side, tackling both to the ground. Phil's massive size and weight threatened to crush the cotton balls and pixie dust right out of them, but they survi- what? Of course they're human what kind of stupid question is that? What? What the hell do you mean "humans aren't stuffed with cotton balls and pixie dust"? Of course they are! Did you not take Anatomy 1337 in graduate school? No? Yeah, who's the smart one now bitch?! Not you, that's who! Call me Burnie Sandburns cause you just got INCINERATED!

Now that that loser got his ass pwned, let's get back to the good stuff. Where was I... ah! Yes, Phil tackled the guards from beneath and wrestled both to the ground. The two midget knights could do very little to stop Phil's advances, and so he bumped faceplates with them just as he made kissy noises to lull them into a very real sense of shame. Then he tickled them vigorously only to make matters worse. He had been trapped for so long. So very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long. And it was finally time to cash that check.

Grabbing the maraca mace and invisible bazooka from his incapacited would-be cell guards, Phil rushed out of his cell and into the hallway - ducking through the little door lest he bump his wittle head and get a booboo. What he saw on the other side, however, was a labyrinth of colored plastic play tunnels.

Today was going to be a tough day.
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