Recent Statuses

6 mos ago
Current Yeet
1 like
1 yr ago
i lived bitch
1 yr ago
1 yr ago
komm susser tod plays at incredible volume
2 yrs ago
i fear only gumby


Adobe "Clog Slayer" Flash


Anime: JJBA, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Hellsing, Yu Yu Hakusho

Comics: 90% of Vertigo Titles

TV: Aqua Teen, Last Man on Earth, Rick and Morty, Christian documentaries that are extremely one sided that air at 3 in the morning on random, high numbered cable channels

Video Games: Fallout, Metal Gear (I fucking love MGS), Half Life, Shin Megami Tensei, Pokemon

I'm open to collab on anything

Skype: frickthisearth

You can find me on the guild discord at AdobeFlash


Guild Best Friends and Kid Getters:

@yoshua171 Lore master and really chill guy
@Celaira Nicest person on the entire Guild
@Cynder Lord and savior
@jasonwolf Only reason I'm on this site is his RP
@Polyphemus Hyper cool detective dude
@Altered TundraBest graphics designer and the only man to pick up when I call
@MyCatGinger Really chill person, couldn't ask for a better friend
@MurderVictim Fellow Rick and Morty fan and my only 1x1 partner so far
@Grey especially because he is the recorder of my shitposts

My Roleplays

RPs I have GMed or currently GMing:
Get Kid
The Soft Winds
JJBA: Shattered Heaven
The Gun Shooters
Interest Checks

None at the moment!


Most Recent Posts

The episode starts at Jon's house)

Jon: Gee. I haven't seen Liz in days. (to Garfield) Garfield, you don't look so good today. (Garfield sighs)

Garfield: Here we go again. (cut to Vet) Would it be easier to buy a dinner?

Jon: Can I help you hold your stethoscope?

Liz: Jon, there's nothing wrong with Garfield.

Garfield: See, she knows!

Liz: Nothing except his weight, of course.

Garfield: What do you know?

Liz: Which reminds me, I better see what he's doing in that department. (carries Garfield) 2 more pounds and we'll need a forklift to do this.

Garfield: Eh, Sarcastic remarks are my job! (they go to the scale)

Liz: You're going to inaugurate my new state-of-the-art animal scale, Garfield. Jon, would you turn the dial to "Portly Pussycat"?

Jon: (turns to dial) "Portly Pussycat" just as you asked! (Garfield was carried and stand on the scale)

Scale: OOOOOOOOOWWWWW! (Garfield gets scared) Get off me, you overweight tub of pasta and goo! (Garfield jumps up)

Garfield: Yikes! That thing talked! And it screamed at me! And it's rude!

Liz: Oh, I forgot to tell you, this is a talking scale.

Scale: Come back here, you bucket of lard! I'm wasn't finished with you!

Liz: Garfield's heavier that he thought. It says he needs to lose two pounds right away by the end of the week, if possible.

Jon: And if he doesn't?

Liz: Then I think we have no choice to send him to the Cat Spa.

Garfield: The Cat Spa. That sounds great. Massages, long naps, more massages, more long naps...

Liz: They'll put him on a strict low fat diet.

Garfield: (realizes) Strict low-fat diet?! (he climbs on Jon) This low-fat diet, can I still eat lasagna and pizza and porked fried rice and bacon wrapped with bacon, right?

Liz: Here's the video of the place I had in mind.

Narrator: Welcome to Maggie's Cat Spa. The world's leading health resort for lazy, overweight cats with attitude.

Sarah O'Connor: When we brought Hector to Maggie's Cat Spa, He was eating 12 meals a day.

Old Man: Well, when he got so fat, he had to walk to the living room from the kitchen, He took a cab!

Sarah: But thanks to Maggie's Cat Spa, this will all be hard to show.

Old Man: Well, look at Hector now! Doesn't he look positive and look healthy and alert? (Hector groans, Jon and Garfield are shocked)

Narrator: At Maggie's Cat Spa, your beloved pet will be placed on a strict regalement of exercise and diet. (Hector groans after he eats food, the video ends)

Jon: Garfield can't go to that place!

Garfield: Yeah, Listen to Jon, he's right for a change!

Liz: Either he loses 2 pounds at the end of the week, or it's the Cat Spa for him. (Garfield and Jon get scared and shudder) Here, take the scale home with you so you can monitor his process.

Jon: I'll do my best to send him down. Do you think you can do that, Garfield? (He sees Garfield eat a sandwich) GARFIELD! That's Liz's lunch!

Garfield: Well, watching all that exercise made me...hungry. (he nervously laughs; cut to his house)

Jon: Dinner's ready, Garfield!

Garfield: I want lasagna and ribs and chinese food and chocolate cream pie, and roast beef, and a side of roast beef, and a third helping of my second helpings and... (he sees his dinner is a lettuce leaf) Hey. What's this?

Jon: Enjoy your lettuce leaf, Garfield.

Garfield: (he examines it, tastes it and eats it, but doesn't like it) Gee. I was expecting food. (he looks in the fridge to get food)

Jon: (calling Liz) I put him on that strict diet you recommended, Liz. (he sees Garfield with the leaf covered with food)

Garfield: You know these things aren't half bad when you cover it in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

Jon: Uh, I'll call you back, Liz. (to Garfield) Let's see where we stand now. (Garfield on the scale)

Scale: Hey, you gained another pound! Nice going, fatso! A few more ounces and you'll be qualified for your own zipcode!

Jon: See, Now you have to lose 3 Pounds!

Garfield: I'll worry about it in the morning. (he goes upstairs)

Jon: I don't know what have to happen to take this seriously. (cut to Garfield in bed, is nighttime)

Garfield: Jon won't send me to that fat cat place. (he begins to sleep) Even if I did, it wouldn't be so bad...wouldn't be so bad...(cut to cat spa; black and white but Garfield is still orange, but in jail) Let me out! Please! Let me out! I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake, I tell you! I'm not overweight! I just have a big very big of fur!

Hector: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Nurse Psycho doesn't like it when we scream in terror.

Garfield: NURSE PSYCHO?!

Hector: You don't wanna know what she did to the last fat, obese cat that complained!

Garfield: What did she do?

Hector: (shivers) Let's put it this way. It was me.

Garfield: No! No! Jon! Would there be someone else compliant! HELP! Wait. I have to get a grip. Nurse Psycho can't possibly be that bad. (She arrives)


Garfield: Oh yeah, she can possibly be that bad.

Nurse Psycho: There you are. Have you been screaming in terror?!

Garfield: Oh, me? Ah, no. I was practicing my yodeling. Listen. (yodels, then was carried)

Nurse Psycho: We're going to get you into shape. (cut to cafeteria) First, dinner.

Garfield: Dinner's good.

Nurse Psycho: I hope you like "pea".

Garfield: Peas? Sure, I like peas.

Nurse Psycho: No. Pea. (serves a plate with a single pea) One pea. (Garfield looks at the pea with a glass of water, but only a drop of water)

Garfield: Gee. That's a pretty small pea. (to Audience) Would you all please turn away? I don't wanna cry when my fans are watching.

Nurse Psycho: Eat it!

Garfield: Can I eat half now? And take the rest home in a doggie bag?

Nurse Psycho: EAT IT! You'll start to exercise as soon as you're finished.

Garfield: As soon as I finish it. Ok. Well, here it goes. (he lifts the pea and throws it in his mouth and chews on it) Mmm-mmm.(Nurse Psycho pounds the table with her fist, making Garfield swallowing the pea and belches loudly) Oh, my compliments to the chef!

Nurse Psycho: Now, it's time for your workout.

Garfield: Wait. I need time to digest my huge meal. (smiles, but does gymnastics)

Nurse Psycho: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Now repeat for the rest of all eternity.

Garfield: No. I must've lost 2 pounds by now. (he goes to the scale)

Scale: Sorry, Pal. You're still fat.

Garfield: WHAT?! (he was dragged by Nurse Psycho, doing jogs and laps)

Nurse Psycho: FASTER! My grandmother came faster than that.

Garfield: Help! Her grandmother makes me do this to her! I must've lost weight by now. (he goes to the scale again)

Scale: Didn't you hear me, jumbo?! You're still fat. (Garfield gasps, but is dragged by Nurse Psycho, he does pushups)

Nurse Psycho: FASTER!

Garfield: (Groans), Oh boy!

Nurse Psycho: FASTER! (he does it) FASTER! (he gives up) We don't like slackers around here!

Garfield: What am I doing here? Why are you doing this to me?! And why is everything black-and-white?! I must've lost my weight by now! (Garfield goes to the scale once more)

Scale: Guess what, chubby? (Garfield sees his true unveiled form and gasps; beep sound)

Mutant Spider Scale: That's right. You're fatter than ever. Even your flab is fat. (it's voice changes) You're so fat that when you sit around the house! YOU SIT AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

Garfield: Knock off the insults!

Mutant Spider Scale: You're so fat that when you step on a scale, it says one at a time, please. (Garfield closes the doors on him) You're so fat that you need to watch on each wrest one for each time zone! (he appears in front of Garfield; he screams) Among friend, Garfield. You're among friends now. I fact, ALL your friends ARE HERE! (Garfield looks around, flinchingly)

Garfield: I don't see any friends.

Mutant Spider Scale: Here are your friends, Garfield. (the food comes out of nowhere) Pizza, ice cream, pie, cake, cheese, roast beef and of course, lasagna! They're ALL your friends!

Talking Food: (all together) We're your friends, Garfield!

Garfield: Whoa!! Get away from me! (the food pleas to be Garfield's friend, and the scale evilly laughs) I have to lose weight! (he backs away from them until he falls down) AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (Everything turns silent, Garfield wakes up; gasps; is dizzy from his dream) I have to lose weight! I have to lose weight!

Jon: I don't know what to do, Liz. I can't get him to exercise! (he sees Garfield jogging with Odie as his coach)

Garfield: 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2...

Liz: Jon? Jon? There something wrong? (he then sees Garfield doing exercises and odie follows him blowing a whistle)

Garfield: I'll do situps after I finish my aerobics!

Jon: Uh, I have to call you back, Liz. I seem to be having hallucinations. (he hangs up, and sees Garfield) Garfield, I'm so impressed! (Odie comes in) I'm sure you lost at least 2 pounds! (Garfield gets on the scale)

Garfield: He better not insult me.

Scale: You still need to lose 2 pounds. (Garfield is shocked by this, the scale laughs, and Garfield loses his mind, realzing it was from his nightmare, who instulted him)

Jon: I cant understand it! You must've lost weight, you must have! (looks) OH! I see what the problem is. I was going to set it on "Portly Pussycat", and by accident, I put it to "Pintsize Parakeet"! (Garfield grimaces this, Jon turns the dials, making sure he lost weight) You're fine! In fact, you didn't have to lose 2 pounds in the first place! (Garfield gets mad at him) But isn't it good to drop a few pounds, Garfield? (He scares Jon) Garfield? Why do you look so mad? Garfield! (He flees) Leave me alone! Don't hurt me! HELP! HELP!

Garfield: I should go after him, but I have some more important things to do. (cut to zoo) Let's see what you weigh, jumbo! (An elephant puts one foot on the scale)

Scale: What are you? An elephant?! You really need to lose weight! You need to lose... (Powering Down).

Garfield: Yeah, I know it's cruel. But there's some things in this world you just can' forgive and making me exercise is most of them.
The True Terror

The jungle air was heavy and tinged with either sweat or blood. Flies buzzed around the carcasses of dead animals. Reptilian creatures not out of places in the Jurassic period roamed the mountainous region to the west. And the less said about the area formerly known as Central Park, the better. The plants there were more vicious than any Earthen warlord, future or past. New York, New York, as they say. Deep beneath the jungle's surface there were ruins. Laundromats, restaurants, cars. An entire city's worth of debris buried under 2 miles of soil. A concrete jungle no longer, one could muse.

New York was not always the hellhole it is today. At one point, wilderness. Then, almost a blink of the eye later, a bustling metropolis. It dominated the world. Every business worth their salt had their hand in the honeypot of New York. All of that came to an end soon, however. It was a muggy day. July 5th, 1989. The back alleyways were desolate. Last night was the Fourth of July, and everyone had gotten wasted. So, that humid morning, nobody heard the footsteps on the concrete sidewalk. Nobody saw the Lord of Darkness approach an abandoned apartment complex. And nobody heard him whisper, "This will do just fine...."

Ten years passed. He had embedded himself in the very id of the city, and every person, whether conscious or not, knew his name. If you spent more than a week in New York, you were under his thrall. Slowly, his cement palace grew. He gathered lieutenants, but all would betray him except for three. His most loyal companions. Soon, they would escape New York, and the world would be theirs for the taking. First, however, they needed something to announce their presence on a global scale. Something like holding the entire city of New York for ransom.

December 30th, 1999. New York as a physical location was gone, replaced by a gaping crater in the Earth. The Dark Lord and his minions had turned it into an Exclave in the very fabric of knowledge. Individuals were allowed to enter, but not to leave. Fear was instilled into the hearts of all as the landscape itself began to bend to the evil Lord's will: a reflection of his origins, some jungle in a distant dimension. Yes, it looked like soon enough the Dark Lord would conquer the world. But, all was not for naught.

A young warrior, wielding a dagger with the spite of God, spat on the Dark Lord's face. He arrived in the dead of night, and slowly made his way to the heart of the corrupt city: the complex the Dark One originally set up shop in. The battle was fierce and tense, and the whole city was destroyed in the conflict. All innocent lives were lost. But, the warrior managed to pierce the Lord's heart with his blade, rendering him into ash and stone. The Riftstrain leading to the Exclave closed, and the warrior lived out the rest of his days peacefully, knowing that the evil that had captured New York would never again terrorize innocents...

There was much commotion on the Obelisk. Gumby had been summoned, and they began to draw forth their plans to "get kid". Monsters ran, afraid. Laughter rang through the halls. Nobody noticed a small fragment of the Dodecahedron of Terror shoot up into the sky, seemingly piercing the heavens...

A lightning storm fell upon New York. The noise was almost unbearable. The torrential downpour killed the less hardy plants, and the smaller animals. Hunting would be more difficult from now on. Suddenly, a crash. A bolt of lightning hits the center of the jungle. Any bystanders would have seen a piece of glowing crystal embedded in an ancient stone statue, seemingly being absorbed by it. Another crash. And another. Suddenly, from that very spot, a huge pillar of purple energy shot up to the sky, killing all life in the jungle. When it finally vanished after radiating for two hours, all that remained was a stony wasteland covered in the ruins of Old New York. Crumbling dirt. A figure emerges. Laughter emanates. He was back

The first thing he did was unearth the source of his power: The Icosahedron of Despair. The pinnacle of his life's work, he had poured all of his resources into it, and it certainly wasn't for nothing. He felt his body absorb the evil power, but noticed some missing. He almost flew into a rage. Almost. But, he knew you must keep a cool head in the planning stages of things. He would reclaim his plundered treasure soon enough. His body flowing with arcane magics, he lifted his right hand. From the ground in the distance emerged his lieutenants. Then, they went to work, constructing a palace fit for a god in both size and grandeur. It covered the entirety of the realm, and it was manned by various homunculi and other abominations of nature. It's very existence can be considered a threat to all that is holy. But, that was no the Dark Lord's goal. He needed the full extent of his power. So, sitting on his stony throne, he motioned for two Despair Golems to go out and reclaim his lost child. "Get kid", as they say. And as they flew off, and as the lights in the room dimmed even more, the stony lips on his ashen face parted, and began to sing a tune of a time long forgotten.

let this meme die for fucks sake

I am a necrophiliac ;^>
Winds swirled around the tower. If you could even call it a tower. It was a hulking monstrosity, an obelisk dedicated towards the destruction of all that is good and pure in the world. It is made out of the bodies and souls of the workers who were unfortunate enough to be enslaved by it's creator. Inside, on all 113 floors, creatures from other planes roamed, fighting and consuming one another. The most intelligent of the bunch constructed puzzles in which to trap others. It was a constant circle of death and rebirth thanks to what lie at the top of this construct: The Dodecahedron of Sorrow. It is said to be a crystallized piece of the original evil, and it powers the runes that surround the tower. Nobody knows the limits or extents of its abilities. Hopefully, those abilities shall never be pushed to the limit, for the sake of all that is holy. At the top stood the builder of the obelisk, Eddy Murphy, a wizard of unbelievable power. Suddenly, the clock that was stored on floor number 62 rang out. It was 13:00 PMAM, the true witching hour. Dark spirits of long gone eras converged at the top of the tower. Mr. Bean, Mr. Ed, and the worst of the bunch, Mr. Magoo. The trio known as the Misters of Malfortuneatiousness, were there to assist the Murphster in summoning the greatest evil of all, one without a name. They all put their hands on the Dodecahedron. Energy swirled around them. Suddenly, a dodecagram appeared on the floor beneath them. They all jumped back, and not a moment too soon, for almost instantly green flames erupted from said dodecagram, the Dodecagram of Sorrow. A monstrous form apparated. It was oblong, tall, and evil. It had four limbs, and a face that could be likened to a human after a horrible accident. The eyes were red, and the lips and teeth of the mouth a crusty yellow. The worst part of all, however, was it's skin. The skin was the same color as boiled spinach, and seemed to be alive of it's own accord. Truly, they had summoned the ultimate evil, the evil to conclude all evil, and the one who would eventually help them "get kid" (A term that has magical origins but was bastardized by normies) Yes, they had summoned


His friends call him Gumby. Not like he has any friends.
Hell was not a place, nor an ideal. It is our own psyche, forever tortured with the guilt of our pasts. Moving forward. Consuming all. Hell is always surrounding you. It's odd. Death is the only release from hell. This hell. The hell of life. Escape is impossible as it is only human to torment yourself in such a way.
The crazed man with no eyes stumbled down the city streets. His breath smelled of pasta water and the sins that can only be carried by a fry cook assassin. It was time. The child obtainment mission was to begin
garfield show theme song farfield show theme song fgarfield show theme song garfiel dhwo theme song farfield show garfield show
garfield show
garfield show
vgarfield show
garfield show
vgarfield showgarfield showgarfield showgarfield showgarfield show
-creaks back into OOC- hey boys im back n ready to post
School has been a pain. Will get a post up soon-ish.
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