Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by JessieTargaryen
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JessieTargaryen Celestial Queen-in-Waiting

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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by JessieTargaryen
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JessieTargaryen Celestial Queen-in-Waiting

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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Review of Vasnai’Brinme


Suggestion: Add these two fields to the Holonet Ad section:
[b]Owner: [/b]
[b]Previous Owner(s): [/b]


Possible other fields to consider adding: (you can reflavor them if you feel something else would be better)
[b]Degree of Loyalty: [/b]
[b]Ease of Training: [/b]
[b]Resale Price: [/b]


Force throw is a subset variant of Telekinesis. It is unusual with a talent for a subset without having talent for the core ability.

Idle musing: we suppose that there’s no better example of having a price on one’s head than being a slave.

Possessions section:
While slaves do not have property, they are likely to have been provided specified clothes and objects owned by their master for personal use in ways that benefit their master. Other than when it is specifically of benefit to the master, she is unlikely to walk about completely nude, right?

Think about what she might have with that in mind. Some things to consider:
Clothes - Is she provided only one set or multiple sets?
Shock collar - Does her master use that on her? If yes, always or only occasionally?
Collar with Leash - Does her master use that on her? If yes, always or only occasionally?
Communicator - Does she have one? If yes, are there hard-wired limits as to who/what it can communicate with? If she has one, where is it located?
Self-defense tools - Is she always by her master’s side and protected, or does she have access to equipment to defend herself when elsewhere at her master’s behest?
Kill Switch Implant - Is she enough of a prize possession that her master would rather have her dead than in the possession of anyone else? If she has one, what would trigger it and does she know about it?

We are not saying she should have all of these, but that you should consider which of them she might have, and which she definitely doesn’t have.




In this era, Force Sensitivity cannot be tested properly at birth. Imperial children are tested fairly early in childhood, the time depending, among other things, on their ancestry and prominence. Even species such as Sith Purebloods who are 99.99% force sensitive are not defined as Force-sensitive until they prove it somehow in their early childhood.

Was her mother a Sith at the time of the birth? If so, what rank did she hold?
Where was she born? If in the empire, why was she sold to a hutt rather than one of the imperial slave markets?

With the above in mind… What compelled her mother to sell her? Was her father involved in anything?
If you can’t find another justification while taking the above in mind, perhaps one child went with the mother, the other with the father, then the father died, got into debt or some such thing, which caused her to become hutt property?

Something about the name “Biothem” doesn’t feel “hutty” to us. It feels a lot like it is Biochem with just one letter replaced. No idea if this thingy is good, but here’s a hutt name generator we found just now.

If she grew up knowing nothing but slavery… what made her hate the situation she is in? Remember, indoctrination/stockholm syndrome can cause people to accept the strangest things. We don’t mind her hating the situation. We just want to know how that hate came into being and (ideally) roughly when it started forming. Is her master aware of it?
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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@Jasonhero
Review of Talik Gida

Chain lightning is usually a technique that can only be learned after gaining more than basic knowledge of Force Lightning.

Is Atroxa a Sith Lord or a Darth? The two terms are not interchangeable.

Bounty-Hunting droids are extremely unusual, due to the simple fact that an unaccompanied droid is considered a free droid in the regions bounty hunters are most likely to be found while working. See the Droid Guide for more details.




Some of the notes concerning early life from the previous review apply here too. You can probably surmise which these are, and if not, ask us.

How old do you put her at when she rose to the rank of Apprentice?

Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by JessieTargaryen
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JessieTargaryen Celestial Queen-in-Waiting

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@Ellri I have done the requested updates.

For Vasani, I answered everything except stuff about her father, as he was simply not involved in any decision involving the children. It was more about heirs than about a romantic tie. As well as the other things you requested.

For Talik, answered/inserted everything and added a human companion to the droid bounty hunter (as his owner most likely, though they're listed as a duo). Removed the Chain Lightning ability.

I hope this satisifes everything and if something needs to be added/clarified please let me know!
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Sounds like fairly reasonable solutions.

Still feels odd of course to see someone sell their child, but at least there's a fairly reasonable reason.

Minor thought: Could there perhaps be a part of the sale agreement that she is ideally not to be resold, or at least to be kept out of imperial hands? Or were the imperial ties of her mother kept secret?

There's no doubt more we could've nitpicked at, but you covered the important parts we spotted fairly well. We'll see about having another GM check these two sheets to see if they too feel they are ready for approval.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ezekiel
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Ezekiel

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Now that Ellri has gone over the force side of things with you In happy to also give my stamp of approval.

Welcome to the Game :)
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