Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Frizan
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Frizan Free From This Backwater Hellsite

Contest Mod Seen 1 yr ago

Tactical Espionage Action

Voting and Critique




Welcome to another round of voting!

I encourage everyone that cares about the Contests(and if you don't already, I encourage you to begin now) to read through all of the wonderful entries submitted in the past two weeks, and cast their vote for their favorite! The submission with the most votes will be posted in a stickied "Trophy Case" thread where it will be displayed for all to see, and its author added to the list of Meritorious Writers at the very top!

Of course, this thread is also for critiquing. Note I said critiquing, not shitslinging. Constructive criticism only, please. Feel free to go through any one or all of the entries and give your two cents in helping your fellow writers improve! Those that have entered this contest are absolutely allowed to critique each others' works, contestants can absolutely vote, though not for their own, obviously.

Needless to say, using multiple accounts to vote more than once is NOT ALLOWED, and if an author uses alts to vote for their own work, they will be disqualified on the spot and disbarred from entering any future Contests.

Please vote based on the merits of the work, not for the sake of a clique or just because the author happens to be your friend. And mostly certainly do not attempt to have an author falsely disqualified because you don't happen to like them, because I'll fucking find out and it won't be pretty.




by @Calle


by @Salenea


by @Fiber
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Spambot
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As an occasional poster only popping in with a small window of time, I derived the following impressions, and will only elaborate if requested. Ironically, the story I ultimately lean towards is the one that I have least interest in as a premise. Still, they're all solid concepts, and I've always had a bit of a bias towards the fantasy option.

The first tale strikes me as the one with the strongest grasp on pacing, length, and the dynamic of internal thought mixed with action. It's an easy trap to fall into 'word soup', where the tale is somewhat compromised by too many extra sentences put into it that somewhat mute the action. I observed little of any of these things, and I believe as a result the first tale is the best written, and thus earning my vote. I also enjoy the proper spacing, as a true story really doesn't need to be expressed in homogenous paragraphs; some 'breathing room' is a good thing. Short, but quaint, and the other stories were hardly much longer, only carry the appearance of said length.

This is not to say the other two were bad, but I do believe they were flawed in some of the ways I mention above.

The Amulet of Friall is ultimately a good contender, but what gets me is the pacing. Nothing stands out more than the plot twist, revealed rather anticlimactically in the middle of a paragraph-blurb through "Estelle grinned too and attacked Hazel with her magic. Confused Hazel looked up." All without spacing or any sort of breathing room. I didn't get anything from this - instead, I read over it, went 'wait what', went over it again, and I have to say, it is perhaps the clunkiest point in the story, particularly with the almost detached, vague deadpanning of 'and then she attacked her' and the next sentence being a very flat expression of confusion. I'm not someone who's all about "show show show don't tell show!", but this is a case where I think some serious attention to the idea of actually showing it happen instead of telling would have made an impact. As it stands, there was none. My reaction was identical to Hazel, ironic considering the significance of having your partner in a secretive organization tell you 'lol nope I was bad all along'. There was an effort to foreshadow later on, but for how little impact it made to the characters, it strikes me as a bit thrown in and insignificant. The pacing from there on left me going 'woah, what's this now'. I think the section could have seriously benefited from spacing and more expression of the characters. The plot is sound, yet the execution leaves a great deal to be desired.

And again, though this is an issue with both stories, there is nothing wrong with some spacing and partitioning things out. I believe Calle's work is an excellent example of how to do this. It makes things easier to read, and if it became habit, I think it would be less likely to encounter points like the above. Do not take this as a condemnation of the work; I'm simply good at going on and on about what I think is wrong, despite ultimately enjoying the work for the most part.

The third story is written in a way that's not far off from my own when I get into tales. Thus, I can relate to it automatically, as well as spot some of the persistent flaws. It seems to me that the tale could have used a bit of trimming; less sentences to convey the same concepts, or less elaboration when the original piece would have sufficed. This is a vague judgement that would take opening a can of worms I don't currently have at the moment, although if those particulars are desired, I'll give an effort to working them in down the road - for now, I'd just like to get the impressions out. Obviously I suffer from that too, and without good proofreading I'm obviously going to look a tad hypocritical when speaking of it. And again, spacing is good. Varied paragraph lengths is entirely natural and even desired.

There's points here and there that could have used a bit of review to catch. From the first, I couldn't actually spot anything on a quick glance, though I imagine it's there and reviewers with more time and a deeper view will be able to point out little things. From the second, a sentence stood out as very abrupt in the middle of the action, "Two men entered through a door". From the third, "he leapt over the fifth story railing and aimed his body straight downwards like diver,". Very minor, nitpicky things.

Seeya again in 3 months.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Salenea
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Salenea Gatewatcher

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I read my competitors entries and my vote goes to Calle.

It wasn't easy because both stories were written well.
I chose Calle's story as the better of the two others because I feel the first contest rule was better portrayed. Also, it felt more being in the action while Fiber's story felt, to me, more of being a spectator with a narrative voice in the background.

That being said, I applaud to Calle and Fiber for making such wonderful stories.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by BrokenPromise
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BrokenPromise With Rightious Hands

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Alright, let’s get this show on the road.

Three stories, three reviews.

I’m keeping it short this time, but I’ll freely elaborate on anything.


by @Calle


by @Salenea


by @Fiber

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