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8 yrs ago
Current Off Hiatus?
9 yrs ago
On Hiatus
9 yrs ago
"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
10 yrs ago
RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
5 likes
10 yrs ago
The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
6 likes

Bio

Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

Most Recent Posts

I can ride on the fame train.

@Atrophy I actually went and saw Batman vs. Superman and you were right. You were right about everything. Why did I do that to myself?



I...why...I can't...you...but I...I just feel so sad, knowing that somebody else had to put up with that movie...I'm...do you need to talk to somebody?
Taro joined the others in the melee, although he attacked with less gusto than the others out of fear of accidentally slashing human instead of the demon-dog-vine-thing. He heard himself call for Bellerophon again and felt the air around him stir as the Persona shot through the creature once again. As the beast began to go into death throes Taro backed away, wiping the black goo from Akito’s knife on his pant leg. He was breathing heavily—the man felt as if he had exerted himself more in the past minute than in the past month—and wiped the sweat, more likely from his nervousness than any actual physical activity, off of his forehead. They did it. They had won. Taro inhaled deeply, breathing in what he had expected to be the sweet smell of success only to be greeted by the foul putrid smell that nearly made him lose his lunch. He managed to turn it into a sputtering cough instead.

A new fear seized him just before the still-moving vines wrapped around his body. Taro let out a startled shout and tried to slash himself free, but the thick tendrils were already keeping his arms pinned to his side. Cursing under his breath enough to rival even Izuki, he could see the others get attacked by the vines as he was quickly turned into some kind of nightmare mummy. He could feel himself get squeezed as if he was being constricted by some giant anaconda; he could feel his ribs getting pushed to their breaking point and waited to hear twenty-four disgusting snaps as the vines snapped him like a toy. As the vines tightened and tightened, Taro found himself unable to even swear. He was trapped. All he could do was watch and wait until they were all killed.

Even after I figure this shit out I’m useless, he thought, trying and failing to call forth Bellerophon. We’re dead, we’re dead, we’re—

Taro couldn’t really mentally summarize what happened, but from behind the shroud of the vines he could see spots of blue light. And then the vines burnt away from his face in a blue flame, but Taro neither felt any pain nor smelt the unmistakable scent of singed hair or burnt flesh. He looked around and the lights, except for the small doll-like body of the little blue man, were gone, and with it so were any signs of their struggle with the dog. The evening sun dipped through the window as the train exited the tunnel, and as the light hit his eyes Taro felt himself breath a bit easier (albeit with slight pain from his still-aching chest). Somehow, they made it.

“We… should get each other’s numbers, in case something like this happens again,” said Akito, his voice wavering with what Taro assumed to be a slight uncertainty. “Just to be safe.”

Taro nodded dumbly. It was either that or try to go it alone and hope that the next demon dog controlled by snake vines that came along just ignored him. Taro didn’t know much in the way of whatever the hell that thing was, but he figured it was safe to assume that the odds of one not being just a little bit hostile were slim to none. Plus, some of them seemed rather nice, and this was a much easier way to get their number than try to think of some clever line later on. The slight smirk returned to his face as if he had no care in the world.

“This isn’t the first time this happened, huh?”

Taro knew Mari meant the time stop, not the monster attack, but he started laughing nevertheless as she started talking about the time of day. “No. That’s why I hate taking the seven o’ clock train. Too many damn demon dogs,” he said, shaking his head and smiling as he pulled out his phone and linked it with theirs. If not for the redness of his eyes it would have been impossible to believe that the kid had been crying for his life just moments ago. Pulling out the pocket knife, he offered it back to Akito.

“Here. Don’t know why, but I guess this helped somehow. It’s a little gross now, but I wiped it off. Should be good, right?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. “Unless we’re going to really take this—things like this have a name right? A pact? An oath?” He shrugged and started again. “Whatever. Unless we’re gonna get weird and take this to the blood oath level. Then I’m gonna have to ask you to sanitize the shit outta that knife before we start slicing palms and holding hands or...uh...whatever it is that people do.”

Taro screwed up his face and frowned slightly. He laughed again, only this time it sounded more nervous than jovial. “Uh, what I’m trying to say is, erm, thanks.”

There was a beat, and the man went back to typical loud self. “Also, are none of us seriously going to address the fact that we just summoned giant ghost dudes to lay the smackdown on some punkass hellhound? How awesome was that? I mean, sure, yeah, it was kinda scary, but totally awesome, right!” He turned his head to look at Nao and Izuki. “Especially you two. You girls really have some balls. Um, meta...meta…” He snapped his fingers and his eyes brightened as he pulled the word of his head. “Metaphysically speaking,” he said with a smile, proudly unaware of his blunder.
@NuttsnBolts
What Pascal said, please. Just to say, I'm fine with going on with a smaller group and I'm down for us brainstorming some story ideas, but if you want to hold it until later then I'm totally cool with your decision.
Until a better name is formulated:
(suggestions are welcome)

Fool · Nightmare Liberation Squad · Rank 1


Super Sleepy-time Sentai Squad.

Oh, better names...uh...I'll get back to you...
So I took some free time today where I could've been writing or reading to compile a fact sheet about our lovely RP instead. I'm not gonna really hype it up, so here it is:

Atrophy's Master Sheet of Foul-Mouthed Duders

(That means you kids)

In the past 71 posts, as a collaborative team of writers we have managed to utter the word (or variation of the word) this many times:



What does this mean? Well, we have now given four more fucks than Goodfellas. On average we give about four and a quarter fucks a post. As well, we are becoming more vulgar as we go along. On the first page we only gave 42 fucks, Page 2 was 62 fucks, and on Page 3 we gave 124 fucks! Page 4 currently has 76 fucks and is well on its way to out-fucking Page 3.

And since we're already talking about giving fucks, let's breakdown who has given the most fucks and their average FPP (or fucks per post, including their parts in collabs).Kids, I present you with:



In short, either DJ & I need to watch our fucking mouths or you guys need to get on our fucking level.


The sting of hot water on her lesioned skin reminded Valorie that she was, miraculously, alive. She leaned against the wall of the shower in a semi-delirious state as blood and dirt washed off of her. She had left Hurk and his undead friends shortly after the man had begun sobbing. It was a gross thing to do, really, quietly excusing yourself when someone else was in need of support, but the woman had already paid the man back. She didn’t want to put up with that sort of downer shit, especially not after everything she had dealt with lately. Valorie had spent the rest of the night out on the streets, a vial of Demon’s Blood gripped tightly in her hand in case the need for it arose. Okay, okay, so perhaps she was purposefully wandering outside of some old hole in the walls waiting for a Rat to crawl out of them.

She needed answers, or at least that was what she told herself. She had a few brushstrokes illustrating why somebody had been sent to kill her, but Hurk had been pretty sparse on details and by the time she had thought about pushing him for more the man was more or less invalid with despair. It was a terrible idea, but she decided she would test her theory by putting herself forward as bait. Yet, when a Rat finally did come out of some dilapidated apartment building it had been Valorie that had to rush him down to get his attention. If they were out for her ass then he hadn’t gotten the memo. Hell, he barely seemed capable of functioning from the way he was shambling to how he didn’t even bat an eye at her dirty, disheveled, and bloody appearance.

She needed answers, but she wanted a high and she wanted one that she considered less dangerous than Demon’s Blood—after all, she had almost nearly destroyed her body because of that shit. Valorie wasn’t the kind of dumbass to make the same mistake twice most of the time. So, obviously, she traded down. One vial of Demon’s Blood for two doses of Runez. A real rip off, going by street prices, but she didn’t bother with haggling. She just wanted to not be there for awhile, and if some goddamn piece of shit nightmare killer came after her then she’d be that much harder to hit. Plus, she still had two more vials of Blood. Worst case scenario and she’d just pop one of those and change the chemicals of her body with some super powered speedball that'd either make her indestructible or at least make her feel that way until the end.

So much for going cold turkey. So much for keeping promises.

No trouble came that night, and by the morning light she was no longer jaunting across crosswalks or phasing through streetlights. She hid out in a park near Cain’s apartment smoking a pack of cigarettes that she had discounted for herself in her haze until mid-morning, and then decided to risk entering his place. He was, thankfully, already out. After disposing of her bloody clothes and throwing up into the trashcan (the Runez, she decided, had not been as pure as she had been led to believe), she had hopped into the shower. That had been thirty minutes ago, maybe longer. At this point, her skin was a raw red like a lobster’s and a strangely pleasant pain was pulsing from her wounds from her fight with that crazy comic book bitch.

What's her name, again? Vindictive? Vengeance? Vigilance?

That was the first time she should have died. Last night was the second. No, fuck that, that was wrong. There were so many other times. There was that night where she had almost overdosed. Almost, only because in her mind an overdose only occurred if it was officially declared by a sleepy-eyed doctor at three in the morning in some rundown free clinic. Then there had been the one night with the weird tasting drink. Her second job. That one time she had written the wrong rune, the other time where she had said the wrong thing. The dead already hated coming back; they were downright violent when they came back wrong. How many times, how many times, the better question was how many times had she saved herself?

At least that was a number she could keep track of with one goddamn hand.

Fucking hell, what am I doing? she thought, her hand curling up into a tight, tiny ball as it slammed against the wall of the shower.

The vibrations must’ve signaled the water heater to give up at the point, and quickly the shower became unbearably cool. Valorie swiped the fog away from the mirror and glared at her emaciated, self-abused body. Disgusting. She toweled herself off quickly and tossed on a over-sized sweatshirt she had borrowed off of some forgotten, alcohol-fueled hookup. Disgusting. She collapsed onto the couch and hazarded a glance at her bag, knowing fully well that she’d jump at any excuse to use her second dose of Runez even though it had been a bad batch. Disgusting. She poured a double into one of Cain’s tumbler from some decanter and took a large, stiff drink. Her face wrinkled as she shook her head back and forth no, no, no.

“God-shit-fucking-shit disgusting,” she said between a fit of coughs, whatever the hell kind of spirit she had just drank burning away at her taste buds as she poured herself another double. “Ugh, seriously this stuff is so disgusting. Nobody’s impressed that you drink this shit by choice, Cain.”

Exhaustion overtook her halfway through her second glass, and when she woke up the sun had gone down and her cup was still amazingly balanced the armrest of the couch. She set the wounded soldier on the table where it would remain until she either poured it out or forgot how gross the liquor had been. Stomach rumbling, she smothered her appetite with a cigarette and walked over to the bookshelf. She idly flipped through some of the books as the cigarette burned until she found a rather colorfully and explicitly illustrated one with chapters titled things like ‘Hexes: Inflict Pain and Restrain’ and so on.

It was a bit too dry despite the graphic images, but she still found herself devouring the material. ‘The common hexer would prepare charms activated by incantations by etching runes into wooden planks carved from either a holly or alder tree. Often, these hexers would be caught with their prepared spells and condemned for practicing witchcraft. The more shrewd and practiced hexer, one that all students should strive to be, are capable of executing hexes through conducting the charged magic in air with a silent series of nigh-unnoticeable finger twitches, allowing them to public inflict suffering on any adversary without alerting attention to themselves. One such spell that even amateurs can execute without the need of timely preparation is an equilibrium jinx that tricks an individual into feeling that they are losing their balance, quite often causing them to readjust their movement in such a way that forces them to fall. While often bruising no more than the victim’s ego, it is not to hard to theorize the potential uses of the jinx if one’s foe was walking along a rush river or standing near a steep drop.’’

And so on. Valorie took photos of choice passages for later consultation. Of course, she’d still need some practice; in the meantime it wouldn’t hurt for her to stock up on a box of bullets. Since it was already out, she looked at her phone. It was getting on in the evening, but her sleep cycle was now screwed after staying up all night. Cain hadn’t come home yet. He hadn’t even sent her a text. It wouldn’t be accurate to described her as necessarily worried or concerned; she knew the old man could handle himself or at least she assumed as much. Still, she did feel a slight unease that he had failed to get in touch with her.

Or disappointment, really.

She kicked her feet up on the table and flipped through her newsfeed: 42 Cute Outfits For Less. Elves Hate Him: Man Claims To Hold Secret For Longer Life. Slayer Strikes Again, Slaughters She-Elf! Valorie rolled her eyes as she scanned through the detailed article, thumbing through the comment section not unlike how somebody would gawk with morbid curiosity at a horribly bloody carwreck. Anything about that crazy Lediyah bitch was overshadowed by the Slayer. Her feed updated with a live broadcast of the Swat storming some fancy hotel to do something, whatever, the news was boring.

Tossing her phone into her bag and slipping on some pants, Valorie pulled her hood over her head and slipped her knife into her sweatshirt pocket. After the nonviolent encounter with the Rat last night she wasn’t sure who was or was not hunting her, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her from going out. It’d give her a chance to see if she could pull off a few of those hexes, and she always had her old failsafe if those didn’t work. Besides, her stomach was positively barren and no amount of cigarettes or angry junkies would be able to keep her hunger underfoot.

Maybe she’d use her newfound wealth to eat in one of those snotty restaurants where they listed the food as market price and had whatever the hell a “sommelier” was on staff. She’d sit there in her sweatshirt and leggings, cross her arms, turn up her nose, and pretend that she knew what the fuck she was supposed to do when they handed her the cork to a wine bottle. Better yet, Valorie was pretty sure that no fucking psycho for hire would come barging into a place with some fancy French name looking for a Rat that had been a rat. And all of those places were pretty close to the Firm. She could swing by and see if they had any further books on hexes, or at the very least see if Kurtz knew anyone that’d sold handgun ammo without checking IDs. Regardless, she knew that she had to begin watching her own back.
@BrassOtterI really expected Carmen's jam session to have been Smoke on the Water or Iron Man. I mean, there's still time to edit the post...

Kudos for picking from something as rad as Nausicaa.
Yo dudes, how are those sweet, sweet intro posts looking?
It was defective, clearly. If only he could buy another one, then he’d be set.

Taro was squatted down on his haunches behind Mari, trying to figure out why his was the only broken one. Okay, fuck that, he was hiding behind Mari, trying his hardest not to appear that he was cowering behind a blind girl by letting the compass mold and shift between his hands. Damn it, the thing was disgusting. He felt the weight of Akito’s knife in his pocket. What was he supposed to do with the damn thing? Throw it at the beast? After his bricked shot with his book bag, he doubted he’d do much more than possible embed a blade in one of his peer’s backs. Try to gut the monster like he was some thug? The one fight Taro had been in was when he was seven.

It had been over an action figure (a doll, really). Taro had started it. He had wanted to doll, and the other kid wouldn’t give it to him. Stupid, selfish kid shit. So he pushed the kid; the kid proceeded to beat the shit out of him. He still remembered the embarrassment he felt, worse than the pain, as he cowered in the fetal position as a girl two years younger than him kicked his ass. The girl’s parent stopped her, and recognizing him as Mori’s heir actually made the girl apologize and give him the doll. Lame, right?

“We won’t let anything happen to you- no matter what! So just keep trying- even if it seems impossible! Don’t stop until you get the hang of it!”

The boy’s words ran again through his head. Taro didn’t get it, really. It made no sense at all why Akito was so certain that the others would protect him; he hadn’t really done anything for the rest. Sure, he had tried to take command when they had all come to, but even then it had mostly been in jest. When they actually needed a leader, he had fallen short while, he guessed fittingly enough, the shortest one in the bunch had stood tall.

He watched Nao through moist eyes—Fuck me, why are you still crying—as she fought, relentless and unyielding even as the monster retaliated against her. Akito, despite being unconscious for the first half, had managed to get his compass to work so he could help the girl out. First try. Just like Izuki, Mari, Yuumei, and Nira, who continued to offer their support and strike out against the monster. The monster lashed out at everybody except him. He heard the cries of his peers and his stomach tightened. Even the monster knew that he wasn’t worth getting attacked as he hid behind Mari like a goddamn coward.

He felt a warmth shift through his body as Mari cried out, ”Healing Wave!”

The tight pain in his forehead from when he had first awoken flat on his face relaxed and fade away. He had been healed, too, even though he was nothing but deadweight. Taro gritted his teeth and wiped his face dry. He couldn’t abide by this, hiding and crying like a bitch while his new friends struggled to keep some asshole like him safe. It was time to roll-up some newspaper and discipline this bad doggy. He fished Akito’s knife out of his pocket, flipping the small blade out and holding it with a reverse grip because he had seen one too many movies.

He thought about the girl on the playground. When his father had found out about what he had done, the man sent Taro over to her house with a raw hide to apologize and return the toy. There was probably a lesson hidden there about not abusing his family’s name to get the things he wanted so he didn’t become just another asshole trust fund baby, but in Taro’s child mind he picked up on the slightly more obvious one: don’t pick on girls. They’d end up kicking your ass, and nobody would feel bad for you because you had been a little piece of shit. He knew that Nao, Izuki, and the others could handle this demon pup without him—they had been doing it so far—but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t offer his hand anyway. He had his pride after all.

“No matter what, I won’t let anything happen to you guys,” he said under his breath, echoing Akito’s words.

I am thou…
...thou art I…
...from the sea of thine soul, I emerge…


He stepped out from behind Mari, the compass in his hand spinning wildly. He relaxed his grip and let it take control as the golden goo shifted and warped in his palm. The material wrapped around his wrist and hardened. The needle stopped and pointed due North at the three-headed dog. A smile flashed upon Taro’s face. He had stopped crying.

...the greatest slayer of monsters and tamer of beasts, the only mortal man worthy of ascending to Olympus, I am…


“Bellerophon! Let’s put this fucker down in a Single Shot,” he said.

He heard the cry of a horse and felt his hair and jacket whip forward as something shot by overhead lightning fast. A flash of light reflecting off of metal was all he could make out as something pierced through the vines after Nao and Izuki’s attacks. He could hear the beating of wings and the clomping of hooves from behind the monster, his persona coming into view as it rose back into the air above the beast. The armored rider on the pure white, winged horse gave a disparaging look down on the monster as black goo dripped from his spear and then it faded away, returning to Taro to prepare for another attack.

“Sorry it took so long. I was a little busy, uh, crying like a baby,” said Taro with a laugh, stepping up to the front. His voice shaked. He was still scared, but he wasn’t going to give up on the others. “Okay, okay, okay. We got this, no sweat right? It's just some stupid three-headed nightmare dog that can breathe fire. No biggie."
@DJAtomikaIf Izuki's follow-up attack after someone downs an enemy is her not doing a Frankensteiner then I will be pretty distraught.
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