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5 yrs ago
Current "I'm an actor. I will say anything for money." -- Also Charlton Heston
7 likes
6 yrs ago
Starting up a preimum service of content from actors like Radcliffe, Day-Lewis, Bruhl, and Craig. Calling it OnlyDans.
3 likes
6 yrs ago
Please, guys. The status bar is for more important things... like cringe status updates.
4 likes
6 yrs ago
Gotta love people suddenly becoming apolitical when someone is doing something they approve of.
4 likes
6 yrs ago
Deleting statuses? That's a triple cringe from me, dog.
4 likes

Bio

None of your damn business.

Most Recent Posts

I think I'm gonna swap out Detective Chimp for Jim Gordon. I know we talked about doing some stuff Ruby, and I'm sorry if I seem like I'm cutting out on you. Bat folks, look this over and let me know if I need to change anything.

Anybody interested in doing something with Kara as part of Act II, lemme know. <3


Wanna help a talking chimpanzee find a missing mobster?
I am alive. I haven't been posting because I'm busy and I fucking hate, hate, hate people who constantly give updates on why they're not posting and promise, fo' realz, that posts are coming.
If I wanted to talk to you, I'd talk to you.

#'Muricalives
Don't know if I'll have the time, but I did think about maybe doing Jim Gordon as a second character.
Concrete Jungle Part I:
Three Card Stud


Opal City, PA
12:20 AM


Detective Chimp's hands were still shaking an hour after the run-in with Di Pasqua. He sat in the passenger seat of Effie's car while his assistant stared blankly out the window. The two of them were in the little office space he rented out below his apartment when the mobsters showed up. Effie had her purse and was heading out the door when they pushed her back and showed both of them their guns. They tried to protest, but the guns were effective at silencing any such disagreements, as guns always are. The two mobsters shoved them into the back of Effie's car and drove them to Di Pasqua's strip club.

Now they were back outside his apartment. DC had a manila folder in his lap. Inside the folder were all the details the mob could give DC and Effie about their target. Johnny "Two Hands" Carbonerri, a mob accountant out in the wind with close to fifty grand of the Boy's cash. Di Pasqua's ultimatum was clear: 48 hours to find the Johnny Two Hands or he and Effie were headed for the bottom of the river.

"I'm sorry, Effie," DC said to break the silence. "I'm sorry to get you mixed up in all this crap."

"It's not your fault," she said softly. "You can't help them busting in on us like that. They're a bunch of monsters, DC."

"They're not monsters," he said, thinking back to a long time ago. "I've seen monsters and what monsters do. These men are animals. They'd get along famously with all my old friends back in the jungle."

DC opened the folder and browsed te information Di Pasqua had on him. It was thorough, part of it cribbed from an Opal City PD intelligence file the PD's mob squad compiled. That confirmed the fact that the Boys at least had their hooks into the PD. It also made DC wonder why they kidnapped him and forced him and Effie to work at gunpoint instead of getting an honest to god cop to do the legwork.

"What's the first move?" Effie asked with raised eyebrows.

"Carbonerri's file says he ran a hijacking crew out of the Eastside. If that's his base, and he's a player. Jake is going to know all about him."

"Jake," Effie said, rolling her eyes. "The Three Card Stud himself."

*****


The tall, skinny black man stood in front of a small crowd of people in the alleyway. He had in front of him a makeshift table made from a cardboard box and his long, thin fingers shuffled three cards overturned cards with lightning speed. For his part, the man looked straight ahead at the crowd while his hands did the work, moving so fast it seemed that they were blurring.

"One, two, three, keep your eyes on the cards and not me."

He stopped just as quickly as he started and looked at the half dozen people in front of him, grinning wildly.

"It's two bucks to play, winner triples their money. Find the ace and you can put me in my place. Even shove it in my face!"

Titters went out from the crowd. A few threw down their money, a total of eight dollars.

"Teamwork, y'all," the man said with a wink. "You gotta pick the winner as a team."

The bettors argued and debated on which card was the one hiding the ace. After a few minutes of back and forth disagreement, one man put a hand down on the middle card of the three.

"This one," the man said, flipping it over and revealing a three of clubs.

"No such luck," the dealer said with another grin.

He flipped over the card on the far right, revealing a red ace. He laughed and scooped up their money amidst the grumbles. He stopped and looked deadly serious.

"Look... I like y'all, I do. What about double or nothing?"

The men threw down their money and he went back to work, shuffling and spinning the cards. Across the street from the scene, DC and Effie watched. DC looked amused while his assistant just looked bemused.

"It's not fair," she said. "Do you know how many people Jake Lonnegan has conned out of food and rent money?"

"People are dumb when it comes to money, Effie," DC said as he lit up a cigarette. "This is coming from someone who isn't even a person, but you're all the same when it comes to the prospect of easy money. If they're weak willed enough to believe money is that easy to get, then they deserved to be swindled. There!" He gestured with his cigarette while Jake continued to shuffle the cards. "Did you see it? You almost have to have a slow motion camera to see it. He made a slight twitch that last shuffle, palming the ace and hiding it in his hands. That ace they're looking for is never one of the three. He always wins."

Five minutes later, Jake was up a significant amount of money and folding up his table, making up a quick excuse to get out of there before the people became wise to his antics. He was scuttling down the block when DC stepped out of the shadows, blowing smoke from his mouth.

"What do you say, Jake?"

"DC?! Long time no see," he said with a smile. He looked towards Effie and winked, smiling when she frowned at him. "What are you and the lovely Miss Effie doing in the Three Card Stud's neighborhood?"

"Looking for a guy you might know," said DC. "He's reputed to be a thief."

"Now, why would an upstanding citizen like myself know a shady character such as that?"

"He's a mobster, Jake. Goes by the name Johnny Two Hands."

Jake laughed and shook his head.

"Gotta love them mob nicknames. Brother goes by Johnny Two Hands because, when he joined the Mafia, there was another Johnny, 'cept he only had one hand, so your boy becomes Johnny Two Hands."

"Nom de guerre aside, Jake, what else is there to know about him?"

"Just what I hear on the street," the conman said with a shrug. "Keeping my ear to the ground, you know how it is, apparently your boy has a lot of people talking. He's been using them two hands to feel up on a nice little number who works for the Russians."

"Hooker?" asked DC.

"I'm sure the Russians use her in their HR department," Effie said sardonically. "Staffing for a criminal enterprise is a full-time job, I'm sure."

Jake laughed again and pointed at Effie.

"I like you. You picked a winner, DC. But yeah, I just know this girl he has the hots for works for the Dragos. A real Romeo and Juliet story, you know? Star-crossed lovers and shit."

"Yeah," DC said, blowing smoke. "A hairy dago and an anorexic Ruskie hooker. Warms the cockles of ones heart."
I personally would find it amusing to do a Constantine / Question match-up, even if Q doesn't use magic.


Reminds me of another RP I was part of. I played Q and had him palling around with Constantine and Deadman (currently inhabiting a dog's body), the three of them driving across the country solving paranormal mysteries.
Prologue
Criminal Darwinism


The Cheetah Lounge
Opal City, PA
11:14 PM


Anthony Di Pasqua looked at the stubby cigar smoldering in the glass ashtray on his desk. It was a thin Panamanian Cigar with weak tobacco and loose wrapping. They were made to look like Cubans on the surface, but closer inspection revealed them to be poor imitators. That could sum up the mob in Opal City these days. When Anthony came into the Life, always with a capital L, forty years ago the mafia either owned or had a healthy stake in every criminal enterprise going on in the city and surrounding area. Years of FBI investigations and arrests put plenty of wiseguys behind bars.

Then there were the killings. Dozens of small conflicts with Eastern European gangs over the years culled plenty from both sides, but those Slavic heathens always had more. Kill one Croat, two more popped up to take his place. Worse than that was their own short-sighted stupidity that led to whacks for all kinds of piddly shit. Anthony knew a guy who had another guy whacked just because he spilled a drink on his shoes. The Slavs were meaner, hungrier, and they just plain wanted it more. Generations of Italians running the show had made the mob soft and complacent. They were no longer at the top of the food chain, something they learned too late to change. Years of attrition meant that the mafia had just twenty made men working in the city. Anthony was head of the Family now, for whatever that was worth. Saying you were the mob boss of Opal City was like saying you was the world's tallest midget.

And now this shit on top of all of that.

Anthony looked up at the sound of the door opening. His bodyguard Pete nodded at him through a small crack in the door. On the other side of the door, Anthony could hear the rhythmic dance music from the strip club. The Lounge was one of the wiseguy's few remaining assets in the city, a good front for money laundering as well as pushing drugs and women.

"Ready?" he asked as he stood, making sure the cheap cigar was out for good.

"They're coming in now, sir."

Three of Anthony's guys came into the room, one of them with a pistol in his hand and pushing two unwilling captives towards the desk in the middle of the room. One of them was a woman. She had straight brown hair cut short and a navy blue dress and matching flats. To her side was the other captive, several feet shorter and infinitely hairier than his companion. To those who didn't know any better, he appeared to be a chimp dressed in a t-shirt and plaid coat. Any illusions that he was an ordinary primate were dispelled the second his opened his mouth.

"Anthony Di Pasqua," the chimp said in a clear, non-regional American accent. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Anthony shook his head. He'd met this little guy many times over the years, but he still couldn't get over it. He was a talking chimp! Not only did he talk, but he was smarter than probably everyone in this room, at least smarter than Anthony's guys.

"Can I call you Detective Chimp? Or does that insult you?"

"You've got a gun on me, so I imagine it doesn't matter if it insults me or not."

Anthony sat down behind his desk and motioned for the chimp and his companion to do the same. He looked towards the girl and winked. She had a nice figure. With a little silicone, she could be out there on the pole earning the real books.

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Effie," she said curtly.

"Effie? You ever get tired of the chimp there and want to hang out with a real man, let me know."

"Don't like Italians," she said. "Too much hair."

Anthony's men tightened at the crack, but he just laughed good-naturedly. He waved them off and instead turned back to the chimp.

"I brought you here because I need some help recovering something that was stolen from me."

Di Pasqua reached into his sports coat and pulled out a folded up photo of a bald, fat man with a beard on his face.

"This son of a bitch here did the books for the Family. Three days ago he disappears, ups and vanishes with my money and other important shit. I want him found and I want him dead. I don't have the manpower to comb the city like I used to, so I'm getting contracted help from the outside."

"No," said the chimp. "Hell no. I am not helping you murder someone."

"Noble sentiment," said Anthony. "Unfortunately, it doesn't matter. You're helping me..."

Di Pasqua snapped his fingers and his gunman moved quickly, putting the barrel of the pistol against Effie's back. She let out a small yelp and the chimp barred his sharp teeth at the gunman. He tried to go for the gun, but the three other men in the room held him back. He was small, but surprisingly strong.

"Like I said, Chimp Boy, you're helping me or you're both dead. Your lives for the life of a double-crossing scum. What's your choice?"

The chimp turned forward, staring at Anthony with rage in his eyes and his pointy white teeth glaring against the office's artificial lighting.

"Okay, you bastard! Okay!"

The Concrete Jungle
A Detective Chimp Mystery
There's no time like the present.
What's the ETA on the IC thread starting?
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