Captain Uni

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

<Snipped quote by Byrd Man>



How did you know?

@Eddie Brock

I will stand by the statement that Thomas Jane is the best live action Punisher we've had. Granted I haven't seen the Netflix Marvel shows but still.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

The new Trinity: Asian Punisher, woman Flash, and vampire Wolverine. I can see it now.

@Retired

We can work with it. Just needs a little duct tape is all.

Heroes Reborn - A DCAU Roleplay (Always open!)

_{yes this is late stfu}

DIRECTED BY:
BLACKSTRIPE, BLAZION, AND ALFHEDIL

STARRING:
BLACKSTRIPE AS KAREN HERNANDEZ/LADY ARCANA AND BILLY JOHNSON/DEMON SEED

BLAZION AS ZOEY KASIMIR/GRIM AND JOSHUA CHRISTOPHE/DEMON

ALFHEDIL AS RAYMOND VON LUNEBURG AND VERA VALINOVA/VELOCITY

CRAZYTAZER AS JUDAS AND GIRARD BABCOCK/TANK

BLUETOMMY AS HARRIS HERTUG/VINE STALKER, WILHELM SILBER/IRON EAGLE, ROBERT WOJOWNIK/BANG, AND SHAMS AL'HARASA/ALIAS

KORKOA AS JESSIE BEEDLE/LIGHTNING BUG, ANARKEE, KING ORIN/AQUAMAN, AND SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE AS SINESTRO

PYROMAN AS PRESTON WESTFIELD/EMERALD KNIGHT AND PATRICIA 'PAT' PALIMO/APEX

SIR LURKSALOT AS MALCOLM TALHAIARN/WATCHDOG

SIMPLE UNICYCLE AS OSCAR ELLISON/THE QUESTION AND DAVID KASIMIR/BLACKSTAR

AFRO SAMURAI AS MARVIN HAYES/THE TIGER

AND INTRODUCING

LEGION X51 AS KATARINA 'KAT' VON RYSECH/THE RED COUNTESS

AND POKEMAD1 AS ARNOLD RENE/RALLY

IN MEMORIAM:

CETA DE CLOYES AS EZRA LO/ECHO, THOMAS TOOMBS/HEX, AND KASSANDER 'KASSAN' MARKOS/PROTEUS

ASTRALGEMINI AS JACQUELINE 'JACK' BLAKE/BLACKJACK

THE WHACKO AS CLAYTON TOOMBS

TAYTAY AS IRA REEVES/RENEGADE AND ZALIM NAN MARKOS/BETA

DRAGONOFTHEWEST AS JOHN RIZZO/SUPERMAN

CU CHULAINN AS JAMES 'JIMMY' CHONG/CELERITY

HAGRODEN AS SHAWN J. STUBBE

HOLY SOLDIER AS ROLAND COOK/SWARM

DBLADE26 AS TIMOTHY MCCLELLAN/KID ETERNITY AND BRUCE PHOENIX

CLANJOS AS SHOUSEI KOUGAMI/LORD DEATH MAN

PLEEK AS BANE

MOONMAN AS BLACK MANTA

ZERO HEX AS DESMOND DORRANCE/KING SNAKE AND DORIAN VON JELEK/THE PALE COUNT

AND DESCARTES AS LEX LUTHOR

WRITTEN BY:
A BUNCH OF MONKEYS WITH A TYPEWRITER

PRODUCED BY:
HARVEY WEINSTEIN

SCORE BY:
LUNATICS AND MADMEN

CATERING BY:
WU-TANG CLAN

FILMED ON LOCATION... YES, EVEN THE PARTS IN HADES

COSTUMES PROVIDED BY:
YOUR MOM (SHE'S A NICE PERSON, GIVE HER A CALL SOMETIME)

I'M GONNA PRETEND LIKE THERE'S MORE STUFF HERE

SO HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD TO HEAR I'M PRETTY GOOD TOO

I WASTED LIKE HALF AN HOUR WRITING ALL THIS SHIT SO YOU KNOW

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

SERIOUSLY THE RP'S OVER GO HOME

THERE'S NO AFTER CREDITS SCENE

NOT JOKING

GO AWAY

... OKAY MAYBE THERE IS

To Be Continued...

... Don't these kinda things have post-credits scenes?

Of all the ways Malcolm had thought he was going to spend Christmas morning... this probably wasn't one of them- Seated there, in his tiny kevlar suit and flak-vest, absolutely caked in bits of steadily drying ant-person, his foster-brother to his right, the mouthguard of his helmet to his left and an infamous psychopath carving up a double-cheese pepperoni pizza with a stuffed crust to his front.

...And also some kinda shiny crystal stick leaning up against the wall in the corner. With an old, half-gutted Sony Watchman crudely bound to it with electrical tape, still playing reruns of Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood over it's tiny black and white screen and broken speakers.

Because that was a thing that happened today, he couldn't avoid remembering as his glowing eyes lingered on the crude contraption of magic and spite that may well have just saved the whole goddamn planet, that actually fucking transpired.

The Goddess of Misery and Discord had been unceremoniously booted into another dimension by everyone's favourite blonde, magical jailbait while flailing and shrieking incoherently about old men in cardigans.

Yes. This is a thing that actually happened.

For a moment, no sound escaped him as his apparently mighty wit still struggled with processing the sheer enormity of the pants-on-head insanity that was the past three hours until finally...

"How the hell did that work?"

David, who was currently more worried about making sure none of the bits of antfolk the trio were covered in got into his Coke or, God forbid, onto the pizza, shrugged at his foster-brother's question, the gesture making the paper bag over his head jostle slightly. "Honestly, it's just... It's best not to question these things."
'... Pffft, he's wearing a bag over his head.'
The older brother honestly felt a little bad for the staff at the Pizza Hut who, no doubt, were practically pissing in their pants behind the counter. Here they were, two vigilantes and a well-known terrorist covered in blood and pieces of monster, striding right into the store and having a quick bite to eat. It was a good thing the food got here so fast, so they could get out of the restuarant faster...

Actually, he was pretty sure Anarkee was the reason it came so quickly, considering she was well known for bringing the hammer down on anyone she didn't like.

Literally.

"... Do you think mom's gonna be pissed that we completely totalled the Grimmobile plowing it through all those ant guys?"

"Well I for one, thought that was a hell of a lot of fun!" The pale-faced terrorist said, grabbing two more slices of pizza and stacking them like bread on a sandwich. "Though I still say we should have gone somewhere else to eat, Ray's place has way better pizza and he doesn't try to call the police every time I walk through the door. Good guy, Ray. Seriously though, this was fun! We should kick ass together more often."

At this, David quirked an eyebrow. "... You do remember that Ray's was absolutely destroyed when we went there, right?" The teenager paused at Anarkee's desire to 'kick ass together more often'. "I mean, hey, you keep this up then you might be bumped down to Public Enemy #2. At least then we wouldn't have to try and lock you up."

Anarkee paused at the mention of the destroyed pizzeria, frowning at the thought. "Oh right... Where the hell am I gonna get pizza from until he rebuilds? Damn it, I'm going to have to rely on Chinese food, aren't I? Gonna have to go halfway across town to get the good stuff, and then haul it back to my place through the streets with your mother and you guys after me the whole time, I have to eat too you know!" Anarkee said sullenly.

"You could maybe... try cooking?" Mal offered with an almost apologetic shrug and awakward smile, not necessarily knowing what to tell this woman in condolence. "I mean, shit, I've lived off trash and cooked rat for most of my life, I'm sure you'll think of something."

Truth be told, this was Mal's first time actually meeting a real 'Supervillain' and not just some knifey goon. And here they were eating goddamn pizza after saving the world, instead of brawling it out dramatically as most logic wuld denote they should be.

He was a bit outta his element.

Anarkee waved a dismissive hand towards Malcom, now talking around a mouthful of pizza. "Tried it. Hated it. Cannibalized the stove for spare parts to build this beauty." She said, slinging a hand over the massive hammer leaning against the table. "If it comes down to cooking or eating trash, I'll take trash any day. Hell, sometimes you find fries or half a burger or something, and then I didn't have to cook it!" She said proudly, grinning at the two young boys.

It was a very disconcerting smile.

The young, former trash-diver was unmoved at this, instead cracking a wee smile of his own.

He happened to be an expert on this topic.

"Actually, what'cha wanna do is raid the bins behind donut shops. The tiny mass-murdering vigilante started, just a bit too enthusiastically for someone talking about dumpster diving "Anything they don't sell, they just chuck at the end of the day. It's a fuckin' goldmine!"

"Also grocery stores with a deli or a meat market." Anarkee said nonchallantly, picking some pepperoni off the pizza at the center of the table and adding it to her own slices. "Same deal, anything they've prepared but haven't sold gets chucked out." Her expression darkened for a moment as she stared at her pizza.

"The amount of goddamn waste in this country is freaking disgusting. people who are out on the streets have to dive for it like animals when it could just get donated, but noooooo. Instead the goddamn government tells us we have to throw it all out, who cares about the poor and homeless, right? Fuckers..."

For a moment after that, there was quiet, the only sound being Dave munching slowly on his pizza. "... Well, uh, this got awkward real fast."

Anarkee perked up and grinned at the pair of young heroes. "Oh! Speaking of awkward! She leaned forward conspiratorally and motioned for the boys to do the same. "If you tell your mother where I get pizza from, I will not hesitate to hunt you down and bash your head in with my hammer."

The younger of the brothers just kept chewing through his slice of oily, cheesy goodness without a care in the world at that statement, almost looking somewhat offended if anything at the notion of betraying and attacking the pale anarchist where she pretty much lived.

...Which had nothing to do with the fact that he actually did have a hell of a lot of fun today, fighting monsters alongside a lunatic with a rockethammer.

Who, as it turns out, was absolutely hilarious.

No siree.

"We just might've saved the fuckin' planet today, us three." He stated, or at least tried to through a mouthful of pizza and cola "I'm pretty sure we owe ya the right to eat goddamn pizza in peace."

The older, for his part, tried not to look too terrified at the casual threat. Then again, the bag covering his face probably helped with that. Having recovered as his brother swore the duo wouldn't betray the anarchist's trust, he nodded along. "Right. I mean, it's the least we could do after you helped us out."

That damn smile was back on the lunatic's face now as she leaned back in her chai, tearing off a bit of pizza crust with her teeth. "Good! We have an accord then! You know boys, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship!

... We should start a gang."

"...The hell's an 'accord'?" the smaller boy's glowing eyes blinked in confusion under his visor for a second "...Is that dessert or something?"

It took David a few blinks to process what Anarkee had just said. "... A gang? Okay, we're friends, but we're not gonna help you start a gang." He then turned to his brother. "It's like... An agreement, I think. But dessert sounds pretty damn good right about now."

"Then why not just call it a fuckin' agreement..." the Watchdog just started to mutter under his breath but dropped the topic quickly as-

"Garcon!" Anarkee called out, turning towards the kitchen where the employees were cowering. "A batch of your finest cookie cake thingies! And Oreos, if you have them!"

^{Copyright Blackstripe RPs 2017-2018}

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

Kinda feel eh on that post, but hey, any activity is good activity.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

An Hour Later; Afternoon
David Lieberman's House; New York City

I felt exposed out here, standing on Dave's doorstep. The sounds of children playing in the street, dogs barking, cars driving by... It reminded me that I was in public, and I wasn't exactly in a crime-ridden area, which meant a squad car could be driving by right behind me. The seconds between me knocking on the door and the door opening felt like minutes, hours even.

The door opened. Dave looked at me for a moment, adjusting his glasses as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His arms wrapped themselves around me, catching me off guard in one of the biggest hugs I've ever had. At the same time, he pulled me in, and shut the door. After a moment, he let me go, grinning. "Frank, man, it's so good to see you!" he said, sounding not unlike a child unwrapping their Christmas presents.

I chuckled, taking a seat on his couch. "It's only been about a month, Dave. No need to get all teary-eyed on me."

He shook his head, laughing, and took a seat in his recliner. "Heh... I know, but still. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon, man. How's it been?"

"Could be worse. Been living out of that van for a while, sticking around the shittier areas of Harlem. How's it been with you? Still working for the department?"

"Yeah, still doing the same sorta stuff. Stopping hackers and the like... So what're you doing here, man? You're not the type to just come over and play catch up. There's some sort of ulterior motive."

I paused, as if mulling over how to word it. "... I'm getting back into the game. The vigilante game, that is. Y'know, being the Punisher."

He quirked an eyebrow. "No shit? Not sure if I should say 'that's great' or 'you're a fucking idiot'."

"Let's hold off on that for now. You still got my guns?"

In response, he stood up and walked over to a rug which, from what I remember, wasn't in his living room before. He pulled it up, and lifted a piece of wood covering a hole. He pulled a duffel bag out of the hole, and tossed it to me. I opened it: lo and behold, my arsenal and 'costume'. "Was a pain in the ass cutting a hole into the floor. You ought to be thankful."

"Believe me, Dave, I am."

"So," Dave said, plopping back down in his recliner. "What happened this time? Russians killed your dog so now you're going to topple the Russian mob?"

"Very funny, but no... Earlier today I saw something in a neighborhood in Harlem. This gang, just terrorizing the place, and no one did anything about it. I wasn't even going to do anything about it either... But I did. Because I realized that there's still people out there profiting off the suffering of others, and I'm not going to sit around letting them do that."

He nodded slightly, looking as if lost in thought. "... You don't have to do this, y'know? Cops are after you, whatever's left of Manfredi's organization is after you, and that's not even mentioning Spider-Woman. This is just painting a bigger target on your back."

"Better to go down doing what I think is right than wasting my days away, waiting to die..." I pause for a moment. "So... Know of anything that needs a 'gentle touch'?"

His contemplative frown twists into a mischievous grin. "Maybe."

---

ISSUE #12
HERE I WAS AGAIN

---

Several Hours Later; Night
An Illegal Chop Shop; New York City

Dave tipped me off about an illegal chop shop, run by some white supremacist gang in the predominately black area of Harlem who frequently harass the minorities there. Gangs, like baggy pants and gold chains kind of gangs, were one thing. Neo-Nazis were another. I wouldn't need to feel bad about gunning them down considering they were practically asking for it.

I parked my van a block or so away from the chop shop, an old factory the gang had repurposed. I listened outside, hearing the screech of machinery, the occasional voice, and a radio playing some weird techno music. I set down my duffel bag, putting on vest, pulling out each gun, loading them, and attaching them to the various hooks on the vest. I slid a few magazines and shells into the pockets of my pants and vest, clipped a few grenades to the vest, took a deep breath, then made my move.

I climbed up to the roof, looking down through the skylight. The men inside were all bald, with various... Anti-color tattoos, to put it simply. They were working on an assortment of cars, all stolen probably. I saw a room that, from the windows it held, appeared to be an office of some sorts. If their leader was anywhere, that'd be it.

Now, I could climb back down and go in through the front, but that would be suicide. I could go in through the back, maybe take out a few, then get gunned down. Or I could jump through the skylight and break my neck when I hit the ground. But another, better option, was swinging in through the skylight. Times like this make me wish I had some web shooter thing like my old 'friend' Spider-Woman. Maybe even a grappling hook or something... Wonder if Dave could find an arms dealer that sold those sort of things.

I shook my head, clearing it of that train of thought, and, as I did, spotted a length of wire nearby. It appeared to be from a power line, which may have snapped, fallen on the roof, and was left there long after the wire had been replaced. I pulled on it, testing the strength. It might hold. Deciding to say 'fuck it', I tied it around an air conditioning unit, tested the strength and, once happy with it, gripped it in one hand.

With the other, I pulled out a smoke grenade, bit off the pin, and threw it through the skylight. As smoke poured out of it and filled the room below me, I heard the shouts of the gang. It went silent for a moment after, the only sound being the song on the radio. I took a deep breath, pulled out my MP5...

And swung in.

I fired the gun off, the smoke shrouding the room preventing me from getting a clear shot on anything. But judging by the sounds I was hearing, shouts of pain and the distinctive thumps of bodies hitting the floor, I didn't need to see. I continued to fire until the gun was empty, then dropped it while continuing to swing.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I let go of the wire, twisting upside down in mid-air. I pulled out my pistols and fired blindly as I fell, twisting once more before I hit the ground, thankfully landing on my back instead of my head. The smoke was clearing, my pistols were empty, and I heard the shouts of a man ordering the gang to move. I unholstered my smaller SMGs and prepared to meet them head on.

As soon as the smoke cleared, I rolled under a truck. The gang looked all around, occasionally firing off a gun or shouting a threat in an attempt to intimidate me. I looked around for something to take advantage of... And spotted a group of three, all standing under a hydraulic jack which currently held a Toyota Prius high above their heads. I took aim at the jack's control mechanism, and fired.

*CRA-SLAAM!*

The bastards barely had time to scream as the car came down on them, crushing them under its weight. The others spun around to face the hydraulic jack, and I decided to give them a quick hello. I scrambled out from under the truck, SMG in either hand, and began to fire. A handful went down before the others could react. I pressed on, swinging my guns wildly to hit opponents all around, while twisting and ducking occasionally to make it harder to draw a bead on me.

I heard the telltale clicks of empty guns, dropping my SMGs and swinging the assault rifle around from my back. I gunned down the bastards in front of me, then spun back around and fell to my knees, mowing down more as they approached. Here I was again, outnumbered and outgunned, but too stubborn to get killed without taking dozens more with me.

I jumped to the side, mowing down the rest of the gangsters in front of me, before pulling myself to my feet and sprinting in the direction of the office. Bullets whizzed past me, and I rolled over to the office, coming to a kneel as I stopped, and killing the group of gangsters that fired at me. The M16 was empty. I dropped the gun, pulled out my shotgun, and spun around, blowing away two others who were firing at me from behind.

I turned to my right at the sound of shouting and took aim, firing off once, twice, and falling to the ground to avoid any gunfire they might've gotten off. I stayed still for a few moments, shotgun at the ready, tensed up and waiting for the moment another came out to attack. But nothing came. After a moment more to make sure, I pulled myself to my feet and walked over to the door of the office. Just a few more, Frank. Just a few more...

*KRAAAAK!*

The door gave to the force of my boot slamming into it, swinging wide open. I rolled inside, coming to a halt in front of a few gangsters, all unarmed. I aimed the shotgun. "Wait, no!" one of them shouted. I didn't listen. I fired, and three of them fell to the ground. Two were still alive, so I fired again. I thought I saw one twitching on the ground, so I fired a third time. There was nothing else after that.

I didn't stick around long after that. I just gathered up the guns I had dropped and left the scene of my massacre.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

So this is what friendship looks like, eh?

Ban the Person above you

Banned for assuming I don't like Cave Story too.

Ban the Person above you

Banned for being a Cave Story fan.

DC Unlimited 2.0 iCheck

CS template?

@Dead Cruiser

Here you go.

DC Unlimited 2.0 iCheck

@Omega Man

Currently in the process of writing middle-aged Q, I'll try to get him up before the week is out.