Darcel — Roleplayer Guild

Dear me, 

I love you but today I'm going to nag about your sadistic shit. I respect the fact you like creating imperfect characters, how each bittersweet flaw printed the page more real than the person standing beside you. You like it when you travel with your living dolls in stories that make your brain go ahhbdgbdmerergurhbu. Yes, I know you prefer their suffering in order to survive because nothing is easy, because hell is more challenging.

BUT.

At least be considerate, try even if you fail and stop killing them. These are your mind creation for Oprah Winfrey's sake. Snap out of it, no more choking, no more gasing, and no more George R. R. Martin fetishes. Enough is enough. 

Just... kill em with kindness. Kick them in the privates and don't use much violence.

@Mokley

Never been to Disneyland in California but been countless time to Disneyland in Paris. So here is your plan in order to survive and have fun, which is pretty simple: 

1- Yes, get a bottle of water but fill it with vodka instead. You will need that shit while dealing with annoying kids and people who stop right in the middle of a walkway. Not just at the parks, but anywhere crowded in general.

2- Bring a pepper spray. Yup, that will help you when you meet people who don't respect personal space in line. Worst case scenario, the parents will act like you should put up with their kids while they POKE. THEY FUCKING POKE YOUR BUTT REPEATEDLY. THEY. POKE. IT.

STRANGERS ARE SCARY, REMEMBER KIDS? DON'T FUCKING TOUCH THEIR ASS.

Either that or your legs are black and blue from Rosemary's baby kicking you with his Nemo sneakers.

3- On dark rides, don't you ever sit with let-me-take-a-selfie people. I'm sure you will hate it when they use flash photography until you're blinded, check instagram and facebook every two seconds for the entire ride. No, leave her/his phone alone but you're free to smack their corpse body into the water and get away with it.

4- You listen here closely, this is where things get rough...  Whether the cost, stay away from strollers. It may sound normal but some seem to think strollers are their way of pushing through everyone. They're strollers, not weapons! But yeah, just stay away or you might get lots and lots of ankle bruises. Gates open and THEY'RE OFF!! Moms with their broods of 50 kids knock you out of the way as they make a mad dash for the rides.

And oh, double stroller angry moms with one kid are always dangerous.

5- FAKE SCREAMERS, you really need earplugs in that situation or else you will feel a horrific headache and ringing in your ears from teen girls having 3 minutes of long unnecessary fake fucking screaming that starts well before any sort of drop.

You're also free to kill people who talk really loudly on the Haunted Mansion instead of allowing them make it a lot less spooky when you hear guys hootin' and hollerin' the whole time about their dick sized nipples or nipple sized dicks.

6- Scissors are always helpful to cut through people who hold hands to stay together, creating a web of demise for any who stray into their path. When it's super crowded, Disneyland is like a video game where you have to get out of the way of speeding strollers and electric wheelchairs and clusters people standing in the middle of Main Street gawking up at the castle like 3 moons are about to rise above it. It can get bonkers.

Finally, I don't know about you but I exactly go there only for Space and Big Thunder Mountain rides. Otherwise, I spend my time watching dad's watching teenage girls, who are watching the teenage boys who are watching the girls, who are being watched by their mothers, who are fully aware that their husbands are having mental affairs. 

Good luck, buddy.

Darcel Member

Half Priest, Half Sinner.

Status

Recent Statuses

Bio

Most Recent Posts