Ellri

[Abandoned] Astra Mink - Runaway

is it in your eyes ready to be tagged as Pending, @Zora?

[Withdrawn] Garen Zi, Sith Apprentice, Teräs Käsi Master

Good luck to you too. We tagged it as [Withdrawn] instead, though. More appropriate label.

[Withdrawn] Garen Zi, Sith Apprentice, Teräs Käsi Master

If you should desire to create a different character, don't hesitate to ask for help. discussing character concepts and design is something we generally enjoy.

[Withdrawn] Garen Zi, Sith Apprentice, Teräs Käsi Master

Nah, your sheet wasn't all that bad...There's sheets that have been far more problematic. We still feel it is one that can be fixed, @Tim.

[Withdrawn] Garen Zi, Sith Apprentice, Teräs Käsi Master

Review of Garen Zi:
1. Grammar and Formatting.
Imperial Personnel Files section: get the section contents out of the headers, remove excess line breaks.
Appearance: "His hands are that of a laborer's", → His hands are like those of a laborer
‘Calloused on the knuckles’ → callused knuckles
Achievements section: using The Force → using the Force
Interview: smaller numbers are typically spelled out. Only when you go above 101 or so do you start using numerals.
The Recording passages would probably look better as quotes than as hiders.

2. Immersion violations.
Tribal tattoo, is that not Earthly in origin? How does this tie into the Followers of Palawa?

3. The Force.
We’re largely avoiding the topic of Midi-chlorians in the PG, due to the fact that some people hate the idea of them. Additionally, they’re not really known to the Jedi Order yet, with them using other means for identifying Force-sensitives. We suggest simply saying his strength in the force is above average.

His innate talent can be for Breath Control, not hibernation trance, as the latter is a highly advanced form of the former.
Nice to see a sheet that hasn’t gone over-the-top on training level… however, he does seem to have a lot of innate talents. Might be wise to change a few of those to just training. Currently two-thirds of his techniques are talents.

Certain things like precognition fall in under basic training for all trained force-sensitives, even if it is just to improve reflexes. Considering his near-mastery of a form of martial arts, he would almost certainly have trained this. Anything related to acrobatics/athletics are techniques likely to fall in under his Teräs Käsi training. To maintain the balance of skills, we suggest reducing Force Throw to a more basic level.

4. Other skills.
Can he fly ships? Pilot any vehicles? Is he a good shot? Can he slice computer systems? Cook nerf steaks? Sew? etc.

5. Combat experience and training.
Since the Followers of Palawa train especially to counter Jedi, we would imagine that he has at least a basic understanding of most forms, albeit most likely focused towards countering them, rather than using them himself.

As mentioned by another GM, we’d also recommend that you reduce his level of success somewhat, spice it up with a bit of failure and some stand-offs where neither side succeeded. Give him some events he had to learn from to become better. Perhaps the sources for some of his scars.

Additionally, his history of being three-times world-champion by the age of eighteen is a bit implausible… But rather than cut it down further in duration, we have an alternate suggestion: Bring in age brackets. Make him the best in his age group and perhaps have him have proved himself better than people in the bracket above too. It is not all that likely for someone of the age he was to have beaten everyone of all ages three years in a row at a martial arts. Raw talent can only compensate for so much real experience. He’ll still be pretty badass, and he’ll have more room to grow.

Why did he only reluctantly study form III?

6. Politics & Associates.
What sort of person is his master in the Empire? Is it one that avoid politics too, or is it one that takes care of that stuff for his/her apprentices?

Has he met any of the other Sith? Any of the non-Sith?

7. Ownerships.
Those gauntlets? Overpowered. Ridiculously so.
You can have gauntlets covered in cortosis weave, but you need express permission from GMs for pure cortosis, as that is extremely rare to see. It is not something that would be given to a mere apprentice for a minor achievement like lightsaber training. The gauntlets you described would be worth a fortune.

Replace them with just plain old cortosis weave, and it’ll be fine with the reasoning provided.

8. Personality.
Mercy isn’t unheard of in the Empire. Some Sith favor it less than others, but the empire as a whole is relatively fair. Harsh at times, but still fair. Once someone has served the punishment for his or her crime, it is all water under the bridge.

He is slow to anger. Does he stay angry long? Does he forgive people easily?

9. Flaws.
Any major skill ranges he’s severely lacking in training in?
If under a politically skilled master, an apprentice can actually rise fairly high without delving into it him/herself, but will always be at risk of someone outmaneuvering him/her later, or losing opportunities anyone seeking to rise above apprentice must have political influence, though. Good flaw, though.

How does he feel about imperial law and justice? Does he work with it? Around it? Does he break it? Has his behavior here reflected poorly on his master?

10. Interview.
As mentioned earlier, midi-chlorian-testing isn’t common. Only the Empire runs with mandatory testing of force-sensitivity for everyone, but even they use alternate (but unspecified) means.
Also as mentioned by other GM(s), he would almost certainly have been known as a Force-sensitive, but with Bunduki being far outside both imperial and republic space, would naturally not have been picked up by either order as a child.

They (presumably) have some sort of tradition for training their Force-sensitives, but it is probably more limited than that practiced by the Jedi or the Sith. We imagine that it would tie heavily into how to counter Jedi.

Indoctrination of Jedi hate would most likely start even earlier. Sure, young children don’t fully understand the hows and whys, but they are far more susceptible because of this. Especially considering the nature of the offense. It is not altogether unlike how young Sith are taught about the Sith Genocide.

Why did he express interest in leaving Bunduki? Was it encouraged? Discouraged?

Are the reasons behind the abandonment something you intend explore IC?

Nice to see an example of someone successfully fighting an asymmetrical battle against lightsaber while keeping it mostly balanced.

Suggestion: rather than simply have the Sith approaching at random… How about Garen verbally mistaking his opponent for a Jedi, then have the Sith offer to teach him even more about fighting Jedi? Perhaps also have some limited use of the Force pop up to really make the Sith interested?
How is his mental fortitude (resisting telepathic influence)? Would a Sith’s subtle use of such be likely to be effective?

Would he have noticed the Sith Lord?

Also, while tatooine is not near the front lines of the war (its pretty far from them) pretty much the whole known galaxy knows of the war. What are his views on it? How does he feel about the Sith as a group?

11. Other.
Your failures mention a political mission to Kamino. What sort of mission would that have been? They’re even now rather isolationist and outside both imperial and republic territories.

[Denied] Torzas Mallom- Runaway Nerf Herder

Review of Liseran Thistle’s Issiro & Torzas:
1. Formatting and Grammar.
There are quite a lot of grammar errors and formatting problems in the sheet layout that makes it harder to read. Contents of a section should be outside the [b][/b] tags.

2. Comprehension of the Force and the Empire.
The force doesn’t work the way you have described it. Techniques like Animal Friendship don’t work that way, and they aren’t limited to just one species. In theory, experience at using it can be limited, but it is extremely unlikely for it to be limited to just one species.

It is imperial law that dictates that all Force-sensitives must be trained as Sith. As such, any imperial or Sith who hinders the training of another is subject to the imperial justice system, which is notoriously harsh against proven criminals, which would be the case here.

Additionally, anyone as weak with the Force as you have described Issiro would likely not survive the Sith Academy, nor would he be chosen for personal training by someone who gets to see all sorts of Force-sensitives, who could pick far better candidates for his own apprentices. It doesn’t matter whether he liked or disliked someone, he would not break imperial law on a whim like that. Sending someone clearly unsuited to the academy would be far more punishment for a family that might be disliked.

The fact that the father is Force-sensitive too means that he too would be trained as Sith, or die in the process.

3. Ties between characters.
Once taken in for training as a Sith, whether it be at the Korriban Sith Academy or as a personal apprentice of some sort, a prospective Sith is isolated from his or her family, provided that family doesn’t have sufficient influence to get past this isolation. Even then, the overseers will severely limit access. As such, given their extremely rural and non-influential origins, Issiro and Torzas would not get to see each other once Sith training started for Issiro.
Sole exception is if an overseer saw use for Issiro’s family. That use would typically not be conductive to their health and survival, as it would likely involve torture, death or other unlikeable effects, all to make Issiro properly embrace the dark side of the Force.

4. Psychological evaluation.
The personalities of your two sheets are shallow and incomplete. One is a weak Sith who would likely have perished early in training, the other is a sociopath that has no reason to connect with anyone and who would quickly provoke others sufficiently to see him dead.

You have no connections to anyone other than NPCs of your own creation. These NPCs are even more lacking in detail, leaving more questions than answers.

5. Lack of use of guides.
It is obvious that you’ve either not used the guides, or ignored many parts of them in your sheet creation process, as there are numerous elements in both sheets that go directly against things that are stated there.

6. In conclusion.
As the sheets stand currently, they’re cannot be approved. There are too many inconsistencies and blatant signs that you don’t truly comprehend the lore. There’s more wrong with the sheets than there is right and fixing them would require bottom-up rewrites.

If you still want to participate, we recommend that you start on a single new sheet, such as someone who isn’t Force-sensitive, or a Jedi Padawan. Additionally, we ask that you use the guides provided. They’re there to be used and are 100% relevant to the setting, unlike the wikia, which

As an additional recommendation… Watch one or more of the Star Wars movies. They’re not set in this era, but even thousands of years apart, the societies have much in common. There is much you can pick up from them that no amount of meandering through wikis can truly give, such as how the society flows and what it feels like.

As such, they are denied.

[Denied] Issiro Mallom- Runaway Sith Apprentice

Review of Liseran Thistle’s Issiro & Torzas:
1. Formatting and Grammar.
There are quite a lot of grammar errors and formatting problems in the sheet layout that makes it harder to read. Contents of a section should be outside the [b][/b] tags.

2. Comprehension of the Force and the Empire.
The force doesn’t work the way you have described it. Techniques like Animal Friendship don’t work that way, and they aren’t limited to just one species. In theory, experience at using it can be limited, but it is extremely unlikely for it to be limited to just one species.

It is imperial law that dictates that all Force-sensitives must be trained as Sith. As such, any imperial or Sith who hinders the training of another is subject to the imperial justice system, which is notoriously harsh against proven criminals, which would be the case here.

Additionally, anyone as weak with the Force as you have described Issiro would likely not survive the Sith Academy, nor would he be chosen for personal training by someone who gets to see all sorts of Force-sensitives, who could pick far better candidates for his own apprentices. It doesn’t matter whether he liked or disliked someone, he would not break imperial law on a whim like that. Sending someone clearly unsuited to the academy would be far more punishment for a family that might be disliked.

The fact that the father is Force-sensitive too means that he too would be trained as Sith, or die in the process.

3. Ties between characters.
Once taken in for training as a Sith, whether it be at the Korriban Sith Academy or as a personal apprentice of some sort, a prospective Sith is isolated from his or her family, provided that family doesn’t have sufficient influence to get past this isolation. Even then, the overseers will severely limit access. As such, given their extremely rural and non-influential origins, Issiro and Torzas would not get to see each other once Sith training started for Issiro.
Sole exception is if an overseer saw use for Issiro’s family. That use would typically not be conductive to their health and survival, as it would likely involve torture, death or other unlikeable effects, all to make Issiro properly embrace the dark side of the Force.

4. Psychological evaluation.
The personalities of your two sheets are shallow and incomplete. One is a weak Sith who would likely have perished early in training, the other is a sociopath that has no reason to connect with anyone and who would quickly provoke others sufficiently to see him dead.

You have no connections to anyone other than NPCs of your own creation. These NPCs are even more lacking in detail, leaving more questions than answers.

5. Lack of use of guides.
It is obvious that you’ve either not used the guides, or ignored many parts of them in your sheet creation process, as there are numerous elements in both sheets that go directly against things that are stated there.

6. In conclusion.
As the sheets stand currently, they’re cannot be approved. There are too many inconsistencies and blatant signs that you don’t truly comprehend the lore. There’s more wrong with the sheets than there is right and fixing them would require bottom-up rewrites.

If you still want to participate, we recommend that you start on a single new sheet, such as someone who isn’t Force-sensitive, or a Jedi Padawan. Additionally, we ask that you use the guides provided. They’re there to be used and are 100% relevant to the setting, unlike the wikia, which

As an additional recommendation… Watch one or more of the Star Wars movies. They’re not set in this era, but even thousands of years apart, the societies have much in common. There is much you can pick up from them that no amount of meandering through wikis can truly give, such as how the society flows and what it feels like.

As such, they are denied.

[Abandoned] Astra Mink - Runaway

ok

[Abandoned] Astra Mink - Runaway

you written a bio yet, @Zora?

[Denied] (EC1 - IPA) "Eclipsa" Bounty Hunter Droid

@Archmage MC

Review of sheet

• Doesn’t stick to a droid degree.
  There’s a reason droids are classified by different degrees. All droids belong in one degree. Not up to four different degrees.
• No flaws, no failures.
  Your droid is utterly devoid of character flaws. The fact that HK droids are banned in republic space is not sufficient to count as a flaw. it is just a fact.
  What you need to have is actual character flaws that limits him, her or it through capabilities and personality.
  Additionally, no individual with any depth of character has gone through life without even a single mistake or failure.
• HK Chassis.
  Making an HK-droid, or a derivative thereof requires prior GM approval. You have not been given that approval.
• Self-modification.
  As specified in the guide, droids need to be shut down for most types of modification. When offline, a droid literally can’t do anything, because it is offline. It not being applicable to your droid character is not something you may decide.
• Power switch.
  This droid doesn’t have an external power switch. All droids are equipped with means for powering them down. A droid might also have a means for powering itself down, but that would be an addition, not a replacement.
• Lack of comprehension of droid types.
  This droid has enough weapon systems to be considered a heavy weapons platform suitable for the toughest battlefields. The amount of weapons alone would mean it would stand out everywhere outside major army installations. As such, it could never function as an assassination droid anywhere else.
• No memory wipe circuits.
  What even is a memory wipe circuit? there isn't any special circuitry for memory wipes. No droid architect would ever build a droid with sealed memory systems due to the fact that anyone who has more than basic knowledge of droids, let alone designs them, knows that the more memory a droid accumulates, the more eccentric and eventually dysfunctional it will become.
• “Experimental”
  Being experimental is not sufficient reason to ignore the rules provided in the droid guide about modifications.

Conclusion:

This character concept as it stands is not even remotely balanced or functional, and it uses unapproved elements that require prior approval. The amount of problems with it far outweigh the functional elements. As such, it is denied.

Feel free to make a new character, but if you seek to make another droid, read the droid guide and follow it. Similarly, if you wish to make another character for which there is one or more guide(s), follow said guides.