KillBox said
OK, there is my character sheet! Hopefully its approved XD
Just gonna say a few things about your CS, one being that it'd be more useful if you'd use the original CS instead of your own. Just my personal take on it, it helps find certain things. And your abilities should have cool downs, just to avoid spamming. Also, multiple times you refer to your character as he? ^_. ....I'm pretty sure money isn't needed to get into the Academy too, but, that's not a 100% thing.
Shikai Activation Power(Optinal): The shikai's only power is a boost to his physical senses and a speed boost giving him 1.5 times normal attack speed and plus 3 meters per turn.
Not sure what you mean by activation power? S/he gets this random boost just by activating their Shikai? Usually activating a Shikai/Bankai releases your Spirit Energy....All Zanpakuto are different though, and it doesn't seem too OP. But you should add a limit as to how many turns they can have this ability before it runs out, would be too much if they're speed and senses are boosted just by having Shikai activated. I'd say around 3-5 post, then it runs out.
Shikai Power 1:
Name: Black fan
Effect: Cutting attack
Description: When she swings his sword a black fan launches from it, solidifying from his reiatsu. Once solidified it will keep spinning even when blocked until it runs out of energy. A direct hit has the potential to either cut someone in half or leave a deep gash should they not manage to completely dodge. It takes a broad swing to fire it. If an enemy already knows she is going to use it it is easy to predict. She rarely uses it, seeing a kido based weapon as a disgrace to the 11th squad.
I think the wound should depend on how much reiatsu is actually added into the black fan, considering it's being formed out of it. Don't think it'd be fair if your character only added a bit of their reiatsu, then when hit someone they're sliced in half. If it's allot of reiatsu added, then it might have the ability to slice someone in half, but if it's a little reiatsu I think it should just do the same damage as a small blade.
Shikai Power 2:
Name:Hammer swing
Effect: Increased swing impact
Description: August focuses the energy that would go into launching a black fan, but instead of launching it he adds it to the force of his swing, making the blow much more devastating. This attack requires a broad swing to launch, and the sword will glow black. This is most useful when the enemy does not expect it, and is usually used after devil fan.
Can you add more to what it does exactly? Does it just make their swing stronger? Does the energy blow the person back? Etc.
Shikai Power 3:
Name: Wrath of Thunder
Effect:Cutting attack
Description: August, focusing her reiatsu onto her blade, delivers a close range cut that is fast. Its true effectiveness comes when dealing with shunpo user. As this attack has the speed to intercept people mid-shunpo, delivering a stun and a cut to the opponent.
I don't see how focusing reiatsu to a blade allows your character to interrupt shunpo on it's own seeing as to how your character would have to be fast enough to catch someone using shunpo herself....It really doesn't matter if you can focus reiatsu into a blade, it's really a matter of your own speed if you're able to intercept someone mid-shunpo then you're able to use the speed of the ability to attack your opponent. Can you also explain how it stuns them? Like, by brute force, shock, etc.
Shikai Power 4:
Name: Pillar of Flames
Effect:Ranged cutting attack
Description: August, focusing her reiatsu upon her blade, delivers a upwards slash as sends a pillar, about two stories tall, of compressed reiatsu out from the tip of her blade. The true effects of this attack comes when it makes contact with a solid structure. As it does, it fans out and travels along the ground. As the reiatsu travel, if it were to make contact with another solid entity, it rises up again, dealing damage.
Uhhhh.....Yeah, that's very powerful and continuous on it's own. I'd be fine with it if they could only use it only once per day, and even if they use it it would have to take up most, if not all their reiatsu due to how much is being released and then some after it explodes again hitting solid entities over and over again, plus how far it travels. I'd be fine with it how it is if it were used as a future Bankai ability, but just for a Shikai without mention/reason of being some sort of prodigy or being trained by a much more powerful Shinigami....I don't think this ability will work out unless you nerf it like I mentioned above. Or take out this part:
'The true effects of this attack comes when it makes contact with a solid structure. As it does, it fans out and travels along the ground. As the reiatsu travel, if it were to make contact with another solid entity, it rises up again, dealing damage.'
Or simply wait until acquired Bankai to use it as it is. Also, unless I'm blind, I didn't see any mention of what type your Zanpakuto is. I'd say a Kido type or Unknown, more likely Kido though.
Brink,
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WhiteAngel25
Expllo/Deuce | M | 26 | (US) Central Time (CT)