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AntlersPapaSong has signed on
"Oh hello PapaSong, I'm so glad you came. Let's begin the interview. What's your real name? First and last please."
"Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? I already gave my details when I created an account and I sure as hell didn't forget my account details. Whatever. Rowan Kennicot."
"Ah, I see, okay how old are you?"
"Trying to see if I violated the terms of service or whatever? This isn't some adult website or mature rated game or something. I'm twenty-five."
"Hmm...This is more personal but what's your sexuality?"
"Are you sure this isn't some kind of stupid weird joke? You gonna ask for my credit card number next? Maybe my social security or government I.D.? How is this at all relevant to...whatever the hell this is? Ugh. Absolutely pointless. But if you *must* know I'm..you know...not strictly straight. That's all you're getting."
"Are you a man or woman?"
"Was the name not a dead give away? I'm a woman."
"What do you look like? You can send a picture of describe yourself, though an image will help me more."
"I'm surprised you can't just hack into my webcam or some shit. I dunno what you're capable of or what sort of game this is. I don't really do life sims or games like this. Whatever, I'll include a photo if it'll make it easier."
"What's your occupation?"
"I know, it looks like I'm a student with that enclosed photo, right? That was taken during college but the only different now is that I weigh a couple pounds more - thanks to the fast food that's clearly in the photo that went straight to my thighs - and my hair is just as short. But I'm not a student. I'm a baker. Businesswoman. I co-operate a bakery. And it consumes most of my time."
"How would you describe your personality?"
"Me? I'm not sure I would; that's like when they ask kids to use five adjectives to describe themselves but that's what they do to teach kids what an adjective is. Is that what you want me to do? Come up with some adjectives? Because I'm not going to do that. My co-worker once told me I'm overly serious because I don't have a great sense of humor but I think there's a difference; just because I don't laugh at bad jokes doesn't mean I lack a sense of humor. I'm just focused. I set goals and I accomplish them what's wrong with that? It may not leave me with much in the way of hobbies but what's wrong with that? I take enjoyment in what I do. I'm assertive. Somewhat. Which is a nice way of saying that I sometimes don't think before I speak and that leads to trouble - particularly when I insult customers. I guess I'm lacking a bit in social graces but I get on well enough. I've got a sharp mind for numbers and memorization and pattern recognition.
So I'd describe my personality as...decently complex. Which is to say I'm often stressed and in need of a reliever. Which is probably why I play games."
"How tall are you? How much do you weigh?"
"Now you're getting real personal. 5'6" and...the last time I checked I was around uh...one fifty two and a half..."
"What's your favorite color?"
"Purple. Next question."
"What type of person interests you romantically?"
"Feminine. Take that as you will. I like them...cutey."
"This question can be skipped, but it's most essential to my study so I'd prefer an honest answer. Know that you're in a safe place here with me, no one else will ever have to know. Do you have any physical/mental disabilities? Any traumas?"
"If it can be skipped, I'm going to skip it. Fuck your study. My traumas or whatever are mine to know. There's a line and you're not crossing it."
"What gaming genre do you prefer to play when feeding your addiction?"
"It's not an addiction, it's a hobby. There's a very clear difference. I don't just play games all the time. I could go without it. It's not like drugs or porn or whatever addictions people on those shows have. Why am I getting so defensive over this? Whatever. MMOs, but only PvP and top tier raiding and tactical strategy games. There's no fun if there's no competition. I tried playing shooters but somehow MMO voice chats are less creepy."
"Share some of your history with me."
"I was born. I grew up. My parents got a divorce. I blamed myself. They did too. I lived with my aunt. My mom blamed my aunt for 'influencing me' because my aunt was dating someone else's aunt. I graduated high school. I was in the band and the choir but had to give up both because my college didn't have room for me on either team. My dad tried to reconnect with me at my graduation but he got kicked out of the ceremony because he was drunk and shouty. I went into business with my college room mate and best friend. I live with her and her husband where I feel like a third wheel. Sometimes they try to set me up on dates. I need a new place. Such an interesting life story. I'm sure it's riveting."
"Your strengths?"
"I'm pretty sure I covered the majority of this in that weird personality part but who really reads all this stuff anyway? I could put anything here it's all an automated process anyway. If you must know my greatest strength is that I get shit done. I may not have graduated at the top of my class but ever since opening the bakery I've made sure we never missed a payment to the bank or utilities and I have what some can call a competitive spirit. I think that's why it's hard for me to connect to people. I see a lot of interactions as a competition. Oh my god maybe it is an addiction."
"Your fears and weaknesses?"
"If I have a weakness it's my lack of social etiquette. I don't get out much, work takes a lot of my time and then so do raid nights which can last hours. I fear that what my roommate-slash-friend-slash-business partner says is true. That my own admittedly potentially off-putting personality will make me like my mother in the end. Bitter and in a loveless relationship surviving only via a bottle and a loveless child. Christ how bleak. How did I ever start talking about this."
"What role do you play in your games?"
"Tank. Check my profile. I'm in the top percentile of tanks in my region. I know my rotation better than I know my own PIN. I've hosted tanking seminars in game for noobs. And I know not to stand in fire and how to use cooldowns. Plus I only blame the healer if they deserve blame."
"What do you hope to gain by participating in my game?"
"I'm not even sure what this game is. I'll play long enough to get bored I suppose. Which is happening rather quickly."
"Is there anything I missed?"
"Yeah. A fucking explanation."