Ginger Tee

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

When Ezra asked for Romeo and Juliet, Marta smiled and nodded. Walking out into the family room, she went over to the shelf that contained the Baer's books. There wasn't many, though it has grown in past few weeks. Whenever Marta and Ezra would go into the bookshop they use to meet by, occasionally they would buy a second-hand book. Mostly Shakespeare's works, Ezra fell in love with his written word. She walked into the room, and saw the mess she left of her clothes, so she quickly went to tidy them up. As she did, she heard Ezra whimper and Marta quickly stopped what she was doing. She went over and stood, hovering over the bed, ready to help him if he needed it. Hearing his words, she frowned.

"I don't understand" she said, feeling a little hurt, "I know my mind has been preoccupied lately, but I.. how.. why do you think that?"

Marta thought she made things very clear how she felt, and what she was willing to do for him. She sat down on the bed, wanting to be close to him. Was she physically distant? She was always just trying to be cautious about his sore body, but before the attack, she felt like she could never keep her hands off of him. Is that what he meant? Or did he mean straying away emotionally? To be fair, she could say the same to him. Maybe he wasn't straying, but he definitely swayed his emotions. One moment, he will confess his love and tell her he wants to marry her, but the next he won't even return an "I love you". She knew it wasn't that he didn't love her, she felt that deep down, but sometimes she felt like he was pulling her closer and the next pushing away. She assumed it was a battle of brains versus heart. But it mentally exhausted Marta.

"Ezra, I need you to tell me, what do you want from me?" She knew it was a broad question, but she had to understand. Sometimes it felt like the things she said or does were the wrong things. She upsets him even more, and she didn't want him upset. Marta had been stubborn in the beginning, not listening to Ezra's wishes, and maybe he resented her for that. She dug their graves for them. But now that she felt they were on the same boat, at least in her mind, she wanted to work together. The would never survive if they were constantly on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta frowned a little when Ezra admitted to swaying Rabbi Lincoln's choice, but she knew he did it out of her best interest. The rumors were growing everyday with things happening around the country. There was talk of Jewish members of a community in Berlin were gathered and forced to live in a five block radius, and a wall was be constructed around them. Families larger than ten were living in apartments smaller than the Baers. Marta prayed that never happened here, but deep down knew it was inevitable. But if Ezra and his parents thought she was just going to watch from the distance as they were taken away, they were in for a surprise. She would be right there with them, by their sides. Even if it was not at first, she would find a way, even if she lied about being Jewish just to make sure she could. She was a fool, but a fool in love.

"Why couldn't we have been alive fifty years ago, or even ten" she said with a sigh. Back to a time when Hitler wasn't in power, and while there was always some hostility against the Jewish community, there was hardly ever any violence. When Ezra spoke of marrying her, regardless of religion, Marta's eyes shined. She didn't want Ezra to have to make that sacrifice, but she couldn't deny how happy hearing those words made her. She felt her cheeks flushed when he spoke of sex. Marta would be lying if she said she hasn't thought about being with Ezra in that way, or that when they would kiss for long periods of time she would feel an ache in her lower regions. But being a virgin, it was still all so foreign to her. She imagined she would wait for marriage, but honestly, she loved Ezra and knew he loved her, so if they ever found the time to be right, she may go through with it.

When Ezra began to fiddle with his necklace, Marta reached up and held onto his hand. She leaned over and kissed his hand, then leaned down a little and kissed his chest, atop of his shirt, where his heart was, and the scar he was so ashamed of. She then leaned over and gave him a tender kiss, letting it deepen slightly, allowing a moment to just relish in Ezra's presence. When she pulled back, she smiled and said "I love you."

Sitting up, Marta got off the bed and went over opened her suitcases finally. Inside, her parents provided her with some of her older, less fashionable dresses, her knickers, a few pairs of shoes, and socks, and her plain wool jacket. They did not give her any of her jewelry or fancier dresses, or her fur coat. But Marta was fine. As she pulled out the last few articles of clothing, she saw some paper at the bottom. She reached in and pulled it out; it was her sheet music for the piano. She smiled, but also felt her heart sink. Her father must have sneaked them in, because she doubted it was her mother's ideas. She held them tightly in her hands, before tucking them back in. She never spoke of her passion to Ezra. It didn't seem important anymore. She would always cherish the piano, but that part of her life seemed over.

Standing she looked at Ezra, "Want to read Shakespeare?"

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt herself sinking deeper into her current state of depression. It felt like she was drowning, and she didn't know how to fix it. Was it really only a month ago that Marta lived her life filled with rainbows and sunshine? How had so much changed so quickly? And when she felt Ezra answer, she knew why, and suddenly everything felt worth it. It was a hard journey, and it has left Marta more defeated and exhausted than she has eve been, but looking into Ezra's eyes made it all better. Her life with him may not be the picture-perfect life she had, but it was so much better. It was real. Marta has lived more, and experienced more in the past month than she ever would have if she continued living in her parent's homes. The bubble her mother kept her in has been popped, and now Marta was just learning everything. It was like she was an infant walking for the first time. Marta has experienced emotions she never knew existed until she met Ezra.

When Ezra mentioned asking for her hand one day, the tighten in her chest returned, and the tears came harder. But she let him pull her to him, and she returned the kisses as much as she could. Her chest quaked as she tried to keep the sobs from escaping her lips. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore her thoughts and just letting Ezra's touch and kisses sooth her. And they did; she eventually stopped crying, and felt her muscles loosen. Only Ezra could have this effect on her.

When Ezra pulled back, Marta who was sitting up and using her arm to support herself on the other side of Ezra's body, looked down at him. He wanted to make her smile again, and just hearing him say that made her smiled, it was soft and small, but it was genuine. She reached up, brushing his hair out of his eyes. He needed a hair-cut, perhaps Marta could attempt, but she would be too nervous to mess it up.

"Ezra you help me without even knowing" she said softly, reaching down and fiddling with his necklace. It was back where it belonged. "You have given me life. I didn't know what living was until I met you. Has it been tough? Of course. I am experiencing things and emotions I didn't know plausible.... When you speak of marriage, my heart swells, but I..." She took a deep breath, she would not cry again.

"Your mother has told me your Rabbi will not convert me... I cannot become Jewish, which means we will never get to marry. I don't want to just pretend, but if it is all that I can get, I will take it. I can't imagine my life without you."

What Are You Listening To?

Men vs. Women Race to 1000

177

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta looked at Edith, her eyes shining with excitement. "So what will happen when I meet with Rabbi Lincoln?"

"He is aware of your desire to convert to Judaism, but after some thought he has thought it best that he does not allow it. He is happy to meet with you and discuss his reasoning, but it is what he chosen. I am sorry dear."

Marta felt her stomach drop. What did that mean? She couldn't become Jewish? Just because one man says so? And how does he have the right to deny it to her? Marta felt frustrated and very defeated. She wanted this, not just for the sake of being able to be with Ezra without hiding, but because so far the things she has learned about Judaism align with her thoughts and beliefs. What was wrong with wanting to be a part of a religion that has such good values? She turned back to the carrots, unsure of what to say or do now.

"Marta," said Edith, getting the girl's attention, "I understand you are upset dear, but it is what it is. Abe and I have discussed, we know you are very important to our son, which is why we have allowed you to stay. You two may do as you please behind these doors. But outside, you two cannot be seen together anymore. Abe and I have to go on a trip tonight and will be gone for week, if not more. We trust you two to accept and follow our conditions. Be with my son how you wish, but only in this house."

Marta wanted to scream. It was like she was just handed a giant lollipop, but couldn't eat it. Just stare at it and maybe smell it a little. She wanted this life, all of it, but it was being denied to her in so many ways. Her optimism which returned only minutes ago, was washed away again. She would not leave Ezra, and having him in this way was better than not at all, but it hurt. Marta suddenly felt very lost. She just nodded her head to let Edith know she heard and understood.

Once dinner was ready, and Abe brought Ezra out, they gathered around the table and ate dinner. There was no talking, a stiff silence in the air. Marta would occasionally reach under the table to hold Ezra's hand for a moment, to keep her grounded. Because inside she felt everything spinning, and her chest ached. Once dinner was over, Marta did as she was told. After Ezra said his goodbyes to his parents, Marta carefully walked him back into the bedroom and onto the bed.

This was the first time they would be truly alone. Of course they have been alone in the past, but there was always a lurking eye, or the knowledge that any minute his parents would walk in, so it was an odd feeling. Once she knew Ezra was comfortable, Marta remembered her suitcases.

"Ezra I left my belongings downstairs, I will be right back." She turned and went down the stairs and into the alley where her suitcases were. She hadn't had a chance to look through them, so she didn't know what her parents left for her. Once she was back upstairs, she went back into the bedroom, putting the suitcases down. She couldn't bring herself to open them. What if they were empty inside, what if they didn't give her anything? In less than 24 hours, Marta lost her parents, her dream of becoming Jewish, and hope that one day her and Ezra could truly be together. She sat on the edge of the bed, her back to Ezra as silent tears fell from her eyes. She did not say anything to Ezra. What was she suppose to say?

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta wasn't shocked by Ezra denying her request. She knew he would, but she still hoped deep down if the time came, he would listen. When Ezra sat up, his back to Marta, Marta wanted to reach out and touch him, but thought against it. Marta has learned that Ezra's passion made him unreachable, momentarily at least. Ezra seemed to declare his love and concern for her more in his rages than when he was calm. But Marta knew better than to touch him or try and calm him. At this point, it was best for him to express his feelings.

She was concerned though when he stood up and started pacing. This was more movement his body could handle at the moment, but Marta didn't dare stop him. She did perch herself on the edge of the bed, so if he started to stumble, she could help catch him. He would definitely be sore and exhausted after this. Marta did perk up when she heard the word children leave Ezra's mouth. She bit down on her lip to keep from smiling. She didn't want Ezra to think she wasn't taking this seriously, but when he spoke of children, even if the subject matter was something she hoped never happened, it made Marta feel warm inside. Ezra was always so sure his life would end soon, that he would not live beyond the next few years. But children was a future that would require living longer than that. It meant Ezra has at least thought about it, that means he may have a bit of hope deep down. Marta did not want to say anything on the subject matter, but she felt her hope strengthening again. After the day she had today, and days like when she watched Ezra be beat almost to death, her hope dwindled. But that comment brought some of it back.

Once Ezra had said his peace, and was leaning against the wall, Marta got up and walked slowly over to him, to gauge if he was ok with being touched yet. She walked up, wrapping her arms around his neck and held him close, not saying a word. She did not like setting Ezra off on such a passionate tangent, but his emotions were big. He could not be subtle, which is one of the many reasons she loved him. He didn't hold anything back. Pulling back, she stayed in his arms and gave him a small smile. "You are a stubborn fool Ezra Baer, but I love you so much."

She leaned over to give him a kiss. Unbeknownst to them, Ezra's parents had heard majority of Ezra's rant. They had come up and heard Ezra's loud voice. They got nervous something was wrong, but when they listened and heard how he declared so much of himself for Marta, the couple looked at each other with sad eyes. They were beginning to understand more and more than Marta was not just an infatuation and she wasn't going anywhere. They were accepting her, and realizing that she really was a sweet girl and she was being honest about her desire to become a Jew. Once they heard the commotion in the room settle, they pretended to close the door and act like they just entered for the first time. Edith called, "Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes!" and she went into the kitchen.

Abe walked into the bedroom, frowning when he saw Ezra standing, but also felt a little pride that his son was so strong. But none of those thoughts showed on his face. "Time to bathe son" he said as he started gathering the necessary items.

Marta knew that it meant she had to leave, so she gave Ezra a gentle kiss, leaving the room and closing the door behind her. She walked over to the kitchen and began helping Edith without a word, cutting up carrots for the stew she was making. Edith looked at the girl, truly looked at her, and let out a sign. Her son could have picked worse she thought. She put down the spoon she was using to stir the stew and turned to Marta.

"Marta, dear, I think it is time we take you to see Rabbi Lincoln" she said.

Marta's eyes widened and a smile spread across her lips, "Oh do you mean it Mrs. Baer? That would be amazing!"

In the bedroom, Abe started to help Ezra undress, but before he did, he sat his son down on the bed. "Son, I think it is time we discuss some arrangements. I think it is time for me to meet with Atalia's mother and explain that things have changed and you cannot marry Atalia anymore." He waited to gauge his son's reaction.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta helped Erza put his necklace back on, seeing the relief in his face. Marta knew how important the necklace was to him, and his family. She saw him reach for it countless times, and every time she felt a pang of guilt in her heart. But it was now back where it belonged. She listened to Ezra, finally express his feelings and thoughts about Oscar. Marta and his parents had been so cautious about discussing what happened, but now Marta was wondering if letting his feelings out would be therapeutic for Ezra. Obviously it would not make him feel safe, or stop the nightmares, or change reality, but hopefully it would stop him from keeping his emotions bottled up. And Marta felt it necessary to make it known that he was not alone.

"Ezra, I did not know what hate was until I met Oscar. There is no denying, I try to see the best in a situation and people, but Oscar doesn't even deserve my hope that he will see his wrongdoing and fix his ways. He is scum who does not deserve to walk on this earth."

Marta felt her anger rising, but she kept her demeanor calm. The words that left her mouth felt foreign. Marta has never spoken so ill of a person before in her life. But everything she said was the truth. If Oscar died tonight, Marta would not mourn him. Hell she may even dance on his grave. It almost scared her about having these feelings, but she was tired of ignoring them. She looked at Ezra as he said he would take Oscar's life, and Marta would not stop him. But Ezra also knew Oscar was stronger, and he had help. The Jewish community was too scared to help fight back, even if they had the numbers. If even just a couple of neighbors had come to their aid the other day, Oscar may not have been able to hurt Ezra as much as he had. But there was too much fear, it made people forget about others and only be concerned with their self. But Marta did not care about herself, all she cared about was Ezra, knowing he was ok and alive. That was all that mattered.

Looking into Ezra's eyes, "Ezra, I need you to promise me something." She knew what she was about to say, Ezra would never agree to, but she hoped if the situation arose, he would follow through with it regardless.

"If something were to ever happen, and we were in a situation that meant one of us was going to die, but they other could survive, I want you to save yourself. You have so much more to live for Ezra. You have parents who love you and support you. You have a strong community who cares about you, and I know it may not seem like it recently, but they do. Everyone asks about you when they come into the bakery. It is just dark times we are living in right, and fear is the driving motive. But your life has so much more value. So please, promise me that you will save yourself first."

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt warmth envelope her body when she heard Ezra confirmed what she had hoped. That this was her home now. Every day she spent here, she found more and more comfort in being here. She loved the smells, the way it always smelt like fresh made baked goods. She loved the simplicity. Her parent's house was filled with art, and sculptures and whatever they could find to make their house more extravagant so when they had company they would be impressed. Marta found it all materialistic and tacky. Despite being given whatever she wanted, Marta had always kept her room simple. She only had one portrait hanging, it was a painting of the ocean view from the beaches in France they went to every summer. That may be the only sacrifice Marta will miss. The chance to see the ocean. It was truly spectacular and Marta loved the feeling of the sand between her toes, and the water hitting her legs, all while watching a beautiful sunset. But she had something better. A man who loved her and she loved back.

"I feel more at home here than I ever did at my parent's house" she said, "I just didn't want to assume. But I promise to work and earn my keep here."

She knew Ezra wouldn't kick her out if she decided to sit around all day, but his parents would not be too fond of that idea. But Marta wanted to make sure she didn't give them more reasons to hate her. She saw that they were beginning to accept her more and more, but ultimately, she knew if she disappeared suddenly they would not be heartbroken, unlike their son. When Ezra pulled her close to him, she carefully laid down on her side, facing Ezra, resting her head carefully on his shoulder and resting her hand on his upper chest, avoiding his ribs. She would never bore of this or never stop wanting to be in Ezra's arms. It made her feel things she never thought possible.

When Ezra asked her house her parents found out, Marta inwardly cringed. She didn't want to tell him, it would only upset him, but then he guessed it. Letting out a sigh, Marta propped herself up onto her elbows, still lying next to Ezra, but could look into his eyes.

"It was my fault. I stupidly continued to use Sarah as my alibi. I just couldn't focus on my cover story. I guess my parents finally called Sarah's house to ask about me, but Oscar took the phone and told them everything. I am not upset they know, I am just upset how they found out. I did want to tell them, I just didn't know how yet."

Marta looked away, feeling the tears forming in her eyes once again. She is surprised her body could still form tears after the amount she has cried in the past few weeks. But crying was good, it was cleansing. She only let a few spill before collecting herself. Then she suddenly remembered; reaching into her pocket, she pulled out Ezra's necklace and handed it to him.

"Sarah caught me as I was leaving my parent's house. She apologize and said she hated everything her brother has done" she said, "She knows she can't fix it, but she managed to get that back for you."

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta continued to busy herself with the folding. She let her mind wander for a moment as she thought about her suitcases currently hidden in the alley. She hadn't had a chance to look in them and see exactly what her parents gave her. They could be empty for all she knew, but hopefully they at least gave her some clothes. Though Marta knew a lot of her outfits were not acceptable for her new lifestyle, she needed something to wear and she felt bad for borrowing all of Edith's clothes. She heard Ezra speak, and she listened to his words, but her mind still couldn't fully process an answer. She was going to try and think of something to say, when she suddenly heard the mattress squeak. Glancing up, she saw Ezra stand from the bed. That immediately grabbed Marta's attention. She dropped the pair of pants in her hands, and took a few steps, meeting Ezra half way.

She got to him just in time, to have him partially collapse in her arms. She held him carefully around the waist, careful not to touch his ribs. This was the first time he stood on his own, and Marta wanted to scold him like a child, but then he said what said. Marta looked up, her eyes softened and filled with love. She carefully leaned over, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. She pulled back and smiled at him, "You are too stubborn for your own good."

They both were stubborn, which is why they couldn't keep away from each other. Ezra was being stubborn in his determination to keep Marta happy at all costs. She let out a happy sigh, and gave him another shift kiss, before helping him back into the bed. Once he was settled, Marta sat down, facing Ezra.

"I meant what I said to Atalia. I am not going to keep you from seeing her. She is too important to you, and I have no right to interfere. I just want you to be honest with me about your relationship with her. When you keep it hidden that is what upsets me. It makes me feel like you don't trust me, which I know isn't the case."

She sat there, running her fingers gently up and down Ezra's arms. She noticed she started doing things like that without even noticing. She liked feeling Ezra's skin and hair under her fingers, it kept her grounded. And Ezra never complained.

"And I am sorry for being so stand-offish just now. I just...I ..." Marta wasn't sure how to tell him what happened to her earlier. "I went home earlier today to get some clean clothes. My parents, they were there waiting for me, with two suitcases. They kicked me out." Marta decided to hold off on telling him how exactly they found out. Marta and his parents never mentioned Oscar or what happened to him around Ezra. They did not want to trigger anything and make Ezra have a panic attack.

"I just have a lot on my mind, you know... have to figure out where I am going to live now" she said, half sarcastically, half serious. She didn't want to assume she could stay here, with Ezra's family, but she really hoped she could. She felt more at home everyday. It didn't even bother her how much she has sacrificed. She no longer has food prepared for every meal, or a driver waiting to take her wherever she wanted to go, or a bathroom all to herself. None of those materialistic things matter, as long as she had Ezra by her side.