There was no choice but to face the music. What happened could not be forgiven without recompense, or at least so did Sylvia think and Ember agreed with her. What form that would take… they disagreed on it. Ember asked for some time to think it over, letting the protector do what she thought to be the best while she retreated into a corner of their shared space. Hotaru remained out of reach likewise, concealing herself behind countless walls Sylvia did not even try to break, because she had no idea where to begin.
At least with the inevitable punishment, she knew where to begin. That did not mean it was easy, her hands turning white as she gripped the implement, her head hanging low. She felt the fingers on Shuuko’s body grow numb - stronger, more vivid than usual. Maybe because she could not share the burden with anyone - and her shoulders quaked. She had to have scraped deep gouges into her skin with her nails, yet that would be nothing compared to what was to come.
Sylvia took a deep breath. She willed Shuuko’s body still. Shivering would only make it worse. The punishment would hurt more. Last longer. Dig deeper. She could not hide her fear completely, because that would not help either. She had to wear the perfect amount on her face. Not too little, not too much.
Another breath. A quick check of her expression in a hand mirror. She looked passable: white as a sheet, with her lips pursed tight. Gathering all of the courage she would need, the protector knocked on the door of Roche’s apartment and felt a serrated lump grow in her throat.
In the wake of the Club’s first full group activity, Roche was physically drained. The external wounds didn’t carry over but the exhaustion was pervasive. It proved the rare day when even the Track Club could be afforded a lax day, their captain set upon the bleachers offering half hearted shouts as they kept a sedate pace around the track.
She needed time. Time to recover and time to process what she knew was coming that night.
Shuuko had tried to kill Hizuki. A dark magical girl trying to kill a Light Girl, while frowned upon heavily, was still something understandable. A mortal sin, but one few could look upon with any judgement.
But doing so when she was tacitly accepted by the club and everyone was fighting for their lives? That was not something that could be ignored. Deferred? Roche had no choice when she barely made it home after the Giga Miseria, but if she didn’t address then Rei would have to start looking for a new Rule Keeper.
Roche hadn’t spent one minute longer at school then she needed to before racing back home. Casting aside her windbreak and shucking on an oversized shirt, the fabric was soft and billowed around her knees like a nightgown. She lifted the collar upwards and took a sniff, expression souring to find it smelled of nothing but herself.
The TV was off and there was hardly a light on, the Rule Keeper sullen upon the couch as she leaned in discomfort upon the arm. Physical distractions to the turmoil of the coming conversation. It came as a relief to hear the knock and she bounded upwards, wrought with a manic desire to free herself from the wretched anticipation.
Common sense asserted itself only once her hand found the door handle, and by then she had no recourse but to pull it open and take in Shuuko looking as frail and distraught as when they conversed upon the school rooftops.
She stared with widened eyes before slowly, palms open as though approaching a skittish cat, she pulled her into a hug.
”I want you to know I’m not mad at you. I will not scream, and I won’t ever hit you. Okay, Shuuko?”
Lies. The rulekeeper had to be angry. She merely hid it well, behind a wall of sweet words and while Sylvia was not familiar with this, she still knew what would happen later. A distant part of her hoped that she could get out of this by talking, but there was very little chance for that, so she did not cling to it. She only put the thing in her hands away, storing it in the shoulder bag she got recently, before she nodded.
”Okay.” Her response came flat, without much emotion or a response to the hug. Just a hint of fear, precisely calculated so that Grandmother or Grandfather would not make the torture punishment last longer. She dared not to return their gesture lest they get mad about a filthy thing touching them.
Shuuko’s disbelief came off as palpable as a wave breaking upon Roche. She sagged slightly under it’s embrace and twisted into a side hug. Leading her into the apartment after shutting and locking the door behind them. The heavy click of the bolt sliding home was more ominous then she intended, and the Rule Keeper hurried to set her friend down upon the couch before settling beside her.
”Now, I want you to take a breath, and tell me anything you want about. Just say it in your own words, and not what you think I want to hear.”
It was important to her that she withheld her judgement till Shuuko explained herself. Enough so she withdrew her arm from the girl’s shoulder and folded them over her own lap, projecting a calm she didn’t feel to try- Futilely- To put Shuuko at some ease.
Shuuko’s body flinched as Roche touched her. Thankfully, it seemed the rulekeeper did not pick up on it, leading it towards the couch before she spoke, telling Sylvia the cruelest thing she possibly could.
Just say it in your own words.
So it did not matter what she said. Her punishment had been decided in advance and the only thing she could control is how severe it would be. It made complete sense; she… or rather, Hotaru… had screwed up, nearly getting the entire Detention Club killed. Or at least seriously injured. Hizuki more than most.
”I’m sorry.” The lump in Sylvia’s throat grew bigger. She could barely keep it down. She could not even look into Roche’s eyes; Grandmother and Grandfather hated that, so Roche had to hate it too and so she would be punished. ”Please don’t hurt me, Roche.” The protector pleaded, reminding herself of the implement in her satchel. She was not supposed to present it just yet; she had to satisfy the rulekeeper’s curiosity first.
”I know that I shouldn’t have attacked Hizuki and I did it anyway.” Still no eye contact. Only a tremble of fear in her voice.
The matter was serious but Shuuko’s reaction spoke of a terror that unsettled Roche deeply. She’d kept her hands to herself not because she didn’t want contact but so she didn’t want to terrify the girl with the hyper tension of her curled fingers against her.
”We all know what happened. That’s not what I’m asking.” The Rule Keeper said with a sigh, casting her gaze down to the floor as she sagged forward. Discomfort fell upon her shoulders and she ached to stop and let the matter rest.
”You need to tell me WHY you tried to kill Hizuki…and then tell me why you stopped.”
Ah. If only Sylvia knew. A part of her wanted to say that it was not her who really hurt Hizuki. That it was Hotaru, the warrior. Her sister-in-arms. But not only would Grandmother refuse to believe her, it would make things only worse. So she had to lie and come up with a reason. But why would she attack someone? Especially people who didn’t deserve it? She could not come up with any reason and Ember was no help to her right now. Not that she wanted to bother the schemer with this.
”I…” Didn’t know? Had no reason to? No, Grandmother would never accept that. ”I…” she averted Shuuko’s head even further. Her shoulder sagged. ”Because I’m a bad girl.”
”You aren’t even listening to me.” It was all too clear Shuuko was gripped by the same hysteria that spoke of unresolved trauma. Not for the first or last time did Roche yearn to break the unbreakable rule and snap the necks of Shuuko’s grandparents.
It was so much harder to not reach out and grab Shuuko. Physical encouragement came easy to Roche and she longed for contact, but she could picture the terrified response it would evoke well enough to stay her hand and keep them on her lap. Clasped together and trembling with the force they locked together and her nails cleaved into the backs of her palms.
”Hizuki forgave you. Rei forgave you by not acknowledging it. Just about all of the club can understand the desire and won’t hold it against you. Shuuko, I forgive you.”
Inhale. Exhale.
”You aren’t here to be punished. If anyone is going to be it’s me for not upholding the protection I offered, but that’s for another day. So please, Shuuko, I’m asking you why you stopped. Not because I want to condemn you, but because I want you to hear yourself say it and realize you aren’t a bad girl.”
What did Grandmother even want from her? Sylvia could not even start to guess, no matter how many times she examined the words spoken to her. The admission of guilt, of being in the wrong usually won her some favour, but she had to have missed something. She did not dare look up at her, nor could she question her without risking severe punishment but… Ah. That might work.
”Then please tell me what I did wrong.” There was no such thing as forgiveness, after all.
The Rule Keeper groaned, hands coming apart so she could grind the heel of her palm to her brow. Shuuko was so deep into her misery she couldn’t see or hear anything. It required a drastic response even if it was likely the wrong one.
Twisting on the couch she threw her leg over Shuuko’s lap and straddled it, now having to look down. Her over-large shirt pooled around her hips while she rested her hands on the sofa cushions behind Shuuko.
”Shuuko, I thought I was clear I wanted to get to know you. To be friends with you. I didn’t call you here to punish you, but to get to know you better.”
That did not sound like something Grandmother would say. Nor would Grandfather say it. Daring to risk a look at her would be tormentor, Sylvia glanced up and saw Roche climb up on her and… her heart skipped a beat. Even with the tremors running through her, she felt something at the sight that should not have been there, especially in the presence of her parents. It proved enough for her to look straight up into an emerald forest in a mixture of wide-eyed wonder and terror.
A breath. A shudder. A trick of the light. Were there hints of green in those eyes, or was Roche seeing things? The rulekeeper could likely not catch it, as Sylvia averted her gaze again.
”I… I won’t be punished?” The words felt foreign. The body’s shoulders loosened slightly. Her spine still remained curled and tense, though, like a bowstring about to snap and strike someone in the face.
”No, you aren’t going to be punished. I suppose I’ve gotten complacent with how often I have to say this to Suki, but I’ll tell you as well; I won’t ever hit you.”
It was disheartening that there was such a sincere need to state it, but her own reputation did Roche no favors. Knowing that, and seeing how fraught with tension Shuuko was, was all the impetus she needed to try and relieve her from the expectation of physical punishment.
”I won’t guilt you, shame you, or demand you repay anyone for it. I will only ask you to answer my question, but if you really do not want to, just say so and I will let it drop till you’re ready. We can just put something on the TV and unwind.”
The Club wouldn’t be pleased with her to let the matter go entirely, but it wouldn’t be the first secret she’d buried from them.
The protector almost collapsed while sitting. Her breath hitched as she suppressed her tears, but she could not hide how the colour returned to her face, nor could she as much as attempt to conceal her shaking shoulders. It also spoke volumes that she finally dared to look Roche in the eyes. Shuuko’s gaze filled with relief as the air filled with heavy breaths, each one bringing life to a new limb or an area of her body.
”I… umm… I don’t think I want to talk about it.” There. She said it. If the rulekeeper did not want to press, she would not open up about it. ”I have lots of bad memories.” But they also had nothing to do with Hizuki and everything to do with the past. She still could not wrap her head around why Hotaru would blame someone for the mistakes of another and the warrior refused to heed her call.
She took another breath and it caught for a different reason.
Were Roche’s eyes always this beautiful? They gleamed in the low light as though they were a precious gem and as she thought that, Sylvia reached for the ruleekeper’s face. Her hands slid along the cheek, carefully, almost as though the other dark girl would shatter if she were too forceful. Then she realised what she was doing and froze.
Roche offered a shrug that set her bangs swaying, dismissing the inquisition without any gravitas. If Hizuki was fine with matters, then no one else was owed an explanation. More importantly, Roche had already forced enough hard truths from Shuuko the day prior.
As much as she did want to know more about her, it was so much easier to abandon the pursuit when it meant she wouldn’t have to see the girl cry.
The decision felt more virtuous seeing Shuuko unfurl beneath, the rigid guard dispersing amidst a wave of elation she could both see and feel pass through the other Magical Girl. Then it was all she could do to keep still as Shuuko made the first movement of her own volition and reached out, hand brushing across her cheek with a warmth that made the Rule Keeper’s spine stiffen.
Then she relaxed, and a bit more of Roche’s weight pressed down upon the Magical Girl she straddled. A lazy smile pulled at her lips as she tilted her cheek into the palm against it.
”You’re warm, Shuuko. It’s another thing I like about you.” The Rulekeeper purred, her shock melting into a half lidded gaze like a contented feline and her hands drew from the sofa’s cushions to settle upon Shuuko’s shoulders. Resting there easily, not even touching the skin yet perched softly all the same.
Why did her heart start racing when Roche said that? Something welled up inside of Sylvia. Suddenly, the terror she felt deep in her heart no longer seemed so bad and while it still ran its course, she allowed herself to be overtaken by what she could not name. A pillowy thing. A soft thing. A fluffy thing. It let her continue her touch along Roche’s skin, the contact speaking to… another something inside of her.
Perhaps the thought that she had never experienced a gentle touch like this.
Shuuko’s body did flinch a little when Roche lowered her hands onto Sylvia’s shoulders, but the protector felt that they were different than the rough, large things that lashed across the skin of her back and shoulders. They… intruded, yes, but they… also felt a little comfortable?
Her brows frowned.
”I… I’m not good at compliments,” she replied, the oddity of the situation keeping her touch hesitant. Almost as though she were afraid of what might happen next.
”Fufu. I’m not enough of a narcissist as to start giving you ideas for those, but I’m flattered you want to anyway.” The Rule Keeper’s laughter was soft, unfettered by the stress of the day as she settled fully onto Shuuko’s lap. Her only effort at mindfulness was not to press upon her chest and smother the girl outright in her buxom.
After all, she wouldn’t be feeling Shuuko’s hand if she was worried about breathing.
Slowly her fingers began rubbing back and forth, a soothing motion to loosen muscles she could feel were as taut as corded wire. “That won’t stop me from giving you some examples, though.”
“Your eyes are priceless gems, and I could lose myself in them from sunup to sundown. Your hair is the envy of all women, and I long to lose myself in their length.” Roche said with a touch of theater, letting her voice swell grandly with honeyed words before dipping low enough that they were eye to eye. There was no teasing playfulness when she uttered the next words in a whisper.
“I can’t forget the softness of your lips.”
Thump thump. Thump thump.
The protector’s heart seemed intent on making its presence known, almost thunderously so, as blood started to rush towards her face under the barrage of compliments, especially when Roche mentioned her lips. Did their lips touch somehow? Was that not only for people who were important to you? Or was it a casual thing? Oh, what she would not give to have Ember in her head right now, but the schemer did not want to be disturbed, so Sylvia did not want to call out unless it was an emergency. This clearly was not.
”N-no, t-that isn’t true,” she managed to deny. ”I’m just a useless, filthy girl,” Sylvia averted her eyes again, but with how long they had locked gazes and how close they were to each other, Roche would definitely be able to notice the spots of green in the eyes of Shuuko’s body this time.
”You don’t have to force yourself to… compliment me. If… if anything, you’re umm… I think you’re… too nice to me.” At least for someone who wasn’t Ember, Hotaru or Chiaki.
So she doesn’t remember our accidental kiss much Roche thought while drinking in the flustered reaction of the Magical Girl beneath her. Adorable though they were, and there was no shortage of her desire to give Shuuko a very clear reminder of the last time she came to Roche’s place. Or at the school, though given her panic attack that was understandable.
The feline contentment radiating from the Rule Keeper dimmed in the face of Shuuko’s self depreciation, their little detente on the rooftop not sitting well with her. Her gaze narrowed further seeing, of all things, the untransformed girl’s eyes have the briefest flecks of green in their irises. A trick of the moonlight? Maybe, but Roche was starting to feel like those oculars were more expressive than Shuuko wanted to let on.
”There’s no such thing as being too nice to you, and I’ll keep being nice till you realize it.” One hand slowly detached from Shuuko’s shoulder, crossing the threshold to run along the slim arch of her neck, tracing the pads of her fingers over a rather lively pulsepoint before coming to cup Shuuko’s cheek. Mirror the touch that Roche still nuzzled against while not affording her the luxury of turning away from a far more focused gaze.
”If you call yourself filthy again I’m going to have no choice but to spend the entire night showering you with compliments till you can’t handle it. So take my word on the matter or I’ll have to start getting creative, Shuuko.”
Sylvia shook her head in response to what her companion said and closed her eyes. ”I know when people are being too nice to me.” The response felt heavy, almost as much of a condemnation of herself as confessing herself to be a filthy girl. The touch at her neck helped less, too, than Roche might have imagined, with Shuuko’s body tensing under the touch for a moment, becoming even worse when the chin was grabbed. It only let up after a while, silence reigning between the two of them for several seconds.
”You’d be lying.” A smile, out of all things. ”It’s okay. At least you’re not-” The body’s jaws clicked shut without warning. Right, she should not be mentioning that. Only dirty girls told people about it and she already spoke too much of what happened then, so she shook her head again as if that would make the moment go away. ”N-n-nevermind.”
Thump thump. Thump thump.
Why did her heart keep beating with such strength? Sure, she felt conscious of how close Roche came to her, along with how she touched, but it was not bad. It was not the touch of Grandmother or heavens forbid, Grandfather, yet… She did not know. It felt a little dizzying. But a part of her also wanted more? It made no sense.
It was a fool’s hope that Shuuko would be less tightly wound given the change in setting, but she still gave the same deflections that made Roche ache to damn her soul in an act of bloody minded violence. Even with those responsible long gone, the wounds they left were still open and weeping all over Shuuko.
I’d never have thought Nyxia would be the easier girl to connect to. For all that she was walking wounded and still living with her tormentors, neglect was a different beast then direct and active malice.
”If you’re so willing to let others apply labels to you, I wish you would accept the ones I offer as well.” The Rule Keeper sighed, her arms shifting to wrap around Shuuko’s neck in an embrace while she pressed her face into the crook of her neck. There she inhaled, drawing in a scent that was anything but filthy, and let her head rest upon her shoulder.
”For one, you’re a great cuddler. I might just fall asleep like this…..”
Two forces warred within Shuuko’s body. One of them trembled from how close Roche came. Muscles tensed up as she pushed herself close, anticipating a blow that could descend upon the protector at any time, whispering well-known promises of pain. The other, slightly stronger one felt a certain connection when Shuuko’s body was embraced, along with many unknown things that kept puzzling Sylvia. It almost felt as though she needed or wanted more of it, but not in a bad way.
She grasped for straws as she tried to hold onto it even as waves of uncertainty broke it up into fragments whenever she took a stronger breath or the discomfort started to outweigh the pleasant weight against her skin. Fortunately, it never seemed to get too bad, so she remained in Roche’s embrace, barely so.
”I… umm… I am not even hugging you,” she responded, not knowing what else to do. Indeed, her hands felt like useless lumps of flesh by her side as her touch had dropped from her friend’s face. ”Should I… hug you?” She knew even less on how to respond to the other things Roche said, only knowing that they were false. White lies spoken to make her feel better about herself.
And yet it was still leagues better than home.
”You’d feel better if you did.”
The Rule Keeper’s reply under layers of torpor, the rigors of the prior night’s battle slipping further from her the heavier her eye lids fluttered as she nestled herself against Shuuko.
Her breath came soft and warm, flushing across Shuuko’s neck in wisps. As close as they were she grew in tune with the girl’s conflicted reactions and felt her smile bloom beyond simple contentment when Shuuko’s body slackened in response to her.
”I’d like having your strong arms around me. Make me feel safe and warm.”
She could do that. Even if it made her feel weird, even if she felt all too conscious about it, Sylvia could definitely do it. So as her friend requested, she slowly, carefully wrapped her arms around the rulekeeper. It felt awkward at first, not to mention she felt like she could hurt Roche if she did it incorrectly, so after she did some initial fumbling around, she wanted to ask her friend how to hug her properly…
Only to see that her eyes had closed and her breath remained steady.
Well then. It looked like Sylvia would have to turn into Roche’s pillow for the night.
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