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6 mos ago
Current There are stupid questions, but if you pretend you were just joking you should be okay.
6 mos ago
The best business pitch is to throw the business ball past the business batter to the business catcher.
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6 mos ago
I sometimes hear about someone having skeletons in their closet. Ok? How do you know they're still in there? You can't just assume a skeleton is gonna stay still. This is your house, not a graveyard.


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So, FGO is tied with PvE GHGW, and the poll is said to have ended. I'm interested in doing whatever, I did cast my vote, but if more interest comes maybe those people should be allowed input as well.


"Good morning, you beautiful bitch! Finally gonna- GAH!" Boneless Man was slammed into the earth with a force that almost took Mori's arms off. Still, despite his surprise, it seemed that all his talk about wanting a tough opponent to fight back wasn't just for show. His best attempt at a grim came out as a grimace in this situation, but he still managed to chuckle amidst his grunts. This chick wasn't as awesome as he was, but when she actually decided to fight she was pretty friggin' awesome. "No sweat, Caster, no sweat! I can fight'n talk at the same time, and I'll take a mouth fulla' whatever you want as long as 'Zerker gets an ass fulla' metal!" As those words came out, Boneless Man was pulled back, downwards. Being knocked into the ground wasn't such an issue when you could slice through concrete like air, so the momentum of having his weapon swatted was put to some use in twirling it back around into a fighting position. Now, faced with this enemy, Lancer had to ask himself-

"...Do I feel lucky?" Looking at his own parameters, the answer was definitely a hard no. Even though 'Luck: E' sounded kinda like 'luck-y', the Grail had told Mori enough about the alphabet to know that E was lower than a lot of other letters. Still, faced with this overwhelming enemy, his statistics were telling him he wasn't lucky, but they were also telling him he wasn't gonna kick her ass, which he was definitely gonna do. So, Nagayoshi took a step forwards, too. His feet didn't send the road flying in chunks, but that was fine. Why bother smashing the street when he was here to kill her? The spear came forwards, again, but at least he was thinking about it a little. She hardly seemed to care what happened to her torso, so his best bet was her limbs. She probably wouldn't be satisfied unless she hit him, too, so he offered up one arm for that purpose. It was no big deal- As long as he swung this unblockable spear with even one hand, he was going to take both of her arms in exchange. She could cut him up a little, if she wanted, but he wasn't gonna stop for anything. Acceptance of death was already beginning to show in his eyes, along with confidence in his victory.

It was kinda disappointing, when the attacks connected without resistance. Lancer didn't usually get the chance to stick Boneless Man into a person who didn't immediately fall over, and he found that when he moved it a little slower it felt less like slicing through air and more like... He wasn't sure. Wiggling the blade around inside Berserker for a second, he tapped into his Grail-given knowledge of marshmallows. Yeah, a marshmallow would probably be pretty good right now. He wouldn't wanna eat a whole bag, though, so maybe he could convince his Master to get a bag for herself, and then just sneak a few..?

That one chick was letting them know Berserker's stats. It didn't mean much to Lancer, all that letters-and-math-thingies business. Her power was insanely high, but he was carving her up like a pumpkin, so how much did that really count for? He stepped back, realizing that the damage he was dealing didn't mean a whole lot, and he at least had the sense to not want to be within a sword's-length of that kind of force. That turned out to be a good call when Caster started working her magic.

Mori, who had been looking like he would just as easily chow down on a mediocre burger as take another swing at the unresponsive woman, dropped into a lower stance with his spear forwards when he realized what was going on. "No shit! I was thinkin' you had a huge stick up your ass, Caster, but was it actually a massive pair'a balls?" He genuinely liked the magus a little more based on her recent action. Without really checking to see if Berserker was on the move, Lancer lunged to one side making for the edges of her vision before making a rising slash with Boneless Man. He had done some serious work on her organs without much reaction, so he figured this time he'd take care of a few limbs to make things go smoother, starting with the girl's left thigh and arm. Given his Noble Phantasm's effect, there was actually a chance to plough right through multiple body parts in a single swing if it was angled right.


Mori didn't actually bother to read the stolen paper himself, passing it off to Rosa without much thought. It probably had some awesome tactical information that he had been responsible for retrieving, but his job wasn't to figure out who to beat the crap out of, just to be a badass when someone finally told him to. Luckily, he finally had those orders.

"Yeah, alriiight!" Lancer cheered as he was told to fight. He was ready to kill off this weirdo, but Caster's comment got his attention. "You can actually get this lame-brain to do stuff for ya? I like the sounda that. I'll just break her shins or somethin'!"

Mori flashed a confident thumbs-up to Rosa, then headed right back in the direction he had just come from. The sword chick must've been seriously out of it, since even his wittiest insults hadn't gotten a rise out of her. Well, if she wouldn't give him a rise, he'd make her fall! Hey, that's a nice line. I gotta write that down! Caster was surrounding the Berserker in ice, and since Lancer would eventually have to smash into that prison he figured he'd at least do it from a good angle. One moment he was charging headfirst for the enemy, and the next he was swerving around her as she froze. Once he made his way behind the restrained enemy, he sent a pair of vicious thrusts at her back. Boneless Man's blade cut through the ice like nothing, and it would do the same to this lady's flesh with this opportunity.

"Yeah, okay. I'll wait."

Mori was hanging off the side of a building, about three storeys up. He had been about to open combat with a ridiculously badass flip off the wall towards sword chick, but he had gotten orders to stop, so he had dug his hand into the wall in order to slow down. Ugh. Obviously he could stop any time he wanted, but why? "Don't you have any faith in me, boss?"

He had been ordered to come back, too. He actually had to run backwards 'cause the other losers couldn't keep up with him.

"Yeah, okay. I'll come." Through his mental link with Rosa, Mori sounded defeated. He released his grip on the wall and dropped.

...Into an unbelievably cool-as-shit flip off the wall towards the sword chick! "Not empty-handed though!"

Lancer moved at the speed of badass, crushing the ground beneath him as he landed and continued into a run. He could see the weird girl wandering around. She wasn't even looking at him! She was sticking her head into a wall like a friggin' scared flamingo or whatever! That was fine. That was cool. He wasn't here for her. He just wanted to grab a couple of those flyers that were stuck everywhere. Once a nice papery wall was in Mori's reach, he'd scoop a big chunk off with one arm before slamming into the wall and pushing off of it with his legs.

"I'm takin' ya shitty wallpaper, babe." He cleverly quipped as he bounded away. Returning to the group, as promised.

Let's go.

"Okay, yeah. I like the sounda this." Lancer wasn't sure about Caster, who was apparently worried her magic crap might get offended or something, but Archer seemed tough, and his Master was definitely a smart chick. She had given him solid orders, anyway.

His job was to run and be in front of everybody else, which made a lotta sense. The other two could fight at range, so he wasn't worried about getting isolated by going too far from them. Not that he'd need backup against some dumbasses hanging out in a city! Lancer cracked a skeleton's skull for good measure as he zipped off, shouting "Time to ride, girl!" For whatever reason.

He was going at a speed that would probably tempt the other Servants to call out 'slow down, you'll burn through all your mana', but Rosa would find this actually wasn't the case. Mori's horse was in his legs, which gave him long-distance running capabilities at an efficiency level pretty unusual for a Servant. He never missed an opportunity to run up a wall, because it looked cool as shit, but also because he could get a better look over the area once he reached the top, before leaping to the next building and running down its wall, all without losing speed.

Hell yeah. I'm awesome.

It may have been the animal infused into him that caused him to feel so alive while doing this. Lancer let out a free-spirited laugh, and then promptly outran it. He dinged his spear on mailboxes and streetlights as he ran northward with the river on his right, looking around eagerly for whatever trouble had been worth summoning a whole bunch of ancient dead fighters and nerds. "Alright! Where're the crappy skele-guys at?!"

Lancer had conjured his spear upon arrival, and faced towards the approaching undead with a demonic half-grin. Tragically, they had proven to be non-threats, easily suppressed by Caster's own minions. Boneless Man dematerialized as Mori muttered, "Freakin' wimps. I don't even gotta go down there for crap like that."

That being the case, it was time to focus on the big picture.

"Yeah, I can take a look around real quick. Don't know about nunna that runic crap, but ain't no way these bone losers are catchin' up ta me if I take a jog around their stupid town."

Idly, he tore a bit of stone out of the ground and lobbed it at a skeleton engaged with a warrior, chuckling quietly as he beaned the thing in the head and likely destroyed it. His gaze then shifted to the living human among them, from whom he sensed the tug of a contract. "Yo, this Caster chick and the big guy sound like a real coupla' brainiacs, but you're my boss. Lemme know what plan you're thinkin' of for the fight- or I can just grab ya and we can fuck wayyy off. Definitely an option."

Knowledge of the modern day flowed through Mori's head, and he picked out his favourite bits. The city was obviously fucked to damn shit, but he wondered if there was still some gum or Cheetos around somewhere.

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