megatrash

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane popped up abruptly at Rob’s suspicion. He had been sitting at her feet, but now she was cross-legged and facing him with an intent look in her eyes. “No, no, no” she shook her head. “That’s what they want you to think. That’s her boyfriend who’s trying to do the right thing. He’s just emotionally distraught.” Her finger aimed at a character in the background. “I think that’s the murderer. He’s the one she’s leaning on while her boyfriend’s acting all weird, but you can tell he’s keeping a secret. He gets nervous every time she brings up her sister getting killed.”

Jane paused and scoffed at herself. “Listen to me. This is why I don’t watch TV.” Her eyes darted back to Rob, curled up in his blanket similar to how she was, and this caused a smile to tug at her lips. The same selfishness that she hated herself for was the same emotion begging for her body to lay down on him. She reached for her cup of water on the coffee table, as if to delay the inevitable, but her lack of self-control would always win; it was a truth she accepted long ago.

She grabbed her pillow and placed in on Rob’s lap before shifting into a fetal position, her feet tucked into the arm of the couch and the blanket swaddling her. The change in position was one that filled her with a complete sensation of warmth and safety, yet also one of self-loathing. Of disappointment in herself. Her intentions weren’t to drag this out, to keep him waiting, but to soak up every moment with him before things had the possibility of taking a turn for the worst.

Before he hated her for not being honest.
Before he got sick of her bullshit.
Before he got his heart broken by her.

”I’m gonna tell him. Tonight.”

Although these thoughts caused her focus to drift from the movie, she didn’t have time to dwell on them too long before falling asleep in his lap. The comfort her provided her reminded her of the Xanax she took recently – it had a way of helping her forget about the bigger problems at hand, and also lulled her to sleep, like child being held by their mother.

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It was as if burning guilt was what woke Jane up from her deep sleep. Her mind gave her no time to adjust to her surrounding before hitting her with the overwhelming sensation of how wrong she was going about the situation with Rob.
”It’s okay, Jane. You’re gonna tell him. Tonight, you’re gonna tell him.”

Yes, tonight. She would be on the high she got from performing, mixed with the buzz from whatever she decided to partake in beforehand, which would give her a false sense of a boost of confidence. A failsafe if things go wrong. Jane wasn’t sure if she was mentally prepared to be rejected by him if he was already over it. She knew that he couldn’t have lost feelings for her this quickly, but he could have finally realized what she said was true.

That Jane was a noncommittal, selfish asshole that will most likely never settle down or make him the happiest he could be.

Rob’s hand rested on the small of her waist, and another tangled in her hair, as if he’d been rubbing her head. She groaned quietly at both the fact of how good his hands felt on her, and the fact that’d she would have to get up. Her eyes squinted to read the time on the stove in the kitchen. 6:21 PM. She had slept for nearly 5 hours in that position.

“Shit,” she whispered as she rubbed her eyes and lifted up slowly.

After showering quickly, she moved through the hotel room quietly as she got dressed in a white camisole tucked into ripped, black skinny jeans. Her door clicked shut quietly before she put on Somebody Else by The 1975 and began to pack up her things with her spare time. Jane sang along quietly and danced around the room as she threw her belongings in a duffle bag opened wide on the bed.

Tomorrow, they had a two hour drive to Philedelphia to play a 2:00 PM set at an all-day festival, then they were immediately leaving on an almost seven hour drive for a set at 10:00pm in Cleveland. At the realization, Jane began to second-guess if telling Rob how she felt tonight was a mistake. A total of nine-hours in the van tomorrow after admitting her feelings could be either agonizing or completely fine depending on Rob’s reaction to it all.

”Maybe I shouldn’t…

“Rob,” Jane whispered as she lightly patted his check. “Hey, we’re outta here in half an hour.” She stood up straight again, waiting for him to wake up. “Sorry for crashing on you for five hours.” She smiled as an attempt to lighten the mood before he could be upset with her for her actions. Her greed.

She retreated to the kitchen to grab a beer and slipped out onto the patio for a cigarette. New York had been interesting, but she made peace with the fact that it was time to leave. Watching thousands of people roaming the street below made her feel insignificant, but it didn’t sadden her. If anything, it made her feel a bit better. Like none of this mattered.

“You ready?” Jane said softly to Rob as she reentered the room. She scooped up her pack of cigarettes and phone from the coffee table and threw them her in bag before looking back up to him. A brief moment of eye contact was held – her hazel eyes to his dark ones – and instead of awkwardly looking away like her nerves begged her to, she smiled faintly. “Let’s go.”

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Ground Control was packed with patrons when the band arrived. Three other bands were scheduled to play before In Bloom, and one was scheduled to play after them. Jane had drank a few beers by the time Mia approached her.

“You’re investing more money in the band than I have,” Jane laughed as she hugged her.
“I had to come see you on your last night here,” Mia admitted as she took a seat next to Jane. “So, have you done it yet?”
“No,” she sighed. “Probably tonight.”
“Good,” Mia rubbed her shoulder. “You’ll feel better either way.”

Sound check went smoothly, and Jane interacted with some of crowd as she sat down at the front of the stage with a cigarette. She felt more nervous than usual; a ball of anxiety was sitting in her chest.

Two songs in, Jane had to stop for a moment. “Alright, alright. Give me a second.” She hopped down the front of the stage, weaved her way to the bar and back, and climbed back up on the stage with a shot glass of Jameson in her hand.

“Ahh,” she sighed after shooting it back. “Much better.”

After the set ended, Jane nearly ran out the back door of the venue. She leaned against the cool, brick wall the building was made of and took a few deep breaths before lighting a cigarette. The urge to vomit came and went. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself as her mind replayed what-if scenarios over and over again. “Stop being a pussy.” Her hand wiped the sweat of her forehead as she closed her eyes to get ahold of herself. She hated emotions. Feelings. Talking about emotions and feelings. Talking about her emotions and feelings, especially. If Jane could glide through life without ever having to talk about how she felt – which is normally how it worked out – she would.

Her head leaned against the brick wall as she ignited another cigarette and blew the smoke above her head. She had calmed her breathing down enough to seem fine enough to those passing by. She said a few "hellos" and "thank yous" to the groups of people who complimented her.

"See? You're fine."

Take My Hand if You Wanna Live (1x1 partner search)

Firstly, I have to compliment you on the use of Blind Guardian album artwork in your post.

I've been craving something dark/historical for a while now, but I'll admit I haven't brainstormed much on what exactly to do with it. I'd love to work something out though.

Feel free to shoot me a PM if I'm someone you'd like to collaborate with. If not - good luck with your search :)

Promises left on the sand(megatrash/freedom)

Don't sweat it, man! I hope you had an awesome break and good luck with work :-)

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

“Thanks for being with me last night.”

A coy expression accompanied by an understanding nod was all Jane replied with instead of saying everything she truly wanted to -

”Thanks for letting me.”
”Thanks for coming home to me and not sleeping at Mia’s.”
”Fuck the interview. Let’s just stay here.”

Slowly but surely, the definitive dividing line that Jane had drawn between her and her emotions – the line that represented all of the reasons why telling Rob how she felt was an awful idea – was becoming blurred. Her mind was releasing all of her excuses one by one, and when she tried to recount them all, her memory failed her. Especially during mornings like this, when just moments ago, they were laying together in bed, both at their most vulnerable state.

And as Rob finished his statement, Jane realized that she really didn’t care if he slept with Mia or not. He was in the dark in regards to her feelings, and she couldn’t expect him to stick around waiting for when she made up her mind.

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After exiting the building, Jane felt good about the interview as a whole, but she knew she would soon grow annoyed with being asked the most superficial questions compared to the others in the band. It was normal for women, she understood, but those were the types of stereotypes of girls in the music scene that she wanted to shatter.

As her mind mulled over all of the events of the morning so far, she looked up to Rob who was a few feet ahead of her, and she quickened her pace to walk next to him. “Hope you’re feeling better than I am,” she laughed. “You, uh, I think you passed out the second you hit the bed. You were a perfect gentleman after that.”

”Well, besides in the morning,” she thought to herself. Her mind flashed to visions of how she woke up – his hand clutching her, what she felt behind her – which was nothing to be embarrassed about. But knowing Rob, he must have felt some sort of guilt as to how the night turned out. He never liked when Jane’s motherly instinct kicked in, possibly because it was so out of character, but she never minded taking care of him. It was a way for her to show how she felt without having to talk. Her favorite way to show affection.

They had entered the van that had been waiting for them on the street, and Jane took a seat next to Rob. “I’m gonna get brunch with Mia, then probably spend the rest of the day horizontal,” she explained as she rubbed the bridge of her nose, a part of where her headache was focused.

It only took Jane five minutes to leave the hotel once again after they had gotten back. Her longboard carried her through the busy streets, and she flipped off everyone and anyone who honked or catcalled at her. Mia had been waiting for her at an outside table when Jane jumped off the board and plopped down across from her.

“Hey,” Jane said as she caught her breath and removed the strands of hair from her face. She reached in her pocket and grabbed the bracelet Sam gave her and tossed it to Mia. “Did you fuck Sam last night? I thought you were all ‘Team Rob.’”
“I was,” Mia admitted as she stuffed the bracelet in her purse, “But he was not ‘Team Mia.’ Half way through the night he began avoiding me like the plague.”
Jane shot her a genuinely quizzical look. “Really? That’s weird.”
“Well, it’s not that weird,” Mia smirked. “You weren’t yourself last night. He wasn’t himself last night. I’m not an idiot; something’s brewing between you guys. I just wish you said something, girl. I would’ve laid off.”

Jane shook her head. “Its, uh, its not like that, I – “

“Oh come on, Jane. Look, I don’t care if you lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself like that. Why don’t you tell him? He ingested enough drugs and alcohol to kill a horse last night – probably to mask whatever the hell he’s feeling about you.” Mia grabbed her hand and stared at her until Jane met her eyes.

She sighed. “I know, I know. But, okay, listen – let’s say I tell him how I feel. That I wanna test the waters and see where it goes. What if I fuck up? What if I hook up with someone else, or-or I’m not what he wanted after all? We’re still stuck together for another month and a half in a fucking van. Shit, man, can you imagine how weird that would be?” She rested her chin on both of her fists. “I don’t wanna lose my best friend if things don’t work out. If it were simpler than that, I woulda slept with him already.”

Both of the girls laughed at the statement.

“You’re way more daring than this, Jane,” Mia sighed as she squeezed her hand. “Since when are you scared of the consequences of anything you do?”

Jane laughed. “You’re right. I’ll, uh, I’ll talk to him. Soon.”

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Once Jane arrived back to the hotel, she quickly ran into her room to change into a tank top and a pair of pajama shorts before plopping on the plush couch in the apartment’s living room and flipping mindlessly through the channels on the box-shaped TV. After settling for a cheesy, made-for-TV murder mystery, she lit a joint and blew the smoke towards the patio door, which was opened slightly to suck out the cloudy atmosphere that Jane was creating. Thoughts of having to get back on the road tomorrow filled her with both excitement and a sense of uneasiness. It was nice having the consistency of staying in a city for three days, but Jane knew soon enough, she’d grow restless as she did with everything and everyone else.

After she was done smoking, Jane pulled the blanket up to her chin and forced her tired eyes to focus on the TV to keep her mind wandering from anywhere else. The hand that wasn’t gripping the blanket trailed the other arm up and down slowly, a habit she performed subconsciously as some sort of method for comforting herself.

Eventually, though, her mind did wander. How would she tell Rob how she felt? When would the perfect time be? Was there even a perfect time? No matter where they went or what they were doing, there was no real haven she could run to after she spilled her guts, her signature move. Instead, whatever course she decided to take, she would have to deal with the aftermath there and then. Nowhere to hide. She mumbled a curse to herself as she stared blankly at the screen.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane had already began drifting to sleep as she heard a an extremely loud thud outside of her door somewhere in the suite. “Shit,” she mumbled as she threw her legs over the bed, tip-toed to the door, and stuck her head out. “Jesus Christ.” She was only wearing the large LA tee shirt from that night and a pair of boy shorts, but based on the condition Rob seemed to be in, modesty didn’t seem like it should be deemed a top priority.

After kneeling down and removing the hair from his face, she noticed the dried blood reaching from his top lip to his shirt. “What did you do, huh?” she asked rhetorically as she used the wall to help her stand up, and she dampened a wash rag before using it to remove the crimson hue. “We’re gonna stand up, yeah?” she asked as she held two hands for him to grasp. “There we go, come on,” she grunted until the man, much larger than her, was vertical. “Okay, we’re going to your room.” Jane positioned herself on his side and wrapped an arm around his torso, and the other free hand held his arm that wrapped around her shoulders.

As soon as she titled, Rob’s body dropped into his bed onto his back, and Jane took a seat on the edge of his bed so that her leg ran along his torso. She tugged his shirt off over his head and pulled the covers up over him before she had the chance to eye him like she would’ve liked to.

”Come on, Jane. Go to your room.”

“I, uh…”

”Don’t do it, idiot.”

Jane crawled over him stealthily and laid next to him in the dark, but her body remained untouched by his. “I’m staying in here to make sure you don’t die.” That was, if not completely, 99% false. She hated sleeping in the big bed in her room by herself, and she had also been dying to be in Rob’s company once again since their day earlier. Although some of her thoughts remained on whether or not he and Mia had done anything that night, her main concern was to just be near him.

“Good night, Rob,” she whispered as she turned her body away from him and got under the plush comforter.

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A spot of sun landed on Jane’s face from the window, causing her eyes to slowly open and become aware of her surroundings. A dark, strong arm wrapped around her torso and gripped her chest, and warmth radiated from the top of her back down to her feet. Rhythmic breathing blew against the hairs on the back of her neck which, after noticing, caused a chill down Jane’s spine. The weight of Rob’s legs intertwined with hers caused a feeling of being both physically and mentally being locked in bed with him, something that Jane didn’t want break free of. A mixture of regret from the night before and sadness for having to leave this position caused a sigh to escape her, and she worked to slowly removed Rob’s arm off of her without waking him yet. The clock on the end table showed it was 6:56 AM which gave him another hour of sleep.

Jane closed the door quietly and couldn’t help but yawn and stretch as soon as she was out of the room. Thankfully, she wasn’t too hungover; she was, however, itching with questions about what the night out with Mia had turned into for the guys after she had left. After a cigarette on the patio and a cup of coffee, Jane got dressed in a patterned shirt from the men’s section of a skate shop, unbuttoned to the middle of where her cleavage would be, displaying an old, triangle-shaped tattoo that sat between her breasts. She paired the shirt with light denim shorts and her black. Messy hair was once again carelessly thrown up in a knot, and her favorite round-framed sunglasses covered her eyes. She scurried around the apartment to gather her belongings, puffing on a joint, until she was ready to go.

“Rob,” she called into the room. “Time to wake up, Rob. We gotta leave in 30.”

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The building they arrived at was tall and stark, and it looked as if it would tip over onto the ground at any moment. The view from the street gave Jane a shiver, but she looked to her band and flashed a toothy grin as she swung open the front doors and approached the woman at the receptionist desk.

“Hi. We have an appointment with John from WRMS.”
The woman nodded and shifted her position to point to the elevator. “Yes, you’re going up to floor 23, and it’s Suite 3000. Go to the right when you get up there.”
“Thank you,” Jane smiled behind the sunglasses.

The office was nice, and not even a minute passed before they were greeted by the man who seemed too enthusiastic at this time of morning. “So nice to have you guys,” he waved his hands as he welcomed them. “You’re on in fifteen.”

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John: Hey everyone, this is John from WRMS. I’m here with Jane, Austin, Sam and Rob from In Bloom. If you haven’t heard of them yet, please do me a favor and crawl out from the rock you’ve been living under. They have been blowing up in all corners of the country since setting off on tour only almost two weeks ago. Alright, guys. I’m gonna start off with Jane here, and make my rounds okay? So, you guys are from Long Beach, California, correct?

Jane: Yes, we are.

John: What’s it like to be in New York?

Jane: Well, it’s definitely different. A lot more people, a much faster pace than what we’re used to, I think. But, it’s cool. We’re grateful for the opportunity to travel and visit. Plus, the crowds have been crazy.

John: Yes, I’m sure it’s much different. So, you guys are playing your final show tonight at Ground Control. Since you’ve started your tour a week and a half ago, your popularity has skyrocketed. What’s that feel like to have this surge of fans you never had before?

Jane: Insane! I remember the first night that we started having people approaching us. It was very surreal. Still is. I still don’t really recognize what’s happening right away still when someone approaches me. We’re not complaining or anything, we just didn’t expect to gain such traction so fast.

John: I bet! I don’t think any of us expected it. Not that you guys don’t deserve it.

Jane: Thank you.

John: Now, I’ve got to address some rumors I’ve been hearing about you, Jane. People seem to be referring to you as ‘wild,’ a ‘partier,’ and ‘out of control.’ I mean, I’m looking at you right now, no bra, no make-up, and you have sunglasses on inside. You also have that sexy, raspy voice girls all wish they had, yet you talk like all of my guy friends.

Jane: Ha.

John: So what is your response to what we are hearing about you?

Jane: I mean, I like to have a good time, man. Just like anyone. I feel like when you’re a female, people tend to condemn your actions more than if you’re a male. It’s not fair, and I’m not gonna play that game. I like to do what I want, and I’m not gonna restrain myself or wear stuff I don’t like so that people don’t talk about me negatively.

John: Well put, well put. I have to say I like your stage presence. It’s fun.

Jane: Thank you.

John: How would you describe the sound of the new single compared to your previous work?

Jane: Hmmm. Well, I guess our old sound could be described as more technical, heavier. I think this new song slowly merged us into a more eclectic sound, something more diverse. I’d say I’m a person who loves to experiment, so sticking to one sound eternally really bores me. The four us listen to such a vast range of artists, I think we’ll try to pour more of those influences into our music. Plus, if I get compared to Haley Williams one more time, I’ll shoot myself. But, I think Rob is more qualified to touch on that subject a bit more than me. He has put a lot of heart and passion into what In Bloom is all about.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

About an hour later, the five of them were all at the bar of a packed nightclub in the heart of the city. Techno music was thumping loudly, and the only way to converse was by shouting at each other, which Austin and Sam were doing with two girls they had met. Mia was standing behind Jane on her bar stool and fiddling with her long, blonde locks.

"Jesus Christ, Jane, have you brushed your hair since I saw you last?" she shouted the question as her fingers worked through her hair. “White girls, man.”
Jane was wincing at the pain she was causing, but the inquiry still caused a laugh. "Don't think so. What the hell are you doing to me?"
"Almost done!" Mia said in her ear right before she swiveled Jane around to face her. "It looks so good."
Jane's hair, usually voluminous with knots and natural thickness, now sat closer to her skull, and a braid trailed her hair from her part around to behind her ear.

"Look, Rob," Mia nudged him to get his attention. "Girl, you should take better care of yourself. You'd look so much better if you tried once in a while."
Jane put on a mockingly snobby expression on her face as the two eyed her. "Yes, you are so right. I'm actually dying for a manicure."
"Oh god, I don't even want to see your nails," Mia covered her eyes, and Jane stuck a tongue out at the two of them.
"Not gonna lie, it is nice to be able to see," Jane smirked as she grabbed her beer from the bar and took a sip.
Mia leaned over into her ear. "Wanna go smoke a joint? Just the two of us?"
Jane nodded as Mia grabbed her hand and yanked her from the bar stool.

"Hey, Rob," Jane called as she put a hand on his shoulder, "I'll be right back." She gave him a reassuring nod as Mia dragged her away outside of a side door.

The alley they stood it was so narrow that Jane came to the conclusion that it was a mistake on the architect's behalf. The tall buildings that sandwiched them almost looked as if they would collide into one another. Jane wasn't used to the chilly nights here, and she hugged herself and Mia lit the joint and passed it to her.

"Thanks for taking us out, Mia," Jane smiled as smoke trickled from her lips.
Mia scoffed and plucked the joint out of her fingers tips. "Of course, girl. I love seeing old friends here in this big, scary city." She handed the joint back to Jane as she exhaled. "You gotta tell me if Rob's single or not."

Jane could get her fight-or-flight instincts kicking in as soon as Mia finished the question. There were so many things she wanted to tell her:
"Actually, Mia, I'm eventually going to profess my feelings for him, so I'd rather you not fuck him."
"No, Mia. He's not."
"He and I are together. Sorry!"

"Um," Jane began, shaking the thoughts from her head, "yeah. Yeah, he's single."
Mia smiled with satisfaction. "Good. He's gotten even cuter since the last time I saw him."
Jane forced a smile and nodded.
"Jane, I never told you this, but," Mia's demeanor changed as she exhaled the smoke, "Rob and I hooked up before I left for New York."
She nearly choked as she inhaled the joint. "Oh."
Mia nodded. "I figured he had told you, but I felt bad for not. I just never knew what was going on between you two. If figured yall would be married by now."
Jane squeezed her eyes shut momentarily before replying. “Uh, no. We’re just friends.” Her heart was racing as Mia extinguished the joint and nodded her head towards the door.
“You ready to go back in?” Mia asked as she extended her hand to Jane.
Jane shook her head as she hugged herself again. “Uh, not yet. I’m gonna get some air.”
Mia displayed a concerned expression. “Okay. Don’t freeze. You don’t have an ounce of fat on you.”
Jane smiled and nodded. “I’ll be in soon.”

As soon as the door swung shut, Jane leaned against the wall and shut her eyes. Why the hell didn’t Rob tell her he slept with Mia? He knew all of the people that she had slept with. She told him everything. Not only that, but now, thanks to her own pride and lack of courage in the situation, Rob was now a target for Mia’s advances. All because Jane didn’t want to make herself vulnerable, she’d have to deal with the possibility of them hooking up. Again.

Jane lit a cigarette in her trembling hands. The nights she had fantasized about with Rob were now replaced with Mia, and the visual in her made nearly made her puke; the consequences of her idleness felt as if they were punching her repeatedly in the stomach.

After eventually making her way into the bar, she plopped down on her bar stool in the middle of the others and ordered a shot of tequila, not hesitation to throw back the clear liquid as soon as it was served to her. “Another one, please,” she requested as she scooted the glass back towards the bartender.

Austin came over and placed a hand on her shoulder as shew waited for the second shot. “Someone is trying to get drunk,” he said close to her ear so he wouldn’t have to shout.
“Yep,” Jane replied, unamused with his observation.
“Need to talk?” He asked her, his playful tone now switching to a worried one as he noticed her distress.
“Nope,” Jane replied matter-of-factly as she received her second shot and downed it just as quickly as the last.
“Jane, come on. Lighten up. You guys aren’t together,” Austin tried to reason as he eyed Mia talking to Rob. “And I thought you didn’t want to be.”
“I’m fine.” Jane chugged the rest of her beer and ordered another. “I’ll be fine.”

She watched the crowd of people jumping and dancing to the beat mindlessly as she sipped the new beer. Part of her wanted to jump in, to dance with someone, to be touched by a stranger, to forget everything that was unfolding in front of her.

The other part just wanted to go home and sleep the night off.

Jane figured getting drunk in silence was a good middle ground. Sulking in the realization of the pain she had caused herself, in her mind, was what she deserved. She wasn't going to stop Rob from doing what he wanted, and if he wanted Mia, she would have to live with it.

As the night continued, Jane only spoke when spoken to, and she unintentionally bit on her bottom lip as she stared off into space. The effects of the alcohol were beginning to make there appearance, and her racing mind began to slow, and she sighed at the temporary relief. She talked to Sam and Austin, mostly them asking for her opinion on different girls at the bar.

"She's cute," Jane pointed conspicuously. "Brunette, nice ass. Seems like your type, Sam."
"Oh, J, you know me so well," he smiled as he grabbed the sides of her head and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Wish me luck."
"Good luck," Austin and Jane said in unison as Sam dashed off to the dance floor to explore his interest.
Austin turned his attention to her, and she immediately got uncomfortable.
"You gonna tell me what's going on, J?"
"Nothing, Austin. I just... I didn't tell him how I felt. I don't want to ruin things. Things have been so good." Her speech was slurring slightly as she confessed the emotions she was feeling. "But now Mia is here and... it would just be a cop out to jump in and tell him everything now. I can't do that just because I'm jealous."
Austin nodded in agreement. "But, you're gonna have to tell him soon enough. It's eating away at you. Look, you're drunk as fuck right now."
Jane flashed him a smile. "So, it's not all bad, right?"

Let It Be by Blackmill began to fill the bar, and Jane closed her eyes and nodded her head to the beat. "I fuckin' love this song," she admitted, not really talking to anyone but herself. A cigarette hung out of her mouth as she sang along quietly, only being removed to sip her drink, but after the first round of the chorus ended, she let out a "fuck it" and stood up.

"I'm going out there," she notified Austin.

Jane weaved her way onto the dance floor and shut her eyes once again as her body moved to the rhythm of the music. Any time an unwanted hand touched her or someone's body came behind her, she'd shove them off her without interrupting herself. A pleasurable sensation moved through her body, however, from the heat of the packed crowd surrounding her until the song ended and she found her way back to the bar.

"I think I'm gonna call it a night guys," she lazily pushed out as she checked the time on her phone. "Don't forget we have that interview tomorrow at 9."

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane smiled and muttered out a “thanks” to the compliment Rob had paid her. She had bought it before they left Long Beach, thinking there would be a night or two that she’d want to wear something different. Trivial things such as fashion she usually never bothered with, but after she saw the long, tie dyed dress hanging in a small shop window, she immediately fell in love. It was comfortable, and it fed her ego too – she knew it looked great on her.

But, it didn’t hurt that Rob mirrored the sentiment.

It may have just been the city itself, or the day that she had, but Jane felt as though a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. Even physically, she didn’t feel as tense or exhausted. The relief was welcomed, probably not only by her, but those who surrounded her, and she was once again thrilled to get back on stage for the second time that day.

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As always, Jane’s first stop when they got to the venue was to go to the bar and enjoy the drinks people bought for her and make small talk with fans. In the dark room, Jane caught sight of a girl with big hair, and she couldn’t help but think she looked familiar.

“Jane!” The girl cried out as she weaved her way through the crowd.
“Holy shit! Mia!” Jane hopped off her bar stool and hugged the girl tightly that approached her. Mia’s mom was friends with Jane’s back when they were younger, but Mia had relocated to New York sometime during high school.
“I saw you on the flier,” Mia explained as she pulled away from the embrace. “I had to come see if it was really you or not.” Her hand’s sat on Jane’s bare shoulders as she looked at her up and down. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”
Jane was smiling from ear to ear. “I know! You look so good!” she laughed as she took Mia’s hand and turned her around jokingly.
“Girl, you already know you look good,” Mia said as she eyed the dress Jane was wearing. “Hey, is Rob still in your band? I haven’t seen him in ages either. Always thought he was cutie.”
Jane nearly imploded at Mia’s admission. But on the outside, Jane smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I think he’s, uh, backstage or something. Probably setting up his kit.”

Jane couldn’t lie to make herself feel better either. Mia was beautiful. She had dark, caramel skin that wrapped around a thin frame, but unlike her, Mia had been blessed with curves – partly from working out, and partly from genetics – and thick ringlets exploded from the top of her head like fireworks. If Jane had ever met another girl who was anything like her, it was Mia. She was carefree, unashamed of her sexuality, and loved to have a good time.

They caught up a bit, shouting at each other over the roar of patrons that filled the bar, until it was time to do a sound check.
“Mia, find me after the set. We’re parked out back,” Jane nodded as she hugged her one more time and made her way up on to the stage just as the sound tech requested the front microphone to be tested.

“Heeeeeeey, check, check. Hey.”
The crowd began to cheer as she continued.
“Hey, check, check. That’s good, man,” she nodded to the left side of the stage as her hand shielded her eyes from the bright, warm lights shining down on her.

Jane exited to the stage to stand next to Austin as he fiddled with his bass.
“You look nice, Jane,” he admitted without looking up from the instrument. “Trying to impress someone?”
She rolled her eyes. “No.” Jane didn’t feel he need to defend herself, so instead, she drank her beer quietly and waited for their cue to get on stage. The thought didn’t even cross her mind Austin mentioned it. Was she trying to impress Rob subconsciously?

Jane squinted as she adjusted the microphone stand and made it much shorter than it was previously set up. “Hey everyone,” her smoky voice boomed through the venue and quieted the crowd. “We’re In Bloom from Long Beach. Thanks for coming out.”

Speechless and two more tracks were played to perfection, and the crowd seemed to really be enjoying the set so far. A few cases of crowd surfing even broke out, which the security guards quickly responded to. The sea of people were feeding of Jane’s energy, and she off of theirs.

“Whew,” she breathed into the microphone during a short pause between two of the songs. “You guys are killin’ it. I fucking love New York,” she smirked as the crowd “woo-ed” at the remark. “We got two more for you.”

Jane’s hair was wildly tousled about, as usual, and one of the straps of her dress took a permanent spot on the side of her arm. Sweat glistened on her chest and shoulders as she gave as much as she could to the crowd in front of her, and she sighed in relief as the single, the last song they played, came to an end.

“Thank you, New York,” she mumbled with exhaustion and waved a hand to everyone.

The moment she got off stage, she threw her hair up into a knot and bent over to catch her breath. It was one of her best sets since they had been on the road, and the experience itself was enough to leave her with a high and almost a sense of arousal; a good portion of why Jane loved to perform was for the feeling it gave her, unmatched by any drug or person could give her.

Jane met Mia by the van parked in the back lot of the venue.
“You guys were so good!” she exclaimed as she went to hug Jane, but immediately recognized the sweat. “I’ll hug you later. You need to shower before we go out.”
“Go out, huh?” Jane laughed as she looked down at the sweat Mia had noticed. “Alright, alright. Meet me at the Rochester lobby in an hour, yeah?”
“Sounds good,” Mia agreed when she saw the rest of the band approach. “Good set tonight, boys. Hey, Rob,” Mia greeted him, changing her tone as she did. “Good job.”
Jane kept on her best poker face as she waved Mia a farewell.

“Seriously,” she addressed the band as she climbed into the back of the van, “you guys were awesome tonight.” She used a forearm to wipe the sweat from her forehead. “Mia wants to take us out tonight if you guys are down. I could definitely blow off some steam.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jane hopped in the shower almost immediately when they arrived back at the hotel, and she hummed aimlessly as she got ready in her room. After deciding she dressed “fancily” enough for one night, she returned to her roots: a large, faded Los Angeles tee shirt, shredded jean shorts, a large flannel, and her pair of black vans. She scurried to the door as she heard a knock on it, and she was greeted by Mia - the perfect distraction to keep her doing anything regrettable with Rob.

“Ah, there’s my favorite boy,” Mia smiled as she saw Jane’s outfit.
“Shut up,” she laughed. “How’d you get up here?”
“Ran into Austin down in the lobby. He told me which room you were in.” She made her way past Jane to view the apartment. “This is so nice. Who are you sharing it with?”
Jane averted her eyes to the kitchen. “Uh, Rob.”
Mia nodded with a curious expression. “Okay, okay.” She turned back around to Jane and grabbed her hands. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah, but let me check and see if Rob’s going. I know Sam and Austin are down. Give me a minute.”

Jane approached his door and knocked quietly. “Rob, it’s me.” She slowly creaked open the door and peered in. “Hey, you gonna come with us?”

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane smirked as she finished her beer and nodded. To say that she was excited about how spontaneous Rob was being was surely an understatement, and she would never pass up the offer to perform with him.

After a quick discussion and finding two other older men in the bar to play guitar and bass, they took the stage and prepared themselves. The one with the bass had a long, white ponytail hanging off the back of his head and weathered, black tattoos on his arm. The other with the guitar was more clean cut, probably stepping away from his roots to become a business man in the city. But, both of them looked completely excited to be on stage to sing with them. She looked to Rob to make sure to explain to them how they were altering the song.

Jane took her spot at the front of the stage and bantered with the crowd of old and young patrons as the rest of them set up.

A quick nod from the man with the guitar signaled Jane that they were ready, and that was when the guitar came in soft and blues-y.

"This is Whole Lotta Love by Led Zepplin. If you know it, come on up."

Mane of the younger patrons did not look so amused, but the older ones beamed with excitement as they made their way up to the small stage.

"You need coolin'
Baby, I'm not foolin'"

Jane absolutely loved being able to sing to songs that were softer for a change. It allowed her voice to breathe and, in her opinion, sound like it was supposed to. She'd usually pick up any acoustic gig she was invited to play, but with the band's schedule as of late, it was hard for her to find the time.

The song choice, however, she picked totally for Rob. She knew of his affinity for Led Zeppelin, and since it was his idea to perform in the first place, he deserved to play along with something he liked. Especially since he had to play the single he disliked every night.

Her milky voice lazily sang along to the song while her body swayed along as she held the microphone stand. "Woos" and "yeahs" sounded from the drunk crowd in front of her, but Jane found herself wanting to pay attention to Rob behind her.

"You've been learnin', baby, I've been yearnin',
All them good times, baby, baby, I've been yearnin'"

She turned her position momentarily and looked at Rob as she sang and smiled through the lyrics at him before turning back around to face the crowd. Maybe she was being too obvious. But, in the same respect, she wasn't acting that differently than she normally did with him, or at least, before he told her how he felt. She didn't want to act differently either. She wanted to absorb the day they were having together with every ounce of her, because things seemed to change so fast between them. Jane had to get every bit of him she could before something else happened between them.

"I'm gonna give you every inch of my love,
Gonna give you my love"

Her voice broke out into a bluesy growl at the end of each line as she felt the passion of the lyrics she was singing. Between the exhilaration she felt when she performed and the sexual tension she was feeling, Jane had opened her eyes maybe three times as she made her way through the song - a bad habit of hers that she had previously rid herself of when she sang with In Bloom. But she was feeling the vibe of the song with every fiber of her being.

---------------------------------------

They hopped off the stage after the song, and Jane immediately beelined to the bar to grab another beer.

"That was fun," she smiled to Rob before taking her first sip. "Thanks." Her eyes lingered on him for a moment before she turned her attention back to her drink.

After interacting with others in the establishment and promoting their show that night at a venue called The Pit, Jane checked the time. "We've got an hour before we gotta head back. Wanna grab some food?"

------------------------------------------

They entered a pizza place, Jane at least with a good buzz on, and she ordered a slice of cheese that was larger than her face.

They sat down at a small table as they are, and they continued their random conversations and laughter as they had previously that day. But, she felt the need to say something. Anything.

"I, uh," she began, as she swallowed her last bite of the ridiculously large slice, "I really had fun today with you. It was nice. It felt like us again, you know?" She took a sip of the water that was to her left, and she paused for a minute to enjoy the coldness that traveled down her body. Before she could continue, Jane saw the time on her phone.

Jane truly didn't want the day to end. She wished she could make a call and cancel the show so her and Rob continue their time together.

"Shit, we should probably get going. Sound check is at 7:30 tonight." She stood up and stretched, the pizza making her feel a big sluggish, and she pushed in her chair and waited for him. "Let's go, yeah?"

---------------------------------------------

Once they arrived back to the room, Jane hopped in the shower first and removed the day from her body. No mater how much of a "dirty hippie" people assumed she was, her routine before a show had to consist of her taking a shower first if she had the opportunity. It was a sort of way to cleanse herself, not only externally, but internally and recharging before getting up and giving away all of her energy to strangers. It was usually a sacred time of silence for her.

Back in the room, she threw on a long, maxi dress that hugged her body down to the middle of her thighs, then flowed freely down to the floor. The only way Jane would ever wear a dress was if it was her style, and this was. It was tie dye and consisted of a material a tee shirt was made of, and it had thin, spaghetti straps that held the top in place.

She exited the room and grabbed a beer from the fridge as she texted Austin and Sam to make sure they were ready to leave soon. Jane hummed quietly as she sat up on the counter waiting. She wasn't sure if was the good vibes she got from the day, but she found herself itching to go out after the show. Maybe a night club. Maybe a rave. It had been a while since she had done ectasy, but with how she was feeling lately, it might have been a bad choice. She probably wouldn't be able to keep herself from Rob like she had been trying to do.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

Jane changed into something she thought was suitable for exploring a city like New York. Although she'd never admit it, she wanted Rob to think she looked nice too. Her hair still remained as it always once, looking like she had just gotten out of bed after a long night, but she wasn't going to spend half an hour working through the knots that held the blonde hair in its beachy, thick waves that had almost dreaded at this point.

As she walked out of her door to see Rob sitting on the couch waiting for her, she couldn't help but notice how handsome he looked; she had not seen him dress up in more than a tee shirt in a long time. He looked so... grown up, as if he had aged without her. It was strange how much her eyes were opening up to him, little things and mannerisms she had took for granted in the past, like the strong veins in his forearms that peaked out of his sweater, the dark hair that covered the lower half of his face, or they way he sat in a such a masculine position, like he was inviting him to sit with her.

"Snap out of it, idiot."

"You look nice, Mr. Pennie," she joked as she scooted around the apartment to find her belongings. Jane had a bad habit of leaving her things scattered around wherever she goes, as if she was a tornado leaving damage behind her. She swung the slouchy bag over her shoulder and approached him just in time for him to ask her what the gameplan was.

"Well," she smiled, "I figured we could just walk around and see where the day takes us. There's this record store called Top 5 that I definitely wanna check out, though. And food. Of course," she stuck a tongue out. "Let's go." She tried her best to dull down the excitement she felt to spend the day with him and only him. No bandmates, no shows, no regiment to follow.

It would be just Jane and Rob.

It absolutely thrilled her and frightened her at the same time.

-----------------------------------------

They were walking down the busy sidewalk side by side, laughing at the strange characters they saw on the corners and the ridiculously overdressed women nearly breaking their ankles as they plowed down the street. Conversations about the shows they had played so far, how awful Harold was, and other meaningless chit chat made Jane really feel normal with him again. Perhaps that was what Rob was trying to explain to her. He just wanted her to be herself without tip toeing around his emotions.

But she continued wondering if it could be like this if they decided to take a shot at being together romantically. What if she told him how she felt, and things got weird again?

Jane was nearly snorting when they brought up one night when the whole band was on her roof. "Remember," she was struggling to get it out as she laughed, "remember when Sam fell off the roof into lawn chair?" She had to stop as they walked and doubled over involuntarily. "He was so fucking mad even though it was his fault." She had tears in her eyes as she took deep breaths to calm down.

That was when she spotted Top 5 Records. "Oh shit. I'll only be a few minutes." Without thinking, Jane grabbed his hand and yanked him in the dimly lit store. His right hand was warm, nearly devouring hers in its grasp, and as she allowed herself to succumb to the feeling that shot up her arm, she almost didn't let it go.

The record store was narrow, yet it looked a mile deep, housing bins and bins of records new and old. Jane's eyes lit up as she walked down the main aisle in the middle, fingers running gently over the records in their casings.

After picking three albums by Fleet Foxes, Pond, and The 1975, she happily paid the man behind the counter and entered the busy street again. If Jane had one prized possession, it was her record player, her brother's gift to her for her fifteenth birthday. Her collection had grown tremendously since then.

She looked to Rob as she slid her sunglasses back down over her face with the hand that wasn't holding the bag. "Anywhere you'd like to go?" Jane didn't want to dictate the day, another bad habit of hers. He was being so cool. Himself. And as the day went on and they reconnected, the urge to tell him everything she was feeling bubbled inside of her. She couldn't ruin how well things were going between them, though. This side of Rob had been hidden away for so long, and the possibility of ruining it with her feelings kept her scared enough to say a word about it.

In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

It was almost 11 on the dot when Jane awoke slowly from one of the deepest sleeps she had in ages. She had no memories of dreams or waking up in the middle of the night, and her body was still in the same position she was in when she drifted off, the heavy feeling still consuming her.

“Shit.”

She rose with a grunt and scanned the room, then looked down to see her bare chest and laughed, getting up slowly and dragging a white tank top down over her torso and grabbing the first pair of shorts she could find, leaving them unbuttoned in pure laziness.

Jane poked her head out of the door and spotted Rob out on the patio and also the breakfast in the kitchen, which made her smile, but her attention ultimately returned to him and the stoic look on his face. Without knowing that he was being watched, Jane observed him from inside as she leaned on the doorframe. He looked tired and dissatisfied, as if he’d been kept awake all night with rage. Perhaps, she could try to cheer him up.

“Hey,” her hoarse voice greeted him as her mouth plucked a cigarette from her pack. “Want one?” She asked, the cigarette bobbing with each syllable, as she threw the pack for him to catch. Her elbows leaned on the railing as she exhaled a cloud with a sigh. “I haven’t slept that well in years,” she chuckled. “Thanks for the breakfast.”

She turned around to eye him. “If you’re tired, I get it, but I was thinkin’ maybe you and I could go exploring a bit. Walk around the city, get some food later or something.” Jane's expression changed from curious to genuinely enthused. "I don't want to be stuck in the room all day."

Jane positioned her body to face outwards towards the view again and enjoyed the last of her cigarette, and then waltzed back into the apartment to grab a plate of what Rob cooked.

As she ate, sat on the island cross-legged, holding the plate with one hand and holding the fork with the other. She was fairly impressed with what he made, and the fact that he made enough for both of them, so the uneasiness temporarily subsided as she ate her first home cooked meal in over a week. She remembered when they were young, up at some ungodly hour when they slept over her house.

Jane would perform her nightly ritual of removing the burnt cigarette and liquor bottle from her mother's grasp and cover her and the recliner in a blanket. At first, when Rob and her began their friendship, she was embarrassed by her mom. But at this point, there was no use hiding it.

They would finally make their way into the kitchen to find some sort of meal to satisfy their munchies. The weirdest concoctions would come out of the microwave, toaster, or oven, and they would bring their dishes back up to Jane's room to test what they made.

Memories of her mom made her sad enough. She had passed two years ago, the last time Jane saw either of her brothers, but Rob had been her rock during that time; he even let her crash at his house before she found an apartment. The house was too weird to live in without her mother.

After her breakfast, Jane cleaned up the kitchen and unpacked a few of her things that she'd be wearing the next two days. She kept mentally scolding herself each time a thought of going into Rob's room popped in her head, so she attempted to keep herself occupied until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Rob," Jane called to him as she approached him in his room. "I, uh, I understood everything that you said at the mall. I do. I just don't really get what being normal is anymore." Her eyes shot down to the floor near his feet, and her arms embraced her own body as if to protect herself. "I guess just tell me if I'm overstepping my boundaries or just pissing you off, yeah?" She winced as the words came out. Jane wasn't angry for what he said. If anything, she could only blame herself.

As she turned to leave, she swiveled right back around to him and met his eyes. "Rob, I - "

"Don't do it, Jane."

"Get some rest and we'll go out later."

His door clicked closed right before Jane or her hands up to her face. Keeping her thoughts inside of her was getting harder and harder by the minute. It was a raging fire that she only had gasoline for.

Jane resorted to chain smoking on the patio for now. She didn't feel like getting interrogated by Austin or finding strangers to fill her time. Her phone was navigated by her thumb, searching reviews and contacts about the band, and Jane found herself cracking up at some of the comments she saw.

"I heard their front woman was a lesbian."

"I wish, sweetie," she mumbled to herself.

"The singer looks like a bum with small boobs. Why are her nipples hard all the time?"

"I like her lips."

"Thank you." Another mumble.

One comment, though, made her stop in her tracks.

"The drummer is sooooooo cute!"
And a few comments agreeing underneath it.

This caused a wave of jealously to crash over Jane, and at the recognition of it, she put her phone face down and scooted it across the patio table. She had to tell him. Not yet. But soon.