Aw, good luck! Sending you all the good vibes.
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Jane had been in and out of a light sleep throughout the trip. Not enough to drown out the conversations taking place between Austin and Sam, but deep enough to not be able to join in. She was shaken out it, though, when Sam woke up Rob, and she groggily sat up and stretched her body out.
She nodded at invitation he had given her, and once they exited the van, they walked along the strip to find somewhere to eat, eventually settling down at a table at a sandwich shop.
After they ordered, Jane took out her phone, found the page the article was on, and slid it over to Rob. The screen was cracked in the corner, and it looked like it had been dropped more times than it was held. And thrown. It had been thrown a few times, too. Grains of sand stuck in the crevices of the phone, which she attempted to remove with no luck.
"Look at that shit," she sighed. "I mean, I guess it's all true, but I don't know, man. I don't care about my reputation back home, but having my personal life on the internet is fucking weird." She put her head in her hands and stared at the table blankly. "Harold's getting on my nerves."
The food was brought to the table soon after, and they both quickly consumed their meals, Jane noting they had about five minutes to spare. Her mind raced as she thought of all the things she could do it five minutes, but then she remembered her decision made when she had gotten into the van.
"Tone it down."
Jane's libido had been a non-issue in recent years, probably because the only type of intimacy she had partaken in was one night stands or situations like with Lena. Or at least, Jane's side of her situation with Lena.
"Shit, I gotta send Lena a check for rent," she mumbled aloud mindlessly.
Poor Lena. Jane's intentions weren't to leave things the way she did with her, but then again, she also didn't agree to anything more than something physical between them, probably because she avoided talking to her about it like the plague. Still, Lena was still her friend. Maybe she should call her soon to check in on her and on the apartment, or at the very least, make sure that all of her belongings didn’t get engulfed in flames or thrown out on the front lawn on the building.
"Let's go, yeah?" Jane suggested after checking the time.
Upon exiting, she looked around her to check for cops or do-gooders and then lit a joint that had been behind her ear, concealed by the messy strands of blonde, and after taking a few puffs, she passed it to Rob. "I gotta," she started as she exhaled slowly and coughing, "I gotta find someone soon. I'm running dangerously low," she admitted, referring to her weed supply. They had ran through way more than she anticipated in the first two weeks, but she assumed she could at least find a fan that would have a connection for her.
Before they hit the line of sight of the rest of the band and crew, Jane stopped and looked to Rob before plucking the joint back out of his hands and taking another hit. “Hey,” she murmured as she met his stare. “Thanks for, uh, never judging me like these assholes.” She waved her phone in her hand, referring to whoever had written the story on her. “I’ve always really appreciated it.”
As they all got into the van and took off once again, Jane was now sitting with her back against the wall with her legs draped over Rob’s lap as she mindlessly scrolled through her phone to choose a song to start her turn as DJ. She settled on Sitting Up On Our Crane by Pond, which made Austin perk up but Sam groan in annoyance.
“Lighten up, Sam,” she said as she ruffled the head of hair in the seat ahead of her before Austin joined her to sing the first line of lyrics.
”Sitting up on our crane,
It always feels the same when we’re up high,
‘cause I feel like I’ll fall and die.”
Jane had closed her eyes and thrust her hands up in the air as she sang the song with a mocking passion as Austin made his own gestures, making Sam begin to laugh at the show being put on. Their performance grew more ridiculous as the song built up to the chorus.
”And you know,”
They were yelling the words at this point.
”It's gonna get you feeling like you're gonna die.”
The song made memories – more like visions – of times she had tripped flash vividly in her mind. The sensation of floating above the ground as she walked, the way the sand on the beach looked like the waves themselves, the way the walls breathed in and out with her. It was all so magical to Jane, the way that drugs both natural and synthetic could make a person feel so much at once and, simultaneously, nothing at all. It was a high she always craved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a few more hours of driving, they had finally arrived in Cleveland with only twenty minutes to spare before they were due to play. As soon as Austin and Sam got out of the van, Jane tipped over the seat into the trunk to grab a shirt to change into. She popped back over and quickly removed the top she had on to replace it with a form fitting white tee shirt.
The realization hit Jane of what she just did. After the morning they had spent together, she didn’t feel the need to shield herself from Rob anymore, and although the act was completely innocent, it felt right, like they had just broken through the next level of their friendship as opposed to starting something new together. It made her smile.
Jane moved over to Rob as they sat alone in the van and swung a leg over to face him as she sat on his lap, her eyes lingering on his eyes but ultimately resting on his lips.
”What happened to not being so forward?”
Jane ignored her inner-voice and leaned in slowly to kiss him. “I’m gonna go see how much I can drink in fifteen minutes. See you on stage, yeah?” Another kiss, and she crawled out of the van.
Two bands had already performed, and the third band was finishing up. In Bloom’s set was to be followed up by Vicarious, the band that had played before them at the fest earlier that day.
Jane rushed the bar to find Austin enjoying a quick drink. “Hey, man,” she grunted as she sat down next to him. “Two whiskeys please. Neat.” The bartender worked to pour her drinks as she turned her attention back to Austin. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a few days. What’s new?”
Austin laughed. “You’ve been busy.”
Jane punched his arm.
“I mean, same old shit. Harold’s been harassing Sam to write some new music. We’ve been trying to work on shit.”
Jane scratched her forehead. “Were you guys gonna involve me?”
Austin scoffed. “Of course, J. You and Rob. We just wanted to let you guys get through whatever it is first before we put anything else on your plate.” His eyes narrowed as he glared at her. “You gonna fill me in?”
Jane couldn’t help but smirk. “We’ve, uh, been hanging out.”
“You mean fucking?” Austin laughed.
She rolled her eyes. For some reason, using such plain or vulgar words to describe what was happening didn’t feel accurate. “Sure. But, I mean, we haven’t really talked about what was going to happen. Things seem good, though.”
“Yeah,” Austin shook his head. “For now, though.”
Before Jane could ask him what he meant, a stagehand found them and told it was time to sound check. “We’re gonna finish this later,” she pointed to him as she followed the man to the stage, and Austin smiled as he waved goodbye to her.
The show began, and the crowd seemed to be very receptive to their sound. Jane was in a good mood, and it showed in her performance: she was moving around the stage and talking with crowd. The article and what Austin had said was still sitting in the back of her mind, and she decided to work it out right there and then.
“Alright, alright,” she spoke into the microphone as a song ended, breathing heavily. “So, show of hands, who read that article on me?”
About 75% of the crowd raised their hands, and Jane laughed.
“Okay, good. I wanna talk about that for a second. I am fucking sick of people, especially men, thinking that they could say whatever they want about me, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do with my time. My body.”
The crowd began to cheer her on.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want. All of you ladies in the crowd, I see you.” She pointed to a group of girls near the corner of the stage. “You can do whatever the fuck you want. You’re not a slut. You’re not ‘crazy.’ You’re not gross or dirty or wrong.” She ran her fingers through her hair to remove the strands from her face. “If men can do it, we can do it, too. And better.”
The crowd went wild, and the band began to play once again. Jane felt almost immediately relief after unleashing her opinions to the group of patrons below her. She turned around to see Rob play for a moment before it was her turn to come in.
And as the music ended, Jane bid her usual farewell. “Thank you, everyone. You guys were awesome. We’re In Bloom.”
She nodded at invitation he had given her, and once they exited the van, they walked along the strip to find somewhere to eat, eventually settling down at a table at a sandwich shop.
After they ordered, Jane took out her phone, found the page the article was on, and slid it over to Rob. The screen was cracked in the corner, and it looked like it had been dropped more times than it was held. And thrown. It had been thrown a few times, too. Grains of sand stuck in the crevices of the phone, which she attempted to remove with no luck.
"Look at that shit," she sighed. "I mean, I guess it's all true, but I don't know, man. I don't care about my reputation back home, but having my personal life on the internet is fucking weird." She put her head in her hands and stared at the table blankly. "Harold's getting on my nerves."
The food was brought to the table soon after, and they both quickly consumed their meals, Jane noting they had about five minutes to spare. Her mind raced as she thought of all the things she could do it five minutes, but then she remembered her decision made when she had gotten into the van.
"Tone it down."
Jane's libido had been a non-issue in recent years, probably because the only type of intimacy she had partaken in was one night stands or situations like with Lena. Or at least, Jane's side of her situation with Lena.
"Shit, I gotta send Lena a check for rent," she mumbled aloud mindlessly.
Poor Lena. Jane's intentions weren't to leave things the way she did with her, but then again, she also didn't agree to anything more than something physical between them, probably because she avoided talking to her about it like the plague. Still, Lena was still her friend. Maybe she should call her soon to check in on her and on the apartment, or at the very least, make sure that all of her belongings didn’t get engulfed in flames or thrown out on the front lawn on the building.
"Let's go, yeah?" Jane suggested after checking the time.
Upon exiting, she looked around her to check for cops or do-gooders and then lit a joint that had been behind her ear, concealed by the messy strands of blonde, and after taking a few puffs, she passed it to Rob. "I gotta," she started as she exhaled slowly and coughing, "I gotta find someone soon. I'm running dangerously low," she admitted, referring to her weed supply. They had ran through way more than she anticipated in the first two weeks, but she assumed she could at least find a fan that would have a connection for her.
Before they hit the line of sight of the rest of the band and crew, Jane stopped and looked to Rob before plucking the joint back out of his hands and taking another hit. “Hey,” she murmured as she met his stare. “Thanks for, uh, never judging me like these assholes.” She waved her phone in her hand, referring to whoever had written the story on her. “I’ve always really appreciated it.”
As they all got into the van and took off once again, Jane was now sitting with her back against the wall with her legs draped over Rob’s lap as she mindlessly scrolled through her phone to choose a song to start her turn as DJ. She settled on Sitting Up On Our Crane by Pond, which made Austin perk up but Sam groan in annoyance.
“Lighten up, Sam,” she said as she ruffled the head of hair in the seat ahead of her before Austin joined her to sing the first line of lyrics.
”Sitting up on our crane,
It always feels the same when we’re up high,
‘cause I feel like I’ll fall and die.”
Jane had closed her eyes and thrust her hands up in the air as she sang the song with a mocking passion as Austin made his own gestures, making Sam begin to laugh at the show being put on. Their performance grew more ridiculous as the song built up to the chorus.
”And you know,”
They were yelling the words at this point.
”It's gonna get you feeling like you're gonna die.”
The song made memories – more like visions – of times she had tripped flash vividly in her mind. The sensation of floating above the ground as she walked, the way the sand on the beach looked like the waves themselves, the way the walls breathed in and out with her. It was all so magical to Jane, the way that drugs both natural and synthetic could make a person feel so much at once and, simultaneously, nothing at all. It was a high she always craved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a few more hours of driving, they had finally arrived in Cleveland with only twenty minutes to spare before they were due to play. As soon as Austin and Sam got out of the van, Jane tipped over the seat into the trunk to grab a shirt to change into. She popped back over and quickly removed the top she had on to replace it with a form fitting white tee shirt.
The realization hit Jane of what she just did. After the morning they had spent together, she didn’t feel the need to shield herself from Rob anymore, and although the act was completely innocent, it felt right, like they had just broken through the next level of their friendship as opposed to starting something new together. It made her smile.
Jane moved over to Rob as they sat alone in the van and swung a leg over to face him as she sat on his lap, her eyes lingering on his eyes but ultimately resting on his lips.
”What happened to not being so forward?”
Jane ignored her inner-voice and leaned in slowly to kiss him. “I’m gonna go see how much I can drink in fifteen minutes. See you on stage, yeah?” Another kiss, and she crawled out of the van.
Two bands had already performed, and the third band was finishing up. In Bloom’s set was to be followed up by Vicarious, the band that had played before them at the fest earlier that day.
Jane rushed the bar to find Austin enjoying a quick drink. “Hey, man,” she grunted as she sat down next to him. “Two whiskeys please. Neat.” The bartender worked to pour her drinks as she turned her attention back to Austin. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a few days. What’s new?”
Austin laughed. “You’ve been busy.”
Jane punched his arm.
“I mean, same old shit. Harold’s been harassing Sam to write some new music. We’ve been trying to work on shit.”
Jane scratched her forehead. “Were you guys gonna involve me?”
Austin scoffed. “Of course, J. You and Rob. We just wanted to let you guys get through whatever it is first before we put anything else on your plate.” His eyes narrowed as he glared at her. “You gonna fill me in?”
Jane couldn’t help but smirk. “We’ve, uh, been hanging out.”
“You mean fucking?” Austin laughed.
She rolled her eyes. For some reason, using such plain or vulgar words to describe what was happening didn’t feel accurate. “Sure. But, I mean, we haven’t really talked about what was going to happen. Things seem good, though.”
“Yeah,” Austin shook his head. “For now, though.”
Before Jane could ask him what he meant, a stagehand found them and told it was time to sound check. “We’re gonna finish this later,” she pointed to him as she followed the man to the stage, and Austin smiled as he waved goodbye to her.
The show began, and the crowd seemed to be very receptive to their sound. Jane was in a good mood, and it showed in her performance: she was moving around the stage and talking with crowd. The article and what Austin had said was still sitting in the back of her mind, and she decided to work it out right there and then.
“Alright, alright,” she spoke into the microphone as a song ended, breathing heavily. “So, show of hands, who read that article on me?”
About 75% of the crowd raised their hands, and Jane laughed.
“Okay, good. I wanna talk about that for a second. I am fucking sick of people, especially men, thinking that they could say whatever they want about me, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do with my time. My body.”
The crowd began to cheer her on.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want. All of you ladies in the crowd, I see you.” She pointed to a group of girls near the corner of the stage. “You can do whatever the fuck you want. You’re not a slut. You’re not ‘crazy.’ You’re not gross or dirty or wrong.” She ran her fingers through her hair to remove the strands from her face. “If men can do it, we can do it, too. And better.”
The crowd went wild, and the band began to play once again. Jane felt almost immediately relief after unleashing her opinions to the group of patrons below her. She turned around to see Rob play for a moment before it was her turn to come in.
And as the music ended, Jane bid her usual farewell. “Thank you, everyone. You guys were awesome. We’re In Bloom.”
The minute Jane stepped out of the van, she had one goal: to get a drink. She said her goodbyes to the band and set off into the field that was housing the festival in search for some sort of concession stand when her phone rang in her back pocket. Mia’s name was pulsating on the screen. Why would she be calling her already when they had just left New York that day?
Jane: What’s up, babe?
Mia: Google your name.
Jane: Huh?
Mia: Do it. Hurry.
Jane: Putting you on speaker.
“J, a, n, e, M, o, l, l, o, y,” she read aloud as typed it.
Jane: What is this?
Mia: A story MusicOne did on you. Didn’t seem like something you’d be down for, so I wanted to make sure you knew.
Jane: I didn’t know. I’ll, uh, I’ll call you later, yeah?
She hung up the phone and began reading over it. Two pictures ( x x ) were pasted in between paragraphs, with a bold headline on top reading Rock’s New Vixen. “Jesus Christ,” she muttered under her breath as she scrolled through the article written about her.
It was just as she figured. It barely focused on the music or her talent at all and, instead, peered into her personal life. It talked about her hobbies: longboarding, surfing, being a “beach bum.” Nothing alarming. But as the article continued, it dove deeper. Phrases like “rumored bisexual,” “party girl,” and “wild child” littered the page. Quotes from close sources giving their opinions on her lifestyle. “Great,” she groaned sarcastically as she stuffed her phone in her bag and made her way over to the the stand selling drinks.
“Rum and coke. Double please,” she asked the bartender as she dug through her bag to pull out a crumpled wad of cash. She handed him the money and downed the drink just as quickly, and then she ordered another. “Thanks,” she nodded as she shot back the other and set the glass down on the stand.
Her bare feet were sinking into the grass as she trudged her way to the stage they were playing on, lighting a joint in the meantime and conspicuously puffing on it until she saw Austin and Sam fiddling with their instruments. “Hey,” she greeted them as she searched the area for the cooler of beer they were promised, sighing in relief as she found it and cracked one open. On the inside, she was fuming. Harold had probably been the one responsible for the article; his finger prints were all over it.
Not recognizing her talent, but her sex appeal.
Jane’s eyes locked on Rob, who was closer to the stage, and she tried her best to be nonchalant as she made her way over to him. “Hey there,” she smirked as she took a swig of her beer. “Cigarette?” Two were taken out of her pack, and one settled between her lips as she lit it. She was thankful to be feeling the effects of inebriation; it was keeping her from wanting to cling to him. A stage hand passed by them, signaling that they were to get on in two minutes, and after he had walked away, she nudged his arm.
It was almost instantly after touching him that Jane could sense that Rob was… off. It immediately made her worry that he was having second thoughts about what had happened between him. “You okay, Rob?”
Before she could extract an answer, they were called up on stage. ”Great.”
She gripped the microphone stand, as always, and neared the black orb in front of her. “Hey, everyone.”
The crowd replied with cheers.
“How are you guys doing tonight?” She smirked as she heard her smoky voice pour out of the speakers around her. “We’re In Bloom from Long Beach, California.”
More cheers.
“I’m Jane, that’s Sam,” she pointed. “Austin on bass. And that’s Rob all the way back there. Everyone, say hi to Rob.”
The crowd played along: “Hi, Rob!”
“Thanks for coming out.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane nearly ran off the stage as soon as the thanked the crowd to avoid having to talk to anyone for a moment, disappearing behind a tapestry set up for anyone needing to change. Playing during the day time definitely caused more sweat to be produced, and the heat, momentarily, was overwhelming until she dumped a bottle of water over her head. After peaking out of the the curtain, she saw Rob as he was passing by and yanked him by the arm, pulling him into her hideout.
“Hey,” she greeted him in a breathy matter as her lungs involuntarily heaved for air. “Good job.” Jane was about to ask him what was wrong, or at least if he needed anything. They hadn’t really talked that day, although ideal for her, she knew Rob better than that. He was most likely mulling over thought after thought in his head, analyzing everything happening between them, while she was just thinking where to get a beer, and for a moment, she felt shame for not being like him. Not feeling so sensitive or curious all the time.
Jane pulled his face down to hers so that she could give him a quick kiss, but once she started, she could only continue it. Deepen it. It took her biting his bottom lip to realize where they were and what was happening, as if she had been in a trance. “Sorry,” she let go of him and took a step backward. In a matter-of-fact tone, she admitted, “Something I never felt the need to tell you, but, uh, I get a little turned on when I’m up there.” Jane sighed and looked up to him. “Off to Cleveland.”
She wanted so badly to whine and complain about the article that was written about her, but she figured she could save it for later. Complaining at the beginning of a seven-hour drive wasn't the vibe she wanted to set for the trip.
After grabbing one more beer, she walked with the band back to the van and crawled inside, and once inside, she worked at her messy hair to get it off of her neck and up into a knot on her head.
“Good job, guys,” she cheered once they entered the van. “Good set.” Jane looked over to Rob on her left and flashed him a genuine smile before settling back into her claimed corner of the back row.
She couldn't help but wonder what was happening inside of him at that moment. He wasn't one easily read by facial expressions or spoken sentiments. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He was stoic and calm while Jane was fiery and passionate. She began to think maybe being so forward wasn't what he wanted - although, she wasn't doing it to please him. Jane was linear in her thoughts when in came to lust and connections with people. She took what she wanted. If it was too much too quickly for him, would he tell her, or would he bottle it in?
She sighed audibly as she wiggled her body in a more comfortable position and whipped out her phone to text the other man driving her crazy. Harold.
Jane: What the fuck was that piece on me?
Harold: A hit. 35,000 views since it was posted this morning.
"Damn it." Could he have been right? The thought of Jane playing up her sensual side for more attention seemed cheap.
Her phone vibrated again.
Harold: If you're gonna live the way you do, lets at least make some money off of it.
Jane wanted to scream, but instead, she tossed her phone into the purse on the floor and removed the strays hands of hair that had fallen across her forehead. The AUX cord was in her hand ready for her to be the DJ, but Jane tossed it to Sam in the row ahead of her. "You can skip me." She buried her way as far as she could into the inner wall of the van.
6 more weeks to go.
Jane: What’s up, babe?
Mia: Google your name.
Jane: Huh?
Mia: Do it. Hurry.
Jane: Putting you on speaker.
“J, a, n, e, M, o, l, l, o, y,” she read aloud as typed it.
Jane: What is this?
Mia: A story MusicOne did on you. Didn’t seem like something you’d be down for, so I wanted to make sure you knew.
Jane: I didn’t know. I’ll, uh, I’ll call you later, yeah?
She hung up the phone and began reading over it. Two pictures ( x x ) were pasted in between paragraphs, with a bold headline on top reading Rock’s New Vixen. “Jesus Christ,” she muttered under her breath as she scrolled through the article written about her.
It was just as she figured. It barely focused on the music or her talent at all and, instead, peered into her personal life. It talked about her hobbies: longboarding, surfing, being a “beach bum.” Nothing alarming. But as the article continued, it dove deeper. Phrases like “rumored bisexual,” “party girl,” and “wild child” littered the page. Quotes from close sources giving their opinions on her lifestyle. “Great,” she groaned sarcastically as she stuffed her phone in her bag and made her way over to the the stand selling drinks.
“Rum and coke. Double please,” she asked the bartender as she dug through her bag to pull out a crumpled wad of cash. She handed him the money and downed the drink just as quickly, and then she ordered another. “Thanks,” she nodded as she shot back the other and set the glass down on the stand.
Her bare feet were sinking into the grass as she trudged her way to the stage they were playing on, lighting a joint in the meantime and conspicuously puffing on it until she saw Austin and Sam fiddling with their instruments. “Hey,” she greeted them as she searched the area for the cooler of beer they were promised, sighing in relief as she found it and cracked one open. On the inside, she was fuming. Harold had probably been the one responsible for the article; his finger prints were all over it.
Not recognizing her talent, but her sex appeal.
Jane’s eyes locked on Rob, who was closer to the stage, and she tried her best to be nonchalant as she made her way over to him. “Hey there,” she smirked as she took a swig of her beer. “Cigarette?” Two were taken out of her pack, and one settled between her lips as she lit it. She was thankful to be feeling the effects of inebriation; it was keeping her from wanting to cling to him. A stage hand passed by them, signaling that they were to get on in two minutes, and after he had walked away, she nudged his arm.
It was almost instantly after touching him that Jane could sense that Rob was… off. It immediately made her worry that he was having second thoughts about what had happened between him. “You okay, Rob?”
Before she could extract an answer, they were called up on stage. ”Great.”
She gripped the microphone stand, as always, and neared the black orb in front of her. “Hey, everyone.”
The crowd replied with cheers.
“How are you guys doing tonight?” She smirked as she heard her smoky voice pour out of the speakers around her. “We’re In Bloom from Long Beach, California.”
More cheers.
“I’m Jane, that’s Sam,” she pointed. “Austin on bass. And that’s Rob all the way back there. Everyone, say hi to Rob.”
The crowd played along: “Hi, Rob!”
“Thanks for coming out.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane nearly ran off the stage as soon as the thanked the crowd to avoid having to talk to anyone for a moment, disappearing behind a tapestry set up for anyone needing to change. Playing during the day time definitely caused more sweat to be produced, and the heat, momentarily, was overwhelming until she dumped a bottle of water over her head. After peaking out of the the curtain, she saw Rob as he was passing by and yanked him by the arm, pulling him into her hideout.
“Hey,” she greeted him in a breathy matter as her lungs involuntarily heaved for air. “Good job.” Jane was about to ask him what was wrong, or at least if he needed anything. They hadn’t really talked that day, although ideal for her, she knew Rob better than that. He was most likely mulling over thought after thought in his head, analyzing everything happening between them, while she was just thinking where to get a beer, and for a moment, she felt shame for not being like him. Not feeling so sensitive or curious all the time.
Jane pulled his face down to hers so that she could give him a quick kiss, but once she started, she could only continue it. Deepen it. It took her biting his bottom lip to realize where they were and what was happening, as if she had been in a trance. “Sorry,” she let go of him and took a step backward. In a matter-of-fact tone, she admitted, “Something I never felt the need to tell you, but, uh, I get a little turned on when I’m up there.” Jane sighed and looked up to him. “Off to Cleveland.”
She wanted so badly to whine and complain about the article that was written about her, but she figured she could save it for later. Complaining at the beginning of a seven-hour drive wasn't the vibe she wanted to set for the trip.
After grabbing one more beer, she walked with the band back to the van and crawled inside, and once inside, she worked at her messy hair to get it off of her neck and up into a knot on her head.
“Good job, guys,” she cheered once they entered the van. “Good set.” Jane looked over to Rob on her left and flashed him a genuine smile before settling back into her claimed corner of the back row.
She couldn't help but wonder what was happening inside of him at that moment. He wasn't one easily read by facial expressions or spoken sentiments. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He was stoic and calm while Jane was fiery and passionate. She began to think maybe being so forward wasn't what he wanted - although, she wasn't doing it to please him. Jane was linear in her thoughts when in came to lust and connections with people. She took what she wanted. If it was too much too quickly for him, would he tell her, or would he bottle it in?
She sighed audibly as she wiggled her body in a more comfortable position and whipped out her phone to text the other man driving her crazy. Harold.
Jane: What the fuck was that piece on me?
Harold: A hit. 35,000 views since it was posted this morning.
"Damn it." Could he have been right? The thought of Jane playing up her sensual side for more attention seemed cheap.
Her phone vibrated again.
Harold: If you're gonna live the way you do, lets at least make some money off of it.
Jane wanted to scream, but instead, she tossed her phone into the purse on the floor and removed the strays hands of hair that had fallen across her forehead. The AUX cord was in her hand ready for her to be the DJ, but Jane tossed it to Sam in the row ahead of her. "You can skip me." She buried her way as far as she could into the inner wall of the van.
6 more weeks to go.
I agree! I'm enjoying watching them grow closer :) It's a natural pace (for a RP anyway, haha.)
Cameron’s concern for Justin’s wellbeing was reaching a boiling point – she would have asked them to set up camp – when they reached the destination they had led them to. Her now paranoid disposition caused her eyes to mindlessly and repeatedly scan the landscape around them, in case an escape was necessary or an attack was made. Both had become regularities,.
Nothing was abnormal about the settlement they entered; if anything, it reminded Cameron of Chesapeake. But, one thing caught her eye that caused adrenaline to course from her. Plants. Plants with food growing on them. She involuntarily gasped as she she saw the small gardens scattered about.
A sigh of relief escaped her lips as they were led to the room they would be staying in. Although not much too it, a bed and a roof over their heads was surely a luxury. “Besides needing a week long shower, I think I’ll be fine,” she smiled back to him as he lifted his shirt.
Instead of sitting around to observe him undress, she immediately moved to the cabinet, which had an assortment of different sized canteens marked “filtered,” and a few marked “unfiltered” as well. She searched the cabinet to find… what was that?
Fruit.
“Jesus Christ,” she whispered as she took out a tray. “Look at this, Justin.” Bananas. Grapes. Blueberries. Apples. “I’ve only ever heard of this before.” She set the tray down on the table that separated their beds and immediately began to pick at the blueberries, groaning as soon as she was able to taste them. “Wow.” Her eyes closed as if it would enhance the flavor even more.
She tossed Justin a canteen before making her way back to the cabinet to remove the bottle of unfiltered water. “Sorry.” A warning shot.
Cameron faced away from him and removed the white shirt, stained with blood, dirt, and sweat, leaving her in her sports bra, jeans, and boots. She took her hair down from the linen strip it was tangled in, and poured the water over the top of her head, sighing in relief, then poured some on her punched up shirt and wiped her face, noting the dirt that appeared, along with dried blood from her lip. “Why didn’t you tell me I had something on my face?” she joked, making herself laugh.
After tossing the shirt into the corner with Justin’s, he eventually plopped back down on the bed across from Justin and began to unlace the combat boots. “They seem to be a bit more accommodating than our lasts hosts, huh?” Cameron looked up to him and smiled. “I’m not very excited about our presentation, though.”
She maneuvered the boots off of her feet, then the socks, and did her best to remove all the dirt that had accumulated in them before tucking them under the bed and laying down on it. It was soft enough for comfort and wasn’t lumpy like hers back home. The pillow, however, was fairly flat, so it was folder over before being stuck under her wet, black hair.
A single lantern hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room, illuminating it in short and rapid bursts. Cameron faced him as she wiggled her body into a comfortable position so she could face him. “Hopefully they deem us acceptable enough to help out Omega. I’m sorry my affiliations with Chesapeake took us from guest to prisoner status earlier. I’ll keep my mouth shut this time.” She smirked to let him know she wasn’t offended. Out here, with no rules or laws in place, it was probably best that she listened instead of spoke, or at least, until she learned more from Justin.
“Get some rest. Good night, Justin.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They were awoken by to familiar faces standing in front of the bright light of the sun blasting through the door way. “Start getting ready.” They tossed a single change of clothes for both Justin and Cameron. “We’ll come back in ten.”
Cameron woke up slowly and reached over to the closed they had tossed at her. A gray shirt, a bit too large for her, a pair of olive green cargo pants, tailored to the ankle, and a white pair of socks. She remained sitting as she worked the jeans off her legs and replaced them with the clean pair, standing up to shimmy them up to their rightful place at her hips. She slid the tee shirt over her head quickly and began to try to work her fingers through some of the knots that had formed on their journey.
She stood up abruptly as the door swung back open. “Let’s go.”
They were led to an indoor meeting area, a dozen chairs making a semicircle around a wooden podium. Eight of the seats had already been filled, mainly by older leaders, but there were one or two who looked to be her age. As they were brought to the podium, the empty seats in front of them were filled, and they all rose to greet the pair.
“This,” the muscular man that had saved them the night before addressed the group, “is Justin and Cameron. They are from Omega.”
A woman with silvery hair remained standing as the rest took a seat. “Hello, Justin. Hello, Cameron. My name is Avery, and welcome to our settlement. Who will be speaking on your behalf?”
Nothing was abnormal about the settlement they entered; if anything, it reminded Cameron of Chesapeake. But, one thing caught her eye that caused adrenaline to course from her. Plants. Plants with food growing on them. She involuntarily gasped as she she saw the small gardens scattered about.
A sigh of relief escaped her lips as they were led to the room they would be staying in. Although not much too it, a bed and a roof over their heads was surely a luxury. “Besides needing a week long shower, I think I’ll be fine,” she smiled back to him as he lifted his shirt.
Instead of sitting around to observe him undress, she immediately moved to the cabinet, which had an assortment of different sized canteens marked “filtered,” and a few marked “unfiltered” as well. She searched the cabinet to find… what was that?
Fruit.
“Jesus Christ,” she whispered as she took out a tray. “Look at this, Justin.” Bananas. Grapes. Blueberries. Apples. “I’ve only ever heard of this before.” She set the tray down on the table that separated their beds and immediately began to pick at the blueberries, groaning as soon as she was able to taste them. “Wow.” Her eyes closed as if it would enhance the flavor even more.
She tossed Justin a canteen before making her way back to the cabinet to remove the bottle of unfiltered water. “Sorry.” A warning shot.
Cameron faced away from him and removed the white shirt, stained with blood, dirt, and sweat, leaving her in her sports bra, jeans, and boots. She took her hair down from the linen strip it was tangled in, and poured the water over the top of her head, sighing in relief, then poured some on her punched up shirt and wiped her face, noting the dirt that appeared, along with dried blood from her lip. “Why didn’t you tell me I had something on my face?” she joked, making herself laugh.
After tossing the shirt into the corner with Justin’s, he eventually plopped back down on the bed across from Justin and began to unlace the combat boots. “They seem to be a bit more accommodating than our lasts hosts, huh?” Cameron looked up to him and smiled. “I’m not very excited about our presentation, though.”
She maneuvered the boots off of her feet, then the socks, and did her best to remove all the dirt that had accumulated in them before tucking them under the bed and laying down on it. It was soft enough for comfort and wasn’t lumpy like hers back home. The pillow, however, was fairly flat, so it was folder over before being stuck under her wet, black hair.
A single lantern hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room, illuminating it in short and rapid bursts. Cameron faced him as she wiggled her body into a comfortable position so she could face him. “Hopefully they deem us acceptable enough to help out Omega. I’m sorry my affiliations with Chesapeake took us from guest to prisoner status earlier. I’ll keep my mouth shut this time.” She smirked to let him know she wasn’t offended. Out here, with no rules or laws in place, it was probably best that she listened instead of spoke, or at least, until she learned more from Justin.
“Get some rest. Good night, Justin.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They were awoken by to familiar faces standing in front of the bright light of the sun blasting through the door way. “Start getting ready.” They tossed a single change of clothes for both Justin and Cameron. “We’ll come back in ten.”
Cameron woke up slowly and reached over to the closed they had tossed at her. A gray shirt, a bit too large for her, a pair of olive green cargo pants, tailored to the ankle, and a white pair of socks. She remained sitting as she worked the jeans off her legs and replaced them with the clean pair, standing up to shimmy them up to their rightful place at her hips. She slid the tee shirt over her head quickly and began to try to work her fingers through some of the knots that had formed on their journey.
She stood up abruptly as the door swung back open. “Let’s go.”
They were led to an indoor meeting area, a dozen chairs making a semicircle around a wooden podium. Eight of the seats had already been filled, mainly by older leaders, but there were one or two who looked to be her age. As they were brought to the podium, the empty seats in front of them were filled, and they all rose to greet the pair.
“This,” the muscular man that had saved them the night before addressed the group, “is Justin and Cameron. They are from Omega.”
A woman with silvery hair remained standing as the rest took a seat. “Hello, Justin. Hello, Cameron. My name is Avery, and welcome to our settlement. Who will be speaking on your behalf?”
“Yeah,” she replied softly, slowly breathing in, “you’re on your own with that one.” A smile formed on her lips as she titled her head slightly to look up at him. God, he was so attractive. How had she been so blind?
Jane knew that most girls followed a set of unspoken rules when it came to intimacy with another person. One kiss on the first date was acceptable. Maybe further by the fifth. Never have sex with him unless he asks you to be his girlfriend. Don’t be “easy.”
She viewed such ideals as completely trite and traditional. Plus, most of these rules, in her mind, never applied to the situations she found herself in. Especially with Rob. They weren’t dating. They hadn’t just met. They weren’t learning new things about each other or getting to know one another.
Officially, after Jane’s admission of her feelings the night before, Rob knew everything about her. Everyone who had touched her. All of the fucked up things she had done to people in the past. Her mother’s alcoholism. The fact that she felt so painfully alone growing up. Her odd habits, like saying “uh” too much when she tried to explain herself, or how she puked when she was nervous.
In a both frightening and comforting revelation in that very moment, Jane realized – metaphorically – that she was completely naked with no way to hide from Rob now. She couldn’t pretend to be the soulless, carefree person that everyone thought she was. He was a both a strength and a weakness.
Jane’s mouth moved to his chest and gently began to kiss him, inching up to his neck, ear lobe, and finally, his lips. It all felt so strange, that she was here in a moment with him, her best friend for years, but that didn’t stop her from acting on her desires.
Vocalizing her feelings were never Jane’s forte. Probably never would be.
But, what was happening now – this was her talent. Her arena.
Her hands relocated to his neck, her thumbs slipping up in front of his ears, and the other fingers back into his hair, and she pulled him closer to her as she kissed him, eventually guiding him over her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun peaking in from the window was causing Jane’s bare body to glisten in the light as Rob began to remove himself from her bed, and it was still riding a wave from what had taken place moments before. She couldn’t help but nearly giggle as Rob attempted to piece together words that accurately described what was happening, mainly because it reminded her of herself and her horrendous way with words.
But the feeling of laughing stopped as he leaned down to kiss her again, once again lighting all of her nerve endings on fire, and her thoughts turned back to the morning they had spent together. The easy part, at least for Jane, was the physical aspect of the situation they were in. Saying that she was pleasantly surprised with Rob keeping up with her was an understatement, and Jane couldn’t imagine her getting sick of his body anytime soon, but the moments when they weren’t in bed together were the ones she feared the most.
Would he expect her to be all over him? To act differently than she normally did? To call him “babe” or hold his hand? He would never expect that of her, right? If he had these feelings for the true, real Jane, than he knew that all of the things most people expect out of a bond like this weren’t in her nature, but logic couldn't keep the doubts from creeping up her spine.
Without bothering to get dressed first, she made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower, letting the hot stream of water hit her back before she did anything else. She sighed at the pleasurable feeling, and her eyes lingered on the marks Rob’s hands had left on her wrists. It made her smirk in delight.
After doing a final sweep of her room and getting dressed, she made her way to Rob in the living room and dropped her bag on the floor before her phone vibrated in her back pocket.
Jane: Hey.
Austin: Yo, we’re meeting in the lobby in 10.
Jane: Got it.
She dropped the phone down into the back and focused her attention on the man in front of her. She inched towards him and gently sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Hey,” her raspy voice whispered. “We gotta be downstairs in 10.”
They were playing two shows that day. An early set in Philly, then a late set in Cleveland. A busy day of performing and driving.
“I’m, uh, I’m not concerned about the guys knowing,” she admitted, as her eyes, only inches from his, peered at him. “I just don’t want you to get upset if I’m not climbing all over you today.” She sighed as she heard what came out of her mouth, and her eyes looked away from his as she positioned her body to be cradled by him, her face resting in the crook of his neck. “Fuck. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I will be climbing all over you after our set tonight,” Jane whispered as she pressed a kiss into his neck. "You know I suck at all of this shit."
Jesus, what was happening to her?
She cleared her throat and sat up stretching. “Let’s go, yeah?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey," Jane greeted Austin through her round-framed sunglasses as she entered the lobby.
Austin smirked. "Hey." Before he could ask any questions, the van pulled up in the loop outside of the automatic doors.
"Here we go," she mumbled to herself, grunting as she repositioned the large bag on her back, and climbed into the van with the others. She took a seat in the very back of the van and wedged herself in a corner. She was already tired, and only a half an hour after they had taken off for Philadelphia, she had drifted off as her earbuds played Dead Golden West by Anywhere.
An hour later, she woke up to see her legs laying on Rob's lap as he sat next to her. He emotions she abandoned in her sleep came flooding back to her at once, and almost immediately, they were making her panic.
Jane found herself wanting to hold him, to feel his arms around her, not even in a sensual way. It was as if she missed the feeling already. Like it had been days since the morning.
And it was a sensation she wasn't fond of.
"You're becoming soft, Jane. Vulnerable. Lame. Idiotic."
She shook the thoughts from her head instead of acting on them and remained where she was. "How much longer?" she called out to anyone that would answer.
"About half an hour," Austin replied as he popped his head up from the seat in front of them. "Nice of you to join us, J. Why are you so tired?"
Jane swung her leg from Rob's lap and kicked the seat. "Shut up."
She was painfully sober, and a half an hour from stopping sounded like a day away.
"Once you have a beer or two in you, you'll feel normal again."
Jane knew that most girls followed a set of unspoken rules when it came to intimacy with another person. One kiss on the first date was acceptable. Maybe further by the fifth. Never have sex with him unless he asks you to be his girlfriend. Don’t be “easy.”
She viewed such ideals as completely trite and traditional. Plus, most of these rules, in her mind, never applied to the situations she found herself in. Especially with Rob. They weren’t dating. They hadn’t just met. They weren’t learning new things about each other or getting to know one another.
Officially, after Jane’s admission of her feelings the night before, Rob knew everything about her. Everyone who had touched her. All of the fucked up things she had done to people in the past. Her mother’s alcoholism. The fact that she felt so painfully alone growing up. Her odd habits, like saying “uh” too much when she tried to explain herself, or how she puked when she was nervous.
In a both frightening and comforting revelation in that very moment, Jane realized – metaphorically – that she was completely naked with no way to hide from Rob now. She couldn’t pretend to be the soulless, carefree person that everyone thought she was. He was a both a strength and a weakness.
Jane’s mouth moved to his chest and gently began to kiss him, inching up to his neck, ear lobe, and finally, his lips. It all felt so strange, that she was here in a moment with him, her best friend for years, but that didn’t stop her from acting on her desires.
Vocalizing her feelings were never Jane’s forte. Probably never would be.
But, what was happening now – this was her talent. Her arena.
Her hands relocated to his neck, her thumbs slipping up in front of his ears, and the other fingers back into his hair, and she pulled him closer to her as she kissed him, eventually guiding him over her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun peaking in from the window was causing Jane’s bare body to glisten in the light as Rob began to remove himself from her bed, and it was still riding a wave from what had taken place moments before. She couldn’t help but nearly giggle as Rob attempted to piece together words that accurately described what was happening, mainly because it reminded her of herself and her horrendous way with words.
But the feeling of laughing stopped as he leaned down to kiss her again, once again lighting all of her nerve endings on fire, and her thoughts turned back to the morning they had spent together. The easy part, at least for Jane, was the physical aspect of the situation they were in. Saying that she was pleasantly surprised with Rob keeping up with her was an understatement, and Jane couldn’t imagine her getting sick of his body anytime soon, but the moments when they weren’t in bed together were the ones she feared the most.
Would he expect her to be all over him? To act differently than she normally did? To call him “babe” or hold his hand? He would never expect that of her, right? If he had these feelings for the true, real Jane, than he knew that all of the things most people expect out of a bond like this weren’t in her nature, but logic couldn't keep the doubts from creeping up her spine.
Without bothering to get dressed first, she made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower, letting the hot stream of water hit her back before she did anything else. She sighed at the pleasurable feeling, and her eyes lingered on the marks Rob’s hands had left on her wrists. It made her smirk in delight.
After doing a final sweep of her room and getting dressed, she made her way to Rob in the living room and dropped her bag on the floor before her phone vibrated in her back pocket.
Jane: Hey.
Austin: Yo, we’re meeting in the lobby in 10.
Jane: Got it.
She dropped the phone down into the back and focused her attention on the man in front of her. She inched towards him and gently sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Hey,” her raspy voice whispered. “We gotta be downstairs in 10.”
They were playing two shows that day. An early set in Philly, then a late set in Cleveland. A busy day of performing and driving.
“I’m, uh, I’m not concerned about the guys knowing,” she admitted, as her eyes, only inches from his, peered at him. “I just don’t want you to get upset if I’m not climbing all over you today.” She sighed as she heard what came out of her mouth, and her eyes looked away from his as she positioned her body to be cradled by him, her face resting in the crook of his neck. “Fuck. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I will be climbing all over you after our set tonight,” Jane whispered as she pressed a kiss into his neck. "You know I suck at all of this shit."
Jesus, what was happening to her?
She cleared her throat and sat up stretching. “Let’s go, yeah?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey," Jane greeted Austin through her round-framed sunglasses as she entered the lobby.
Austin smirked. "Hey." Before he could ask any questions, the van pulled up in the loop outside of the automatic doors.
"Here we go," she mumbled to herself, grunting as she repositioned the large bag on her back, and climbed into the van with the others. She took a seat in the very back of the van and wedged herself in a corner. She was already tired, and only a half an hour after they had taken off for Philadelphia, she had drifted off as her earbuds played Dead Golden West by Anywhere.
An hour later, she woke up to see her legs laying on Rob's lap as he sat next to her. He emotions she abandoned in her sleep came flooding back to her at once, and almost immediately, they were making her panic.
Jane found herself wanting to hold him, to feel his arms around her, not even in a sensual way. It was as if she missed the feeling already. Like it had been days since the morning.
And it was a sensation she wasn't fond of.
"You're becoming soft, Jane. Vulnerable. Lame. Idiotic."
She shook the thoughts from her head instead of acting on them and remained where she was. "How much longer?" she called out to anyone that would answer.
"About half an hour," Austin replied as he popped his head up from the seat in front of them. "Nice of you to join us, J. Why are you so tired?"
Jane swung her leg from Rob's lap and kicked the seat. "Shut up."
She was painfully sober, and a half an hour from stopping sounded like a day away.
"Once you have a beer or two in you, you'll feel normal again."
A small groan escaped Jane's lips as she felt arms embrace her. It didn't take her but a moment to process what was happening, and in her barely-awake state, she whispered a "Hi" to greet Rob as he held her. Although his actions were out of character, they were not unwelcomed, and to prove it, Jane's much smaller hand moved on top of his, her fingers lacing between his gently, and she guided his hand under the tee shirt, tucking his fingers under the side she was sleeping on, so that it rested on her stomach below the breast that his hand was usually found on when they woke up together. She shifted her body back so that she was completely encompassed by his, the warmth completely eradicating the loneliness she had been feeling earlier.
Jane's instincts, if not always on, were thrusting into high gear. She wanted to badly to turn to face him. To enact then scenes she had been playing in her head over and over. To feel his hands all over her bare skin instead of just the one that was on her torso. But, she didn't.
She enjoyed the moment - the closeness - for what is was, and she decided not to give into her desires as she always did. All of her nerve endings were on fire from the much anticipated moment they were sharing, though, and she couldn't help but tightly grip the arm that wrapped around her.
"Calm down, Jane. Go to sleep."
Jane grabbed the hand from the other arm that tunneled under her pillow and poked out the other side, and she once again laced her fingers through it, this time, his hand engulfing hers. She brought of one his fingers to her mouth, and slowly, softly, she kissed it once.
Another whisper. "Good night, Rob."
-------------------------------------
The morning came too soon, and immediately after Jane's eyes opened, she saw the time blinking at her. 6:27 AM. Why the hell did she always wake up so early?
"Shit," she whispered as she squeezed her eyes closed to alleviate how dry they felt.
After coming to her senses, she became aware of the body wrapped around hers, large and strong. Rob's hand had made its way to its usual spot, this time underneath her shirt, and his other was still grasping hers tightly as if they hadn't moved once during the night. Their legs intertwined like vines that were planted too closely together as seeds, sprouting together, not knowing they were not supposed to grow like this.
Jane breathed a sigh of relief. After his initial reaction to her admission, she didn't expect to be able to look at him, let alone lay together in such an intimate fashion. But the same desires she previously had pushed away the night before bubbled up again inside of her.
The decision was made since she had awoken, but after a few minutes of hesitation, Jane maneuvered her body slowly and steadily until she was facing him. He was still deep in sleep, completely unaware of the comfort Jane was siphoning from him. She was so used to leaving his side without a word, leaving him to wake up on his own wondering where she had gone. Those were never her intentions, but never having to face someone in the morning was one of Jane's goals when she had spent the night with someone. The nights with Rob, though, were never like the ones filled with mindless, physical passion she had spent with those she never really cared about. But she was a creature of habit.
Jane kissed the collarbone in front of her, then lifted her body up with an arm to whisper in his ear. "I'll be back later." Part of her never wanted to get up - to leave the man cradling her in his unconscious - but she knew she would, just like she always had.
-------------------------------------
Half an hour later, Jane found herself plopped down in a small grassy area with a swing set and a slide. By her guess, some group had probably petitioned for more natural area in the city and were only granted a pathetic lot wedged between two monstrous buildings.
She had laid down with her board beneath her head, ear buds throbbing to Iceblink Luck by Cocteau Twins as all the fuzzy feelings she left the hotel room were replaced with ones of fear. What would the following days consist of? What did last night mean? Did it actually mean anything? Had she been too forward?
Jane grunted as if it would silence the turmoil. But it didn't. Knowing Rob, they would have to talk out their feelings - her worst nightmare - and that alone made her frightened her enough to not go back to the hotel room. Not yet. She wanted to ride off the high she was feeling from their night together without it getting ruined by emotions and words. It was as if Jane could still feel his hands on her chest.
As she lit a cigarette, Jane closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she absorbed everything she was feeling, which was a whirlwind of yearning, passion and uncertainty. Usually what she felt on a day-to-day basis, but this time, it felt more urgent. More important.
After finally working up the courage, she picked her body up off the ground and pushed her board back to the hotel. Jane must have talked herself out of turning around and finding somewhere else to hide three times before she had finally made it.
She entered the room quietly to find Rob still in bed.
"Hey," she greeted him quietly as she crawled next to him. "I'm sorry about last night." A hand wrapped around his uncovered torso, and her eyes locked intently onto his. "I wish I was better at talking things out like you are." Jane faintly smiled. The words felt so cliché as they came out, but it was the truth.
She was melting in his arms at an alarming rate, one that made Jane want to run away once again. But instead, she nuzzled herself into his chest and closed her eyes, pushing the hesitation she felt aside, feeling less and less unsure as to why she felt it in the first place.
Jane's instincts, if not always on, were thrusting into high gear. She wanted to badly to turn to face him. To enact then scenes she had been playing in her head over and over. To feel his hands all over her bare skin instead of just the one that was on her torso. But, she didn't.
She enjoyed the moment - the closeness - for what is was, and she decided not to give into her desires as she always did. All of her nerve endings were on fire from the much anticipated moment they were sharing, though, and she couldn't help but tightly grip the arm that wrapped around her.
"Calm down, Jane. Go to sleep."
Jane grabbed the hand from the other arm that tunneled under her pillow and poked out the other side, and she once again laced her fingers through it, this time, his hand engulfing hers. She brought of one his fingers to her mouth, and slowly, softly, she kissed it once.
Another whisper. "Good night, Rob."
-------------------------------------
The morning came too soon, and immediately after Jane's eyes opened, she saw the time blinking at her. 6:27 AM. Why the hell did she always wake up so early?
"Shit," she whispered as she squeezed her eyes closed to alleviate how dry they felt.
After coming to her senses, she became aware of the body wrapped around hers, large and strong. Rob's hand had made its way to its usual spot, this time underneath her shirt, and his other was still grasping hers tightly as if they hadn't moved once during the night. Their legs intertwined like vines that were planted too closely together as seeds, sprouting together, not knowing they were not supposed to grow like this.
Jane breathed a sigh of relief. After his initial reaction to her admission, she didn't expect to be able to look at him, let alone lay together in such an intimate fashion. But the same desires she previously had pushed away the night before bubbled up again inside of her.
The decision was made since she had awoken, but after a few minutes of hesitation, Jane maneuvered her body slowly and steadily until she was facing him. He was still deep in sleep, completely unaware of the comfort Jane was siphoning from him. She was so used to leaving his side without a word, leaving him to wake up on his own wondering where she had gone. Those were never her intentions, but never having to face someone in the morning was one of Jane's goals when she had spent the night with someone. The nights with Rob, though, were never like the ones filled with mindless, physical passion she had spent with those she never really cared about. But she was a creature of habit.
Jane kissed the collarbone in front of her, then lifted her body up with an arm to whisper in his ear. "I'll be back later." Part of her never wanted to get up - to leave the man cradling her in his unconscious - but she knew she would, just like she always had.
-------------------------------------
Half an hour later, Jane found herself plopped down in a small grassy area with a swing set and a slide. By her guess, some group had probably petitioned for more natural area in the city and were only granted a pathetic lot wedged between two monstrous buildings.
She had laid down with her board beneath her head, ear buds throbbing to Iceblink Luck by Cocteau Twins as all the fuzzy feelings she left the hotel room were replaced with ones of fear. What would the following days consist of? What did last night mean? Did it actually mean anything? Had she been too forward?
Jane grunted as if it would silence the turmoil. But it didn't. Knowing Rob, they would have to talk out their feelings - her worst nightmare - and that alone made her frightened her enough to not go back to the hotel room. Not yet. She wanted to ride off the high she was feeling from their night together without it getting ruined by emotions and words. It was as if Jane could still feel his hands on her chest.
As she lit a cigarette, Jane closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she absorbed everything she was feeling, which was a whirlwind of yearning, passion and uncertainty. Usually what she felt on a day-to-day basis, but this time, it felt more urgent. More important.
After finally working up the courage, she picked her body up off the ground and pushed her board back to the hotel. Jane must have talked herself out of turning around and finding somewhere else to hide three times before she had finally made it.
She entered the room quietly to find Rob still in bed.
"Hey," she greeted him quietly as she crawled next to him. "I'm sorry about last night." A hand wrapped around his uncovered torso, and her eyes locked intently onto his. "I wish I was better at talking things out like you are." Jane faintly smiled. The words felt so cliché as they came out, but it was the truth.
She was melting in his arms at an alarming rate, one that made Jane want to run away once again. But instead, she nuzzled herself into his chest and closed her eyes, pushing the hesitation she felt aside, feeling less and less unsure as to why she felt it in the first place.
Jane looked down to him, sitting on the floor in shock, and nodded repeatedly. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Panic began to creep in, crawling up her back, and her inner voice began to berate her like it always did.
”See? You should have just let it be. Look at him. Look what you did.”
As her eyes lingered on him, she involuntarily frowned before taking a deep breath and sighing. What could she do at this point besides give him the time he had asked for? Nothing. Although, Jane didn’t want to. She wanted to crawl up next to him. To hug him. Touch him. Put her lips to his neck and jaw line. Run her fingers through his hair and stay with him there until he was ready.
But, Rob was different than her.
Jane was touch. Rob was words. In the same magnitude that she felt the energy and vibrations off of people, he analyzed them. She must have drove him crazy over the past few days, but only realized it now, in the silence that pulsated between. A hand had made its way to the back of her neck, and it clawed at her skin as some sort of unconscious punishment Jane’s body was giving her. The disconnection between her mind and her mouth had always frustrated her, but never to this level.
”Say something.”
“I’m,” she cleared her throat, weak and quiet from both the show and the liberation of emotion she just experienced, “I’m gonna go to bed.”
”Something else.”
Jane froze in place for a moment as her brain scrambled to find something that wouldn’t make things worse. If there even was something that wouldn’t make things worse.
“I'm sorry. Good night, Rob.”
That was all she could let out. Out of all the thoughts she was thinking, lust she was feeling, the affection she wanted to give him – a “good night” was the best she could do. It made her shake her head in pure anger at herself before forcing her legs to carry her to her room and close the door quietly.
Jane stared at herself in the mirror that sat above the dresser across from her bed. Her almond shaped, glossy eyes that always looked like she didn’t sleep the night before. Her hair, an intricate system of knots and shades of blonde, fell down over her freckled shoulders and hung below her breasts that were only shielded by a thin layer of white fabric. Hip bones jutted out at an angle right where the band of the jeans she was wearing began. Black fabric that stretched around thin legs supported by feet too small for them.
She remembered when she was younger, how much she hated these things about herself. Her lack of curves. The scars and freckles she collected. The boniness of her frame. All the things she was teased for. But now, Jane always felt something surreal when she looked at her reflection, as if it always took a moment to recognize herself. She no longer hated her appearance, but after not bothering with it for so long, it was almost like it wasn’t her body anymore; it belonged to the world, and she was just its navigator.
After stripping, throwing on a tee shirt, and brushing her teeth, she crawled weakly into the cold sheets and positioned her headphones gently in her ear. After a bit of mindless scrolling, her eyes locked on Smother by Daughter. The guitar softly hummed in her ears as she closed her eyes and held herself.
”I'm wasted, losing time
I'm a foolish, fragile spine”
Regrets, not only of what happened with Rob, but of the past twenty-three years were flooding her memories. All the energy and affection she gave to people that didn’t deserve it. Her relationship with her brothers that had completely deteriorated.
”I want all that is not mine
I want him but we're not right”
How she didn’t take care of herself. And didn’t want to. That she could never be sober. That she went through life disregarding anything that would require her to dig through the wall she had built around her feelings, yet she would expect people to remain close to her – to still love her even though she couldn’t love them.
” In the darkness I will meet my creators
They will all agree, I'm a suffocator”
Jane lit a join and puffed on it slowly as she laid in a fetal position when she felt tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes. “Stop it,” she whispered to herself. The joint was put out just as the last line of the song began.
”I sometimes wish I'd stayed inside my mother
never to come out”
Jane pulled the plush white comforter over her head and buried her face in the pillow forcefully. In that moment, Jane allowed herself to full-on cry for the first time in years. Why she felt the need to, she wasn’t sure. Rob didn’t reject her or scream at her. He loved her.
And she loved him.
A new feeling for Jane accompanied the emotions she was feeling. In this moment, she hated herself, but in a different way than when she was a child. She hated the inside.
After the tears subsided and her thoughts began to blur, she eventually drifted off to sleep in the fortress she built out of the comforter.
”See? You should have just let it be. Look at him. Look what you did.”
As her eyes lingered on him, she involuntarily frowned before taking a deep breath and sighing. What could she do at this point besides give him the time he had asked for? Nothing. Although, Jane didn’t want to. She wanted to crawl up next to him. To hug him. Touch him. Put her lips to his neck and jaw line. Run her fingers through his hair and stay with him there until he was ready.
But, Rob was different than her.
Jane was touch. Rob was words. In the same magnitude that she felt the energy and vibrations off of people, he analyzed them. She must have drove him crazy over the past few days, but only realized it now, in the silence that pulsated between. A hand had made its way to the back of her neck, and it clawed at her skin as some sort of unconscious punishment Jane’s body was giving her. The disconnection between her mind and her mouth had always frustrated her, but never to this level.
”Say something.”
“I’m,” she cleared her throat, weak and quiet from both the show and the liberation of emotion she just experienced, “I’m gonna go to bed.”
”Something else.”
Jane froze in place for a moment as her brain scrambled to find something that wouldn’t make things worse. If there even was something that wouldn’t make things worse.
“I'm sorry. Good night, Rob.”
That was all she could let out. Out of all the thoughts she was thinking, lust she was feeling, the affection she wanted to give him – a “good night” was the best she could do. It made her shake her head in pure anger at herself before forcing her legs to carry her to her room and close the door quietly.
Jane stared at herself in the mirror that sat above the dresser across from her bed. Her almond shaped, glossy eyes that always looked like she didn’t sleep the night before. Her hair, an intricate system of knots and shades of blonde, fell down over her freckled shoulders and hung below her breasts that were only shielded by a thin layer of white fabric. Hip bones jutted out at an angle right where the band of the jeans she was wearing began. Black fabric that stretched around thin legs supported by feet too small for them.
She remembered when she was younger, how much she hated these things about herself. Her lack of curves. The scars and freckles she collected. The boniness of her frame. All the things she was teased for. But now, Jane always felt something surreal when she looked at her reflection, as if it always took a moment to recognize herself. She no longer hated her appearance, but after not bothering with it for so long, it was almost like it wasn’t her body anymore; it belonged to the world, and she was just its navigator.
After stripping, throwing on a tee shirt, and brushing her teeth, she crawled weakly into the cold sheets and positioned her headphones gently in her ear. After a bit of mindless scrolling, her eyes locked on Smother by Daughter. The guitar softly hummed in her ears as she closed her eyes and held herself.
”I'm wasted, losing time
I'm a foolish, fragile spine”
Regrets, not only of what happened with Rob, but of the past twenty-three years were flooding her memories. All the energy and affection she gave to people that didn’t deserve it. Her relationship with her brothers that had completely deteriorated.
”I want all that is not mine
I want him but we're not right”
How she didn’t take care of herself. And didn’t want to. That she could never be sober. That she went through life disregarding anything that would require her to dig through the wall she had built around her feelings, yet she would expect people to remain close to her – to still love her even though she couldn’t love them.
” In the darkness I will meet my creators
They will all agree, I'm a suffocator”
Jane lit a join and puffed on it slowly as she laid in a fetal position when she felt tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes. “Stop it,” she whispered to herself. The joint was put out just as the last line of the song began.
”I sometimes wish I'd stayed inside my mother
never to come out”
Jane pulled the plush white comforter over her head and buried her face in the pillow forcefully. In that moment, Jane allowed herself to full-on cry for the first time in years. Why she felt the need to, she wasn’t sure. Rob didn’t reject her or scream at her. He loved her.
And she loved him.
A new feeling for Jane accompanied the emotions she was feeling. In this moment, she hated herself, but in a different way than when she was a child. She hated the inside.
After the tears subsided and her thoughts began to blur, she eventually drifted off to sleep in the fortress she built out of the comforter.
It all happened so fast – too fast for Cameron to truly process what was happening in front of her until Justin was at the mercy of the second attacker, who did not look like he was going to stop until he achieved his goal. The ear-splitting sound that the weapon produced made her fall backwards, and she shielded her eyes with an arm as she squinted to get a grasp on the situation. Before that could happen, a hand lifted her to stand and dragged her to run along with their liberators.
Her mind was buzzing with questions as she huffed and puffed to keep up with the group –
”Who the hell are you?”
”Where the hell are we going?“
”Why do we have to run all the time?”
For what seemed liked hours, they moved through the dark in silence, staying closely knit as they navigated through a thick forest of lush greenery.
At this point, Cameron had gotten a good look at the two scouts that had rescued them. Both were male. One was large and muscular with a shaven head and an unchanging, stern expression on his face. The other man was slender and moved slyly. He seemed to be the more endearing one of the pair; he periodically slowed down to wait for Cameron when she fell behind or assisted her in navigating through patches of lifted roots that she would not have noticed.
“We’ll stop here,” the larger man grunted as he surveyed the area. A sigh of relief was all Cameron had to offer at the suggestion as she dropped her pack on the ground, her body soon following suit. As she kneeled down and dug in the bag, the same man addressed her in Justin.
“Where are you coming from?” His voice, although speaking quietly, still seemed to boom throughout the silence surrounding them.
Cameron’s eyes darted up to his. “Omega.”
He signaled his partner to follow him about ten feet away from Cameron and Justin to talk amongst themselves. Cameron looked over to Justin and eyed him quickly. He must have been exhausted – god knew she was.
Both men returned, now focusing their questions at Justin.
“We know of Omega. We have special instructions if we find survivors from your settlement. But before we can carry out our mission, we need you to prove Omega is your home.” The man stepped closer as he vocalized what he wanted, causing her to scoot back a bit, then to look at Justin. He was so unreadable, and she decided then that it was probably better to make him their ambassador. Her temper mixed with the confusion she had from everything happening to them would make her a poor choice.
Her mind was buzzing with questions as she huffed and puffed to keep up with the group –
”Who the hell are you?”
”Where the hell are we going?“
”Why do we have to run all the time?”
For what seemed liked hours, they moved through the dark in silence, staying closely knit as they navigated through a thick forest of lush greenery.
At this point, Cameron had gotten a good look at the two scouts that had rescued them. Both were male. One was large and muscular with a shaven head and an unchanging, stern expression on his face. The other man was slender and moved slyly. He seemed to be the more endearing one of the pair; he periodically slowed down to wait for Cameron when she fell behind or assisted her in navigating through patches of lifted roots that she would not have noticed.
“We’ll stop here,” the larger man grunted as he surveyed the area. A sigh of relief was all Cameron had to offer at the suggestion as she dropped her pack on the ground, her body soon following suit. As she kneeled down and dug in the bag, the same man addressed her in Justin.
“Where are you coming from?” His voice, although speaking quietly, still seemed to boom throughout the silence surrounding them.
Cameron’s eyes darted up to his. “Omega.”
He signaled his partner to follow him about ten feet away from Cameron and Justin to talk amongst themselves. Cameron looked over to Justin and eyed him quickly. He must have been exhausted – god knew she was.
Both men returned, now focusing their questions at Justin.
“We know of Omega. We have special instructions if we find survivors from your settlement. But before we can carry out our mission, we need you to prove Omega is your home.” The man stepped closer as he vocalized what he wanted, causing her to scoot back a bit, then to look at Justin. He was so unreadable, and she decided then that it was probably better to make him their ambassador. Her temper mixed with the confusion she had from everything happening to them would make her a poor choice.
The next hour crawled by at an immensely slow pace, one that allowed Jane to drink a fair amount of alcohol, and she also smoked a blunt with a group of fans outside in a group, taking the buzz she had to the next level. She tried her best to be polite - answering questions and making small talk - until the blunt was on it's final rotation. "Thanks, guys. I gotta head out."
When the band confirmed it was time to leave, Jane couldn’t help but sigh in relief; the anxiety she was feeling had drained her. Fear still lingered of a moment alone with Rob, like a shadow that had followed her throughout the night.
Silence was maintained for the duration of the ride home until Austin and Sam spoke up as they were pulling into the hotel's carport.
“Mia knows of some crazy after party I guess,” Sam mentioned. “Should be fun.”
“I’m down, dude. I hope Jess isn’t there though.”
“J, you down?” Sam asked, nudging her shoulder.
“Huh?” Jane scratched her forehead. “Oh. Yeah, man. Sounds good.”
Austin shot her a concerned look, but ultimately decided not to question her now. She nodded at him conspicuously, as if to signal him that what he was thinking was correct.
They all funneled through the lobby and up to their floors, agreeing they’d meet back downstairs in half an hour and head out to the address Mia had texted Sam.
Once Jane and Rob had entered their room, she immediately went to the fridge and nearly chugged a beer, and after a sigh, she looked to Rob and cleared her throat. “Hey, uh, have a minute?” She approached him, but left a few feet between them. An invisible barrier.
“Rob,” she said quietly. Adrenaline rushed through her as she pushed herself to continue. “Look, I don’t do shit like this well. If fucking sucks. I can write lyrics for the world to read, but I can’t get my own emotions out without getting hammered first.” She chuckled at herself, growing more self-conscious with every word she spoke.
“I don’t know how…” she trailed on and tried to swallow the lump growing in her throat. “I…”
”Don’t do it, Jane.”
Her eyes locked on his for a moment, and her mouth formed an unintentional smirk. She shortened the distance between them in a few steps before tiling her head up to look at him.
”Stop it, Jane. You’re gonna regret this.”
She reached a hand up to the back of his neck to bring his head down closer to her, and her feet rose so that she was on her tippy-toes.
”Fuck it.”
In a fleeting moment, Jane’s eyes scanned Rob’s face; she had never been this close to him before. Unblemished skin not affected by the sun like hers. The thick, dark hairs that joined together to make his beard. His brown eyes that she had looked into a thousand times.
She flashed a smile before her lips finally made contact with his, and current of electricity ran through her as her fingers slid up slightly into his hair and tightened their grip, the other hand placed on his chest. The kiss deepened, but lasted only until the realization of what was happening crashed over her, and every part of her body that was touching his was pulled way abruptly. A finger went to her lip to touch it, as if it would feel different after what had just occurred.
“I’m,” her eyes burned a hole in the floor, “I’m sorry.” In a moment of weakness, all the feelings she had attempted to bury deep inside of herself had been regurgitated. She had just removed a mask she couldn't put back on.
But, in an instant, Jane’s instincts began to take over, and thoughts of how that had just made her feel all flooded back to her. The warmth of his lips. His strong chest and arms. His rough hands. Jane’s eyes slowly glided from the hardwood floors back to Rob.
“I’m sorry for what I said in your hotel room that night,” she blurted out as she began pacing back and forth. “I’m sorry for making you feel like this. You see? This is what I was afraid of.” It was hard to keep her eyes on him, but she compelled herself to do so. “I’m selfish. Nothing ever satisfies me. I always need more. I go after what I want without thinking how it effects anyone else, but I want…” her voice trailed off, and the eye contact she struggled to keep broke once again. Could she say what she was thinking?
“I don’t know what this means. I don’t know how I’ll feel in a week, a month. I don’t even know how you feel anymore. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me, but,”
She turned around, her back to him, and covered her face with her hands. “Sorry.” Her voice barely broke above a whisper as she pushed out the apology. Jane felt stupid. Embarrassed. But yet, it was all so relieving. Bittersweet.
She took a deep breath and pointed her head up towards the ceiling. “I understand,” she began without working up the courage to face him, “if you don’t have anything to say, or if you don’t want to say anything. I get it.”
Jane had never felt this vulnerable, especially in front of someone as close to her as Rob.
"I don't think I wanna go to that party."
When the band confirmed it was time to leave, Jane couldn’t help but sigh in relief; the anxiety she was feeling had drained her. Fear still lingered of a moment alone with Rob, like a shadow that had followed her throughout the night.
Silence was maintained for the duration of the ride home until Austin and Sam spoke up as they were pulling into the hotel's carport.
“Mia knows of some crazy after party I guess,” Sam mentioned. “Should be fun.”
“I’m down, dude. I hope Jess isn’t there though.”
“J, you down?” Sam asked, nudging her shoulder.
“Huh?” Jane scratched her forehead. “Oh. Yeah, man. Sounds good.”
Austin shot her a concerned look, but ultimately decided not to question her now. She nodded at him conspicuously, as if to signal him that what he was thinking was correct.
They all funneled through the lobby and up to their floors, agreeing they’d meet back downstairs in half an hour and head out to the address Mia had texted Sam.
Once Jane and Rob had entered their room, she immediately went to the fridge and nearly chugged a beer, and after a sigh, she looked to Rob and cleared her throat. “Hey, uh, have a minute?” She approached him, but left a few feet between them. An invisible barrier.
“Rob,” she said quietly. Adrenaline rushed through her as she pushed herself to continue. “Look, I don’t do shit like this well. If fucking sucks. I can write lyrics for the world to read, but I can’t get my own emotions out without getting hammered first.” She chuckled at herself, growing more self-conscious with every word she spoke.
“I don’t know how…” she trailed on and tried to swallow the lump growing in her throat. “I…”
”Don’t do it, Jane.”
Her eyes locked on his for a moment, and her mouth formed an unintentional smirk. She shortened the distance between them in a few steps before tiling her head up to look at him.
”Stop it, Jane. You’re gonna regret this.”
She reached a hand up to the back of his neck to bring his head down closer to her, and her feet rose so that she was on her tippy-toes.
”Fuck it.”
In a fleeting moment, Jane’s eyes scanned Rob’s face; she had never been this close to him before. Unblemished skin not affected by the sun like hers. The thick, dark hairs that joined together to make his beard. His brown eyes that she had looked into a thousand times.
She flashed a smile before her lips finally made contact with his, and current of electricity ran through her as her fingers slid up slightly into his hair and tightened their grip, the other hand placed on his chest. The kiss deepened, but lasted only until the realization of what was happening crashed over her, and every part of her body that was touching his was pulled way abruptly. A finger went to her lip to touch it, as if it would feel different after what had just occurred.
“I’m,” her eyes burned a hole in the floor, “I’m sorry.” In a moment of weakness, all the feelings she had attempted to bury deep inside of herself had been regurgitated. She had just removed a mask she couldn't put back on.
But, in an instant, Jane’s instincts began to take over, and thoughts of how that had just made her feel all flooded back to her. The warmth of his lips. His strong chest and arms. His rough hands. Jane’s eyes slowly glided from the hardwood floors back to Rob.
“I’m sorry for what I said in your hotel room that night,” she blurted out as she began pacing back and forth. “I’m sorry for making you feel like this. You see? This is what I was afraid of.” It was hard to keep her eyes on him, but she compelled herself to do so. “I’m selfish. Nothing ever satisfies me. I always need more. I go after what I want without thinking how it effects anyone else, but I want…” her voice trailed off, and the eye contact she struggled to keep broke once again. Could she say what she was thinking?
“I don’t know what this means. I don’t know how I’ll feel in a week, a month. I don’t even know how you feel anymore. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me, but,”
She turned around, her back to him, and covered her face with her hands. “Sorry.” Her voice barely broke above a whisper as she pushed out the apology. Jane felt stupid. Embarrassed. But yet, it was all so relieving. Bittersweet.
She took a deep breath and pointed her head up towards the ceiling. “I understand,” she began without working up the courage to face him, “if you don’t have anything to say, or if you don’t want to say anything. I get it.”
Jane had never felt this vulnerable, especially in front of someone as close to her as Rob.
"I don't think I wanna go to that party."
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