Jane was awoken by her phone vibrating underneath her chest, and after calming down from being startled, her eyes squinted to focus on the bright shattered screen. She couldn’t help but smirk at the words
”I miss you” sandwiched between the other texts that filled the thread, and for a brief moment, Jane felt a warmth flutter through her a stomach as her thumbs worked to respond.
Jane:
We can talk after the show tonight if you’re free.Jane:
and I miss you too. Feels weird sleeping alone. Her finger hovered over the send button for what felt like an eternity while she deciphered whether or not the second text sounded too needy. Ultimately, she hit send, deciding that if that was the way she felt – which it was – then she should say it. God knows that since Rob had confessed his feelings to her, she had been watching what she said around him. Maybe that was part of the problem. Jane just hadn’t been Jane. The outspoken, unafraid, confident Jane had turned into one that tip-toed around someone else’s emotions, afraid to rock the boat.
Jane determined, as the thought crossed her mind, that she would no longer do that. Yes, she might not tell Rob the details of the emotions he caused her by asking to tune things down, but she would no longer dilute herself to keep things placid. It obviously didn’t work, anyway.
After a few minutes of lounging, she forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom, but not without passing Sam first.
“Hey,” Jane’s voice squeaked, “thanks for letting me crash here for a bit. I’m gonna handle shit tonight, then I should be outta your hair.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Sam replied, not looking up from the phone in his hand. “Oh, Harold wants you to call him after the set when you get a minute. Something about a quick interview tomorrow.”
“Oh,” Jane said, taken by surprise. “Okay, I will. Thanks.”
*****
Jane stepped out of the shower and dried herself off, staring in the mirror like she had don emany times before. This time, though, there were no signs of intimacy or marks left by Rob to be found – only freckles, scars, and her few small tattoos remained. She was having a hard time believing that Rob would want to continue sleeping with her if she was also seeing other people. She could imagine herself becoming a bit jealous over certain people, namely Zoe, if she found out Rob was with someone else, but in general, this aligned way more with her ideals than being in a committed, exclusive relationship did.
And honestly, even after this short amount of time apart, Jane was willing to take whatever she could get from Rob, even if it was only physical passion.
Another hour went by before it was time to leave for the venue. She got dressed in a white tank top and a pair of black skinny jeans with large holes in each knee, accessorized by a dark flannel that hung off her small body. After dashing around the apartment, collecting items to throw into her bag, her and Sam left the room and headed down to the lobby to wait for the van, and Jane’s eye darted around for any sign of Rob.
Even with a few texts exchanged, Jane already felt a bit better about seeing Rob than she had before. Perhaps they wouldn’t even need to talk, and things could just coast along as they were.
No. Not even Jane could let this go on for any longer. She truly just wanted him to hold her again, even if she would have to share those arms with other people.
A headphone sat in her ear while the other one dangled down her shirt playing
Greetings from Califournia by The Neighbourhood as the van pulled up and her and Sam to approach it, only to find that both Rob and Austin were already inside. They took their normal seats: Sam in a middle row near Austin, and Jane in the back where Rob was.
“Hey,” she unintentionally whispered before smiling faintly and sitting next to him. The ear bud was taken out and tossed in her purse. Her heart was screaming at her to jump on top of him, to kiss him, to forget everyone else in the van but him, but thankfully her mind stopped her. Instead, she tugged Rob’s arm around her and leaned against him, remaining silent and shutting her eyes for the remainder of the ride to the venue and enjoying the warmth that she missed tremendously.
As soon as they arrived, though, Jane wasted no time sliding out of the van and heading into the venue to grab a drink, only to run into Andy at the bar.
“Hey, there,” he smiled as he held a hand out to a stool next to him.
Jane obliged and scooted herself in before returning the greeting. “Hey,” she said with a tooth grin as she nudged him arm. “You guys play yet?”
“We actually go on
after you tonight. Who are the rock stars now, huh?” He laughed as he took a sip of his beer. “You seem happy.”
“I guess I am,” Jane nodded. “I mean, me and Rob are gonna talk things out tonight. But, I think it is what it is now. Just casual.”
Andy nodded in understanding. “And you’re cool with that?”
“I’m cool as long as I don’t lose him completely,” Jane admitted as she attempted to wave down the bartender. “That I couldn’t deal with. If being with him means that we sleep with other people too, that so be it. Not something I haven’t done before.”
The bartender finally approached Jane, and she ordered a rum and coke.
“You’ll keep me on the call list if you start fuckin’ around, right?” Andy joked as he stuck a tongue out at Jane, causing her to smirk.
“Eh, we’ll see, yeah?” Jane replied. In all honesty, if she were to start seeing other people, and Jane had a list, Andy
would be on it. They had grown so close throughout all the chaos surrounding the tour and shows that it was hard not to feel anything for him. “How’s Zoe been?” Why was she even asking that?
Andy scoffed. “Still not your biggest fan. And now that I’ve been hanging out with you so much, she’s not mine either. She’s been sad lately, though. I don’t know why. I can just tell. Why do you ask?”
Sad? Why would she be sad? Rob had been hanging out with her constantly it seemed. Why would she be upset?
“Oh,” Jane nodded. “Just curious.”
A man dressed in black approached Jane, tapped her on the shoulder and told her it was time to head to the stage.
“Ah,” he sighed as he took the last sip of his beer. “See you soon, Jane.” He stood up and stretched, then leaned down and kissed her cheek.
“Bye,” Jane smiled as she waved him away. She would have to feel out how truly comfortable Rob would be with the notion that Jane
would hook up with someone else before she could act on any urges, but the thought of having to verbalize it all was enough to make a small wave of anxiety wash over her.
Hopefully, Rob would be alright with her spending the night with him. Well, if the conversation went well. But how couldn’t it? Their minds were finally aligned for once.
*****
“Hey, everyone,” Jane breathed into the microphone after the first song had finished. “We’re In Bloom from Long Beach, California.”
The crowd woo-ed in reponse.
“Thank you, thank you. Okay, so I haven’t been on stage since all of you saw my tits,” she scoffed as she spoke. This cause the crowd to murmur. “I wanna talk about that for a second.”
Jane cleared her throat and pushed her hair out of her face. “First of all, I’m not ashamed of my body. Not before all this bullshit, and I’m still not. Second,” Jane opened her arms so the crowd could get a clear shot of her torso. “I’m wearing a fuckin’ white tank top with no bra right now. Did you guys really see something that you haven’t seen before?”
The crowd, once again, woo-ed.
“Thirdly, people are always gonna have an opinion about you.” Jane’s eyes shot to the side of the stage, where Zoe was standing and watching the set. “Or dislike you for no fucking reason.” Her eyes went back to the crowd. “You know what I say? Fuck ‘em. Don’t let those people make you feel bad for who you are. Some of you may think premarital sex is whack and go to church every Sunday, but I’m not gonna hate you for it. Everyone’s different. I respect you for your decisions, you respect me for mine. Yeah?”
The crowd cheered.
“Okay, I feel better now. Let’s get this shit over with, huh?”
*****
The rest of the set was well received by the crowd, and the new song they performed at the end seemed to really get a reaction. Jane wasn’t too keen on it, but she did her best to move around and have fun with it as a means to market it.
After catching her breath on the side stage, she locked eyes with Rob and scurried over to him. “Hey,” her exhausted voice pushed out. “I gotta shower and call Harold when we get back, then I’m all yours.” She smiled and nudged him before heading out to the van and crawling in the van, still panting from the performance she gave.
Once after a hot shower in the room she was sharing with Sam, she wrapped herself in a towel and stepped out on the patio to light a cigarette and call Harold.
Jane: Hey, Harold. Sam told me to give you a call. Something about an interview?
Harold: Yeah. A radio station here wants you on for only 20 minutes and an acoustic song. Sam would be going with you so he can play guitar.
Jane: Alright, I’ll do it.
Harold: You sure? I know you’ve been going through a lot lately and -
Jane: I’ll be fine. I’ve been feeling better.
Harold: Okay then. I’ll have a car waiting downstairs for you two tomorrow at 8:45.
Jane: Got it. Thanks, Harold.
After getting dressed in pajama shorts and a tee shirt, exiting the room, and heading to Rob’s, she slipped the key card into the lock. “Rob?” she called out. It was like déjà vu. “It’s me.”
Visions from their last conversation that started just like this made her want to turn around a bolt out of the door, but Jane forced herself to sit on the couch and wait. She tucked her hands under her butt as if it would help her keep them to herself and not all over Rob like she had done so many times before. She had to let him get whatever was on his mind off before tension arose between them again.
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