Supermaxx

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Regret came knocking on Andrew's door like an old friend the moment Kazuki spoke up again. He knew what he was doing. He knew exactly what he was doing, he just didn't care. He didn't care until he saw the other man's face twitching- holding to a remarkable calm, given the circumstances- and he agreed. That was the worst part. Graves could've handled being hit. Could've handled Kazu getting loud back, trying to dig in some needles of his own: that was all business as usual. It was another thing entirely to find the dagger had gone a little too deep.

But you couldn't take words back. They were as permanent as a punch to the face.

There was the apology Graves had asked for, freely given and plain as could be. It would've satisfied, probably. It might've even been enough for Graves to stick around even after this shitshow. He still believed in what he'd said, after all; he still cared about these fucking insufferable dipshits and didn't want anything to happen to them because he had too much of an ego to stick around.

Then Benkei opened his giant God damn mouth.

”You killed them.”

"Don't you throw that in my face!" Graves all but roared, lowering his face down until there was less than an inch between them. He never touched Benkei. He felt the rage boil the center of his gullet. That burning, ugly hate he'd felt every second since they left that accursed hall. "You think I wanted to be standing here instead of him? He's the one who deserved a second chance, not-"

You can't fix everything, Andy.

And for the second time in that argument he was interrupted by someone who didn't belong in it. One of the women who worked the bar had apparently had enough of their shit flinging, and threatened to have them removed if they didn't put a stop to it. He had half a mind to keep going anyway. Half a mind to let her try. Right now he felt like he could tear an elephant in half. But he didn't want to kill anyone. He didn't want to hurt them.

'You gotta learn to accept that sometimes- sometimes things just are a certain way.'

Everyone was trying to stop them. Alja, Alex, even Seele was on the move. Nobody wanted this to go there, but if Graves stayed in that tavern for another thirty seconds he was sure that was how it'd all end.

Adapt.

His hands were up in the air. He was shaking his head, taking a step back. It wasn't worth it. No matter how angry he was, no matter how much he wanted to let it all out on this bastard right in front of him, he knew it wouldn't be worth it. So he turned away, grabbed his belongings and threw them back over his shoulder. His whole life was in the bag. It'd been with him since he started playing and it'd be with him at the end. He took it, and he started for the door.

"I knew this wasn't gonna work." Graves kept his face low, walking slow. Had to keep up appearances, right? Even now. "Good luck with the whole together thing. This group was always a fucking time bomb anyway."

He shoved his way outta the door and into the street, and he was off. He was off to try to fix the mistakes that'd been haunting him since this whole thing began. Or maybe he'd die trying. Either way worked.

That's how you survive.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

'Even if Luci's been insufferable 'bout blaming us for somethin' outside our control.'

Graves knew he didn't believe it. He knew he was only thinking it because Kazuki was being a massive asshole and Graves knew just where to stick the knife to hurt him- that was somethin' he'd learned at home too. He knew just how to hurt somebody bad enough for it to last. He'd been watching Kazu. He watched him during the fight, watched him afterwards. Watched him at the graveside. He'd been watching the man and he knew just how much the guilt weighed him down. It was a terrible burden he'd put on himself and it was one he didn't even deserve.

But that didn't matter. What mattered was Kazu had pissed him off and he needed to be hurt.

Graves got close. Close enough he could whisper it. Make it dig deep. "You could'a saved-"

Somebody else cut in, interrupting him. Benkei, the boy who thought he'd be king. All it took was a glance- he looked as heated as Graves felt. Everything about how he was standing, how he was speaking, how his hands trembled just a little told him their auspicious leader was ready to explode the moment he had an excuse.

He turned, facing the bigger of the two. "Civil." He practically spat the word. "I'on't know what you are to Kazuki, Kazum-something, but I'd step the fuck back n' let him take responsibility for the shit he says for once in his God damn life. He's gonna apologize, or yeah, we're gonna have a problem."

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

"...Clearly she's the reason behind both altercations that had just happened; she'll bring nothing but problems going forward."

"What is your damage, exactly?" Graves's hand hit the table hard enough to knock over the rest of Alex's ale. He did his best to keep from yelling. Just breathe. Big, deep breaths. Yelling was easy. He did it all the God damn time growing up. It was easy to yell- to get physical. It was a whole lot harder to keep the peace. And that was what they were arguing about, wasn't it? Keeping the peace. Building something better so nobody else had to die.

"Its Kalie's fault she cried, did I get that right?" He pushed out his chair before he'd realized it, but he didn't get up. Not yet. Keep the peace. "Its her fault she watched people die and lost her shit? 'Cause I don't know if this'll come as a shock to you, Kazzy, but not everybody's been through the ringer. Not everybody's seen what I assume you n' me have. It takes normal people time to adjust."

"-And you wanna talk about 'minimal contributions?" And now he was up, and a handful of words he didn't really mean were on the tip of his tongue.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Graves didn't make a point of hiding his stares. He'd never been good at that- hiding how he felt. It'd gotten him in a hell of a lot of trouble throughout his life. Gotten more than one black eye for an off-hand comment at the wrong person. Still, he never learned. Refused to, he supposed. It wasn't like he had some idealistic attachment to naked honesty, or some high-minded reason for his stubbornness. Truth is, Andrew was just kind of a lazy asshole who could get away with showing his heart on his sleeve.

Sif's dumbass brother with a name too stupid to remember was picking a fight with Rael, even after the denizen had broken up the last one and told 'em to buzz off. Was he bein' some sorta blowhard prick, defending Kalie's 'honor?' Or did he just like the look of a fight?

'Wanna knock his block off either way.'

Once that altercation was broken up- by another denizen acting out of character- he watched Seele go stumbling up the stairs after Rael. That put his mind at ease. She was better at talkin' people down; he knew from experience. Something about her demeanor disarmed people. To Graves it was as much weird voodoo magic as the shit she did in the dungeon.

Kazuki started talking again. Talking about being wary of certain kinds of people. About how reaching out to Mystic Prophecy would be a mistake. That made Graves' face twitch, but he didn't comment. He still hadn't shifted his gaze to look at the bard; he kept them locked on the stairs. It took him a little longer than he'd like to admit to realize who, exactly, Kazuki was talking about.

"Stop pussyfooting around it." Graves all-but-snarled, his eyes snapping up to Kazuki's. "Don't have time for that schoolyard shit. You don't trust Rael, what, 'cause she's an ass? Hate to break it to ya, buddy, but so are half of us. 'N she's better than the rest of 'em, too."

He paused, turning around in his seat to face Kazuki fully. A few seconds went by as he allowed himself time to gather his thoughts. "The girls from MP are good people, too. Even if Luci's been..." He sighed. It hurt to be a jerk about it, even if it was true. "Insufferable 'bout blaming us for somethin' outside our control. She's good. Not just-" Graves motioned swinging a sword. "-But, y'know, good."

"Rael, Pris, the...leaf...girl. All of 'em are. Just gotta give 'em a chance to prove it. If you don't, I'm out. S'that simple." It was sort of uncomfortable being this nice for so long. Maybe he should hit Alex to balance it out?

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

"Well, sounds like you put a lotta thought into this." Graves sighed, settling into a chair beside Alex. Teamwork had never been one of Graves' strong suits. He had always excelled in Pariah by avoiding other people- avoiding mistakes he had no control over. When Graves failed, as rare as it was, he always knew he could fix it. There was always an adjustment to be made, a move to practice. But when a healer failed to do their job, or a tank couldn't hold the line, what was he supposed to do about it? And the stakes were even higher now. Those little mistakes could cost them everything.

Still, the proposal wasn't without its merits. There were things one man could never accomplish alone, especially now that the margin for error was razor thing. He couldn't afford to grind out a boss fight. Couldn't afford to get ambushed traveling a road by himself. Something rumbled in his chest at the thought. A deep, writhing feeling in his gut that he couldn't quite interpret.

It wasn't the first time he'd felt it that day.

'What if I say no and somethin' happens to 'em?' He asked himself. Another, much more familiar pressure built up in his chest. He knew it to be guilt. Guilt and regret. There was that attachment again, pesky thing that it was. It had brought him back to the Worg and now it rang so loudly he couldn't ignore it.

After several, long moments of silence, Graves eventually nodded. "Alright." He muttered, looking from Alex to Kazuki. "Alright, you got a point. I'm in."

And it seemed the fun didn't stop. He craned his neck to look across to the other side of the tavern, where Alja- Kelly?- was screaming at Rael from the top of her lungs. There was a drunken, indignant rage in her voice. It was the kind of yelling one only did when they'd been holding something back for far too long and let it build up to a boiling point until it all came bursting out. Kelly was pissed. Pissed that Rael couldn't empathize with what the others were going through. Pissed that she couldn't keep her mouth shut about it. And pissed- if Graves' intuitions were right- that Rael seemed so fine with it all.

Just like that, Rael shutdown. Didn't say more than one word to Alja, just walked away while the bartender dealt with it. What the hell had she been thinking that made her snap like that? It didn't make any sense.

"God damn it," Graves muttered. "And I thought I was bad with people."

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Laughing Worg Tavern - City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

"Stay safe!" Graves waved to Rael as she sauntered off. "Don't talk to strangers!"

A brief glance around the tavern told him that everybody from their party had showed up. It was strange how glad he was that they'd all decided to stick together after yesterday's events. He didn't know them; not really. Was one life-changing shared experience enough for him to call them his friends? Graves didn't even know their real names. It was silly to care about this group of strangers. He smiled anyway.

The tavern was too muggy for its own good. If outside had been bad, this was practically unlivable. Like walking out of a summer's day and into a sauna, or something. He was thankful he'd skipped out on any extravagances at Raja's- breathable pants, sandals and an open vest as red as...

He crossed over to where Kazuki was standing over Alex, who was knee-deep into a mug of ale about the size of his head. And he had a bunch of shit all over his face, too, on closer inspection. Like he'd fallen asleep in class and some jokester had drawn a penis on his forehead, only the penis was a bunch of misspelled words and the jokester was himself.

"How're my two favorite fuck-ups doin' this fine mornin'?" Graves threw an arm over Kazuki's shoulder. The two didn't know each other well, but Kazu had saved his ass enough times to earn a little love. He'd only caught the tail end of their conversation, but it sounded as serious as it was awkward. Hopefully they weren't too torn up about yesterday- justified as it would be, Graves had no idea how he'd handle that. He could barely handle his own baggage as is. He was no Seele. He couldn't process all this shit and play parent at the same time.

"So everybody's still around. You two gettin' somethin' to eat too, or was there some kinda meetin' I wasn't invited to?"

①⑨⑥⑧

Alright. Now that I no longer have Covid and I have vacation for this week, I can finally get back to the RP. I'll catch up on posts the next couple of days and then get my own up.

@Retired

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: City Streets, The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Rael was outta the tree with a leap that would've ended with Graves on his ass. He raised a brow at what looked like a book she'd just shoved into a bag, but he didn't comment. Instead he turned away, making his way down the road with long, quick strides. Errands were perhaps his least favorite thing in the world; best to get this done as soon as possible so they could meet back up with the rest of the party. It was...strange, how attached he'd gotten to them all so quickly. Another thing to think about.

"Let's see." He adjusted the bag he had over his shoulder so he could count it all out on his fingers. "Gotta drop my armor off to get it patched up. Gotta get myself somethin' other than rags to wear. Wanna stop by the bank, too, n' see if I've got the coin to find a place to stay- don't wanna spend too long cooped up in the innhouse, y'know? And I figure we'll be here awhile." He shrugged.

His expression darkened somewhat. "Wanted to drop by Prophecy, too. See if Pris needs help with anything. Figure she has her hands full now."

"You think they'd want to see us?"

"I know they don't." He snorted. "Get the impression Pris can tolerate us, at least. N' I'm not gonna stay to chat. But I feel like I oughtta help. Even if its just somethin' small, like pickin' up groceries. Feel obligated, I guess. I know it'll sound stupid to you."

"I don’t think it sounds stupid. Weird, I guess. Never had anyone do something nice for me, so I wouldn’t know."

Graves gave her an eyeroll so massive that his whole body moved with it. "Aside from saving your ass maybe a dozen times, sure."

The pair of them rolled up on the tailor's shop in the town square. It was a fairly sizeable, one floor establishment, with every inch of it covered in some kind of fine material or displaying a piece of clothing. It was so densely packed with stuff that just navigating the place turned out to be a task in and of itself. And the woman that ran the place turned out to be just as exquisite as her wares.

"Considerin' I'm the size of a cow I don't think they'll have anything that'll fit off the rack." He told Rael over his shoulder. That meant getting measurements, talking about pricing and materials and all other sorts of shit Graves was loathing. Still, it could be worse- he could be stuck here by himself. "Maybe I'll get you a gumball and be the first person to ever do somethin' nice for you."

“You’re not funny.” She remarked, following in tow.

It was only partially a joke. Part of him wanted to follow through with it; buy her something- a 'gumball'- so he could hold it over her head and tease her about it for the rest of the day. But the reasonable part of him won out and the words died in his throat, and their brief shopping adventures continued. Most of the places he needed to go were in or around the town square: the armorer was a bit more of a walk, but it minutes long at most. The two of them would be back 'round to the Worg in short order. They still had some time alone. Time to talk.

After a remarkable bout of silence, Graves finally spoke up again. It was a question that'd been nagging him since the dungeon- during it, even. "Why aren't you freaking the fuck out about any of this?"

“Why aren’t you?”

"I'm a God damn mess. But I'm learning to roll with the punches. Adapt or die, right? You, though...I'on't think I've seen you so much as flinch."

“Yeah… it’s weird. I don’t get it.” Rael said, burying her hands into the pockets of her longcoat.

“Sometimes I think I should be scared. I mean, I get nightmares the same as everyone else, but I’m not having panic attacks in the middle of dungeons or shaking in a corner like a baby. My therapist would probably have an answer. Something about compartmentalizing things. I dunno. I guess it hasn’t really hit me yet.”

Talk of nightmares made Graves frown. He did his best to shake it quickly. "You can afford a therapist?" He snorted. It came off more rude than he intended. "Probably better than the alternative, though. Benkei- Luci- they're goin' through some rough shit."

“Everyone kind of broke in some way last night.” She admitted, offering a shrug. “I don’t know how you heal from that. I’ve never been close to anyone. Maybe that’s why I seem so… fine with things.”

"Come on, never? With anyone?"

She shook her head, “No one.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her, incredulity all over his face. "You're serious." Graves blinked. "Not a- a parent, a sibling? Distant cousin? Lover? Close friend? None of it?"

"How do you get through life like that?"

“I don’t know. Only childhood friends I ever knew were in manga.” She half-laughed, obviously trying to keep a strong face through it all. It didn't hold up too well under scrutiny.“Never had a boyfriend. Only thing my parents told me was how much of a disappointment I am. Guess they were right. I am trapped in a video game world.”

That last line, for all its corniness, had Graves in stitches all the way to the front step of the Laughing Worg tavern. They'd finished up all but the visit to Priscilica, and he was still undecided on whether to go through with that one or not. And Rael had given him plenty more to think on. He almost continued. He was close to spilling more about himself than he had to anyone whose last name wasn't Gray. But they were at the Worg, now, and what Andrew was good telling Rael certainly wasn't for anyone else in the party to hear.

So they stepped inside to join the others.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: The Innhouse, The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Time and a hot bath helped ease the nightmare. The scars were old ones, yet they felt as raw as the ones he'd earned just yesterday. He washed them all the same. It was odd how quickly he'd adjusted to the feeling of pain in Pariah; he'd gone from losing his shit to shrugging it off in, what, a couple'a hours? He had to wonder if being Graves had helped with that. Pain was his build's forte, after all. It was a curiosity to mull over, at least, as he got ready for the day.

He climbed out of the bath only to find that the one pair of clothes he owned were shredded and stained beyond saving. The armor would need maintenance, too. He'd gotten the suit commission way back in Theremia a lifetime ago. It wasn't like most armor. It needed a specialized touch. There was a particular shop in town dealt in lamellar that he'd drop it off at on his way to the Worg.

The night he'd spent there was a blur, if he was honest. He'd gotten blackout drunk with Alja trying to forget the dungeon and its horrors. It hadn't worked, but the two of them'd had a blast anyway. Graves grinned to himself remembering the pieces he could. She'd told a lot about herself- far more than he'd given back. Should he call her Kelly when they met up again?

'Would that be weird?'

After scrounging through what few belongings he had on him, Graves came up with the needle and thread to make his pants wearable and a vest that would- for now- function as a shirt. Clothes shopping was on the TO-DO list too, he supposed. That got a groan out of him. He could barely be bothered to buy new socks in the real world. Why'd it have to follow him here, too?

Just before he stepped out into the street he tried to pull up his console one more time. Nothing. It'd been a full day and they hadn't heard a peep from the game masters. Try as he might, Graves just couldn't shake the feeling that they were in for the long haul. 'Right, adapt. Okay.'

The trip to the Worg was approximately twelve steps across the street, but he took a brief detour toward the Town Square to finish up his chores first. He had some things he wanted to purchase if they were going to be here awhile, on top of everything else he'd already mulled over.

And then he ran into something else he couldn't stop thinking about.

"You a monkey now or somethin'?" Graves called up to Rael. "If you're not too busy bein' a do-nothing, I got some errands to run. Wouldn't mind the company."

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location: Westwood, Indiana, U.S.A

---

Andrew sat alone in the dark. It was quiet. Quiet, save for that high-pitched ringing in the back of his head and the blood pounding in his ears. There was nowhere else in the house he could hear himself think. Nowhere else he could go to work through the pain he felt in his chest. The argument kept playing in his head over and over. He kept wondering if he could've said that differently, or interrupted there, or if he'd known just a little bit more...Could it have ended differently?

Light entered the room as the cellar door creaked open. He pulled his knees up to his chest and held his breath, waiting. A figure descended down the stairs with the thudding of heavy boots. They shut the door behind them. Andrew waited for the yelling to start again-

-And then Anna pulled the chain on the cellar's only lightbulb, washing the space in a dull glow.

"Knew you'd be down here." She rasped, seating herself on the last two steps across from him. Anna was ten years his elder, with the same mess of black hair and eyes tinged with mischief. She was the second oldest after Jess, and had come back to Westwood for Christmas. Anna was the only one that had come back.

She set two shot glasses against one of the stairs and pulled a bottle off a nearby shelf, and began pouring two drinks.

"You heard dad?" He sniffled, wiping the snot and tears from his face with the back of his sleeve.

"Whole damn neighborhood could hear him," she snorted. "Old man whipped out the King James n' started shouting about hellfire n' brimstone. Its been...Jesus, its had'ta been ages since I last heard him quote the word at one'a us. Was the first night I brought a girl home, I think. So, how'd you fuck up?"

Andrew just shook his head. He let the conversation play through his mind like a track set on repeat. If he'd just been a little smarter, a little better with words, a little more insistent...He didn't answer her question.

The two sat in silence for a moment, staring at the same bit of dirt on the ground between them.

"Here." She leaned forward suddenly, pressing a glass into his hand. "To loosen the tongue."

He just looked at it. Dark liquid swirled in the glass. "I'm not old enough to-"

"-Do it." She insisted, taking a shot of her own. "Its fine, I promise. You'll feel better."

It was the worst thing he'd tasted in living memory. It was all Andrew could do not to let it come sputtering back out. Anna's giggling at him was the only thing that let him force it back down.

"Do you give this stuff to your students, too?!"

She shook her head. "Its only for people I give a shit about." She paused, looking at him. Looking into him. "And I give a shit about you. So tell me what's goin' on, Andy."

Then the flood gates opened, and everything he'd kept dammed up inside came spilling out. "Ray kept bugging me to let him come over. Said we'd been hanging out too long for him to have never met my family. I told him it was a bad idea. Told him what they were like, but he's a stubborn idiot and he wouldn't give it up. We weren't even doing anything when dad came in."

Anna nodded, slowly. Her voice was a soft rasp. "Yeah. I heard what he called you."

"Why?" The tears flowed freely down his cheeks. "Why's he hate me?"

His older sister sighed, a hand moving to rub her forehead. She couldn't look at him; she looked so uncomfortable he thought, for a moment, she might just get up and leave. People were never something she was good at. Instead, she whispered: "I don't think he hates you."

Andrew just looked up at her, confused. Confused and hurt.

"I think..." She sighed. "I think in his own, fucked up way, he cares. He just doesn't-"

"How could you say that?!"

"-He just doesn't understand and I don't think he ever will." Anna looked back at her brother, her own eyes going misty despite herself. "He's an old man, Andy. He grew up in a different kinda place in a different kinda time, and the world's changed. It changed around him and he refused to change with it."

She pushed herself off the stairs and moved over to where Andrew was sitting against the wall. She fell down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He was a total mess, now. Anything he tried to say just came out as more tears. "I know." She muttered to him. "I know it sucks. But you can't fix everything, Andy. You gotta learn to accept that sometimes- sometimes things just are a certain way n' you've gotta change around 'em. Adapt. That's how you survive."

The rest of the conversation began to blur, like he was looking at the memory through a broken mirror. Anna was explaining to him that she and her husband were moving up to Michigan; he'd gotten a big promotion and this was their chance to get a real, honest-to-God place. She was going to leave town, and she was offering to let Andrew go with them. He wasn't going to take it. He was going to explain how he couldn't leave the others behind. He couldn't leave Lucy or Karen or even Will in a place like this; he had to protect them.

It was all a blur.

.

.

.

A blur of excuses, of half-truths.

.

.

.

Of words he didn't really mean.

.

.

.

Andrew looked up, and he saw someone else standing at the top of the stairs. Someone that hadn't been there when it happened. It was a man. He came stumbling down the stairs, a trail of blood left behind him. It was a man Graves recognized: a man with a hole plunged through his chest.

Location: The Innhouse, The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

And Graves woke up, screaming.