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    1. Virgil 9 yrs ago

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youtube.com/watch?v=Ft_tnnWcCn4

Just finished publishing "Man Collapses From Overexertion, Then Has Flashbacks", Fourth Edition; Hope you all enjoy!...
..."And if not, then to HELL with you!"

(Also be sure to keep an eye out for "Woman Awakens From Unconsciousness After Being Dropped In Water" - coming soon to a thread near you!)
As the pendulum oscillates to maintain balance, and every effect must reciprocate a cause, so was the exhausted hunchback forced to capitulate to the cries of nature - of the aching creaks of his joints and searing pulse of his heart, the tumultuous throbbing of his skull and the rasping gasps of his breath. His weary pace trickled down from halfhearted jog to brisk walk, then a dreary amble, before entirely dropping the weight of a man and a half onto his knees amidst the spongelike sands. The foam of the tides washed about them under the cobalt haze of the aged night and the whole of his broad figure shivered with spasms of frigid, streaking pain...yet now he sought to drown out the rest - to rebel against the limitations of the body and carry on, to escape the treacherous callings of sand and sea that beckoned rest despite all the dangers of this foreign land; even a fulldial or so back, an unexpected light had cut across the sky, blinding him, and convincing the wanderer to gain evermore distance from the sight of that awful din...

"Fhurth'r...jhust...fhurt'er..."

Closing his eyes only accentuated it - the feeling of his chest caving in on itself with every breath...the needling anguish of his contracted hands and the locked state of his elbows. In this darkness he was alone, cloaked in torment, basked in agony - acutely aware of every horrible sensation as they ran wild with frenzy up and down his limbs, his torso, his head; cartwheeling around inside his throat, playing the drums across his crown - a merry little band of feral torturers seen fit to party well into the night's end. They swirled and writhed about inside him, morphing and melding into a galling maelstrom of fiendish purpose, coagulating their disseperate masses into a ghoulish design of singular, unadultered P A I N.

...

...And then with sudden dissipation, he opened his eyes, and was alone no longer.

The night had grown still - silent as the pits he'd dug for so long in his youth, and an enigmatic chill lingered on the deafened air. The lapping sensation of the waves sent shivers up his spine, causing him to glance downward...and there, he saw it...but what *Was* it? The being was faceless, gaunt and emasculated, stretched like hide upon the moonlit strip and set to dry amidst the rolling tides; everywhere the moon struck, it fled, but with an endless hunger it sought to covet all else devoid of the Lady's protection. The shape of a man, imitating a sense of life in mocking mimicry - if it were to be questioned on its identity, what would it describe itself as? A mirror without face, a Master of all yet servant to "else" - a character without character in the presence of its own? It moved as Ifor moved, felt as he felt, mouthed in unintelligable silence as he mimed his idle thoughts aloud.

...A paradigm lacking its moral?

Startlingly, it shot out across the sugary dunes - tearing outwards but then suddenly bouncing back, like a beast fettered by the rope! The world tilted askew, and as he desperately tried to maintain his balance astride this unannounced quake, Ifor shot his gaze back up toward that distant guardian of the night; her ethereal face, though low only seconds before, now launched itself across the sky - hurtling in mad desperation towards the stars! Yet...yet the seas remained constant - and in the middle of a seeming cataclysm, the drifter quite apparently understood the gravity of the scenario unfolding about him: ...The world was stable...*He* was falling. Reality slipped into still darkness, and in those final moments Ifor oddly found himself mutter a sole thought:


"...Ouw..."

...

"...GNYAHG, OUW! Whatch werr'yr bhumblin' a'bout, youh bhear you!" she growled, gingerly rubbing the bruise on her cheek. The harvesthand beside her quickly dropped his scythe and shortly followed suit onto his knees; yet the helping hand outstreched was just as swiftly rebuked, and with a growl the muscular little woman shook the lanky buffoon around by his ear, barking "Whhat part o'thaht did yhou missheere?! Pick up iht uhp 'an pahck it up, Scrounger!" Shoving him aside, the vixen shot a sharp glance over her shoulder and added: "IFHOOR, HEEHRTO! COHM SHOWH THIS DOLT 'OHW TO CAAHREE 'IHS TOOLS 'ROUND..."

As per his instructions, up hobbled the hunchback, his face sweaty and young, lacking the wrinkles of age though as always possessing his patented "Couldn't Care Less" visage. With a grunt, he quickly heaved the tall reaper up onto his shoulder, then, tilted it askew so that it's head faced the ground and its butt the sky. Having demonstrated this ludicrously simple concept, he then returned the tool to the dirt, nodding at Scrounger before pointing back towards the it; however, as soon as the gaunt young man had reached over to retrieve it, quite unexpectedly from above came the wrathful hand of, it seemed, the Old Lord himself...what with the size of that mitt, anyway.

"OUHW - WHAT WHAS THA'FOR?!?"

Ifor shrugged, nodding back over at the temptestuous woman sitting adjacent within the flax as he turned to make his exit: "...Dhon't go hittin' on muh mhom."

"Eyey there, wher're youh off to soh qhwick? Cohm cohm an' lay awhile - you wohrk tooh 'ard lad...it's noh'guhd tah' work so 'ard." mother insisted, patting the dirt beside her with a calm hand.

...

"...Oih thought yhou said'dcha wahnted mhe tah'go?!"

"LAY OFF, SMARTARSE!!!"

...The night laid still, save for the rustling of the seas - two corpses adrift under darkness did ease; stranded strangers entwined in fates unknown...but to what end, who could ever know? Bad enough was it that neither seemed to move, even though the tides lapped aimlessly at their clothes...
@Mokley Hmmm...well I'm halfway through it atm (it's been surprisingly ISP blockingly rainy these past few days), but I'm feeling adventurous! Post away, and I'll adapt to whatever you throw at us!
Write, I've finally got some time to really sit down and right this weekend, so I should have the post up tomorrow - the day after if I feel up to the task of really pushing myself to my limit.

Also, @Mokley, I found one of your long lost countrymen!
i.pinimg.com/originals/62/b7/64/62b76…

*Sniffles*...they blow up so fast these days...
@Cairo@drewccapp@Mokley@Girlie1Bomba@WittyReference@c3p-0h@baraquiel

Anyone got any particularly big plans for a post that would involve Ifor? If not, mind if I make a post fairly soon?
@Girlie1Bomba This "Biter No Toucho" must be a very popular landing point; is it the first of three bases out on the high seas?
@MokleyEcho's the way! In all honesty, I'd actually forgotten about the locations on the map, and was just running off of the general outline ~_>) - thus, I forgot to include better directions as to which way he was heading with his 'luggage'. He's just following the beach for the time being - not really thinking about where he actually wants to go (probably because I didn't think about that part >_< ).

I made sure to speak to @baraquiel beforehand through PMs (partially for ideas), but I don't know if the final product is entirely to their liking yet; I'll find out soon though! It's easy to get away with saying the moon hides behind cloud-cover, but you really need to know what the other character is capable of before trying to lend such a heavy hand in their fate.
Ifor's Motto: Never stick around a bad situation if you don't have to >_).
Foul death coveted the night sky - glimmering silhouettes roared demonically, and blitzed over its many ethereal wonders with unnerving speed; and out of nowhere a heavy net launched itself upon its prey, catching the mythic beast beneath by total surprise - though it would be swiftly avenged by the devastating prowess of an airborne kin. The misshapen corpse fell haplessly through the air, landing in a crumpled heap upon the glittering beach...yet its still drop echoed not only the dangers from above, but from beyond as well. Slate and hollow-faced as the first, a sudden group of lean hunters emerged from under the flaxen influence of the beacon's light, no doubt attracted to the scene by the smells and sounds of anguish.

The sky tore itself apart in a frenzy of scattered sprays and wispy trails of light, the shifting sands swallowed and regurgitated a hail of mechanical debris and fire from whatever the dead silhouette had rode atop, and the seas continued to beat mercilessly upon the rocks just shy of him. Ifor took all of this in with a solemn gaze, then upon instinct, clasped the gold-haired woman in front of him and t u g g e d. A shrill shriek decimated his ears and her squirming mass erupted in a fury of scrambling shoes and flailing joints. He could feel her jolt desperately back in the direction of her newly bound acquaintance, but slung her over his shoulders regardless, turned, and mustered all of the speed his shortened legs could carry him with. Yet just as he barreled off, the winds revived themselves in wild exhilaration once more! The air exploded about them, dashing the frantic pair up against the cliff, and causing Ifor to drop his catch onto the ground with a heavy thud.

Searing pain shot through the escapee's gashed arms, and grits of sand welled tears up in his eye, but he pushed on. The pounding of his heart doubled his efforts as the waking light of the moon herself seemed to revive him; his strength returned greater than before, and he slung the now limp Golde onto his back with renewed vigor. His feet beat madly at the sands, taking them ever-further from the battlefield, far away into the moonlit night. The scintillating seas drowned out the echoes of distant conflict, the frenetic thumping of his heart pounded away within his ears, and the passing winds scratched away at his parched throat...but in it, something struck with Ifor. The feeling of escape, of freedom from the chaotic din and -it seemed- the ground itself surged through his blood; fire coursed through his limbs and heart, but he paid little attention to them. The youthful bliss of speed mesmerized the heaving figure under the moonlit strip, and he pushed further, harder. Sand sprayed out from under his thunderous footsteps, the motion of escape bobbed his curled and grey hair up and down in time with his wispy goatee...and a smile crept up from between his flushed cheeks. The discord long behind them didn't matter now, and the fates of his newly met acquaintances hung far beyond his mortal reach. Let all else be lost, let nothing interfere with the sensation of this searing bliss; Let his energy be an offering for the blessings of the God of Speed.


"...Heheheh."
...Well that escalated quickly. o_o)
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