Zeroth

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

@Rethel34
It seemed fine to me. Like I've said before I only recently bought the Kotor games and have only just gotten to Kashyyk for the first time in the first one, so my experience with Malak/Alek is based solely on his Sith persona. So far I would say you've presented what they're meant to be pretty well--people who wanted to defeat what was obviously seen as an "evil" opponent, but who were being held back for reasons they didn't know or didn't understand.

Seems to be a running theme in the series to me that the Jedi Council always relies on secrecy, when just opening up and telling people "Look, the reason we don't wanna go to war is because we can sense this big huge Dark Side thing that's just waiting for us to make a move and trap us" would work a lot better than telling a headstrong youth he can't go "just because we say so."

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Grevious actually wasn't force sensitive, I believe. He was just so heavily modified, so angry and so skilled he could compete with Jedi at their own game.

@Roosan

Yeah, I think I remember reading something on a forum that claimed he was using enhanced droid reflexes and calculating abilities to substitute for the Force awareness that keeps Jedi from cutting their own limbs off with a weightless weapon, as well as fight on equal footing with multiple Jedi at once because his computing ability was so advanced. And of course the whole four limbs thing.

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Name: Avarice 'Avary' Muse
Species: Human Cyborg (Left eye is cybernetic and right arm)
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Rank: Knight
Lightsaber Forms: Makashi, Shii-Cho
Equipment: Lightsaber, sometimes a blaster, cybernetic appendages
Appearance: Black hair, brown eye, skinny, above average height, glowing red robotic eye, durasteel arm
Personality: Not easily conforming, not very social, can be mischievous
Biography: Avary was just a regular Padawan, until one day, he got in a terrible accident that destroyed his left eye and right arm, after that his choices were, to stop Jedi training, or to get robotic replacements
Other: Avary tends to train by himself, shows amazing aptitude for the Force, and great lightsaber skills, but he has shown signs of not totally agreeing with the Jedi code or the Order, is watched for signs of the Darkside in him

@Overlord24

Um, no offense or anything, but this seems like it's very minimal. It almost seems like it'd be more fitting for a Free level RP than a Casual one. It's not really badly written, just...I feel like there should be more, basically. I understand that quality is more important than quantity, but maybe at least a paragraph or so about his Personality and Backstory?

Also, the fact that he's fifteen, already a Knight, amazing in the force, and great light saber skills, as well as being a non-conformist who is already on a Darkside watchlist...it kind of shouts "Gary Stu edgelord" to me. Again, no offense, and not saying there shouldn't be a more dark side oriented character. Just that I feel it should be something that's built up and justified more.

Jedi are taken in young for training, but I was under the impression that most of them were young adults before they reached Knight rank. Teen Padawans, totally, but teen Knights seem like they'd be the prodigy type--which isn't bad if they have other downfalls, which this character really doesn't seem to as he's great with both the force and the lightsaber, as well as diligent enough to train on his own without the help of a Master.

As for the dark side thing, maybe instead of outright stating he doesn't agree with the Jedi Code and that he's being watched by the council, you could describe some of the shortcomings of his character and why he doesn't agree with the Code? For example, maybe he's prone to silent fuming over his anger until something becomes the straw that broke the Ronto's back and he explodes in a Kylo-style fit of rage? Or maybe he has a habit of making small white lies, that grow into bigger lies as he tries to keep up the facade? Maybe it's even a positive quality that can turn him to the dark side--a circle of friends or family that he cares about so much he would do literally anything for, and in his passion he is blinded to clear judgement and logic?

Also, you made him a cyborg but then talked about how great he was with the Force. Now, I'm not 100% certain, but do cyborgs have the capability to use the force through their non-organic parts? It's the energy of all LIVING things, after all. I don't remember General Grievous using anything besides Lightsaber combat, and I seem to recall hearing somewhere that the reason Vader couldn't use Force Lightning being that he couldn't channel it through his mechanical parts--though that may simply be because they'd short out, rather than because he was incapable of doing so. If anyone with deeper knowledge of the lore could help here that'd be appreciated. But personally I think that if he has a cybernetic arm, using that arm for things like the Force Push or telekinesis, etc, would severely weaken the power.

Again, no offense, and I don't want to discourage you from making the character. I just feel like some improvements would help.

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Finally had some time to write up my two CS. Kept it brief but everything should be there take a look fellas!

@Midori

GM said just a couple of us should approve before you put them in IC, right? I don't see anything wrong with them, they both look like interesting characters to me, and nothing about them stands out as being overpowered or Mary-Sue or anything. You've got my approval!

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

If he's an apprentice, maybe the first one's slightly goofy look could be attributed to the awkwardness of youth? Or maybe the second one is just how he sees himself, and others might not see it in such a dramatic light? You could easily work both of those into his personality too, if you wanted. Might be interesting to see how his opinion of himself and the reality of his actions differ--for instance, if he sees himself as the badass second pic, but his actual skills aren't up to his self-image so he ends up biting off more than he can chew.

Damar's too inquisitive and reliant on his own former Master at this point to take an apprentice of his own, though, sorry.

Project Viruul - Virtual Reality Fantasy World

Re-stating interest. Will there be any kind of stats, classes, or magic systems?

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Damar

Coruscant - Processional Way
Alek's Rally

---

"Such was my intent from the beginning." Damar said, nodding. "I had already decided that I must head to the front lines, to see for myself what is happening in the galaxy firsthand, to make an informed decision. If I could be of any help by accompanying you, then I shall do so." He bowed again, then raised his own saber, gripping its black leather wrapped hilt lightly. With a flick of the power switch the bright green blade bloomed into existence with its distinctive sound, something like the sound of electricity coursing through wire yet with hints of flame burning through air. He saluted Alek and Revan with it, before turning off the blade and returning it to his belt. "May the Force be with us all." he said, before turning and walking back into the crowd.

It wasn't long, however, before he spoke again--this time to another Jedi in the crowd.

"May I ask what you are looking at, over there?" Damar smiled knowingly. Turning one's head and looking away, while keeping an ear out, would work in most cases. But in this one, with all the crowd so focused on Revan and Alek and there being so little else going on around the Procession Way, turning away from the focal point of all the attention only made one stand out all the more. As Damar stood next to Vijjo's side, at a respectful distance, he folded his arms over his chest and began to watch the rest of the crowd.

"Were you listening as well?" he asked, in a lower voice. "Their hearts are perhaps in the right place...but why a General of the Republic, rather than a Jedi Master? Why mention glory at all, if one meant to be unconcerned with it?"

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Difficult questions you ask. Answer them, I shall, and persuasive, the answers may be.

@Rethel34

I hope the answers aren't on the business end of a lightsaber. That'd be too persuasive.

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: Jedi Templar (ACCEPTING)

Damar

Coruscant - Processional Way
Alek's Rally

---

Damar leaned against a pillar, and looked around at so many of the others who had raised their sabers. Some he recognized, and knew to be considered by most just as impulsive as Revan and Alek. Others he knew to be wiser, but they were concerned with justice, with protecting the innocent. Still others were simply swept up by the energy of the crowd, not thinking clearly, only carried forward by the tide of emotions all around them. The Force was thick with it--which should not be so, not in the halls of the High Council.

"There is no Emotion, there is Peace." Damar said to himself, before he pushed away from the pillar and began making his way through the crowd. He rarely brushed against anyone, though his eyes were focused only on Alek and Revan; he always seemed to know when to change his step, or turn his shoulder slightly, to avoid bumping into the others. Soon he emerged from the throng and stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the two who had brought this call to arms together.

"Knight Alek, I mean no disrespect," he began, with a slight bow of the head, "But how do you propose to stop the Mandalorians? To work with the Republic as our Order has for so long, to defend ourselves from attackers, I feel these things are right and true. But to fight a war, would this not be to bring the same carnage to our enemies as they have brought to other worlds? If we were to cut down Mandalorians without mercy upon a battlefield, would this not go against the Jedi Code? Even they, as brutal and evil as their actions have been, deserve to be treated honorably--do they not?" He called out loudly, to make his voice heard. His words might have sounded like a challenge, but what he really wanted was to hear Alek and Revan's plans. He wouldn't make a judgement this early, not without more information. He had spoken with his Master at length, but never had he heard this side of the story from the originators. He only hoped that, should his words be taken the wrong way--as they often were--that it wouldn't lead to further escalation of emotion. Right now, he could feel palpable anger coming from Revan, and jubilation from Alek as the man watched the stirring in the crowd his speech had caused. Both of them were talented and ambitious young men...but a fall to the dark side could come to anyone, no matter their abilities. Perhaps even more easily, the more assured one was in their immunity to it.

[Moved] Project Viruul - Virtual Reality Fantasy World

Potentially interested. It sounds like it's basically SAO and other "trapped in MMO" anime, but without real death--however, the idea of death causing such intense feedback that it can mentally break people, producing these "Wretches," kind of reminds me of Dark Souls and the Hollowing process--players try to clear the game, only to die over and over and over, re-living the shock of death again and again, until finally they break and go mad. Have you thought of using that aspect of it to turn the setting a bit darker and replace the permanent death aspect that most MMO-Trap stories use? It'd be a good way to excuse the complaint that "main characters obviously can't die" but at the same time there is still tension and stakes that make players want to avoid death at all costs.

Another question I have is about the origin of the game. In SAO (you'll probably be sick to death of hearing that used as a reference, but it's what more folks will probably be familiar with, or else .hack//) there's a bit of buildup beforehand as to how all these people actually became trapped in the game, how it was legitimately marketed but then the sudden reveal of the trap caused widespread panic both in and outside the game world. You mention that the game is being Beta Tested--did whatever huge shady corporation developed it send out thousands of invites, or are there only a few Players in the world compared to all the NPCs? How has information about this been kept from the outside world--why haven't the police, or the parents, or doctors or anyone else ripped out the wires or whatever is connecting the players to the game? How are their real bodies being kept alive?

I could go for either 1x1 or a small-group setting, whichever you end up deciding on.