William Wilbert Wilson

Will

Kiddypool

Male

Student

New York City, New York

Twenty-one

25th of December, 1996

A slightly baby-faced version of his father, sans the holes, the cancer, and the baldness. No, Will fancies himself a looker and the vanity shows - probably to rub it in the face of his own father. Gotta make sure he knows that all of those glorious genetics made this glorious piece of sculpted beauty. And that Death made it even better. Sadly, there are to be no pew pew beams from his eyes. Not so sadly, he can talk as much as his father, if not more and on an equally irritating level.

There are plenty of tangential points to go on: describing how his blue orbs sparkle and glitter in the perfectly balanced light filter of his snapchat app. Or waxing poetic on a brilliant summer bod. Something about raven dark hair. Or odd eyes. Uh, the point and fact of the matter is Will is perfection and anyone who says otherwise is just a hater. So like and subscribe to that.

There's a whopping 6 feet of Will, tall - or, well, average-tall. Articles of clothing that fit this bad ass mother (not to be mistaken for a 'badass mother', who should be appreciated for her 'badass mac 'n cheese'; mom, I love you, don't roast me) include: punk wear, goth wear, punk-goth wear, hairband accessories, roller blade derby princess wear, crop-tops (the gay kind), high-platform pump shoes, stiletto high heels, sundresses, and boring casual wear. He looks great in long haired wigs (only the highest of qualities) and pink lipstick really brings out his eyes.

Single

Pansexual

There's been various. He can list them all, if you wanna stay for... a few hours.

Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

Death

Ambrose Wilson

N/A

⥣ All those voices in his head? That makes it incredibly tough to read his mind. Or, well, one can read his mind... but it's pretty much white noise. Not at first. At first, it's kind of maddening, but after a few years, one gets used to the constant chattering and bickering.
⥣ Will's intelligence varies, but mostly he's a pretty smart lad. It leaves him adaptable in various situations, though his powers kinda make up for situations he can't really trick his way out of.
⥣ Like his father, Will's an unpredictable sort. It's hard to tell what he'll do next, especially when combat is concerned. Though, he often trips himself up more than other people, these days.

⥥ On that note, Will is at the whim of madness. If he doesn't feel like it, if he's forced to do something via his own mind, or if he just shuts down, it's usually not his choice. Sometimes the mind wants what the mind wants. Despite him vigorously telling it to piss off.
⥥ If anything, this kid has a difficult time working with other people. It's not his fault - it's entirely his fault, actually. Yeah, he just can't seem to find a way to mesh with the team and often listens for as long as his attention span allows before doing whatever. And whatever usually doesn't help in any capacity. All in all, Will's just a smaller, more annoying version of his dad.
⥥ There's always a 50/50 chance Will's gonna be useless. It just depends on whether or not there's a cat around. Like his dad with cows, Will's got an alarming phobia of cats. But, God, does he loves cats, but they scare the shit out of him. Also the FCC can suck a dick - he's scared of them too.

One day Ryan Reynolds and... probably Blake Lively had a kid, who knows. Something something X-Men Origins: Wolverine was the worst X-Men movie and they shoulda just stopped at X-Men: The Last Stand. But that's a conversation for another day.

At least this isn't Hal Jordan's baby, then there'd be awful CGI and a flimsy plot line to deal with. Will would rather choose any one of the weird A/B/O fanfics where Barry Allen has a baby with Hal instead of that mess. Luckily, this recent iteration of Deadpool was actually kind of decent - at least, it made millions more than they gave them a budget for. Poor guys probably had to pilfer money from people on the streets while having to deal with a pretentious asshole of a lead actor.

Anyway, Wade Wilson had kids with Death and now he's probably living the high life off of the Deadpool^TM royalties. While Wade is showered with (non-existent) praise by mildly (very) bratty kids, poor Thanos has to deal with daughters that only have the intention of murdering him into a bloody pulp. Poor guy. Will obviously favors his mom over his dad 'cause who wouldn't, she makes the best spaghetti. Who knew he'd be referencing an old, but meme-worthy Eminem rap today.

Like father like son: Will's healing factor is kind of outrageous, or well... kind of being the operative word. It takes a little while for things to kick in, but when they do, well what can't he heal? It's best used when eating a pound of spicy chipotle in one sitting and then having to use the restroom afterwards. But, honestly, that's really all he's useful for. The chipotles, that is, he always bring enough to feed a few small families.

Like his father, Will's extremely adept at hand-to-hand combat, as well as using any kind of gun. It's not that awesome in light of other extreme superpowers, but at least he looks cool.

There's a multitude of different languages that he can speak, though he's disappointed his father. He can't speak Spanish that well.

The one thing that happens quite often is Will's death. It's random and occurs merely at the whim of his mother just 'cause she wants to see him. If he hasn't visited in awhile, you bet he's gonna die in a very Final Destination-esque way - his mother's creative like that. At least he gets a free dinner out of it.

N/A

David Bowie and Mick Jagger - Dancing in the Street

But also: Whitney Houston - Wanna Dance with Somebody