Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by pantothenic
Raw
Avatar of pantothenic

pantothenic bored part-timer

Member Seen 5 mos ago

Deadline is this Sunday if any of you missed the new OOC header.
2x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Hey all! Sorry for the slight delay. Work, life, and THO have kept me a bit busy this week. I should have Chapter Three up either tonight or earlyish tomorrow. Thanks for your patience!
3x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by Suicharte
Raw
coGM
Avatar of Suicharte

Suicharte

Member Seen 8 hrs ago



Not happy with this character sheet but I don't think its atrocious for a comeback from a long hiatus of text based rp and even writing for that matter. Unsure whether I'll attempt to play this character after the likely fixes are put in place or if I'll be playing another character but I'm going to put it here anyway to receive the necessary feedback so that this character is fixed or the next character is written up to a standard I like.

Background isn't entirely finished either but I've got a lot of reading in the IC to do for the last couple paragraphs or so.

1x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

@Suicharte Just finished reading this CS in its entirety and it was a really good read. Overall, your self-criticism, though perhaps motivating, is entirely unwarranted. Dietrich is an awesome character. Feel free to play him. Below, are some observations, suggestions, and ideas that I came up with as I read.

1) "He began to see the Quentic faith as not a guiding light for those lost as he once did as a child, but as a controlling, overbearing arm of the Parrench which would one day pick up his peoples kingdoms and shovel it into the mouth of their ever expanding domain." - I love this image!

2) In general, I love his mindset and the nuance of his character. He defies reductive classification and reads as very 'noble'.

3) "They sought an apt educator, and looked to the north in Parrench, who had access to the knowledge of old." - Small matter: he demonym is Parrench but the country is Parrence.

4) Written convention in Sipenta is for the Gift to always be capitalized.

5) Drudgunze is the region, Drudgunzean would be the demonym.

6) "Casts spells in Avincean rather than his mother tongue. Is also his preferred language, believes it to be more fitting of high society." - I like this detail!

7) "His home duchy is known for its often chaotic weather, hence the name of Sturmfeld." - Appreciated this detail as well. Also, maybe somewhere coastal, then?

8) Given the day and age and what a cane would've symbolized to people of the early medieval ages, I wonder if there isn't a better item that could be used to reflect his noble decadence, act as a focus, and not make him seem to be elderly or infirm.

Overall, I'm thrilled to have Dietrich aboard. If you were still going to make a second character sheet - for an Eskandr-aligned yasoi, iirc - feel free to do so and I'll review that as well. What you have here is excellent as well, though.
1x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by jdh97
Raw
Avatar of jdh97

jdh97 Hopeful

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Calitan’Viszar’Telrontelios__ _ _ _ _


46 | Male | Yasoi | Force and Essence | Dervish__ _ _ _ _


C H A R A C T E R I S T I C S__ _ _ _ _

What is seen in silver waters?
A scar puckers from forehead to jaw bone, a trench of red-raw flesh that shortens the left side of his mouth and drags it upwards in a perpetual sneer. Where the wound crosses the left eye, Tetsoi circle its absence in praise. These cover lots of his skin, point out smaller scars, tell a story.

If it is important to you, the remaining eye is orange.

Apart from this, Visz is a typical Yasoi. Perhaps his hair is longer, perhaps the odd way he tilts his head is a quirk of having only one eye, but he also does this at listening parties, when eyes should be shut.

Chains and leather thongs and strips and straps cover pseudo-armour that is much more a weapon, designed to come apart. Browns and greens. The uniform of a Dervish. Around his neck he wears a necklace of pointed ear tips. Count them. There are thirty and four.

What moonlight comes through the leaves to show a path unique?
To collect. To trade. In story and song, Visz wishes to unveil prophecies concerning the return of Vyshta and trade them for the hand and bond of his saviour. And where there is war, stories are valuable, and songs old and new are sung.

That is all. Until a new focus comes.

Do your boughs creak?
Confident and foolhardy, Visz might at times seem a caricature. When it comes to his focus, that is when earnest interest comes forth, and he is most like the him inside his head. Patient, generous, covetous. He likes to listen and recite, but the cheapest way to collect stories is to live them.

B A C K G R O U N D__ _ _ _ _

Father died on a mushroom binge. Mother was too busy. Lots of time spent running with other children, climbing, stealing from the humans, tipping their cows and sheep, running from them.

Next came his calling: fight until dead or too old to fight. Then would come training children to do the same. Would he make them eat bark and crawl along thorns like his own Ithi’Naa, his mentor? Sometimes he wonders.

Then death at last.

A champion of Mez’Qaddurat*, Visz never lost a combat. Perhaps he should have seen the writing on the wall, the calling of a new focus, but he did not. In restlessness, complacency grew. It cost him an eye, but his opponent their life. (*a bloodsport where you trade blows and collect ears from your opponents, often taking place at Mette'stiroi)

The festering wound healed and Visz’s life saved by Imri’Tah’Imri, a healer. Their chemistry was instant. It could have been the addled state of his mind, but one night Visz promised the where and when of Vyshta’s return for Imri’s bond. It could have been the addled state of his mind, but he did not back down from these words the next night, nor any night since.

It was, after all, an experience.

I N V E N T O R Y__ _ _ _ _

A pole with blades and a length of leather and chain at both ends. There are weights and blades upon the chains, and the leather marks break-points, offering a focal point for the Gift if the lengths get tangled and need to be broken.

Slender chains that wrap around his forearms and shins, with a pointed weight upon the end. Whistling knives. Various whips of leather can unravel from the outfit.

The outfit.

A vielle and harp to recite to. They were painted with bioluminescent inks, but they have all but chipped off from years on the road.

The necklace of ears.

Coins. Humans covet these. Actual things can practically be stolen with them.

A journal.

Mixtures for ailments various.

A promise seed to be planted upon the fulfilment of the promise.

T H E G I F T__ _ _ _ _

A dervish, he favours Force and Essence, used for explosive offense. A Yasoi, all can be called upon.

In combat their use is forward in the mind, focussed with chanted prayers of Luck to Vyshta. Force to strike blink-quick, to throw knives and make them scream, to become a dervish. Essence to quicken the mind and body, panic others. Arcane might make a strike appear to come a second early, or a second late, or not at all.

In life, it is not so clear. It can craft counter melodies to song and carry his voice, it can nudge emotions, it can heighten and deaden. When stalking he makes no sound at all. How many times has it staved off sleep, or multiplied drink? So many times it is unconscious, as much a part of him as breathing.

S T R E N G T H S & S K I L L S__ _ _ _ _

❖ A memory and mind for story and song
❖ Iron will
❖ Not opposed to the idea of humans entirely
❖ Survival

W E A K N E S S E S & F L A W S__ _ _ _ _

❖ Unempathetic when empathy does not stand to gain. At that point it is fifty-fifty
❖ Single-Minded
❖ Delusions of Grandeur
❖ Depth Perception
3x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Suicharte
Raw
coGM
Avatar of Suicharte

Suicharte

Member Seen 8 hrs ago




I finally finished up the sheet, though it's late at night. Definitely on the edgier side as far as my characters go, but I definitely ran with the Tar'ithan theme just cos I thought they were pretty neat. I'll probably be running both her and Dietrich assuming she's acceptable and I look forward to hopping in the next cycle!
3x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

@jdh97 Overall, I like him and he works. Your prose is as evocative as ever and he holds some nice nuance. A few little nitpicks below:

1) There's no 'K' in the transliteration of yasoi to the Avincian alphabet.

2) Have a look at some of the yasoi names in discoveries on the discord for some idea of the sound of them and maybe try to carry these through to the cognomen and surname. Triple consonants are rare except when necessary to make at least two different sounds that could not be made a simpler way.

3) Just be a bit wary of how you frame Vyshta. She's not so much a war goddess as one of fortune: luck, essentially.

4) Anything else about how he uses the Gift? And favoured moves, proclivities, or quirks? Feelings toward it?



@Suicharte I believe that we covered everything in Discord. Welcome aboard with either or both characters once you've looked a those couple of little things.
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by jdh97
Raw
Avatar of jdh97

jdh97 Hopeful

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

@jdh97 Overall, I like him and he works. Your prose is as evocative as ever and he holds some nice nuance. A few little nitpicks below:

1) There's no 'K' in the transliteration of yasoi to the Avincian alphabet.

2) Have a look at some of the yasoi names in discoveries on the discord for some idea of the sound of them and maybe try to carry these through to the cognomen and surname. Triple consonants are rare except when necessary to make at least two different sounds that could not be made a simpler way.

3) Just be a bit wary of how you frame Vyshta. She's not so much a war goddess as one of fortune: luck, essentially.

4) Anything else about how he uses the Gift? And favoured moves, proclivities, or quirks? Feelings toward it?


1 and 2) Think I've changed these to something acceptable?

3) Shuffled things about so it's more in line with lore.

4) Added two paragraphs. Would you like more/different focus?
1x Like Like
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

@jdh97 You are good to go! Looking forward to having him onboard.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Act Two: Scattered to the Winds____ __ _ _

Potential Storylines_________ __ __ _ _

With our fifth and final chapter of the opening act, The Defense of Relouse, the first engagement of the Parrench-Eskandr War will come to a close. Next up, the cast that we brought together will spread out to the seven winds as numerous subplots unfold. Welcome to Act Two, Scattered to the Winds! Sadly, we won't be able to play through every single significant event that'll take place. As a result, three or potentially four of these plotlines and locations will be chosen for active storytelling involving our characters. The remainder will happen 'off screen', so to speak. Please vote for your favourites using the google form at the bottom of this post and feel free to let me know and discuss matters in the chat below or on discord.




1) War Upon the Sea: With much of Eskand's seaborne forces beached in Parrence, La Marine Royale strikes against Eskandr and Kressian shipping, fishing, and trade, hoping to cripple their economy, food supply, and reduce morale on the home front. The Eskandr gather what forces they can in a desperate bid to fight back. However, their conflict may end up stirring the interest of a third faction from neutrality.

2) Best Served Cold: Handpicked elements of La Grande Armée undertake a dangerous and secretive mission into the very heart of Eskand: a lightning raid upon the capital of Meldheim itself. Their targets: the Kongesalan (Hall of Kings) and the Grøntempel (Green Temple). If Parrence bleeds red, Eskand shall bleed with them. Of course, the Eskandr will be busy with plans of their own and the selection of new members of the Æresvaktr.

3) Tall Trees and Long Shadows: Hoping to flip some of the Parrench yasoi, or at least incentivize them to remain neutral, the Eskandr send their yasoi agents to the largest of yasoi settlements in the region, Loriindton, to spy, meet up with sympathizers, and stir the pot. The Parrench send theirs to stop this group.

4) Uncertain Allies: Wishing to take Lindermetz out of the war and install King Otto's pagan cousin Alfric on the throne, the Eskandr have asked their Kressian allies to send a diplomatic mission. In truth, this will act as cover for a team of assassins. The Parrench and Lindermen, however, have their suspicions and have prepared a clandestine force of their own.

5) Fields of Fire: The Great Heathen Army has split into five separate forces, and these now raid and pillage across southern Parrence. Elements of the Grande Armée pursue, but the Eskandr are not eager to engage. Finally, however, by the Convent of Sainte Genevieve près du Lac, the Parrench spring their trap. But is it truly they who have been trapped instead?

6) The Star Chamber: Back in the capital of Solenne, the less than stellar performance of the Grande Armée is much discussed and political unrest and intrigue waits in the wings. How will the nation hold itself together and rally behind its king? As a member of that court or the delegation from the front, that's entirely up to you.



Storyline Voting_________ __ __ _ _
Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Just a brief notice that, following today's first voice chat, we're holding a revote. Please vote here.
Hidden 2 yrs ago 2 yrs ago Post by pantothenic
Raw
Avatar of pantothenic

pantothenic bored part-timer

Member Seen 5 mos ago

This is my revised CS for Oriflamme, submitted for review. @Force and Fury

3x Like Like
Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by YummyYummy
Raw
Avatar of YummyYummy

YummyYummy Ayyyyy

Member Seen 23 hrs ago

2x Like Like
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Sasha is approved! Welcome aboard.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago





Act Three: Victors and Vanquished

With our second act coming to a conclusion, we reach the halfway point in our story. The Parrench would appear to be on he front foot, but the Eskandr have both been galvanized and gotten the jump on their enemies in some areas. Two new fronts open up in the conflict and it is time to decide where your characters will see their next action. Please place yourself in one of the two options using this document by Tuesday.
Siege of Chamonix

Having given all of its men and resources to the war effort and the defense of Relouse, the great city of Chamonix, a bastion of learning and culture in the east of Parrence, now stands virtually undefended before the Eskandr hordes of King Hrothgar the Black, save for its redoubtable walls. To its rescue rushes King Arcel and his sizable army, evenly matched with that of the heathens. However, a clever mixture of trickery and treachery has allowed a second Eskandr army, under the command of Sweyn Thunderspear, to approach the Parrench from behind, trapping them between the two forces. It now appears that not only the city but also the king may need to be rescued. The ragged remnants of Queen Eleanor’s army, ultimately victorious but devastated by dragon’s fyre, attempt to lend their aid, along with an irregular force drawn from the surrounding countryside of Green Parrence. The fate of the nation could very well be at stake. If Chamonix falls, it is likely that the east of the country goes with it. If Arcel falls, Parrence just might splinter entirely.
Committed NPCs

Hrothgar the Black
Arcel de Parrence
Eleanor de Perpignan
Sweyn Thunderspear
The Nashorn
Talit'yrash'osmax
Perceval de Perpignan



Drudgunzean Marches

The Kressian Marches stab into the underbelly of Parrence like a dagger in the hand of the country’s enemies. Emboldened by a fresh wave of recruits, the Eskandr march northward, led by Queen Astrid on dragonback. Joined at the Kressian border by troops from their newly-committed ally, led by Dietrich von Sturmfeld, they aim to strike from below, in an area left less defended due to the urgency of the situation out East. It is known by all that the capital, Solenne, is not so very far north of this region, and if the capital falls, so does the country, by all rights. Arcel and Eleanor are both distant. Many of Parrence’s most famous champions are fighting in various campaigns nowhere near Drudgunze. Messengers from Solenne have sent out urgent summons for more soldiers and letters of exhortation to King Otto of Lindermetz, their nominal ally to the west of Kressia, to intervene. The Drudgunzean king is an inscrutable man, however. The situation may indeed be a dire one.
Committed NPCs

Sir Rodric, The Laughing Knight
Otto of Lindermetz
Thorunn Silverhair
Astrid Fireborn
Gudrid Fangtooth
Bjorn Coldfist
The Skyygge



Hidden 11 mos ago Post by Force and Fury
Raw
GM
Avatar of Force and Fury

Force and Fury Actually kind of mellow

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Just a note on this RPG. It ended up moving to discord and has since run its course there. I may write up an afterword for it here in the near future.
1x Like Like
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet